When you really really can't turn the other cheek

Hash

"Go it Paula" I can live with.

"Hut hut hut" just means they haven't yet got the hang of sentences.

"Get those knees up". Not exactly original.

But when I've had a sod of a day and am going for a run because I really, really need to wind down, riding next to me on a nasty three wheeled motorised trike thingy and coming out with "you look shagged out, darlin" is JUST MORE THAN I CAN TAKE ON TOP OF A DAY LIKE TODAY!!!!!!

I know we're supposed to stoically ignore them, but for times when I just can't, any suggestions for classic one-liner put-downs to make the little b*****ds feel really small and very stupid in front of their sniggering mates would be very, very welcome!

Beans

I know most people on here are anti-ipod, but they are really useful for times like these!

Beans

Or you could have just kicked him off his tricycle thingy?

[Deleted User]

tear gas?

Unknown

Hubby and i did a long run on Sunday and you wouldn't believe the amount of people who said things like 'Are you lost? Tower Bridge is THAT way'....DROLL

Hash

Beans, that's what worries me, I SO wanted to push the little sod off his bike. Unfortunately (or possibly fortunately) as he had a gaggle of mates also on motorised trike thingies, I couldn't have run away and would probably have come off worst!

[Deleted User]

Sinewaif - I gave someone the finger the other day and told them to f**k off because they whistled me. Not my most eloquent moment. Was in a foul mood, mind. Personally, I prefer running in desolate places where no one ever goes - kind of run to be alone and you don't get morons in the wilds. Generally.

Hash

Hmmmm.

Maybe best avoid Letchworth then, which is is full of wild morons!

Womble

"Why don't you join me? I've only got another 10 miles to do."

Lyndylou

"When did you last run 26.2 miles" usually puts them in their place

[Deleted User]

Tri Taffia has a great one for abusive hecklers - chase me, fatty.

Don't dare use it myself!

[Deleted User]

'If you can do any better see you at the start of the (fit your local race here) for me its the GNR then when you come over the line before me then you can snigger' sometimes works. or you could have said, 'get offa the bike and see how far you can run then'. That usually works too exercise a dirty word they may actually break into a sweat.

I know what you mean. I find its the kids who are the worst. They can be annoying little s**ts. The older lot tend to want to just drink their Fosters/LAmbrini and leave you alone. Once got some insults off a few of the Lambrini Boys and girls, but said 'save me a glass for the way back I might need it' if I see them now they usually say we got you some for later.

Have got to the stage now where, I just pretend my MP3 on really loud, shrug and pretend I can't hear them. Had stones thrown at me once for screaming at a load of kids after a bad day at work.

Have also been called 'sad B***ard' for running on Christmas day.

Dirty Leeds Rob

Getting grief off gangs of kids is why I tend to do my solo runs either from home along single track country roads or along the canal. The more urban runs I do with the club.

Lyra - not surprising you got wolf whistled: you seem to have an uncanny resemblance to Franka Potente, maybe they should just have shouted 'Run Lola, run'? ;-)

Muttley

Don't say anything to them at all. Your witty putdown will go straight over their heads, and they will see it as you acknowledging or even legitimising their existence. This will encourage them further, and make them think their behaviour is acceptable.

Instead, fire a nice big juicy urban oyster or snot rocket in their general direction.

[Deleted User]

I cant keep my mouth shut Im sorry. Sometimes I get encouragement but it is mainly di@kheads. I find "fancy running the next ten miles with me?" helps. And if Im really annoyed I must admit I just tell them to feck off. (yes I know I am lowering myself to their level and all that).And I never go out alone without music to drown them out.

Perhaps the anti i-pod/radio whatever brigade arent slightly overweight slow women who live in a chav-populated area?? Some of us are!!!

[Deleted User]

er

please what is a "urban oyster"?

Duck Girl

One for annoying car drivers when you are cycling - blow them kisses & shout 'I LOVE YOU'. It is confusing for them.
If you really must swear at them, try vegetables. 'Broccoli' is a deadly insult, but 'artichoke' is worse.

fat buddha

I don't get much hassle - being 16 stone helps - but I just lost it last Saturday............I'd been going for 2hrs in the heat, was knackered and close to home when I ran past a bunch of young lads (13/14yr olds).......

one of them started to run alongside imitating me so I "politely" said

"carry on like that and you'll get a slap"

he stopped

then a voice piped up and said something - no idea what - but I just saw red

I stopped and confronted the bunch pointing a finger at the lad who'd done the running

"are you and your mates trying to take the piss??"

no came the reply

"then just f**king dont even think about it. I've been busting my arse running for the last 2 hrs and the last thing I want is a bunch of young tw*ts taking the piss. just f*ck off, or I'll slap the f**king lot of you"

I ran off in peace and with a big smile on my face

Muttley

Hipps, an "urban oyster" is what you hack up from your throat for deposit on the pavement. Usually a filthy habit, but if directed at heckling scrotes entirely acceptable imho ...

[Deleted User]

I know what you mean muttley

thanks

I think;))

goldbeetle

please what is a "urban oyster"?

thats one of those questions, that in the dark depths of your mind you know the answer too but you feel the need to ask just in anyway

goldbeetle

I seem to remember a thread ages ago and one of the posters said
in answer to "eeerrrr your all sweaty"


"thats coz Ive been round your house sh***ing your Mum,....

while your Dad watched"

[Deleted User]

Knowing muttley, i thought it might relate to the bottom area;)

Jj

roflol FB!!

I would have paid to have seen that.
You're such a dainty li'l thing.


¦oD

goldbeetle

PH I thought it was Hoose that was our bottom expert?

[Deleted User]

Fart face, nads wobbling and Muttley know a fair bit too;)

[Deleted User]

I usually go really overboard and start cheering and clapping if one of a group of youngsters decides to run over and "amusingly" try to keep up, usually saying things like "come on" "you can do it" "dig in now just another 10 miles to go" they tend to look a little sheepish and just stop, its actually quite funny they just want a reaction. Not sure i'd bother with the threats etc I run to relax not to engage in pointless agro, living in Brum I can have that anytime of the day. I have thought it would be funny if there were 2 of you to grab an arm each and just haul them along with you till they learnt their lesson. If you wanted a one liner that would cause them to belt up how about "its a pity your d@&k isn't as big as your mouth" although again this may fall into the not necessary and rude category, as I say I'd rather just have a laugh though than getting all agro its nothing personal they are just bored and runners are always going to attract attention :-)

Unknown

FB ...LOL! Do that round here and you'ld get ya head kicked in.

fat buddha

Jj - my comments were also accompanied by a lot of sticky spit as I was pretty vocal.........most of which went down my front..........

I was quite embarrassed about that after for some stupid reason!! LOL...

[Deleted User]

snigger

Ultra Kanga Kazzaaaaah

Nice one FB!!