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'Official' Guide to Cheating at Races
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I LOVE this thread
Sarah
Sussex Beacon Half is three loops so loads of ops for cutting corners (in fact I'm convinced quite a few did it by accident as slower folks had to dodge round tourists on a course with hardly a marking or steward...). But to do it deliberately you could pop into one of the loos soon after heading along the prom, then when you came out just join the folks going back the other way... Cut off 3-4 miles I reckon.
I do know of a friend of mine who had entered a race but was unable to run gave the number to a friend,Friend is a lot faster and different sex and her club coach rang her to comment on her outstanding race knocking at least 7 mins off her PB coach was very excited by this and even offered one to one coaching too see how far she could go.......but being the honest person she did explain it was not actually her!!!
Miles makes smiles.
Progression
Hmmmmmm ? I think I might know the people of whom you speak Poppy ;-)
I have heard that there is a list of races only available to a select few masonic runners. This list shows the locations of wormholes in the space time continuum and how to use them to best effect. One runner reputedly got it wrong and on entering a 5k in basingstoke last summer accidentally came 122nd in the 1983 Boston Marathon.
GD - Better cold than hot. That was my PW last year, over 2 hours !
There's no cheating at Dereham it like The American Werewolf in London around here, don't leave the road:-)
Mingle with the crowd at about 25 miles.. choose your desired finish time.. pretend to be tieing your shoe lace.. join the pack and jog effortlessy to the finish, pretending to be knackered...
Distance saved: 25 miles
Get away with it factor: 9/10
2. Enter the FLM by colour photocopying the Number of someone who has got in and reorganising them and recopy. I was told this by someone who had done it a couple of times but on the last occasion the false number disintegrated when wet with sweat and he was hauled off the course on the Mall.- distance wasted 26.2miles
Why bother?
My training has been rubbish.. I think I'll be lucky to get sub 4:00 this time.. oh well.. always next year..!
Stanley Marathon (Falkland Islands)...
1. Run down to the racecourse, hide in the stables and rejoin the runners as they're on their last loop. Distance saved = 23 miles.
2. Run as far as the airport, hide in a hanger and rejoin the runners as they come back later. Distance saved = 12 miles ish
i didnt know there was a mara on the Falklands
Ideal for runners across the whole spectrum of guilt.
Dodge as many laps as your conscience can bear.
Tesco marathon would prob be about 50 laps of most superstores - hide by cakes on 1st lap and rejoin on last lap.
Distance saved approx 25miles
Net calorie gain approx 3000 (well, could you resist eating the cakes you were hiding by??)
Bonus green clubcard points for conserving energy as well!
Rhayader Round the Lakes 20 Mile
Cheat 1.
The main race starts with 2 laps of the centre of Rhayader. Stand down by the leisure centre which is 100 yards from the start yet out of sight of it. There are other shorter races later so no-one will blink an eye when they see you standing there in race kit with a number on. Wait for the runners to begin their second lap and walking at first gently join in over the curve of one of the corners.
Distance Saved: 1k
Pointlessness Factor: 99.99% (you are still going to blow up by mile 16 regardless)
Cheat 2.
The race starts at 1pm, but you cunningly start at 11:30. No-one much will be about and you can go nice and slow. Allows you to run all 20 miles, take it easy, walk up all the nasty hills and still record a storming sub 3 hour result.
Distance Saved: Zero Miles
Kudos Factor when you brag about your time: 97%
Likelihood that you will get to the chip shop b4 everyone else (and they run out of chips): 100%
Likely hood of me getting up in time to reach Rhayader for a 11:30 start though is very slim!
Google throught the web results service pages for fantastic race results by someone with the same name as you.
Copy out as many as you can until one coincides with a weekend that you were away with the Mistress/Toy Boy.
Claim free beer.
Get away with it factor 9.9/10
Unless your surname begins with a B and has a Z in it.
Distance saved must be about 6k
Race the Train
You want to beat the train but you have no chance since you are an 18 stone beer swilling curry addict. However you also have a plan. You get elected to parliament, nationalise the Tywyn narrow gauge railway for a bit then sell the track and the train to separate highest bidders.
First lap - nip in on pretence of using loo - watch TV, have a cuppa, have a snooze and wait for the second lap lot to pass. Come out of house claiming loudly
'ahhh that's better'
saves about 5 miles, no marshalls outside the house, the race is a week on Sunday and now you've put the thought in my head.....
sob!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i bet theres a good runner out there called "nolan"
Hipps, tell all your mates you did a Mara at the lst minute and borrowed a friends number.
'ahhh that's better' would be emerging as the choice phrase for cheaters !
Starts at the Mountbatten centre, down passed hilsea lido, into the bushes, wait until runners have gone past again, mutter "ahhhhhhh that's better" join the pack and back into the Mountbatten centre
Distance saved must be at least 3 miles
None would work for me though, I usually have the company of the sweeper or at the very least in his/her sight so it might look a bit dodgy, need another plan