Eating... Help me please.

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  • Thanks UltraSpud, I'll take a look into that one right now.
  • Summer,

    the book tells you about what to eat during training and competition. It should help you.

    Have you though about having a hot bowl of soup when you are hungry? some are low in calories so you don't have to worry.

    Slim Fast has some tasty energy bars. Protein bars are good as they fill you up. I always have a can straight after running.

    I am not a great fan of fruits. They are just like sweatened water to me. You need more fulfilling food.

    I make my porridge with 1/2 cup of soya milk and 1/2 of water. You can have as much as you like. It keeps your tummy full and relaxes your mind.:o)
  • (((summerrain))) -what an awful place to be in - stuffing your face and crying ..." I was doing the same with smoking.

    Another thing I found at the lack of power and helplessness I was experiencing, was a constant beating myself up.

    CBT is excellent but I'd find a good therapist rather than just a book - it can be expensive but not always. I was not trained in CBT but am funnily enough starting to work that way with clients. I strongly believe that if you can work through your anxieties and get to the root of them - you will gain more of a sense of control. Some people may not agree with me or would try anything but because they are not up to doing that for themselves -not a fault by any means just a way of being related to all these kind of issues.

    whatever track you take -be as good to yourself as you can and draw on the wider experiences here on the ED stuff. I have worked with some clients having anxiety issues and can give useful support on that. With the EDs -I am a novice and you'll know much more than me.


    the best luck in the world.
  • (((summerrain)))I know it feels crazy and I've been there. It's horrible. I hope you're giving yourself credit for wanting to find a way out.

    The reason it's worth trying to get counselling is that, as you know, bulimia isn't about just controlling the behaviours so it's not just a case of finding a diet that works or following the eating plan in isolation, you have to change the thoughts that make you want to eat. No wonder you struggle to control things when you're then left with the same horrible thoughts and no coping mechanism. When I had CBT it was split into 2 blocks and the first was controlling behaviours but the key part was the second set which was about changing the thinking that drives the behaviour. My eating got better with food plans, not carrying money, distracting myself etc but not dramatically better. It was only once I'd learnt that stuff and then added in new ways of thinking that the real difference came...and quite quickly.

    I, too, found the food diaries fed my obsession rather than anything else but you can pick it apart and try to follow the structure to start with by, for example, trying to eat 3 meals and 3 snacks a day so that you never go for longer than 3 hrs without food to prevent hunger triggering a binge. Not that easy in reality but it doesn't have to be perfect.

    I found I couldn't stop bingeing because I didn't know how to get away from the feeling and do something else. It takes time.

    It sounds as if the recommendation of a nutritionist isa good one but I think you should be pushing again heavily for counselling. It sounds like it's affecting everything in your life and you need to make sure they understand the extent to which your mind is taken up by these thoughts. You would likely have tyo join a waiting list but I can't see how you could be refused if you're prepared to do the wait same as everyone else.

    In the meantime, things I'd do to try not to binge meant carrying no money on me when out and about (easier said than done), doing alternative activities so the usual sport, cinema type stuff. They also start to recommend planning ahead so that you plan the next day the day before what activities you are going to do that eve and do your best to get to them. Doesn't always work but slowly but surely.

    YOu can get a support network built up on the something fishy website which has some good ideas.

    Do you have anyone who knows that you can talk to for support?
  • I have people who know about it and they are lovely to me, but I don't think they understand how it really is for me. Because they haven't been through any of it they just see it from an outsider's point of view. By the reactions that they give I get the feeling that they see it as something that isn't so bad. Which is what I saw it as before any of this started. I just thought people did it to lose weight and had no idea there were any psychological issues going on and that it actually runs a person's thoughts and life in general.

    I'm just not sure about pushing for the actual ED counselling, there are so many people who are a lot worse off than I am. I'm physically healthy (most of the time) and I'm on anti-depressants that are helping me. I really think I just need a dietician to tell me what to eat, and people to talk to when things get tough. I had a friend who was bulimic for ten years. When her GP referred her to the ED people, she had a 2 year wait on the NHS. And once she'd gone through the counselling she went back to her old behaviours.

    Ugh, I hate this. I really should not complain. Everyone has been very helpful to me. And for that I'm so grateful.
  • I didn't hear you complain at all. It's great that you're considering so many options. If you tried to get listed for counselling, then you could always pull out nearer the time they offer you treatment if you felt someone else would benefit from the place, which is an admirable thought. Equally, acting now might act as a safety barrier....

    My uni friends thought it was no big deal either and I'm really glad you aren't being lulled into a false sense of security. I know you're trying to find a way out which is excellent and you should keep trying to do this. Sadly it is common that people don't benefit from their treatment but some do. It depends on each person really and it sounds like you have a real motivation to want to change your behaviour.

    Did you say you were at uni? What about student counselling services> Can you access those, summerrain?

    Keep doing what is working for you and I echo what the others say about being nice to yourself and looking after yourself.

  • I'm at uni, yes. But I finish in 2 1/2 weeks for good, so I'm not sure there would be much point seeing a uni counsellor. But I guess it can't harm to ask my doctor if I could try and get onto a waiting list. I do have the motivation, and I really want to get to being normal again. A day where I'm not worrying about food and exercise and its effects on my weight would be great!

    Also, I'm really looking forward to having children in the near future (I'm married, have been for a good 8 months now), and want to be better so that I don't pass on any unhealthy behaviour to my kids!
  • joddlyjoddly ✭✭✭
    Summerrain.

    Hearing about other people's healthy diets may make you feel worse. I'm the same height as you and today so far has gone like this;

    breakfast - 2 crumpets (use by 5th May so needed eating up) with butter & marmalade

    10 am - chelsea bun & milky coffee

    lunch - dipped flake & packet of fruit gums

    3 pm - large chunk of son's Easter Lindt bunny (I have permission....)

    4 pm - packet of beef & onion crisps

    Currently half way through large packet of Twiglets & some Dairylea.

    Had planned a run but didn't go because it's raining.

    So, all in all, pretty rubbish really! But I'm 43 and seem fairly fit, so won't let the healthy eating police get to me...

    Do take care.

  • Joddly, if that is a typical days eating for you, you must be very deficient in most vitamins and minerals at the very least.

    There are a lot of food fanatics out there, but there is also a lot of informed and intelligent information too.

    Frankly your comments don't seem to offer anything positive to summerain at all.

    summerain, I hope you are able to get this sorted out, the very fact you are acknowledging is a huge and important step on your road to recovery.
  • Well, it kind of made me worry that I eat a lot more than that normally, but I see also that there isn't much nutritional value in it and that it's probably not the best way to eat.

    I'm going out to a restaurant tonight (it was my birthday yesterday) and I'm anxious about what I'm going to eat that doesn't have so much fat and calories... And I don't know how I'm going to be able to resist dessert. Eek. I would much prefer to stay at home and cook something safe!

  • Belated Happy Birthday

    Could you share a pudding with your husband?


    I'm out of my depth here, summerain, so won't suggest anything else.

    Just wish you well, there is some good advice and help on these boards.
  • hello again

    I had CBT for most of lat year(i paid for it myself)
    not to deal with the food issues per se, but to help with lifelong low self esteeem
    it really, REALLy helped

    i am not out of the woods yet by any means, but i now have the tools to pull myself out of the bad days, whuch a re a lot fewer than they used to be

    as far as i am concerned it was money well spent

    the funny thing was that all the stuff the therpaist suggested was stuff i had used in the past to help myslef-but i was so far gone that i couldnt see it

    i dontthink i would have done it alone with self help books

    Im not just talking about food issues here-(im multi impulsive with things other than food, and still "binge")
    but its much more under my control now

    cheshire cat makes some VERY valid points
  • If you are leaving uni, & staying in the same area, try & stay registered with the same GP if possible (if it's a student area they are likely to be used to this sort of thing). Your uni counselling services should also be able to point you towards appropriate local support, even if they can't take you on themselves.

    The Eating Disorders Association has self-help groups round the country - try thier website. They offered telephone support for bulimia a few yrs ago, dunno if that still applies.
  • Summer,

    I totally agree with the need to do some counselling.

    You have to "learn" how not rely so much on food and shift your thought patterns.

    I don't agree with you saying that you are not bad enough for counselling and thinking about others.

    If you don't act soon, you may get worse. you have the right to treatment and do not need to get worse before asking for it.

    Could you be prepared to pay for it? Last time I checked it was around 40 pounds a session.

    You may find help in your area if you go to the website Duck posted. You can start from there.
  • Spud -that is very very good sense you are talking -I hope you are heard.
  • hey, how did the meal go
  • I got a salad. That's it. Now I'm sat eating white maltesers...
  • ...and I know I won't stop.
  • white choc?


    oh dear

    nasty

    not proper choc;)


    are you in your early 20s luv
  • I don't like brown chocolate, never have done! Only white.

    I'm 23. Just. Why do you ask?
  • ok

    well, then i have hope for you

    that age is a f************ awful time
    you have it all in fornt of you, but you dont have the inner confidence and experience

    the confidence to trust your body, and NOT restrict stuff

    Im not saying its easy, but seriously, as you get older, it will get bettter

    this doesnt go away, im 42, and a stone weight loss has b******** me up a bit, id been stable for 15 years

    but i have tools to cope now
    you will get those
    if you can get to the counselling it will help thi s happen quicker

    but, you know, you posting on here is a really posittive thing

    you WANT to get beter
    thats 75%, or more of the way thete

    you are going to be ok
  • Thanks... that makes me feel a lot better. I only hope it happens sooner rather than later. I feel like I've waited a lifetime already. Time seems to go so slowly like this.

    I'll let you know what happens. Thanks so much for your help. It means a great deal :)

    x x x
  • yes its like a prison


    i just thiought of something else
    when something more important happens, the -er-condition -wil take a back seat

    that might be kids, career, whatever

    Im having my realisations a long time after many years of madness

    lots of stuff i never realised before
  • Oh no!!!!!

    white maltesers?????


    thud


    I can't get hold of maltesers here and the american ones are horrible.

    *Spud goes away thinking of white maltesers and dribbling*

    Summer, you can always keep this thread going, if you want and we will be here with you for support, rants and company.:o)
  • Hippo, any colour chocolate is real, apart from the horrible dark one.:o)
  • I can see we have a difference of opinion on the choclit;)
  • Summerrain,
    I can totally identify with you, have been in a similar position for a while.
    Practically every thought that crossed my mind was related thought that crossed my mid related to how much i'd eaten, whether it was good/bad food, what size i was, how much exercise i'd done that day.
    I'm at uni too, studying a masters now so this had been going on for years.
    I feel sure when i finish uni and can get into a proper routine of having something to do with my day, rather than stuck inside all day staring at my PC and trying to motivate myself to study things will be MUCH better.
    I used to get so mad at myself, beat myself up over all the people in the world that were worse off than me and i'd be upset over puttingon a pound or missing a run.
    However its your subconscious that controls all these thoughts and consciously telling yourself these things shouldn't matter never quite gets through.
    I started seeing a counsellor recently and its making a huge difference.
    Really picking apart why I do what I do and what i think will happen if i don't and discussing the reality as opposed to my warped mindset is helping me realise there is another way.
    I'm eating what i want when i want and trying not to plan around calories/good/bad foods.
    Its hard and sometimes i eat too much and sometimes too little but stopping the restrictions goes along way to stopping the bingeing.
    Hope this helps, just my thoughts hope it makes sense, feel like i've rambled a bit!
  • good post full of beans
  • hi everyone, i think plodding hippo ir right there will come a time when something happens in your life to make you realise that its not worth it and there are way more important things going on for you to limit your life in this way. for me it happened two weeks ago when my boyfrined of 2 and hlaf years split up with me, mainly because our relationship has been so focussed upon my anorexia and exercise obsession that i think he just can;t take anymore. i would do anything to have him back, and wish i hadn;t put him or us through those awful times but i know now (and have done for a while)that i want my life back, i want to be in control and i will not let it ruin any future relationships.
    i know you feel so alone, it is a horrible thing youre going through, but even more horrible is what you are missing out on my living your life in this way.
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