Disabled and desperate



  • Brilliant Patootie, that was quick!

    Just tell them we like you - that ought to sway them image

    Enjoy your early night

  • Hi Toots

     everything ok ??

  • Good for you, Toots, first for getting out to do something; second for being sensible enough to realise when you were getting tired, and to get some energy drink---the last month has been pretty rough for you, and third for getting your interview lined up so quickly. Next Wednesday----that's really great!!!!

    And of course they'll like you! I mean, their whole purpose is to support people in your situation, and it must be a real pleasure to them to meet someone who is clearsighted enough to have made this kind of decision and is so positive about it.

    We'll all send lots of encouraging and supportive vibes, for sure.

    Do they tell you then and there about the outcome of the interview, or do you have to wait?

  • Some early night .. image .. very tired .. but curiously not at all sleepy image .. so I just spent the last 4 hours catching up with the TV I'd recorded over the last couple of weeks .. image

    Is anyone else fascinated by the Ice Road Truckers (shown on Channel 5 various times and days) .. ye Gods it terrifies me just watching them haul those enormously heavy loads over the teensy weeny 3 feet thick ice roads .. you can hear the ice groaning and cracking ..  STREUTH ... image .. but I have to watch each week .. it's compulsive viewing .. image

    I do hope the interview goes well .. got to be nice and tidy .. nice clean kitchen and bathroom .. yet still appear 'needy' if you see what I mean .. image .. I'll be sure to tell her that the Runners World Forum folks like me .. and ummm thank you for that image it's nice to have your support .. image .. and I think I will have to wait for the outcome of the interview .. image

  • Sometimes you can be so tired you can't sleep, but it's great that you didn't get frustated with it, Toots. They do so that a nice rest often does you nearly as much good (and certainly more good than getting upset cos you can't sleep) so enjoying the recorded telly sounds like a perfect solution.

    I don't get Channel 5, so don't have this prog, but I know the kind of thing--there IS a terrible fascination with the people who cope with these fantastic situations, isn't there? The teenage male Chuglets adore some of the survival stuff, with the experts who are dropped into the jungle or the arctic or something and know how to survive.

    I see what you mean about the interview---it is a fine balance! You want to appear mature, responsible, civilised, trustworthy, but also like someone who NEEDS that house. I think if you're just yourself you'll be a star!!!
  • Gentle Chugger wrote (see)
     The teenage male Chuglets adore some of the survival stuff, with the experts who are dropped into the jungle or the arctic or something and know how to survive.

     I read all of Bear Grylls books before he started doing his TV Born Survivor and  Man v Wild TV programmes .. all very good .. but I was rather cross to find out he had 'cheated' on some of the more dangerous 'stunts' they were carefully set up by the film crew .. and when he was supposed to be roughing it without adequate food or water he was in fact staying at a very comfy nearby hotel .. naughty little Bear .. leading his viewers on like that ..


    But it still makes good viewing .. and his escapades while in the SAS and the stories he writes about in his books pretty much make up for his 'cheats' on the TV shows .. image

    I came across him several years ago when I was reading about high altitude mountaineering (one of my rather 'odd' passions seeing as I am never likely to climb more than a gentle slope nowadays) .. I devour all the high altitude books I can get my hands on .. simply wonderful, utterly scary, feats of daring do .. very, very brave people .. image

  • Hope you enjoyed your weekend Patootie. Bit chilly this morning eh?
  • It's way, way too cold this morning .. image

     I knew it was going to be bad .. because yesterday I just started feeling worse and worse .. so looked at the electronic barometer .. temperature outside was falling fast .. fibro is very 'weather related' so when the weather takes a turn for the worse so do I .. image  It's still -4 outside .. lowest through the night was -6 brrrrrrrr ...  my hands are all swollen and paining me ... so only a short stint right now on the 'Net for essentials .. then I'll go and catch up on the recorded TV I did over the weekend .. typical TV theses days .. nothing much for days .. then several nice programmes all at once ..

    And why .. WHY for goodness sakes are the BBC flippin' repeating everything .. you watch a weekly show one night .. then it's flippin' well on again 2-3 days later .. for those of us who get confuddled easily it's like having Groundhog Day .. over and over image .. and I can never remember if I've seen that particular episode until I watch it .. DOH!!

     Ohh well .. stay in and keep warm for a few more hours .. take care if you are going out running .. those paths are going to be pretty slippy .. image


    By the way ... loooooooook ... 'our' little thread has run into 11 pages .. image .. thank you to everyone who posts image .. you have no idea how much it means to me .. really keeps me buoyed up and full of positive thinking .. thank you ... !!

  • I have Sky - hundreds of channels and nothing to watch. image  Most channels are on an 8 hour cycle so you get the same episode of something twice in one day!

    Wrap up warm Patootie. Hope your symptoms ease off soon.

  • Yes, cold here too, Toots, but must be really unpleasant to have it painful as well as cold. Hope at least the sunlight during the day will help ease the symptoms.

    Bear Grylls is indeed the current idol. Chuglet 2 has several of his books and watches his programmes religiously. Even if some of it is 'staged', it's still pretty impressive (to him at least!).

    As to repeats....I'm with Screamapillar. We have Sky too (largely so the male Chuggs can watch cricket!) but there is an incredible amount of junk, with a few real gems thrown in.

     Did you watch 'The Choir' on BBC on Friday nights? About the young conductor who went to a big boys' school and got the kids to join a choir that finally went to the Albert Hall? Maybe it's because I've been in choirs all my life, but I thought it was just brilliant.

    As to our 'little' thread---we're just getting started, girl! We'll be up to 500 posts before you know it. Your courage and determination lift us all, and  even though the fibro means you can't run now, you're still a runner, you know! Being a runner is in your heart, not your legs.

  • Ooh yes GC I love "The Choir" some of the younger lads are adorable. It did remind me of being in the school choir, although our music teacher didn't take all-comers like Gareth (which is very brave of him), if you couldn't sing he kicked you out!

    I think it is good that he's managed to rope the teachers and hardcore rappers in too. image

    I think this series is better than the last actually, although Northolt High is local to me - some of the kids were ok, especially litte Enoch  but something about thay sly-looking girl with the whiney voice just made my skin crawl, I'm not sure why. image

  • Yes, I thought the music teacher (Gareth, was he?) was very brave. He managed to draw in all sorts, including the macho teachers. And the thing is, it's true----music really does have that effect on people, it gives them confidence and freedom that are wonderful. And somehow he managed to find something musical in everyone, even the most unpromising. Really great.

    Weather forecast says it's going to warm up a lot tomorrow, and I must say I'll be glad. The heating in my office doesn't work, so I spent a lot of the day feeling very cold indeed.

    Toots, I hope the warmer weather will help you too, ease the aching hands and so on, which would probably make the interview easier too.

  • No .. I didn't watch the choir .. but I did watch a few of the last series .. not really my kind of TV to be honest ..

     Turning really cold here tonight again .. I've put an extra fleece on the bed to keep me nice and toasty warm tonight .. I kept waking up last night and feeling icy cold drafts creeping in round the edges of my duvet image

     It's already -3C out there and it's only 10.45pm .. so it's bound to be even colder tonight than last night ..  I think my heating will have to stay on a bit higher than I usually have it .. flippin' cold .. really slows me down .. never mind .. the forecast for next week is a lot of sunny days and temps around 10C image

  • I'm a bit late on this, but I have a load of climbing books from my 'previous life' as a climber.   And now looking back it's a bit scary to see the type of thing I was thinking of doing, and the guide books that I have for some quite serious climbing.

    I maintain that Touching the Void is the best climbing/survivor story.  What will power and self determination Joe Simpson needed to survive.   Having said that through, I believe that every one is capable that more than they think they are.  If you approach a problem/task/challenge in the frame of mind of 'I'll just see if I can do.... <something>' .  Small  steps will unltimatly take you a long way.

    I know that you don't have a problem with this approach patootie, so people who are limited by a perception of where their 'boundaries' are should take inspiration from what you are doing.


  • awww Colin .. those are very generous words image.. and probably not all deserved image.. honestly I have gone through several stages where I have wanted to 'give up' .. 'give in' .. 'stop struggling with adversity' ...image

     But ... when you look around you .. really look at your neighbours, elderly folks, kiddies, everyone from every walk in life ... even super fit Olympic superstars .. they all have their own hurdles to jump over, hills to climb and a myraiad of difficulties to face everyday .. and that's what keeps me going ..  image

    Yes, my medical problems are 'a burden' .. I truly wish I didn't have them (but far better this than some horrible unspeakable fatal disease) and perhaps some folks wouldn't cope with them .. but even if I was fit and well I couldn't cope with being .. umm let me think .. a salesman .. I couldn't stand there and sell things to people who I know don't really want them .. I couldn't 'badger' people everyday and then sleep well that night  (no offence to nice salespeople but sometimes the 'bad' ones do get a bit 'OTT !!) ... I couldn't set schedules for supreme fitness that many athletes have to do .. they put off having families, can't enjoy life in the same ways as others do, have strict eating regimes etc etc ..image there are dozens and dozens of things I could never do however fit or healthy I was ..

    It came to me one night many years ago when I was feeling uber low, forlorn and completely 'lost' in the universal cosmos (think number 42!)  .. I lay and wondered how many other folks were feeling a bit 'blue' that night .. how many other folks were doing jobs they didn't like (or couldn't physically cope with)  .. how many other folks wished they had a different life .. and I thought of all the countries round the world .. all sorts of people .. and to cut a very long (and very weepy) over dramatic night short .. quite truthfully the majority of people would wish for different things .. there are very, very few folks who can honestly say they have everything they've ever wanted .. image

     And that made me feel sooooo strong, because however bad I was feeling that night .. millions of folks were feeling worse .. or had terrible illnesses to cope with .. tragedies in their lives .. it does make you sit and think how 'lucky' you really are .. and to give yourself a 'kick in the pants' and try and get on with things as best you can .. image .. absolutely truthfully life is what you make it .. whatever difficulties you have, others will have more .. however unhappy you may feel, others are feeling far more unhappy .. and for me .. realising that one single thing .. gave me an 'inner peace' .. and a 'calmness' .. I stopped worrying and fretting over things I couldn't change .. and looked at all the good things I could do .. I still 'bobble' up and down with my self esteem .. (but doesn't everyone?!) .. and I still have days where I HATE what life has done to me .. but I usually end up having a good laugh at myself .. 'get over it girl' .. tomorrow is another day image

  • Streuth .. that had me in a bit of a panic .. got a message saying my post was too long .. thank goodness I had copied it to check the spelling elsewhere (this sites spell check doesn't work for me) ...

     Part 2 .. hehehehe image

     Touching the Void  is a tremendous book about supreme self belief and a doggedness not to give up .. I shed quite a few tears reading it too .. how alone he must have felt .. how hopeless it must have seemed .. yet he 'got on with it' .. it's quite a 'personally painful' book to read .. because I knew I'd have probably become hysterical with fear .. done all the wrong things .. just simply laid down and died .. the movie they did was very good I thought .. it did give quite a lot of the 'inner fear and determination' Joe Simpson must have felt .. image

    I have also enjoyed many of the Mount Everest (Chomolungma - Goddess Mother of the World) climbers books .. how anyone even contemplates climbing those mountains is beyond me .. one in eight people who have attempted the summit dies .. the conditions are terrible .. frostbite and almost certainty .. yet .. how utterly wonderful it must feel to stand on top and look down .. I have a big book filled with stunningly beautiful pictures taken from the 'top of the world' .. they just take your breath away with the beauty ..

    Sorry .. gone on a bit .. image

  • You "go on" as much as you like Toots, I like reading your  very thoughtful posts image

    There is an interesting piece of philosophy which I think is quoted by David Brent in "The Office" of all things (!)  that if all the troubles of the world were gathered together most people would take up their own again rather than take from the common pile. I think that is very true.

    I am not a climber but I love the mountains and find them very inspiring. My OH have been  to the Canadian Rockies several times - so beautiful and peaceful. And fragile - the glaciers may all be gone in 50 years.

  • Tootes,

    While I never had any intention of 'having a go' at Everest, too much money, and too crowded.

    I did have plans to go to Peru, even as far a having got flights sorted out (but luckily got my credit card number worng ) to go the year when I had my accident.

    That had far more appeal for me, fewer people around and technically more 'interesting' climbing i.e. harder... oh happy memories - but scary to think of what might have happened if I'd had the accident out there.

    And it is great  to look down into shadowy cloud filled valleys from a snowcapped sunlit mountain top after a hard climb, but you canot enjoy it fully because you know that you still have to get down safely which can be as hard and scary as the climb and take as long or longer.


  • Colin - www.colinwatts.co.uk wrote (see)


    And it is great  to look down into shadowy cloud filled valleys from a snowcapped sunlit mountain top after a hard climb, but you canot enjoy it fully because you know that you still have to get down safely which can be as hard and scary as the climb and take as long or longer.


    Thank you for sharing that .. image .. Isn't it strange how small things can make huge changes in lives .. to think a simply wrong credit card number mistake may have saved your life image .. how bizarre is that .. from all the reading I have done it is the climb down that is often the hardest and most dangerous .. did you know many years ago a reputable tourist firm once made fairly serious plans to use a helicopter to transport people up to the top of Mt Everest .. so they could stand there and have 'tourist' pictures taken .. it wasn't until they were told that helicopters cannot fly so high because of the low air pressures that they stopped planning .. heheehehehh ..

    Sigh .. if only it were so simple .. I would gladly pay every penny I have to do something so fantastic .. hahahh next thing some 'bright spark' will plan an extreme balloon flight to make landfall on the top of Mt Everest .. and speaking of balloons .. it's so very sad .. they have declared Steve Fossett dead .. they haven't found his remains yet though and it's only 5 months since he disappeared .. but under American laws his wife cannot deal with his affairs until he is declared legally dead ..

    I met him once at Leeds Castle .. a very nice man, sat and talked to me about the logistics of ballooning and showed me the maps they use showing where landowners have denied them landing rights (other than in extreme emergencies) .. a very likeable, very enthusiastic, full of life man .. tragic he should have been lost in a plane crash ..  image

  • Wow, that must have been an interesting conversation Patootie.

    I've been ballooning, it was fab  image

  • I'd won a competition in one of the Sunday Newspapers .. it was an everything included' 3 day weekend stay at the Jarvis Great Dane hotel in Maidstone (right near the castle) .. a weekends entry into Leeds Castle (and it was a balloon festival weekend) .. a balloon flight (which they wouldn't let me do on account of my disability) .. but instead they organised a drive round Kent in a wonderful veteran Bentley (much better treat and fantastic fun) .. a magnum of champagne (still got it, no one to share with image) .. and part of the ballooning thing was to meet all the pilots and be in on the briefing for both days flights  ..  so I met loads of famous folks .. and was able to sit and ask questions etc .. Steve Fossett said I had asked some very 'intelligent' questions about ballooning so I learned later image I also had to announce the winners of the various Veteran car competitions .. and had my photo in the paper image
  • What a great weekend!

    Such a pity you couldn't do the actual ballooning, it is only that landing that can be a bit dodgy (if it is windy the basket can fall over and get dragged along a bit )  you have to do an onboard drill where you crouch down and hang onto the straps! I suppose they have to cover themselves though. image

    Did you keep the cutting from the paper?

    You can share the champagne virtually on this thread if you like - I'm sure nobody would refuse -  maybe you can "open" it when you get good news about your move-  which you will  I'm sure image 

    Gosh, The Big Day is tomorrow isn't it? Hope all goes well  *crosses fingers*

  • Ooooooh, we have a celebrity here!!! <bows respectfully before the famous Patootie>

    That must have been a blast, being driven round and all. And I love to watch balloons! I've never been up in one, we almost went one year but I was expecting so we decided we'd better give it a miss until after the baby and we've never got around to it since!

    And you don't 'go on', Patootie. As Screamer said, your posts are thought provoking and interesting. It really does make you count your blessings when you see what so many other people have to cope with. 

    I've never been properly mountain climbing, nor ever wanted to, but the hill walking I've done in Scotland certainly was enough to give me a wonderful taste of that 'top of the mountain' feeling!

    Am I right in thinking the interview is tomorrow??

  • Yes, you have support and encouragement from everyone here in your interview (if it is tomorrow)

    Try not to appear too self-motivated and independant, although I'm sure you know about that.image


  • Thanks everyone ... image

     Yes the interview should be tomorrow .. but if it's anything like it was this morning it might be too foggy for them to come out image.. and yes .. it's getting the balance between needing the help and the safety of sheltered housing .. and being independent enough (but not too much) to 'only' need sheltered housing (and not more care etc) just right ..

     It should all kick off at 10.30 ... so watch this space tomorrow .. and keep your fingers and toesies firmly  crossed image 

    I've got my alarm set ready .. get up .. flick a duster .. move a few things around .. sit and wait .. image

  • Patootie, we will be crossing fingers, toes, eyes, legs, EVERYTHING for you! But I'm sure it will go well. You have a very positive reason for wanting to move---not to retreat from life, but to move more into the mainstream!---and that's bound to come across.

    Please let us know how it goes, we will be waiting eagerly! xxxx

  • Great posts Patootie - very thought provoking. I really enjoyed Touching the Void too - amazing story. Mr B has done some rock climbing and mountain climbing in the past and loves reading books about explorers and mountaineers.

    Fingers crossed for tomorrow, good luck image

  • Sigh .. can't sleep .. went to bed 1am .. woke up 3 am .. tossed and turned until 5am .. gave up .. got up .. image
  • Good luck


  • Will be thinking of you at 10.30 image

    Agree with GC - you're not dependent or helpless, you just need to be in an environment  that's less isolated, with more easy available support and most importantly much more lively. I'm sure it would do you the power of good.

    Let us know how it goes!

Sign In or Register to comment.