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  • Thanks girls, actually came home at 3 so at least I'm in my own bed. Had another sleep and just tried a bowl of cornflakes so hoe I will feel better soon.
    Christine welcome- I have 3 boys, lazy, weepy and stinky, and as you have probably guessed had a hernia op today so no running for a few weeks (although they didn't actually give me any guidance at all...)
    Yippee to raffle prizes, nights out and scream free baths, boo to voms, rashes and doing a park run before a race?!?!?
  • i need some shoulders... big ones...

    just got back from devon tonight. been down there for 3 days staying with my folks. yesterday morning mum and i caught the bus into town with the kids and went swimming. E was very tired after swimming and the plan was that i would run home, leaving mum to get the bus back with the kids. i wasn't sure about doing it because i knew how tired E was, and also how mum doesn't cope when the kids play up.

    anyway, she persuaded me it would be fine. i waited until the bus arrived, then i phoned dad and asked him to drive to the bus stop to pick them up. he drove in my car (he is insured to drive it).

    when i got home, mum said that E had been a nightmare and had had such a big strop getting off the bus that she had wet herself. she then said she had come home and been sick. she was in bed sleeping when i got back, which i wasn't surprised about - had suggested to mum to prioritise nap over lunch.

    anyway - tonight i got a knock on my door from gwent police. there had been a complaint about the way my mum and dad had treated E. a member of the public had complained that they had smacked her, shouted at her and used abusive language...

    as you can imagine, i am in bits. i have never fully trusted my parents but thought it was my paranoia. i know that it may just have been someone over-reacting to what they saw. but mum said that E was fine on the bus. the bus journey was only 15 mins long. dad was there to meet her at the other end. WHY did she react like that when E started crying? there is NO excuse for it.

    so now of course i have to tell my parents. that will go down well. many of you know the history with my mum... i thought an hour while i ran home from town was safe. i was wrong...

    of course, i can't take risks like that with T etc... although there will be no outcome of this, i just cannot believe that my own mother has done this. image

  • oh - and the police traced me through my car registration - because my dad had driven it down to pick mum up.
  • the thing is that E was VERY tired. i knew that and mum knew that. i am cursing myself because, in spite of knowing it, i let her go home on the bus with mum...

    on the other hand, i did put her on the bus (she was fine) and arranged for dad to meet them, so no walking. i thought that was the safest option. and i thought she would just go home and put E to bed for an hour.

    but i am just so cross with myself because deep down i guess i know that my parents can't cope with my kids. even for an hour. makes me very sad really. and i feel so guilty because i left them for an hour to have a run and ... this happens...

  • JT - no they didn't take any of my parents' details. i think i do have to tell my folks though...
  • CM thats terrible - big hugs(()).
  • Oo, cm - that's both awful and awkward. You are absolutely right though - they should have been able to cope, you should not have to feel bad or guilty for leaving your children with their grandparents even if they were tired and grumpy. At worst you can imagine a tantrum on the bus and your parents looking forward to a glass of wine at the end of the day - not the police showing up at your door!!

    Camlo - get well soon image
  • so... what do i do then? i obviously can't leave my kids with my parents for an hour even. do i carry on seeing them? should i cut off all contact.

    it's not like i haven't worried about this before. no smoke without fire. etc etc.

  • Blimey CM, that's a huge decision to make and none of us can tell you what to do as you have to judge it based on all the history, only you know your parents better than anyone and know what they can and cannot cope with. I do know though that if the same thing had happened with my parents (who I generally get on pretty well with) I would never allow them to be alone with my kids again. If I lose it and shout at my kids (which I generally try not to do) I know it's a cumulative effect of being stressed out with them not listening to me etc. but for my parents who don't see them that often to have a worse reaction (swearing at children is never acceptable in my book) then I'd have to limit their contact with my kids and would never trust them alone again. But whatever you decide that's not to say you can't keep contact with your parents. You know what feels right and you have to go with your gut feeling on this one. Either way it's a horrid situation, try not to stress about it too much and ((())).

    Camio - glad all went okay and you're home. Don't forget you're supposed to be taking it easy now and even if the docs didn't specifically say it - "DON'T RUN" - at least for a little while. Take care now.

    Caro - looking forward to hearing about little baby Caro tomorrow. Like everyone else have been checking every couple of hours today for news, really does feel like we've all got a share in this little one - you were planning on having 20 running god-mothers right?

  • thanks Karen. that's a lot of sense. hard though. argh...

  • CM - thats a shocker. Can't the police just tell your parents - not ideal for you to have to do it as they will over react and might take a visit from the police a bit more seriously.

    To be honest we only ever see my mum for lunch in a public place - it works for us! We speak on the 'phone too. Neither myself or hubby would let her partner anywhere near our kids without us being there - we may be over reacting but we aren't sure about him and its not a risk we want to take (obviously different because he's not one of our actual parents).

    Poor E - lots of hugs for her and you.

    EF - fab about winning the sunglasses! Hubby's parents won a car recently - woo hoo.

    MM - you mentioned Saturday Kitchen the other day too - hubby's secretary was on it a few weeks ago as a guest - lucky her!

  • Oh CM. That is hard. (()). I think you have to bring it up not least because you have to get their version of what actually happened. Do you know who reported it? Is there anyone your folks don't get on with who wld stir up trouble for them? I think you must hear from them and decide in your gut reaction after that. Does it sound like something they would do? I ask mainly because most folk would keep a lid on it in public. That of course raises a further issue - if they Will do that in public thinking it Is acceptable then what do they do at home. You have to decide on what you think your parents would do. Think back to childhood. My mum is actually a lot more liberal and easy going and almost younger as a granny than she was as a mum! Is losing contact sth you can put up with or would you rather just have supervised contact. So much to deal with and think about.

    I too am popping on to hear about Caro!
  • Oh CM that is not good, I too think the police should Hav visited ur parents, as they were the people the complaint was made against, at the very least to allow them to give their version. Plus it would have bn easier for u if it Had bn done by them. I do think ur parents need to b told that their behaviour was so out of order that a member of public phoned the police, in the hope that maybe they might question their behaviour +reassess. Don't think I would cut them off necessarily, but supervised at all times yes. Tx
  • Thanks all. Am still so upset this morning. Yes it is something I can imagine her doing. I never normally leave the kids with her at all as I know she doesn't cope. She hit me as a kid and I had a lot of verbal abuse. She uses the same words to the kids that she did to me and it makes my blood run cold. I feel so guilty. My instincts were not to leave the kids with her but I was desperate for a run and it was only a short bus ride. I weighed up the risks and got it wrong.

    Apparently it was a doctor who reported them to the police. It was my dad as well as my mum who was doing the shouting etc. he is as bad these days. Never used to be like that.

    I have contemplated no contact in the past over the way my mum treats me and the things she says about me. I thought it wasnt fair on the kids to deprive them of their grandparents. I am fairly sure now that that is not a reason to stay in touch. She doesn't deserve them. And my dad is just as bad. He screamed in my face and held me down on my bed when I was sobbing after we were in court for child residence. He shouted that I was a waste of f-Inf space. image
  • Hi everyone

     Thanks so much for all your lovely replies! I did actually manage to get out for a run yesterday afternoon while hubby looked after Harry. Managed 3.71 miles in 35m 41s (according to mapmyrun!) so quite pleased with that. The only thing that stopped me doing more yesterday was the fact I'm just not fit enough at the moment, so frustrating!

     You have all made me feel better about the babyjogger idea. I might see if I can get a second hand one. What is it actually like to run with one? I just have this image of baby bouncing all over the place and hating it? Can you actually run anywere with one or do you have to be careful?

    I would be quite happy on a treadmill, love the gym, but really I'd only be able to go once hubby was home and Harry was in bed and to be honest, I'm in bed not long after that myself cos Harry is still not sleeing through. During the day my MIL would be more than happy to look after him but I'm still breastfeeding and H isn't that happy being with anyone else but mummy for very long image

     I think it will improve once the nights get a bit lighter. Hubby is usually home by about 5 and bathtime isn't till 6 so I'll be able to start going out then I think.

    I'll tell you what's got me feeling all like I should be able to do more than I am. Jenni Falconer tweeting about marathon training and doing 14 miles! Her baby was born the day after mine!!

     Anyway...I live in Stockport so should anyone happen to be anywhere near here let me know!!

  • Oh and they do voluntary work and coaching and have crb clearance. Now that is an interesting one. Fine upstanding members of the community. :-/
  • Has everyone seen Caro's news on FB ... ?
  • Update from Caro (finally got hubby off the laptop so I could check!):

    Baby boy 7lb 7oz born at 1.54am, 2 hrs after waters broken. Middle name still being 'discussed'.....so will let you know when it is settled. Thanks for all good wishes and positive vibes. Xx

    So sounds as though it all went smoothly once they broke her waters!

    CM (((()))) that sounds just awful, I can only echo what everyone else has said. Don't beat yourself up though, as you say it was a 15 min bus ride with your parents, what can go wrong?? I would say don't cut off all contact necessarily but don't ever leave the kids alone with them again. That's what I do with my dad who has a history of drinking (though not abuse thankfully) as he seems barely able to look after himself. I decided before I had S that I would let our kids decide when they got older if they wanted to stay in touch with Grandad, even though I wanted nothing to do with him. Different circumstances though so I'm not saying that's what you should do necessarily.
  • Can't see caro's fb post for some reason but woohoo!! Sounds like a different experience from last time anyway. Well done caro!! X
  • Woo hoo. Congratulations Caro well done. Looking forward to hearing all about it!

    Hope you are feeling ok Camlo. Take it easy.

    CM - what a shocker. Not sure what else to say. I probably wouldn't cut all contact entirely but wouldn't leave them alone with them again.  Can't believe the police haven't been to see them.

    Can't see my 18 miles with 12 at MP happening today. Too bloody icy and snowy. I will run 18 miles but there is no way I will be able to push the pace in this.  Grrr.

  • Fab news from Caro - I guess my 9lb guess was a little wrong! I can't see her post either!
    CM - wow what an awful thing to happen to you. Not sure you wil need to decide whether you leave kids with them again as doubt very much the kids will want to stay with them anymore. Was J with nan on the bus too? Shocking for him to witness them behaving like that. I think the police were negligent not taking their details and speaking to them directly, as you say there was a complaint against them but nothing is being recorded on their side? That doesn't seem fair and leaves you to have a very difficult conversation which they may well deny or not believe. Did the police ask to see E ?
    Glad you are home, perhaps you could get some advice about whether you need to talk to the kids about what happened too? Guess both would benefit from knowing that it was not right for them to be treated like that and you love them very much and are going to make sure it doesn't happen again.
    CHRISTINE - great run at under 10mm, I don't run with a buggy as found it too tough, much preferred leaving the kids and getting some me time too. Hopefully your fitness will build up again but be careful if you are still feeding as relaxin can lead to all sorts of problems if you stress your joints at all.
    Can't remember who's inlaws won a car but WOW!!!
    Have kept a bowl of cereal down but tummy very sore and can't even pull myself up the bed without pulling weird faces. Got a sick note for a week so going to drown in Jeremy Kyle and Judge Judy image

  • Thanks Camlo. Do take it easy.

    Yes J was on the bus too. He told me about the screaming and vomiting. He didn't seem distressed. And E was fine with mum and dad after. I am angry because I now have a file against me and I wasn't there. It was my parents in my car. So if there is ever an issue with anything, I am already known to the police. I offered the policeman to see E but he wasn't interested. He said he had no concerns for her welfare and was very reassuring. But I am left in bits now. I tried to ignore and rationalise what my parents are like but I cant ignore it any longer. I just keep crying today.
  • CM - that is such a tough thing to have to handle. You know your parents, I know you maybe didn't have the best relationship with them but you know whether they ever physically hurt you. If they never hurt you then I can't believe they would ever hurt your kids. Maybe they just struggle to cope. Don't look at it as supervised visits but as supported visits. I just read back and saw that J was there as well as E, what is his version of what happened?
    Camlo, take it easy. Don't subject yourself to the crappy tv or you will be desperate to get up!! Get some decent DVDs and enjoy the rest.
    I can't see Caro's news either so thanks JG, congratulations Caro, I love the idea of us all being virtual godparents.
  • X-post CM, particularly tough for you to have this going on with your relationship with T as it is. Interesting that J wasn't phased by it.
    Christine, well done for getting out for that run. You'll see that this forum is about SO much more than just running, but there is some amazing running that goes on. I must get back out again, I might take Max in the stroller to the park this morning and then will go out with the club on Tuesday. It has been so long since I ran, I have barely been out this year, will have to build up from scratch.
  • Congratulations Caro! Thought it might be a boy as was perfectly happy not to come out image
    Sounds like it eventually went quite fast once the waters were broken. Hope they all get to go home today. Assume Caro just messaged JG as can't see posts on FB yet either.

    CM- that is shocking. and don't know what I can add that others haven't already said. I guess you might assume it wasn't too bad if both kids were unphased by it but I would also not feel comfortable ever leaving them alone with your parents again, especially as you know what they were like when you were a child. Such an awful situation to be in and so unfair after all you have been through and are going through. (())

    Camlo- glad the op went well, agree that watching jeremy kyle isn't a great idea!

    Got the in laws here so having a bit of peace while Rosie asleep on grandpa (she is being so spoilt!) and Maggie playing jigsaws with granny. Hubby making bread, domestic bliss!
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