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MM I did of course mean am i doing long runs too fast not too long!
Running some long runs fast is fine EF. It's running all of them at close to MP that's not good. Easy runs or other midweek runs should be run much slower. I suggest for you 9min miling. I run my easy runs at 8:30s often, which is obviously 1min45 secs slower than my MP which is 6.45-7min miling. See the difference? I can hit all my paces in training even on high mileage simply cos I let my legs 'recover'. I think you are hitting the speed sessions right, but maybe not the temp runs?
TT that is just what hubbie said. I am going to not say anything unless he says, 'You do realise this is for a full-time position'. Then I will obviously have to say something. It's not a disaster if I don't get the job as I really don't want to work full-time. No afterschool club at the boys school just now. The nursery the boys went to and Sophie now does do an after school club, not sure about before school though. They already know I have 3 kids and that I've not been working for 4.5 years but doing some admin work. We shall see I guess.
I have to apply for full-time positions and negotiate as no jobs in this area are advertised as part-time.
Right must get everyone sorted. Back later...
Part-time jobs are incredibly hard to come by in any field, and usually only seem to be available at entry-administration level = appalling salary. I know that if I'd left my job and then by some miracle managed to find something comparable part-time, I'd be earning considerably less than I earn doing part-time here. MM, I agree with Vixo that wanting to negotiate part-time hours in the current climate is not going to be a selling point for you, and I would also caution against mentioning that at the interview unless asked directly (which should not happen anyway). Wait until you are offered the job on your merits rather than your availability and then open negotiations. You will have to be willing to be flexible and to consider alternative that may not totally suit you - it took a few emails back and forth with my manager to come to the arrangement I now have. I actually work more hours than I did before Kit started school, but do some of them from home and am in the office for different hours each day. I work from home 10:00-14:00 on Mondays, Tuesdays completely off, then 09:00-17:00 Wednesday, 10:00-18:00 Thursday and 08:00-14:00 Friday. So 24 hours a week in total, which is 3 more than I did when I worked 09:00-17:00 Wednesday-Friday. I actually don't mind the hours from home as it means that when I go in on Wednesday I'm not immediately playing "catch-up" from the previous week. My manager likes it because it means he never goes longer than a day (or weekend) without a response from me.
Juggling working hours when you are both working and school drop-off/pick-up and childcare in the holidays/after school is hard and you both have to be willing to share the responsibility. Mondays and Tuesdays are fine as I'm at home so do both drop-off and pick-up. On Wednesday hubby usually works from home and does both, if he has to go in to work he goes in after drop-off and gets back in time to pick-up which means a short day in the office, but showing his face on a Wednesday occasionally seems to keep his boss happy so has to be done on occasion. On Thursday I drop off, then race for the train (9 minutes after drop-off and it's a 7.5 minute walk from the school to the station!) and my mum does pick-up and takes Kit back to ours until hubby gets home. On Friday I start early, hubby drops off and I finish early and pick up. All works with military precision unless something goes wrong. If Kit's ill then we tend to see what we both have on at work and try to juggle who stays home when. And we pray that there are no train delays or cancellations when we have to get back from work to pick up! This is just with one child though - I'm not sure it could work if we had one in nursery as well!
MM, if I were aiming for a 3:15 marathon what sorts of paces should I be looking at? I do Sunday long run - currently these are about 8:20-8:30 average - a 7 mile run on Tuesday (usually easyish, 8:30-8:45), then a midweek longer run of between 8 and 10 miles which I struggle to pick up the pace on as I do it in the dark and usually can't see well enough with the poor lighting round our way to risk going too fast in case I trip over the horrendous pavements. Then 5-7 faster on Friday (try to aim for sub-7:45 but again it's in the dark) then an easy 3 (8:30-8:45) on Saturday. I worry that there is too much easy running and I'm not doing the faster runs fast enough but the constant niggle has affected how hard I can push. Actually think it might be sciatica as sitting down (as I am now at work) for any length of time seems to make it worse.
Jobs in nursing are very few and far between up here and difficult to get even if you have lots of experience. Most of them are secondments also and not very often permanent. So frustrating
. I
I haven't heard anything as yet about the practice job I applied for but to be honest don't hold out much hope. Thinking about it the hours would not really be convenient as would need to pay more childcare but still think I would like the job! Am going to apply for another job I just seen on the intranet at work, in the breast care unit, now that would be inteesting.
Am working today.........................
Blimey Minks that must be hard fitting in your runs. I would find it very hard going out that time to do my run, in fact I don't know if I would!! Glad hubby is finally getting it that he needs to try and get home earlier when you try and do it for him! Men eh!!
Kinsey- thats a difficult one about whether to invite the child when you don't know her, hmmmmm nae' sure what I would do. Maybe ask Martha?!!!
MM- I would not say anything about your hours unless you get the job.
glad S is feeling better, CC
yes, the childcare juggles are nightmare-ish. this morning wasn't too bad. one to nursery; one to school and drive into newport for work, so i was at my desk by 9.15. what is slightly embarrassing was that a load of folk followed me in who had travelled down from London by train, and i had just had a 10 min drive and a 5 min walk from where i park my car...
often, though, i have to drop at nursery, drop at school and then drive to reading or birmingham. THAT is stressful. a 100 mile trip when you are already very late!!!
Sounds like you are doing your runs fine Minks. My only suggestion would be to get some other type of speed work in there but then you know that. Your easy runs could be as slow as 9 min miling tbh. Don't worry about the midweek run just get the run in and recover, then really go for the MP run. Try to run at least 5 miles of the run at 7:20-25s. Really another session with some mile reps, or 1/2 mile reps would be ideal just to get you running faster than MP once a week. These sessions give you speed endurance, you do then have to recover properly.
You could also try running the last 3-5 miles of your Sunday run at MP. Makes you start more slowly and build and teaches you how to finish strongly.
There is now way I will go back to work full-time, I don't want to work that much that would be away from the kids. It would be far too detrimental for them having had me around for 5 years to suddenly me never being there. Hubbie has a very senior position so cannot just drop things and cannot easily work from home as has to be onsite. He is willing to do his bit and does plenty when he is home, but he gets paid far more than I ever will, so his job will be a priority. We have no family nearby so would be reliant on nursery/pre-after-school clubs, and then the boys would miss all the other stuff like gymnastsics, swimming lessons. So no way am I ready to do that yet. If thats the case then I will wait till S is at school and see if I could get school hours with a couple of longer days max.
We could do with the money but we have survived until now and the kids are far more important then my selfish reasons for working. The job looks interesting, but not that interesting.
I will go to the interview and talk about it if it comes up but leave it otherwise until an offer is given, if any. My CV already says I have basically been on maternity leave for 4.5 years, so they already know and I got the interview based on that. So they must be wondering if I'll ask. Anyway, excel test and 90 mins of interview to get through first, plus then getting back for S and the boys. Will be tight for sure.
Right time S nap and time for exercises and interview prep for me
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Yes dreading the child benefit going. Its £2500 for us, which quite a bit of money really.
Exercises done. I will have very strong core and gluts by the end of this, mind you just doing one side, so will do some pilates at home tom to even me out a bit!!
Minks this is one area that would be good for you. Some core work. Even just a pilates dvd would do, or if you get to a class even better. Would really help with your hamstring problems for sure. I was doing core 3 times a week, but this wasn't enough and not enough gluts. Hence my injury...
Not heard from CM for couple of days. How is your back lovely? Sophie loves her new booster seat, and does seem to stay put in it, so thanks very much
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She is now undressing when she needs a wee or poo. Time to try the potty training again I think!!
the booster seat was a highchair one. E never sat on it anyway...
MM - hope the interview goes ok. as i mentioned previously, i have had to turn down 2 job offers in the last 2 years because of childcare. i got offered one when E was 6 months old, working in Newport itself. no travel but it had to be full-time. i asked about 4 days a week, and they said 'no'. so i also said 'no'. and the other job i got offered was in Bristol, but they said i would have to work 5 days but could do 1 from home, but would have to work that day. so i said no to that too...
i am still struggling very badly at the moment. i think i am shock about my parents. i have decided that i do not want to see them next weekend (we were meeting for E's birthday) and that i don't want them in my house before / after her party. i have made an appt to see my counsellor on saturday morning and i am going to talk about how i do this.
i have two options:
a) cut them out of completely
b) read them the riot act and set expectations for their behaviour with a view to stopping all contact if they can't stick to my rules (no shouting, no name calling, no smacking)
the problem with b) is that it will need me to stand up to my parents, which will result in my mother withdrawing all contact with me. that in itself is not a problem, since it makes the decision for me. but it leaves the door open for her to come back in again. i have never stood up to my parents. even when i was talking to them on the phone the other day and my mum said 'come on then, say whatever you like to me', i just said 'i have nothing to say'. i don't think i am a strong enough person to stand up to her and try to stage manage the relationship. i fear her and her reproaches and rejection so much that i cannot put myself through it. which leaves me with a) but that seems very harsh too.
on the other hand, if the police had been round to my house to tell me that anyone else in the world had behaved like that to my children, i would never speak to them again. i would not hesitate to cut them out if they admitted doing it and also admitted they would do the same thing again because the child deserved it.
i am hoping my counsellor helps me to make the decision i think i know i need to make. i also want to go back to the police and tell them that my parents have CRB checks because they work with vulnerable adults and children. at the moment they only details the police have in connection with the incident are mine and my children's, and i wasn't even there (but my car was...). they didn't take any details of my parents.
i am sorry to be boring you with all this still. but my heart and head are being tortured by it and i just cannot stop worrying.
I would do b) CM. Stand up to them, and face the rejection. It will be far better for you in the long run as a person to feel that you have faced up to them. I stood up to my Mum before xmas, she was driving me insane with her picky comments to me. Then she said to me, 'The world does not always revolve around you Mitchy'. Hmmmm. Lets think about that for one minute. I think it's been revolving around one person in particular for the last 2 years hey!! So I shouted back, I'm sorry but the world revolves around everyone but me mother, so f-off. Put the phone down. She rang back and apologised and then so did I.
Your situation is of course much more long winded as in general I have gotten on OK with my Mum, although she has always been Grandma and Mum under her terms. However I do think now is the time to face the music, and yes I am sure she will come back. My boys haven't seen Grandpa now for two years. Sad as it is, they now just talk about him as if he exists but they don't see him. It doesn't bother them anymore. Losing Nanna has bothered them far more. They send him thankyou cards and he sends them cards and presents but that's it really. He is losing out not them in my books.
You have to end behaviour like that. I don't think it is unreasonable to say supervised visits only. There is no way I would allow my step-Dad to see the kids without me being there. He is far too unstable. I still worry he will pick them up from school one day if I'm late and they end up in a car over a cliff!!
Is Nick around? Can he be around while you make the call?
Failed miserably to create a pivot table so will have to admit defeat on that front. I can do the basics of everything else though, so hopefully will be OK
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Kinsey I would ask Martha too?
We just got give n this book, quite funny if you haven't seen it. Do no t listen n front of the kids!!
MM - sounds like you need to go to the interview and just see how it goes. There are pretty strict rules about what you can and can't ask in an interview - so that people can't claim they were discriminated against - and ther will probably be someone from HR there to make sure no one steps out of line. They may ask if you know it's a full time position, but they certainly can't ask about your children, childcare or anything like that. I think it's quite uncommon for professional positions to be advertised as part time, but there often is space for negotiation if they want you for the job. It sounds like you know exactly where your priorities are, so I hope you can find something that fits in for you. The only thing I would say is that kids are amazingly resilient and resourceful so I'm sure they would be absolutely fine if you did decide to go back to work - but it has to be the right thing for you too!
Kinsey - I did something similar with isabelle's birthday party - first date I decided on I realised I was singing all day, then thought I'd do the Sunday but realised it's mothers day. So have settled on the following weekend - finally!
Minks - don't think I could face a midweek long run (10 miles is long for me!!). Our logistics are pretty complicated for childcare, but I'm very pleased I don't have to factor in trains as well.
EF - really difficult situation with your sister. I can well imagine the feeling of jealousy - not so much that you don't want someone else to be pregnant, just that you wish it was you as well. I know when I had a miscarriage all I felt like I was seeing were pregnant teenagers everywhere - somehow didn't seem fair!
Isabelle keeps saying in nursery who she does and doesn't want to come to her party - rather embarrassing! She also managed to get herself invited to a random girl's party when we wer at soft play a few weeks ago - we were chatting to the mum, who it turned out is a paediatric reg, and the girls were playing so well, when the little girl said Isabelle could come to her party, the mum gave us all the details. We didn't go, since I didn't even know the mum's name, so think it would have been rather strange!
MM - what is a pivot table?! Sometimes shouting at people really does help clear the air and get your point across! I have sent the odd email to my mum when she's really been winding me up - usually because she's been trying too hard to be helpful.
CM, I don't think Vixo was doubting your story at all, just commenting on how odd it all was.
Really glad you have managed to get an appointment with your counsellor on Saturday. When is E's party though? Will you need to have made your decision and told your parents before then? How is your back today? Hope it is not going to be a long term problem.
MM - I always meant to learn how to do pivot tables too, never did get around to it. You Tube has videos of all sorts, maybe you could find one on there which gives step by step instructions?
I would do b) CM. Stand up to them, and face the rejection. It will be far better for you in the long run as a person to feel that you have faced up to them. I stood up to my Mum before xmas, she was driving me insane with her picky comments to me. Then she said to me, 'The world does not always revolve around you Mitchy'. Hmmmm. Lets think about that for one minute. I think it's been revolving around one person in particular for the last 2 years hey!! So I shouted back, I'm sorry but the world revolves around everyone but me mother, so f-off. Put the phone down. She rang back and apologised and then so did I.
Your situation is of course much more long winded as in general I have gotten on OK with my Mum, although she has always been Grandma and Mum under her terms. However I do think now is the time to face the music, and yes I am sure she will come back. My boys haven't seen Grandpa now for two years. Sad as it is, they now just talk about him as if he exists but they don't see him. It doesn't bother them anymore. Losing Nanna has bothered them far more. They send him thankyou cards and he sends them cards and presents but that's it really. He is losing out not them in my books.
You have to end behaviour like that. I don't think it is unreasonable to say supervised visits only. There is no way I would allow my step-Dad to see the kids without me being there. He is far too unstable. I still worry he will pick them up from school one day if I'm late and they end up in a car over a cliff!!
Is Nick around? Can he be around while you make the call?
Failed miserably to create a pivot table so will have to admit defeat on that front. I can do the basics of everything else though, so hopefully will be OK
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Kinsey I would ask Martha too?
CM, I think I'm similar to Vixo in that I just cannot imagine my parents behaving like that, so it is hard to comprehend. I especially find it hard to comprehend as you sound so nice and normal and above all intelligent!! My sister went to Cambridge and I became a vet and I know how immensely proud our parents are of us, and therefore I suppose assume that all parents would be in the same situation. We used to get 'walloped' as children, my mum would tell my dad if we had been naughty and out would come the flip flop when he got home. However I think that was just the way he did things, and I don't think it did us any harm. I certainly would never calculatingly slap/hit my child with a foreign object - but I have slapped M a few times if she has been really awful and I have lost it. Last wk she was having the hugest tantrum at a friends house and she kicked me quite hard in the tummy and I slapped her - the shock worked! However what your parents did is inexcusable, and in public too! But then I cannot imagine cutting off contact with my parents, even though
I haven't seen my mum for nearly 2 yrs it's only because of logistics (her in america, elderly step dad who needs 24/7 care) not for any other reason, and my dad is a doting grandpa.
In the summer we are going to see my best friend from uni on the west coast of america and her 2 little girls and I know she has supposedly stopped contact with her parents (they live in NZ so it's not that hard!) but I haven't really asked her about it, as I just find the situation a bit weird, again because I'm of the opinion that family comes 1st and you only live once and surely it's worth trying to salvage the relationship?
So I don't think any of us doubt you - we just find it really hard to relate to what you're going through. xx
In all these situations we can only comment on what we read on here, as few of us have met in real life and know all the other people involved in the situations. I find the forum really supportive and informative, so I would hate anyone to feel differently
about what's written here.
Apologies for any offence I have (inadvertently) caused.