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DISCO Assessment
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Sorry to hear of your situation. I had to change schools with mine because they weren't supporting them enough and the education environment was all wrong.
All I can do is to say my thoughts are with you and I have been through similar.
Take care and you know where we are if you need to keep sounding off.
I'm afraid this thread has become my sounding board but at least then I'm not driving people bananas who aren't interested. They can just steer clear while I can come here and rant away to whoever might be interested. It's a life saver actually.
At times I've become so low I've wondered why I carry on. I feel isolated and alone. I'm a single Mum and so there's no-one to talk to in the evening. I have to sit here and wallow all alone. Coming on here just gives me the chance to let it all out and then there are all you lovely peeps who are going through similar experiences and you come along and let me know that I'm not going mad - I'm not wrong - I AM a good Mum and that feels so much better.
So thank you all.
I don't think this thread will be disappearing any time soon because I need somewhere to vent my frustrations and this is perfect.
Resign from the Governing body and complain. Do it in writing and make sure you receive your replies within the time limits. (28 days or something like that)
I am truly appalled that someone should be teaching with that attitude.
He's got 5 weeks left. Shame to go out on a bad note but if you do nothing some other kid may suffer the same fate. I think you should certainly not be having to withdraw LM from school on days a certain teacher is working. I wonder where you stand with that regarding authorised absence.
In your letter of complaint I think discrimination against disability and failure of inclusion should be loud and clear. I'd be on to the LEA as well. These children face enough prejudice outside school, school should be a place where he is best managed not wound up to a a crisis point. It is disgusting.
I don't promise to know everything as SEN isn't my specialism, but I have a great deputy with loads of SEN experience which I can draw on.
Either way - keep fighting for what's best for mini M.
The teacher in question also has kids in the school and friends in the village. We moved here from London and so are already outsiders. I am worried that if I make it formal I may as well kiss goodbye to any life we have here. It will get worse not better.
I know someone has got to stand up to her but why does it have to be me when I've got nowhere else to turn. All my good friends are at a distance and I already feel isolated. I don't want to make things worse than they are already.
SLAW - you have mail.
Octopus. I will take you up on your offer. Thank you.
Little Mint is more important than a few small minded villagers. Worst case scenario you move. If you don't fight this will continue. It is outrageous to say what she said to a child.
Can't sleep.
At least there's still some small pleasures left in life.
:-)
However, I feel I have to delurk and offer these (((Minty))) (((Little Mint))). You really are going through a tough time and the forums are famous for supporting friends in times like these. If this is your safely valve then use it as much as you need. If anyone else doesn't like that they can feck orf to another thread.
Hoping that you find solutions soon.
xx
I must say, nobody has said anything negative about this thread. Everyone that has posted has been extremely supportive and if there is anyone out there who doesn't feel supportive, I'm grateful to them for not saying so because I feel quite delicate at the moment and this is my little haven for peace of mind.
I think people who prefer to blame parents for bad behaviour are possibly in the majority (it certainly feels that way). I've had countless friends offer well meaning parenting advice which is all very well and good but they're missing the salient point which is that there is a difficulty which needs addressing.
It doesn't seem five minutes since I took Little Mint to be weighed as a premature baby. I was very anxious and felt there was something very wrong. 11 years on, I'm probably more anxious than ever and only very slightly further on in terms of any form of diagnosis being a possibility - and that might come next week.
In the meantime I have to decide what to do about this bitchy teacher. I shall be making various phone calls (again) today but I'm worried that Little Mint will be intimidated at school for his behaviour yesterday afternoon because they won't look beyond him for any explanation as to why he's gone into meltdown again. He only ever does that as a knee jerk reaction to something - I know him better than anyone and feel qualified to say that. The fact that he might get into trouble for it distresses me because it's just going to make him worse.
Sometimes, as adults, we need to reflect on our own behaviour and look inwards for causes. I'm capable of doing that and can recognise when I have caused his bad behaviour (and I've had to learn how to handle him - what works and what doesn't) but, to my mind, the school seem to completely ignore the fact that they might somehow be causing it in this instance.
I know this will be very difficult for you, but I do think you now need to put this on a formal footing. You seem, to me, to have made every effort to reach a compromise and to clear things up on an informal basis.
You simply can't go on giving ground. From what you've writen here it seems to me that this is becoming persecution, both of Minty Jnr and yourself.
Your position as Chair of Governers does make it difficult. However your position does not and cannot exclude you from the same rights as any other parent, namely to make a formal complaint.
In your postion I would go to the LEA and ask for a formal investigation of what has been going on. Put the evidence you have to them, and ask that the Head and the Teacher be required to give an account of their behaviour, with a view to formal disciplinary action.
Of course it won't ever come to that, but it will send a very clear message that there is a limit to what you will put up with, and beyond that you will defend your postion very vigerously.
Don't be deflected by the argument that he's about to "leave anyway". This isn't just about you and Minty Jnr. There might well be another Minty Jnr out there somewhere, and you wouldn't want them to endure the same would you?
I suspect that what will happen is that the LEA will want to sort it out informally and invite you to a compromise meeting. If that happens go with another person as a witness. You will probably have to accept some sort of shared "liability" but you should make it clear that you regard their behaviour as unacceptable and that if you become aware of any further incidents involving other children you will make your experience available to support any future formal complaint.
If you live in a small place you'll be suprised at just how quickly word will get round that you've stood your ground.
Incidently I don't know if you've contacted the NAS, but they provide support and advice services for this very sort of thing.
I went into school this morning and asked the HT whether anyone had told her about yesterday afternoon. She said they had just been discussing it. I said I had been really disturbed by what I had seen and she said 'so are my staff'. I said that if she wanted to talk to Little Mint about it, I'd be grateful if she spoke to me first because I was becoming increasingly concerned about his relationship with this other teacher. She said it's not just the other teacher that he's giving a hard time but all of them. She then said that the other teacher (the one that's ignoring him) is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I told her that I think I am too (- not quite sure how that exchange helps anyone).
She said that in view of the imminent appointment for an assessment for Aspergers, they are going to act as if he is Aspergers and they have decided that today, the TA will work one to one with Little Mint - all day. She said if that improves things she will consider giving him the TA all to himself for the rest of his time at the school.
I feel really bad about that. There are other kids there that need the support of the TA, other than Little Mint. I did offer to take him away again with me but she said she would really like to hang on to him for what little time is left. I do feel they are trying. I am just really concerned as to why it has gone so badly wrong in these last couple of weeks. I'm also conscious that in listening to Little Mint, I'm only hearing one side of the story. I do think he's giving the other teacher a hard time and I do think it's probably him that started it but it's the adults that have to stand firm and let him know that it won't be tolerated.
Hopefully the EWO might be able to come up with something helpful.
I think I will just take him out for holiday on the two days a week that she teaches, so that it's authorised absence. They're going to know why I'm doing it. I don't think it needs saying. I don't want to feel responsible for somebody else's nervous breakdown.
Well maybe I was being a little confronational there. However it still begs the question as to what the hell they've been playing at to allow it to rach the stage it has.
If the head is the SENCO then she needs a refresher course. About the worst possible thing you can do with an Autistic is ignore them. They have very invenitive methods of getting attention. Mrs FR screams. Not at me you understand, but if she's giving a lecture or tutorial and thinks that they're not paying attention she'll suddenly shriek at the top of her voice. That gets their attention :0)
But back to Minty Jnr - seems to me that the heads batting for a draw here, she knows that if Minty Jnr does have aspergers then they've let him down big style.
As to keeping him out of school when the ignoring teacher is supposed to have him. well thats fair enough, but he needs to understand that it isn't a reward for bad behaviour. Ask the teacher to set him some work (actually scrub that - insist that she does) and make sure he does it. No TV no playing outside. He's supposed to be at school. I'd actually make him work a bit longer as well - so he understands at 4.00 when he should have finished at 3.30 that his behaviour hasn't gained him anything at all.
Make sure the teacher marks it too. Otherwise she'll think that she's getting away with bad behaviour as well.
I still think you should let the LEA know in no uncertain terms that you're not happy. There may have been complaints in the past, and may be again in the future. As I said before - you wouldn't want it to happen to someone else.
Can't add much to what's already been said, but pls let little-mint know that you are talking to the school and you don't think that what is happening is OK.
On a barely-related note, I need to rant. My local corner shop has put a 'Mosquito ('ultrasonic' sound thingy) up. It is horrible. It took me a few weeks to work out where the noise is coming from but I can DEFINITELY hear it - it is like fingers on blackboard & having cold water tipped down your back, & it makes me feel like being sick. It was terrifying when I did not know what it was, & closest to a proper meltdown in public for a few years. & they have stuck it up by the door near the bike racks so i can't get into any of the local shops, & can hear it inside the shop too. Have written to the shop to tell them that it is a problem - reply awaited with interest.
When I was pregnant with Little Mint there was some building work going on near us. They knocked down an old factory and built one of those out of town retail units. The building work wasn't a problem during the week because I was up and off to work but on a Saturday I used to get woken at 8.00am. It sounded like someone was hammering on my bedroom wall. Once I realised it was the equipment they use to break the concrete on the ground, I wrote to the Local Authority and complained that it was disturbing my much needed sleep and giving me a headache. They were acting perfectly within the law and I didn't expect anyone to act favourably. However, I got a letter back from the LA sending the apologies of the contractors and an assurance that they wouldn't do any more noisy work early on a Saturday morning. I was shocked but delighted. If you don't get any joy from the shop, write to the Local Authority. Most people do want to be reasonable and not cause anyone discomfort.
I've just returned from taking Little Mint swimming. The teacher (that one) also goes with her daughter. I was dreading seeing her and feeling somehow responsible for the this nervous breakdown she's about to have.
She was fine! She spoke as normal and was as cheerful as anything! I said I had been worried that Little Mint was getting too much and she said 'don't be silly, it's my job'. She was really, really, really nice.
I'm wondering whether I'm being caught up in some sort of political infighting amongst the staff here. It's not just Little Mint misbehaving. Some of the kids have done something outside of school and the police have been involved (thank you God that Little Mint wasn't caught up in that)! They all seem to have gone stir crazy which is going to wind Little Mint up too (although he still maintains that teacher is nasty to him). She says that she's being firm with him because she's my friend and she knows I wouldn't want to see him falling into the same trouble as the rest of them (she's right there).
However, she had listened to what I'd said. She said when she took over the class yesterday his behaviour was already out of control and she felt that it was at the point of no return and decided to take my advice and do nothing. (I had said that about him reading books upside down).
I think I believe her. There's no way she looks like someone on the verge of a nervous breakdown! What the hell is the head teacher up to?
Anyway, Little Mint seems to have had a better day (with his personal TA). He's singing away to himself and so obviously feeling happier.
I think I'm still going to keep him away for a few days - when I can. Something is going on in that school that's not doing him any good. Every time I speak to someone different, I get a different story. At the end of the day I'm only concerned about Little Mint. I really couldn't care less about the rest of them - they need to look out for themselves.
4 weeks (or is it 5 dammit?) and counting.
As CofG, I'm quite concerned at how the behaviour seems to be out of control. 4 pupils have been on fixed term exclusions this term alone!
There was some dodgy stuff going on in Little Mint's London primary school (also a church school) but I'll give them their due, they were swift to act to nip bad behaviour in the bud. The kids kept them on their toes but it always got dealt with swiftly. I didn't have any trouble with Little Mint there. At parent's evening, I always thought they thought I was someone else when they described this well behaved, well mannered child who was a complete nightmare at home. Why has it all gone so wrong now?
If the HT has an agenda against the other teacher you really don't need to get involved in it.
What really counts is the future. The past is done.
The Vice Chair forwarded my emails to the head teacher and when I got there for my meeting, he was there. They had had a meeting and decided that they didn't feel I could separate my issues as a parent with my issues as CofG. I said that I felt I could (not that it was easy) and that I was merely looking for some guidance as to how to handle the tittle tattle, i.e. what I should ignore and what I shouldn't. However, because the HT had sight of the emails obviously any trust had been destroyed - as had any trust I had in the Vice Chair and so I stood down there and then.
They took issue with every point I had made and I argued vehemently on behalf of the unhappy parents. The point is, none of them have got the guts to complain and so it's 'one voice singing in the darkness' and until people will stand up and be counted, nothing will get sorted out.
They said that I take issue with everything they do with Little Mint and complain at every turn. I said that I have never complained and have merely tried to open up a diaglogue in an attempt to make everyone's life easier.
Anyway, he'll be out of there in a couple of weeks and it won't be my problem any more. Woo hoo!
At least when the governors are called to account for the shortcomings, it won't be my problem.
Welcome to the battle against the establishment. The never ending terrorist campaign against the old school tie.
<Hands Mint several of Mrs FR's old wine bottles and a can of petrol.>
It's their loss (or not as the case may be) but I think it will return and bite them on the bum.
Oh, how I will laugh when it does.
you are handling this with dignity and your love for mini shines through
here's to a successful next term at 'big school' for you both
xxx
It is us against the establishment a lot of the time. They'd really rather we took our difficult relations and put them away somewhere, so they're little world would run nicely withoutm them having to think too hard.
And often Dignity is all you can do. I don't know about little Mint, but Mrs FR doesn't "get" anger - it scares her - she thinks its her fault. So being bitter and angry isn't an option.
You have to leave the vengance to someone else.
You knew they'd defend themselves to the hilt and close ranks!!
Walk away 4 weeks to go! Be thankful for that!
I'm just glad a took a beta blocker before the meeting otherwise I would have been pathetic. Yet again, my gut instinct told me there was something amiss (I sometimes think I'm psychic). I'm certainly not sorry to be out of it.
I certainly will maintain my dignity but I now have an inkling of how she is playing this and she's going to make me out to be unhinged. She's going to say (with the backing of VC) that I had issues because of Little Mint's problems and I've made the rest of it up. I'm also concerned that she may turn on the teacher that Little Mint was having trouble with and tell her that she's to blame for everything - I wouldn't put it past her.
It's all a big cover up of her inadequacies. She has lied to everyone. I think she has lied to the VC and I know she lied to the teacher that Little Mint was having trouble with (fanning the flames maybe?). She certainly told her that I had made complaints that I hadn't made and then she was lying to me by saying the teacher was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Nothing would suit her better than for everything to crumble around her and her come out of it the hero.
I am going to carefully consider my next steps. I think I will still make the LA aware of the issues. I will also let Governornet know what has happened. I need to decide whether or not I'm going to write to the governing body - or let them be told that I couldn't cope and had to stand down. Perhaps there's a hint of truth there. I wasn't coping (witness my posts on here) but I don't think it's true that I couldn't separate the two issues and I know that there are still some unhappy parents out there - not to mention a couple of unhappy governors.
Isn't it strange that Little Mint's unhappiness came at around the same time that I was appointed CofG. I don't think that's any coincidence at all.
I have only scan read but I know we have spoken before about this, I had to pay to have a private assessment done on my son, this really helped me understand his world.
As far as getting a clear diagnosis! my uncle who had Aspergers was never diagnosed until he was in his 30s it was only when I worked at an special unit that I knew that was my uncle! something about the body lang and the classic taking things very literally!
I think your son has had an infringemnet of his rights and this is how you must scream, that the school has not provided him with the education they are meant to. My son was sent outside for 2 hours or more to wander around outside the class rooms with his nose pushed up against the doors pulling faces,it was only when he started jumping on the table to get someones attention and couldn't he saw the fire bell saying push in an emergency that he did just that!the school wanted to charge me for having the alarm reset! my son is not stupid and I did not fancy the school telling me other wise and the fact that 3 TAs had it pushed upon them that they were meant to be watching my son when the headmaster was meant to be (this was the day I dragged him nearly by the throat and called him a fecking liar!)
The one key fact you must convey to these teachers who are not supporting mini mint, is they are discriminating against him, would they tell a deaf child off for not hearing the fire alarm or the dinner bell?