Howdy, Stranger!
Categories
Eating... Help me please.
The materials in this website are in no way intended to replace the professional medical care, advice, diagnosis or treatment of a doctor, qualified personal trainer, therapist, dietitian or nutritionist Runners's World, Part of the Hearst UK well-being network © Copyright 2017
Comments
yes, you do need specialist help
but you have to want to be helped
you dont have to live like this for ever
I don't know you personally, but I've come to worry about you more each time you mention your troubles. Do you want to get help? You sound to me like you don't think you should, but you really do need it.
It's got to be worth being able to go back to how you were before, hasn't it? I want to be back to my old self, and I know that I've got to see somebody to help me to do that. Well, do as I am and take everyone's advice
PH-I think you recognise me from before, I had a thread on here a couple of years ago when I started having this problem
Flyaway-you are right in what you say, its not healthy, but then neither is the pastry!
Summerrain-I am sorry if you feel I have hi-jacked the thread, I was only meaning to offer my opinions and experience. It seems easier to for me to offer than to take my own advice.
I would really like to be back to the way I used to be - healthier, faster and probably fitter in so many ways. Unfortunately, in the past I have been sceptical about the appropriateness of talking to someone about it, bar my mate but I accept that I cannot continue to unload onto him, or indeed onto such an 'inpersonal' setting such as this. I think deep down there is something about me 'suffering' personally from which I seem to get a kick-some twisted sense of logic I know, but now I seem to be happier when 'suffering' than when happy. Does that make any sense?
yes, unfortunately that does strike a chord with me
it can be very scary to let go of the old behaviours
even though this eating disorder malarrky fecks up your life-its what you know, and it can be oddly comforting
It is a form of self harm in some ways
I hope one day you will be ready to take that plunge and get help-but only you know when that time is right for you
good luck
Sometimes we think that keeping our problems to ourselves will make things better for others, and maybe even for ourselves, but it only makes things worse eventually. But I guess you have to be ready to ask for proper help. I've learnt that.
I know that you are going to continue to keep your behaviours because, like you said, they give you a kick and seem to make you happier in a sense. I just hope you do get help before it maybe goes too far.
x
Honestly. There is NO such thing as "bad food". There is food you should eat in moderation (like double cream, or fried foods and, yes, maybe pastry) and there are food which should form a large proportion of your diet (vegetables, bread, pasta, rice, fruit). But you CAN have things like pastry as part of a balanced diet and not stress about it.
TRUST ME.
Part of getting well (this applies to you too summerrain) will entail letting go of these ideas that certain foods are "bad".
Sam, your misconceptions about food are a hell of a lot more damaging to your health than any pastry.
I saw a therapist for about 11 months and it helped. The only problem is that I had to move away from England.
She did the type of therapy in which we talked about my childhood as that was the main reason for my problems.
If you thihnk that your poblems stem from a young age, that type should help.
It takes time as she has to get to know you and the effect things had when you were a child. and how you deal with your life.
She them builds up from what you say and get a good idea on how to help you.
best of luck
CBT was like practical ways to help you to change the way you feel but I could not get any explanation for my feelings.
Lots of peeps swear by it though.
CBT DID go back to my childhood, cos that was when i learned a lot of my behaviours
arrrgh-for pete's sake I've just been doing this healthy lifestyle biz as part of my second year uni course-wish I could listen to my own advice
Summerrain-I have not quite reached the total breakdown point yet, but there have been times recently when I thought I might. It really struck a couple of weeks ago when I had that really bad Sunday having taken the laxatives-god I can't believe that I really did that! I think then its begun to struck home quite how screwed up I have become...
Flyaway-I don't regularly eat pastry, no. Infact the only things I eat regularly is the usual healthy stuff-cereal, fruit, veg, not too much fatty and fried stuff. There are just certain items that screw me up, pastry being one of them. I suppose I've have had it twice this week-last night (courgette and goat's cheese pie) and a small Cornish pasty for a treat one lunchtime. But that will probably be it now for ages.
The stupid thing was that the pie was ace-just what the doctor ordered after such a miserably wet day, it was perfect comfort food with a chilled glass or two-the goat's cheese was beautifully melted. Just a shame that I had to lose so much sleep over it
I just told the thread about my experience, my case and everyone is different.
I am not saying that CBT does not work. I said that it did not work for me and my therapist wasn't a good one.
I have seen lots of peeps getting better with CBT.
I recall you saying about that
unbelievable
its horrible
I hope you find some way out of this soon
I might know where it all stemmed from, but it doesn't make it easy to get rid of these thoughts and feelings. I just want to be back to the way I was before that relationship began... happy, confident (so shocking to think!), clever and successful. I am such a different person today. So I guess I need CBT again, right?
Sam, I really would give it some serious thought about getting help. Maybe they will help you to see just how much better things could be if you got out of the behaviours you are trapped with? I remember when I did the intensive counselling; I went in to help with depression, not even planning to mention the fact I was starving myself. But when I let slip about that, she helped me to see just how bad it was, and I probably wouldn't have started to eat had I not told her about it... even though I didn't want to get 'better' and wanted to keep losing weight, she helped me to see sense that I wouldn't have seen until maybe too late otherwise. What do you think?
x
As for the weekend, things did pick up a bit. The weather was lousy and I felt bad about going out Saturday morning, so had no guilt about not doing so yesterday, when it was equally bad. Furthermore the whole food thing turned out fine, it was the perfect comfort food for a cold wet weekend, even at the end of June. I've not had homemade custard for years and it was absolutely gorgeous whilst the gooseberry crumble had just the right combination of tartness and sweetness. In retrospect,the pie on Saturday was great too, the goat's cheese melted just enough whilst the courgettes were still a touch al-dente to get the wonderful flavour from them. Even the pastry was crisp and inviting.
...and that's the really stupid thing, I do really love my food, I just cannot get over the mental barrier of feeling I need to justify eating it by running for miles and miles every day.
Last week I went to Milan for a few days with my sisters. With us being on a tight budget, our diet was mainly crisps, ice-cream, apples, cereal bars, brioche and cheese slices... I didn't have the opportunity to run. But it was good. It opened my eyes. I felt so relaxed being able to tell myself not to worry about it. I was having a fun time with my family and that was all that mattered. My sisters, who don't exercise, ate more than me and just weren't bothered. It really helps me to think of all the people who can be so relaxed about their food, and seeing the girls eating this 'junk' and enjoying it without the worry to have to lose 'all that weight' (weight? what weight?!) really helped me.
Since I've been back home, I've been running for half an hour at most really, and eating foods I want. It's so great! Yesterday I went for a family meal and ate all sorts of things I don't normally allow myself, and let myself be ok with it. I went for a run this morning for 25 minutes TO BE HEALTHY and not to burn any calories off from yesterday. It's like a huge load being taken from me. Just thinking of other people and how relaxed they are about food does wonders.
Maybe think of all the people you know who eat as they please and don't get fat? How happy are they generally? I bet it doesn't rule their lives! Think to yourself that you can be like them. It's so much more worth being happy and loved, than to constantly stress about food, calories and exercise. Life is far too short! I only wish I had given myself the permission to think this way before. Because that's what it's about - giving yourself a break and treating yourself as you would your best friend. You wouldn't deny them of the things they like, would you? Or force them to go out running in the cold and rain for a good 2 hours plus? It's all about treating yourself as you would want to be treated by anyone else.
I know it's hard, but it'll come. If you keep trying. I've been trying all year since I got married, and it's gradually been getting easier and easier. I get the odd slip-up, which I treat as a catastrophe, but once the panic has gone I get back to focusing on being the way I want to be...
It sounds like you are becoming more relaxed with regard to food. I found myself more relaxed when away on holiday earlier in the year and time to time since then, but stress and other factors often sees the anxiety returning. This weekend was a perfect example-having got myself unnecessarily stressed by the thought of the food, it was exactly what I wanted, hearty, warm, comforting - like a big warm hug. Satisfyingly filling and did I care how many calories it involved. Of course I didn't?
So as you say, why can't every day be like that?
keep working at it, and there will be less and less of the bad days
It just involves taking one day at a time I suppose, not comparing today to yesterday or last week etc.
Why not look at the positive side, my first dry run in about a week this morning
hope summerrain is feeling good too
I have been busy with work so had not time to post.
Summerrain - you asked about whether CBt changed my long term thinking patterns and I'd say whole heartedly yes. Although it was a very uncomfortable and long process which I continue to work on. I forever read things into situations that weren't the case, had very low self esteem and was constantly woried about what others were thinking of me - not that you would have known this as a had a wonderful veneer of appearing calm and confident. Although I was falling apart behind closed doors.
I think Hippo made some great points about having to be in the right frame of mind for counselling. I had 2 failed attempts. One with a 1-2-1 talking counsellor which didn't have any effect for me and an individual NHS CBT 12 week course which I only did for 8 weeks before dropping out as I just couldn't commit to doing some of the things they asked me to.
When i went for group CBT therapy, I was willing to do anything not to spend another decade feeling like I did. My counselling lasted a year but was spilt into two sections. the first was therapy to focus on gaining control aound eating. I then had a consolidation 3 month period when I kept building on what i had learnt and steerign away from danger points such as not compensating exercise for food. This was an awful time as I was having success in stopping myself bingeing but had no mechanisms for coping with my thinking. But time, as always, passes and I was much stronger when we restarted the next phase to look at thinking patterns. I learnt to understand how I viewed things and the mechanisms behind those automoatic and learnt thinking processes. This enabled me to find better ways of thinking and I continue to work on this. If I'm havigna bad day, i often check myself to see if I'm slipping and look for positive things and it becomes more and more natural.
To all of you with problems, I can only share my experience and encourage you but I had chronic bulimia and fell into the category of being someone who was very unlikely to recover due to the duration and severity of my illness (i was at the point where the life-is-perfect cover was about to shatter into a million parts and I'd probably have lost my job) but i did and it IS possible. With teh right support. And it can take time to find something that works for you, if you're ready.
I had to put my MBA on hold whilst I was recovering which I had been reluctant to consider before then but I restarted recently and it's just later than planned. Worth it for what life is like now and the way I feel.
I don't eant to keep talking about me but I'm just hoping that sharing my experiences might help encourage people to get some support as i did, if they feel they need it.
Sam- sounds like you have been doing a lot of thinking. You would benefit from some support as life's too short to be awake worrying about the rules you've put around good/bad foods.
At least it seems you are getting over the worst of your experiences and are on the 'upward' curve
I'd definately consider myself well on the way to being fully recovered. I just need to maintain where I am now without slipping. I still get urges now and then to diet or eat healthily but restriction in food is something I have to leave behind. Everything is healthy in moderation as part of a balanced diet.
I admire your outlook 'everything is healthy in moderation' - a motto to live by!
Strees does magnify things indeed. Do you have good ways to relax other than running so you can get yourself through the more stressful times? I found out that even though I thought I was relaxing before, I never really was. I was always doing things, keeping busy to again keep my mind busy. Do you talk to people when you're stressed? Life is stressful sometimes and I find it helps now to acknowledge that. I feel better too to hear that other people get stressed as I do and I've learnt ways now of stepping back in stressful situations to just stop and think and work out how to deal with the situation. Stress makes you panic which makes you more stressed which in turn makes you less able to solve problems. I practice yoga but started attending the slower hatha yoga classes which have breathign exercises I often use to stop myself panicking when stressed. Might be worth exploring? The calmer you are, as you say, the more you can hear your rational self talking.
Oh, and cutting out caffeine helped. Although I still have a coffee if I really fancy one in the name of not depriving myself :-)
What I cannot seem to overcome as you say is the beating myself up over things - and subsequently 'abusing' either my running or my diet as a result and stress is really the trigger. I don't really have many people to talk to, it has to be said. My parents can at times be the root cause of the stress, which makes it difficult to talk to them, whilst I have few 'local' friends and a lot of those people with whom I am still in contact now have their own stresses (work, family etc). Subsequently, I feel it unfair to burden them with my 'additional' issues. However, when I do meet up with them and have a good chinwag' things do seem better. I do keep a daily journal, although reading that through can often be a depressing experience, emphasising the negatives rather than the positives. Perhaps I should focus more on what went well in the day rather than what went badly?
I have heard a lot about using yoga - but its always struck me as a bit of a 'girlie' pursuit, if you would excuse the temporary sexism there. Perhaps that suggestion is worth looking into. Summerrain, might that work for you, to help you calm down and relax somewhat?