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Steady is seriously ill
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(((Jim and Linda)))
Indeed, June has said it all. Especially the fragility. One moment you seem to be coping fine, and the next minute it all falls apart. And with Linda still working as well, she will be very tired. Work can help keep some traction on life, but it also takes a lot of energy to try to be 'normal' when life is anything but. Thinking of you and your family very much.
June, it sounds like whatever you've got is very unpleasant. And treacherous, if it keeps going up and down like that; that alone would be enough to depress me. It's really nasty to feel you're getting better, and then have it kick back again. Hopefully by now you have turned the corner and are on the way back, but do listen to the wise words of Sluggie (even if she did imply I'm not normal----humph!!!). And as Jim said, if nothing else the cats will be thrilled with all the extra attention.
It's a busy time. We're waiting for C3's A level results---a week on Thursday. Fingers crossed! Meanwhile I am busy starting to close things down at work. Can't remember if I told you, but over the hols Mr C and I decided to take advantage of a reorganisation at my work to retire early, let the house here and move to France next summer for 5 years. Very exciting! But a lot to plan, organise and do in the next 10 months, so we are trying to get ourselves organised. It's so lovely to have so much to look forward to, though, instead of facing yet another horrible reorganisation! Anyway must go make dinner, the Chuglets are starting to rumble...
Morning June,
I'm at my w*rkplace (with access to a PC). After phone calls to my ISP & the router company twud seem the filters at home are beyond their best & need replacing
. That will be by the end of the week, all being well.
"Thank You" to Slugsta & Chugger for your thoughts.
Chugger - People can find out whether they have a place at their chosen Uni some time after midnight on Wednesday, does C3 know that? Apparently you get the message but don't find out your grades. My man won't have access to the internet though. Last year he was very nervous about getting his A2 results & delayed going to school for several hours.
The future sounds very exciting for you
. Will the retirement be in 10 months, not sooner?
I MUST go & do some w*rk
, love to all.
Jim - I'll pass this message on to Chuggy, just in case she doesn't look in today. Thank you.
Sluggie and Jim, thank you both for that useful info and for passing it on! I'll let C3 know, though I think he may be like your lad, Jim, and want to approach the news when he's ready and only then.
In answer to your question, our retirement will come in stages. My duty to go to the office will end sometime this autumn. Exactly when is still under discussion: legally I could walk as of 1 September, but since it never crossed anyone's mind that I might really do it, and there is yet another mega-reorganisation going on (one of the reasons I'm leaving---I've seen enough mud-wrestling with the previous 3 to last me a lifetime!) it's not even clear who is going to take over this practice. I think it's professionally irresponsible to just walk out, so I've offered to stay until 1 December if they want me to, as I think they will. But I would like to be free of obligations by then so I could really enjoy the festive season. (Here in the flatlands we have 3 huge celebrations in December: Sinterklaas (5 December), Christmas and New Year, so it's busy!) Then I stay on the payroll for another six months, taking us to next summer.
This fits our plans well too. If as we hope C3 goes off to uni it will be a big step; although he was born in England, he's spent most of his life here and he will feel less at home there than his brother and sister do, so I think it's important home is here just as always for him to return to when he wants during his first year. We also have to do quite a lot of redecorating in order to get this house ready to let, and of course after 13 years with a family of 5 there is a LOT of clearing out to do! That will take us all of six months, I reckon. We are going to keep a 3 bedroom flat nearby as a pied a terre where all or any of us can come (Mr C and I will be here at least quarterly to stay in touch here and look after personal things) and where we can put the furniture for this house. So there's a lot to do in the meantime.
Oh, and somewhere in here I have to get to where I can read mediaeval Latin.
I do think of you and Linda often. I think in some ways the grief gets worse as time goes on. At first there are a lot of things to do and to organise; but after a while there is nothing left to do, life returns to 'normal' and you are confronted with a hideously abnormal world in which every second you seem to stumble across a memory or an association that makes the loss absolutely new all over again. I read somewhere that the grieving process involves confronting the loss over and over, in each new setting where the loved person should be and isn't; but you never encounter the loss exactly the same way twice, so over time it gets easier as you have worked the loss into more and more parts of your life. That seemed to be true for me; certainly I found the period between 3 and 9 months after a loss to be the hardest, because everyone else thinks it's more or less in the past, and for you it's so sharply and painfully present in every detail of lie.
Anyway, I hope things are going as well as they can for you all and that the family and the summer are giving you nice things to do and to think about too.
((((((((((((((((((((Jim, Linda and family)))))))))))
June, where are you? Have you managed to get rid of the lurgy entirely? By this time I hope you are hale and hearty and enjoying the fruits of your garden!
Morning June,
GREAT NEWS
, we now have internet access at home!
The filters arrived yesterday from the ISP. Unfortunately they didn't give us immediate access. Another call to Belkin for the router & after carrying out some tasks I was told I need to download a file from their web page for a firmware update. 'A' Level man took command last night when I went to bed & when I looked this morning wewere online before I set off for w*rk.
Slugsta - Thanks.
Chugger - I haven't heard of Sinterklaas, but I'll try Google for more info. Anyway, finishing at the end of November sounds fabulous
. I understand your concern to have 'home' for C3. I can only imagine that redecorating is something you want to do cos it's a major job for the whole house. Six months should do it though 
.
Can you explain the comment about mediaeval Latin please?
I thank you for your comments about grief. It's an unchartered journey for both of us. We have photos of Anne around the house & particularly on the fridge (got to have something for those magnets to hold in place
). Perhaps it's no surprise to say Christmas will be a hard time. Everyone came to us for Christmas lunch & obviously this year willbe different. It's the unexpected occasions when you're knocked sideways which we've yet to experience. Anyway, this is June's thread & I'm repeating thoughts & comments from a long time ago.
June, we're starting to make use of a compost bin with peelings & stuff! Are there some major "dos & donts" we should keep to & how do we find out about them?
Woohoo, glad to have you back, Jim!
June - we think of you often. Hope that your absence is simply down to the act that you're busy enjoying life!
I second that, June. We miss you! Hope you've long since seen off the swine flu, and are just busy in the garden and with the new job.
Jim, welcome back to the world! Isn't it curious how isolating it is not to be able to connect? And just a few years ago NONE of us had internet, or even knew what it was!
These are tough days for you all, for sure. And of course any special occasion, like holidays or birthdays or whatever, have moments when you feel the absence very painfully. I actually found that the smaller, more mundane things can be just as painful, but almost worse in a way because it jumps out when you aren't expecting it. Someone says something she woudl enjoy hearing about; or you leaf through the mags that show the autumn clothes and think of going for lunch and window shopping a split second before you remember that you can't; or you see a lovely chrysanthemum in a garden and it kicks because that was her favourite flower. So many things can have associations. But while it'shard to believe in the first weeks, a time does come when those become happy associations again, and you think of her happily. As you know, my experience is that the loving presence is still very active, intelligent, and genuinely real: I don't think physical death extinguishes the person, and that presence is very clear to me, so other people with different beliefs might feel differently. Be true to your own beliefs and experience, and it WILL get easier.
Oooh, Sinterklaas---the feast of St. Nicholas---is THE big winter feast for children here in Holland and Belgium, and takes over the whole place: shops decorate for it, there are special foods and songs (a bit like Christmas carols) and things you do. It is the origin of Santa Clause, only much more real and fun. and impressive. It's awfully hard to explain, but I'll see if I can find you a good site or two.
The mediaeval Latin is just because as soon as I can retire I want to start work on a PhD in legal history, and most of the original stuff I need to look at will be in Latin as it was wrote in the 13th century so I have a biiiiiiiig learning hill to climb before I can even start what I want to do. Yes, I know, don't say it: mad, barmy, totally barking. Oh well, at least I'm harmless.
Thanks for your hint about the UCAS site, too. C3 looked very early this morning and was thrilled to find he had AABB, which is what he really hoped for. We are still waiting to hear if he will get into Exeter, which is where he wants to do, but he's very satisfied with his results.
YAAAYYYY! Well done Jim and Jimson! (Parents get credit here too, you know!) What great news for your lad----what is he going to read? I really liked Manchester when I visited with C1 (even tho she wound up in Sheffield and loved that).
Yes, I really do think Exeter will take him, but the offer was AAA tho they dropped a broad hint that if he didn't get that (and he told them he wouldn't) they would still like him. And of course nothing is sure until you actually get the word. So fingers still crossed here.
Great news on A level results! Really hope C3 gets confirmation from Exeter before too long that he has the place.
Sounds a real challenge for your retirement, Chuggie (the PhD, rather than the house clearance) but should keep the 'little grey cells' nicely exercised. I must say, I am tempted to see what the Open University has to offer whan I retire.
I think June must just be very busy, as there have been a couple of status updates on Facebook, so she is obviously up and about.
I am up and about Diana. But I seem to be tired all the time and I think the post flu blues you have warned me about has kicked in. I suddenly missed Eddy a great deal mid last week as some things at work made me feel that I was being "ganged up" on. (All has been cleared up now so that's OK). But I really missed having him to talk to and hug, and the fact he knew the job from the inside, so would understand...
I feel a bit sorry for myself to tell the truth and feel I shouldn't inflict it on anyone else, so I haven't been in touch with people (many of whom are themselves busy and stressed ). That starts a vicious circle of just work, come home, potter, watch TV and go to bed. Apart from people at work (who are still relative strangers) and lunch with M-iL last Sunday I realised yesterday that I haven't physically seen anyone for 2 weeks. And it won't do .... I also feel I have neglected everyone on here and you have all been so supportive over the last 20 months. So I must snap out of it. At least I have my hols to look forward to on Thursday, although I can't seem to summon up masses of enthusiasm even for that at present. I think its called going through the motions. And I am afraid of going back to the really dark time I had last year before I had counselling.
I am going to use my time on the Danube to take stock. At least there will be beautiful music!
Morning June,
It's lovely to hear from you
. Sorry you haven't felt so good though 
. I'll send you some virtual hugs & even though they're of no physical comfort I hope they help you to remember there's warmth on here for you. I don't imagine you've had much chance to enjoy the garden just lately. The weather is vile at the moment (although I guess it's doing some good for some greenery somewhere 
). I managed to cut some of the grass yesterday, although it was a bit wet. Today is out of the question. Tomorrow is supposed to be the best day of the week & also GCSE results day. My guy is moving on to a joinery course at college & doesn't depend on good grades to start the course. That's a relief after the tension of last week.
Yesterday I removed a door for repainting & when I put it back in place it wouldn't shut. It's not too much paint but the hinges are not positioned quite right. Now I need to see if I can get it 'just so'. I must admit to a trembling that maybe I'll make it even worse before I get it right.
Do tell us more about the Danube. How soon is it?
Chugger - any news from Exeter (sitting here with fingers crossed).
June, so sorry to hear that you've been finding it so hard recently. You have every right to feel a bit sorry for yourself from time to time, and to tell us about it, so don't stay away. Do hope that your Danube trip refreshes and restores you.
Thinking of you.
Jim, I'm afraid that C3 didn't get into Exeter this year
. I'm sure Chuggy will be along to tell you about plan B. ~~~~Jimson~~~~
((((June))))
Oh, that is a shame, Slugsta. It is just SO competitive these days.
Sluggie that is a shame. Still try and look at it as an opportunity. I am feeling better - I am off on me hols down the blue Danube very soon - concerts at every stop ( mainly Haydn, Mozart, Mendelssohn and some obscure French and German composers). Heathrow overnight then a morning flight to Munich and join the ship at Passau in the early evening.
The cats were easily duped yet again - there are only three to catch now which makes it easier. Thank you all for your hugs and good wishes. I have booked to see a counsellor again when I come back. I think I do need it.We will see.
Jim, my love to Linda. And will talk to all when I get back.
Afternoon June,
it looks as if I've just missed you. Ah well, do have a wonderful time away. Congrats on getting one over on the cats
.
Slugsta - thanks for the info.
Chugger - I'm really disappointed for C3. I hope he's OK about plan B & is getting used to the idea of it.
The GCSEs went alright for my guy - a mix of Bs, Cs & Ds.One friend of his managed 10 A*s which is gobsmacking to me.
Must dash as I've got a not-for-profit taxi call in 5 mins (phew).
Love to all.
Oh dear, it looks like I've just missed June! But maybe she will manage to look in from her holiday? If so, June, so sorry to hear that it's been a rough time. Something like the flu is well known for leaving you tired and low in spirits; and when you get really down of course you're going to miss Eddy. And then, as you've found, it can easily turn into a vicious cycle where you don't feel sociable so you don't see anyone and you go around in your head and feel even less sociable.... But hopefully the cruise, and especially all the wonderful music, will give you the change you need to get out of the cycle. Just be very gentle with yourself, because you deserve it.
Jim, well done with the GCSE's---it's been a successful exam season all round for your lads, hasn't it? I hope that hasn't made it too tough for Linda; those moments when you want to share happy news like an exam success can make your loss very vivid all over again. Thinking of you both.
Thanks so much for all the kind thoughts about C3. Actually it's starting to faintly resemble a demented French farce, things are moving so fast. Very good A level results: spirts up; rejection from Exeter: spirits down. Realised it was the best thing that could have happened: he will benefit immeasurably from a gap year: spirits up again. C3 enthusiastic about a re-think, starts to look at other courses altogether, consider whether to resit to try to get up to 3 A's in preparation for applying for next year etc. Then Exeter gets in touch with an unconditional offer for the same course next year, open until 11 September: whew! With 132,000 kids chasing places through clearing, turning down an unconditional offer is high risk (and Exeter WAS his first choice!) but though he's only got 2 weeks to think he doesn't want to feel trapped into it, so he's spent today looking at possible alternatives. Warwick is the only one he likes, so he and Mr C will go over next week to have a look at it. I think he'll probably say yes to Exeter (I hope he does, I think it would suit him) but he needs to feel it's been a choice, not just faute de mieux. Stay tuned!
Diana, what's your daughter doing now? You said she was gong to do some work experience, has she found what she wanted?
Think it's time to go to bed, I'm yawning all over the keyboard! Sleep tight all, bon voyage, June! xxx
Exciting times in your household, Chuggie - hope that it is all sorted for C3 soon. Exeter in a year's time seems a very good option - I know my daughter got a great deal out of work followed by a fantastic trip before starting university. She is still working at the same secure unit, but they wanted her to help with admin, so she was able to bargain for some things she wanted, like being involved in inter-disciplinary assessment meetings, so that worked well, and hopefully gives her more useful experience to strengthen her application for next year.
Slight excitement today, as daughter #1 thought babe might be putting in an appearance, rather early and on her birthday, but drama over, so we went out for birthday lunch instead. She really doesn't want him to arrive before September, because of school years, so just as well.
Glad you are feeling a bit better, June, and have arranged some more counselling - it really seems very helpful to a lot of people.
Good news for your lad, Jim. What are his plans now?
Sluggie is absolutely right (as usual). We badly need the people who know how to DO things well! So full marks to your lad, Jim. I hope it's a good course, and that he enjoys it. Joinery is one of those things that combines skill with art, and can actually add so much to life for other people. I hope he'll be able to find a job easily. We noticed this summer that it's not nearly so easy for the kids to pick up casual work as it usually is.
Diana, well done your daughter! That additional admin experience is bound to help her in future, not only on her c.v. but as she progresses through her career. It's also a sign of how much she's trusted and appreciated where she is.
And what's this about a baby??? Are you about to become a gran? At YOUR age?!??
)) Do let us know as soon as it's arrived, and how everything goes.
I hope June is enjoying her hols, and that the time away will be refreshing for her. This hasn't been an easy summer for her, but hopefully the autumn will be a fresh new time.
Mr C and C3 have returned from Warwick, which didn't gel at all: very large modern campus, impersonal, not walking distance from anywhere with Coventry the nearest city. So I think C3 is going to accept Exeter, tho he's also going to look at one or two Dutch uni's. I wait with interest....! But I'm quite sure that this year is going to do him the world of good, so it's all working out perfectly.
Jim, can I ask you something? I noticed on your profile that you did a 40 mile ultra last year! <thud> Do you do a lot of that sort of thing??? Amazing!!!!
Chugger - I didn't realise my profile mentioned a 40 mile run! It was to have been the High Peak 40 but I wasn't able to run it unfortunately, due to injury. My only ultra was in May 2007 when I did a solo run rather than a race. I ran the length of the Derwent Valley Heritage Way which is a 55 mile long distance walk in Derbyshire. It was a fund raiser to help pay for rehab in Germany for my cousin's 21 year old daughter who was involved in a car smash in Ireland. She was driving & her fiance was killed when another driver went through red lights. I had run up to 35 miles in training & felt fine. The 55 miler didn't go so well but I completed it. I've wanted to do other ultra runs cos I enjoy the long distance but at the moment my longest run is 4.2 miles!
I've entered Linda & myself for next year's London marathon as part of the year long celebrations for her 50th birthday (sadist
).
It sounds as though C3 will return to Exeter then? Do keep us informed about what he's going to do for the gap year.
Diana - I know you post elsewhere too, but will you try & remember to let us know about the birth? Thanks.
Hi Chugger
Long time no speak - remember me from the "200 miles for 200 minutes" thread 3 years ago?
Anyway, we live in Exeter so if C3 does come here next year be sure to get in touch, it would be great to meet up. Also if you have any general questions about Exeter, feel free to email (or ask on here).
Strangely enough, I'm also down for early retirement (in November).
Best wishes - Dave