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Eating... Help me please.
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Please please don't take them, knowing they are there as a safety net, makes the difference of whether you can stop yourself binging, or stop yourself from going past the point of no return. If this is your main purging tool, taking control and ridding them from your life, will allow you to break the cycle NOW.
And as you know they can hurt a lot, and there is certainly no glamour in dealing with or trying to hide their effects. The short term relief is not worth the real mess they are causing chemically to your body, they add to your roller-coaster problems not solve them. Please believe excessive use will likely cause you health issues long after you are 'better', constantly reminding you of the past. Bleeding, constipation and extreme pain when your intestines try to learn how to work again without them, and then irritable/bloated bowel for years to come. Please stop them now.
Cheshire cat-a lot of what you say resonates with me
I only felt ready for the counselling after being forced to resign form my job(bullying), and had a year off work
part of that year was a last resot attempt to put myself back together-and thats when i went for the counselling
i have quite possibly irreversibly damaged my career by resigning like that-but it was either that or irreversibly damaging myself
And, ad you say, you need to keep working at it
Sam-please think about some proper cinselling, not "just talking to friends"
while that may temporarily make you feel better-it wont deal with the underlying issues and it wont help you away form this place where you sare trapped
Counselling isnt comfortable
but it is a way out
Missty is also right about the laxatives
but it did so much more for me
I think you are right there, I mean I am looking forward to having a collective natter with him in a week or two when we (weather permitting) go for a walking weekend in Snowdonia, but I know too that further down the line I just won't feel right again. I should really confront my 'demons' and seek counselling - it just doesn't seem fit with how I perceive my self to be - I never thought I would be the type of person who would need it.
counselling is not for "weak" people
it is for people strong enought and brave enough to step up to the plate and take control back for their lives
took a HECK of a lot of courage(and about 10 years) for me to go!!
Ill tell you something else
All of the techniques and so on taught to me in couunselling to help rid myself of the negative self thoughts were techiques i knew well, and had used before-thst is-I already knew hopw to help myself but had forgotten how
you can help yourself too, but you need someone to point you back in the right direction
you will when the time is right
it took a massive crisis to force me into doing it
a bit like cheshire cat i suppose
the time HAS to be right though
Anyway wasn't Summerrain the focus of this thread, I feel like my problems have hi-jacked those of Summerrain
it wasnt the right time
and as for the focus of the thread----well you have as much "right" to be here as anyone
i just hope it can help you
at least you know you arent alone in this
When you said you've become accustomed to feeling like you do, I know what you mean. I'd forgotten what it was like not to feel worried and stressed all the time too, because I'd felt like that for so long. But then my doctor gave me anti-depressants and once they started working, I got flashbacks of being 18 and happy, because they were helping me to feel like the old me again. Have you thought about medication? The newer SSRI anti-depressants are not just used for depression. They give them to people with obsessive/compulsive disorders or anxiety problems. My friend was a very obsessive runner at the same time as bingeing/purging and was given them, and they helped her to stop obsessing over exercise and food. She used to make sure she burnt off a good 2000 calories each run, but now she goes and burns 200ish calories if she feels like it. They help me to stop being so obsessive too. I've been eating foods I want to eat recently, and haven't let their effect on my weight get me down. Having the chemicals in my brain change helps me to think more positively and not get so stressed about food and running.
It really would be worth a try talking to your doctor about your problems and seeing about taking some sort of medication to help you through your compulsion to run and worries about food. Or, of course, counselling!
Hope you can find something to help
And don't worry about hi-jacking the thread! I'm just glad that you could come and talk to people about your problems.
x
Its good to hear some positive notes in your latest post ("I've been eating foods I want to eat recently, and haven't let their effect on my weight get me down").
How are you doing generally? I hope things are improving - the upward slope might only be very gradual to start with, but any progress is good, and it sounds like you've made the important first start to turning your life around. I'm very proud and happy and excited for you!
Just wanted to let you know we are all wishing you well and hoping you get through this soon.
As Hippo said, the time needs to be right for you and sometimes something needs to change in your head or your life before that time is right.
The other thing about counselling is that someone who counsels people with your type of problems will be able to support the thoughts associated with physical withdrawal from laxatives.
Part of my counselling was to help me understand that many of the forms of purging actually dont have the impact you think they do in terms of preventing absorption of calories which is a helpful tool for the early days of recovery when thougths are driven by weight issues still.
I suffered awful bloating when I stopped purging as my body was readjusting itself and retained excess water for weeks. Which in turn made me feel fatter and more vulnerable but it helped to have someone acknowledge to me that this was normal and it would pass. I admit I did laxatives in my uni years and you can get off these too but you need medical support for this to help make sure you look after yourself properly whilst doing so (((Sam)))
Summerrain - you sound well.
It is good to know that you do not seem to be letting things control your life at the moment, I hope that carries on
how are you doing?
My eating and exercise worries seem to have been pushed right to the back of my life. I'm not worrying about my food and I've totally cut down on the running. I don't enjoy it anymore, and I've kind of just lost the drive completely. I don't care so much at all about it at the moment...
Still trying for a baby. Found out my close friend is pregnant and it hurts big style (cried all night - why can't it just happen for me?), as much as I am pleased for her. I'm concentrating on becoming a mum now, running and eating issues just don't seem to matter these days. I'm just dead set on the whole parent thing and it's at the very front of my list of priorities. Nothing else seems to matter at the moment. So in a way it's good that I don't have to be concerned over running and eating because they just don't seem to matter to me anymore.
But I'm still gonna come on here
just wondering how you guys are getting on
I think having been sticking to taking my meds and uni having finished I'm on an even keel. I'm finding it easier to cope with things and be positive.
I haven't been running for about a month. I kind of lost the motivation and started getting really tired - couldn't manage much more than a mile without having to stop and walk. Not like me! I think it's done me good not running for a bit though, I'm learning to be OK with what I eat and not worrying about 'running it off'. I must say though, I feel really keen to get back into it again. Just need to be careful I don't get too obsessed with it. I think I'll be OK
Made a mistake of flicking through the channels and stopping on Hollyoaks (terrible show, I know), but there's this whole eating disorder thing going on on there and it's kind of triggering... pathetic that a crappy soap could do that, but I'm having to be very careful not to let it get me into being all restrictive. It's meant to be showing to warn people of the dangers, but for anyone with a history of eating disorders/food issues, it's a trigger. Got me a bit annoyed.
Anyway, sorry to have gone off on a whole other subject! Things are better overall.
How's everyone else?
x
Just that sounds like you are making progress Summerrain, which I am glad to hear.
Personally have been experimenting with my diet recently...trying the ascertain those foods that cause me discomfort and those which don't.
The result being a bit of a yo-yo last few weeks - though with uni finished for the summer and no related stressors [bar my parents] I have had the opportunity. However, I have made some progress, at least I know now that certain foods do certainly cause me trouble and I am just going to have to forsake them in order to stay happy.
Meanwhile I am also learning to be 'OK with what I eat' although I feel I am running it off I am not getting too obsessed with my weight every day, nor with mileage = food intake.