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Thursday was a fairly roller-coaster day.
I arrived at hospital fo an appointment with first oncolcologist only to find that I'd got the day wrong (my brain was only functioning at 20% capacity at this stage). However all was not wasted, because I did have an appointment with the radio-therapy department to fit me up with a mask.
Then a Macmillan nurse arrived. She was brilliant. We went through the various stages in detail. I cannot praise her enough.
Then off to the second opinion doctor. He had all my notes already on his desk. Doctors speak in a strange and precise langauge, which laymen can easily misinterpret. He paid a huge amount of attention to my running and triathlon career. I'm going to lay out in bullet point form my understanding of what he said:
This suits me fine and I'm a much happier boy....................hence my lying awake at 6am planning the rest of my life.
As most of the readers of this forum are runners, I must emphasize how the second doctor went on an on about the importance of positive mental attitude on cancer patient's recovery.
So, if the group coach is reading this, I may shoot for that sub-3.15 marathon yet!!
Well stop typing and get out training then you lazy sod.
Not usre where you are, but it's even sunny in Manchester as the dawn breaks, so there really are no excuses.
Good news, and I'm glad you didn't take my advice to just max out the credit cards
A great summary DJ - you must be a doc's dream patient because you seem very good at coming back and remembering the points they have made. Lots of people would pin onto 1 or two (worst case scenarios) and not see the whole picture
Really pleased to hear this from you
Now let's hear your plans for the rest of your life....
Much better news Douglas.
I've been following your thread from the beginning but rarely post, usually much more articulate people have said it before and much better than I could.
Now about that sub 3;15...
that mask will become your best mate for the duration and for a while after - mine got christened Bob (don't ask!) and I kept him for a couple of years until I decided I needed to put that phase behind me and move on so he was consigned to the skip. he had to go anyway as he kept falling off the tailor's dummy he was sat on (holding my best race medals) and creating a bloody racket!!
a cracking positive mental attitude from you Colin - that will work wonders during your radiotherapy but you have already shown this trait anyway, and fitness definitley helps to cope with the r/t.
I'll be cheering you for that 3:15 marathon for certain!
Hi Doug,
What a day yesterday was for you! the good news is that you've gone from the dire, "you've got a few weeks" to what could be years.
Your strong mental attitude is amazing and has shone throughout your treatment. Long may it continue but remember to give yourself and your body a rest before getting set for a marathon. You have been through A LOT!! spoil yourself rotten and indulge yourself!!
With love, Dr Marge!! xxxxx
Colin = Douglas
brain wasn't awake!
I also have been lurking on this post and only posted once previously. Having been through breast cancer, chemo and radiotherapy, and then have mine re occur and went down the route of just having them chopped off (obviously not an option for you
) I thought my attitude was positive but your attitude is fantastic and it will be this that gets you through and out the otherside.
I just want to wish you luck with your treatment and will see you on the start line of FLM, although all I am likely to see of you is the back of you as you fly along.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Douglas the support you get from this RW forum and all your friends is simply amazing and well deserved. We all know you can push the boundaries and with a PMA anything is possible - and that was backed up by yesterday's second opinion. It's good you are now linked into the Macmillan Nurses - as mentioned in an earlier post they are a real positive help and certainly are not a signal of the end of the road. So get on with radiotherapy and then start planning your next goals!
Gina x
Dougy,Hennie has kept me updated and I have just read through your forum. It must have been a dreadful shock and I would like to say your upbeat positivity should be admired.... your positive outlook will Im sure see you back on your feet and running again very soon! I look forward to seeing you soon and hearing more about this sub 3.15 marathon your planning! Good luck with this bout of radiotherapy.
Sam, xxxxx
Glad you got some decent answers Douglas
Douglas,
I've just been reading all these great messages and all your reports - what I can I say? - you are always an inspiration as a runner and now dealing with this. If I can run a marathon with my 3 left feet and your encouragement I'm sure you can go on suprising us for a long while yet.
Sorry if my words are not as finely chosen as the northerner above!
Best wishes,
Alex
Hi there,
Since my last post I've been speaking to a doctor friend of mine. She says that I'm slightly misinterpreting what the doctors are saying. For example there is a difference between treatment and cure.
I'm probably halfway between my two last posts.
A wise friend of mine has suggested that I realign my goals to learn to live with cancer rather than the all or nothing attitude that I have adopted so far.
I must also work at PMA. I'm not there yet (I'm still in slight shock), but I will be.
Douglas...... who wouldn't still be in slight shock? Even with the PMA that you have shown so far, time needs to pass to digest it all.
I am totally in awe of the way you have dealt with all of this, roller coaster ride doesn't even come into the equation!
Douglas - don't know if this will sound right but there isn't a lot of difference between treatment and cure really, something is going to get you in the end whether it's a bus or the big 'C', I don't think it makes any difference to all the things you said yesterday. Keep on keeping on! It looks to me as though you're doing a real good job of dealing with this.
<<relurks>>
Hi Mrs Pig
I must say that your words arent negative. I read them with Douglas as he his staying at my flat and its correct to be realistic (which we are). PMA helps get you through the situation, but indeed it wont cure the problem.
All the messages on runnersworld are a source of great comfort and cheer for Doug and its amazing to have this network of "friends" who are offering kindness and support. I am speechless for all the kindness that is shown on an everyday basis.
So to all of you who have replied to this thread or indeed you curious lurkers out there - thank you so much.
xxx
I've been a little concerned about all the PMA talk, too. It does make a big difference, but surely mainly to how you live your life? I worry about all the people who don't do well - and feel a failure because of it. With C, luck may have the biggest influence on the ultimate outcome - but of course, its the getting there that matters . . . .
With diabetes, s**t sometimes happens. And it will be written on my death certificate, one day. Hasn't (thirty two years and counting) happened yet.
Anyway. Umm can't think what else to say, except, of course, best wishes.
wise words Mrs Pig, I was thinking similar thoughts but you articulated it very well.
As cancer nurse I see people feeling guilty about all sorts of things, and often the feeling that they ought to be exhibiting fighting spirit and PMA, at this horrendously stressful, worrying and depressing time simply adds to the guilt. Everyone copes differently and we are in no position to dictate to anyone with a cancer diagnosis how they "should" feel. Wanting to just hide under the duvet is as valid a response as any other.........
this is all getting away from the fine individual behind this thread though .......therefore....
GO DOUGLAS GO.!
May your metastases shrink, your lungs stay pink and your legs just keep on running
best wishes, K
I'm confused.
I had dinner with a friend, who's a GP last night. She said that radiotherapy usually works, which is brilliant. However she also said that I must avoid hard exercise (post radiotherapy) as it might bring on a stroke. Ididn't understand that.
I suggested that (post radio therapy) I would turn into a fully functional human being albeit with a time bomb sitting in my brain. She disagreed. I don't understand.
I also learnt a lesson last night. I snapped at an ex-girl friend last night, because she couldn't park my car properly. She was upset. I mustn't do that.
If my GP friend is right about hard exercise, I must re-align my sporting aspirations................climbing and swimming?
Douglas, cleearly there is a very important message that is coming out from your post. One that it is worthwhile us all noting and trying to take from your experiences. Women can't drive. We should jsut accept this and not put them in the embarassing position where they can hurt themselves and others. This is, I believe, why the passenger has a little mirror in the flap, so they can pretend to look behind (consider adding a childs stick on steering wheel to the dash for her), or for the more enlightened little lady she can just concentrate on putting her make up on for the duration of the journey.
Oh, and didn't get all that medical talk at all. If it's anythink like when I speak to any medical people then you ask 2 the same question and get 3 different answers. Same if you read all the diet / vitamins / exercise advice, it's all contradictory. You may have more reason to want a clear 'right answer', but you can probably spend the next 3 years bouncing between docs trying to get a concensus decision on what you should do. Not wishing to be at all critical of your GP friend, but the GP is General Practitioner. Not a Noggin specialist.
Hi D74,
I think that official doctors are terrified of giving an opinion in case they get sued.
My view is that everyone dies at some stage, so, as the teenagers say, "Deal with it".
I'm also a bit if a Peter Pan figure and I want to die healthy!
Last year I was racing round the track.........................I must have been the fastest guy on earth with incipient lung cancer and that pleases me.
When people ask how I am, I reply, "100% fit and well from the eyebrows down (joke)".
More later as phone going.
LOL D74 - it's a good job I like you!
Douglas, I think D&4 is right (about the GP thing), if you trust your specialist then listen to what she/he tells you. If you're not sure what they did say then ring the secretary and ask the questions in words of one syllable to prevent misunderstandings.
lol
It's true, we can't drive
It's probably also true that your emotions are all a little raw
I'm guessing that GP friend is suggesting radiotherapy weakens the vascular system in some way - I do agree with D74 on this - she won't be the expert -ask the radiotherapist -tell her/him what you have been told and you're more likely to get an up to date, accurate answer.
Re the PMA bit from earlier. You do have a fabulous PMA -it has really been noticed and focused on - just don't feel responsible for fulfilling our expectations.
I am not a fully functioning human being Douglas but I'm a pretty fulfulled one none theless. I have expectations/goals aligned to circumstances - makes me much happier.
D74
ok, ok, I cant park, I will admit this
Mrs pig, I totall agree with what you say
Our reactions to illness are personal
there isnt a "right" and a "wrong" way, and it is just as ok not to fight
obviously I agree with Kate as well