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Strictly Come Dancing
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Hi Jars - not heard from you this year - you used to give us a pretty good round-up last series.
Speaking of which....... Top Sec, where are you with your borrowed report? Please?
Will go get it now
Tsk tsk, TopSec! Surely only being on your deathbed should prevent you from keeping us updated!
Plus I also have a Yachtmaster exam this evening which I am supposed to be revising for and not sat on here
But here goes ... enjoy ... some good 'uns again
13th December
5.30pm
And then there were three. Rachel, Lisa and Tom. So, no blokes, then. There should be four at this stage of course, but the withdrawal of Mr S has led to a shortfall of 25%. Mind you, we're lucky to still have three after that midweek scare when Rachel had two thoughts at once and her hair caught fire.
Perhaps it's time, though, to declare my position. I know - I've spent 8 weeks playing my cards close to my chest in order to observe the strict journalistic code of impartiality but now I feel the need to come clean: I like them all. Yep, even Rachel. Now there's a feeling abroad that young Rachel lacks character. You'll find no propagation of that idea here; we don't peddle that kind of nonsense. Besides, every time I write her name it creates a small black hole that sucks the ink out of my pen.
Lisa. Well you have to like Lisa, don't you? She's the one with the 'journey'. Granted it's been more bumper car than rollercoaster but at least she's travelled. Plus, of course, she has this ophidian grace, a body to die for and the endearing habit of hoiking up her boobs whenever she's squeezed into a tight one. It's a winning move.
That leaves us with Tom and it's a funny one this. I have no problem letting on that I liked Austin and Don. I didn't much care for Matt DA but I thought Gethin was great. So why is it, that when I tell you I like Tom, I feel as though I've admitted something? He's a nice enough chap and he's laid that 'smug' thing to rest, it's just, well, he's like a pair of wellies - a few people might like the idea of filling them with custard and playing 'doctors' but, to your average Joe, he's pretty basic and functional.
On with the show, though and Brucie and Tess introduce the protagonists and they can't even form a proper line. It's a timely reminder that we're in the semi-final and I'm so excited that Mrs JfW has to apply a cold compress (well, technically, she slaps me across the face with a wet flannel but the effect is the same). Tonight everyone has to perform an Argentine Tango; the glamorous face of the military dictatorship. It's a toughie and no mistake; who can forget Mark and Karen and the most explosive two minutes of TV since the Teletubbies homicide episode?
Lisa and Brendan, both novices at the AT, are charged with the task of getting proceedings underway and boy do they do it with style! A nice ronde, a great lift, a wild finish and legs, legs, legs! It's a smokin' start and I'm blown away but before we can get to the judges, Brucie punctures the atmosphere by repeating a two-week-old joke to try to get the punchline right. When we finally get back to the judges, the nitpickers drift over the riveting sensuality and alight on some faulty footwork. Craig mentions 'a sticky moment' - yeah, I nearly had one of those too. Now I'm not normally a fan of the wilfully perverse but, after last week's petulant spat, it must be sorely tempting for Craig to pull out a 6 just to watch Brendan trying to dismantle the coffee machine with his teeth. They resist both temptation and reason and two 8s from the weasels are, fortunately, buttressed by a 10 from Len. Never puts a foot wrong, that guy.
Tom and Camilla have committed to a reprise of the Jive and first impressions are that they've made the right choice. It's fast and busy and they bring vim and enthusiasm to it but the dance is like a slowly unwinding clock. Apparently they did a 'Miami Special', it certainly had all the ingredients of a good Jive: the flicks, the kicks, the scalded cat. "It had fun and energy and overall it was brilliant" said Len. He was sort of right but so were the others in their restraint. Craig's benevolent disposition proves his undoing as he whips out another 8 and Arlene follows suit - the same as Lisa's AT? Am I watching the same show? At this stage though, 33 is more than enough to worry about.
The first round finishes with Rachel and Vincent and and Argentine Tango laden with expectation. The lifts were brilliant, the steps were complex and it was indeed a 'technical tour-de-force'. Rachel looks slinky and pert but, again, I can't equate the comments with the marks: "You walked backwards amazingly well" said Craig. Bruno said something about Morph - a little plasticine model? Yep, sounds right. "I didn't mention Lisa's stumble so I'm not going to mention yours" said Len (and I'm momentarily diverted by the thought that I could have done with that kind of leniency when I ran over my driving examiner's foot - talk about a song and dance!). I'm jolted back to reality by the multitude of 10s appearing on screen and, whilst I try to avoid words like 'gobsmacked' in my day to day intercourse I find it, alone, is worthy of a 10 in this instance. This is what it sounds like when doves cry? Come round my house and listen to the sound of a Taff wailing.
They're bottom of the leaderboard, their main rivals have just maxed out and our Brucie chooses this moment to remind Camilla that she's never been further than this. Cheers mate. Back with Tom for their Argentine Tango she produces a perfect, if simple, routine. It's not as complex as the others' but everything they did was faultless. Faultless enough to divide the judiciary - "You went for performance and you got it right" said Bruno, "A triumph of style over substance" said Craig. The truth is somewhere in between but you have to think they weren't looking for a 34 at this stage.
The final act is left to Rachel and Vincent and they round us off with an American Smooth. A glorious pink frock, a glorious opening lift and then a steady decline into the mundane. In an echo of past times, the judges are divided; Len was underwhelmed: "It wasn't a Foxtrot, sorry Vince". Arlene, on the other hand, lost all sense of reason: "Rachel is our Ginger Rogers" she said. Right, comparing her to the angel Alesha is one thing, mentioning her in the same breath as Saint Ginger of Rogers is another thing altogether and I've had enough - do I have the authority to issue a Strictly fatwa? (That's not an invitation to murder, it's just that if you pass Arlene in the street, you get to criticise her dress sense). Whether or not she was overmarked, it's a testament to Rachel's quality that 36 was a little disappointing.
9.00pm
Do you remember the olden days? Those days with the Strictly parties when the results show was live on a Saturday? Well, for one night only, they're back and I'm just not ready. I'm certainly not ready for the showdance; a circus act with a big, muscly chap, a tiny, bendy girl and no recognisable dance steps - I thought he was going to finish by stuffing her in a box and sawing her in half. The pro dance to All That Jazz was miles better but nothing has prepared us for the surprise of the night. The moment of truth is electric and the punchline takes a moment to sink in. Tess's bit about votes being 'carried over' is still hanging in the air when she announces that no-one is going out and they're all back next week for the final we wanted! Yay! They jump up and down, link arms in a circle and fall back on that most British of celebrations, the Morris dance. Just when you thought it couldn't get any better...
That's a report !!
Hi Soup Dragon
I have been watching this year, but it's been a funny few months for me, so I haven't been on the thread much.
Bring back Mark !
Thanks Top Sec - up to the usual standard.
Next week at the finish you will have to reveal where you get it from. I loved the bit about no silly drapery attached to Lisa's arms. I hate that look. Hope you feel better and your exam goes okay - sounds like something very thrilling but pleased you got your priorities right by posting our weekly entertainment. 
Nice to have you back Jars - stay posted for the final won't you? And yeh - Mark could knock them all dead.
TS - Tom
Sorry if that's spoilt it for you.
Jingle Bells - I think we're lusting after mark ramprakash, not foster
right, *the* most important questions still remains - which sweetie will camilla be this saturday. Last time they did the salsa was the bright blue finged frock, what will it be this time?
I'm going with the toffee penny, adn if they get to do the showdance, i think the big purple one may come out to play
Oh crumbs yes - Ramps not Foster!! Although Foster wasn't too bad either.....
I give up on the dress - just too envious that they can fit into them and look great all the time
Ramprakash was the man ! That lovely smile!
It's not Camilla's sweetie dress, it's Tom's sweetie shirt I'm dreading !
Thought Anton made a good point about Brendan on ITT last night. His dancing has been brilliant this year ( as well as Lisa's )
I think I may have to declare for them.
( But I suspect Tom has it in the bag )
I can't decide between Tom and Lisa - as celebs go I prefer Tom but as the pro dancers go I prefer Brendan and he does seem to be a changed man this year (and I'm a sucker.......)
I agree, Podds. Brendan has really risen in my estimation, he seems to have worked hard to bring out the best in his celeb. I'm not a huge Tom fan but he does seem to have more personality than the 2 girls put together, and he always looks as if he's enjoying himself.
I think I'll have to do something radical - like wait to see who I think dances best on the night!
Top Sec - poor you. I think you either have to sack Mr TS for arranging to go out on Saturday night or develop a stomach illness which prevents you going out to eat!
Where about in the frozen north are you going by the way? - I'm heading that way for New Year.
Camilla as a liquorice allsort for the show dance? I still don't know who I want to win but think it will be Tom. I don't think hes ever been in the dance-off so obviously has the most support out of the 3.
Oops! - I didnt read back - Mark and Karen were fab - I think its a real shame has gone out early in the last 2 series - my OH loves her gung ho, happy nature!
Sweeties? Well I think I will go for the coconut eclair - blue - yes I am reading off the jar as I type!
I have definitely(i think) decided to root for Brendan and Lisa - they've had the biggest 'journey'. I cant stand Tom anyway, but I really dont think he has improved much since week 1 - relief more on his cavalier ways to seduce the audience.
I was backing Tom - but I think it might have to be Lisa and Brendan after all (she was one of my early fave trio of Austin Jodie and Lisa
)
still think it *should* have been a Austin vs Tom vs Girly final sniff
I'm in denial - still backing Austin&Erin!
Camilla to come as a Christmas tree: green dress covered in baubles and tinsel with a fairy on her head...
Well I've just had my aperitif - ITT - special extended edition - felt quite sad when Claudia said this is our last show
Pass my the bucket the way Tom got all 'thank YOU!' over Camilla at the end of the interview
Thought Brendan and Lisa's interview the best - definitely backing them tomorrow . Just wondering - hasnt Lisa got a mom and I've never seen her in any of the family/friend VT's?
My perfect result would be
Lisa
Tom (wouldn't mind if he won as I have warmed to him and like Camilla anyway)
Rachel (would like Vincent to win but couldn't care less about her)
Still haven't sorted out how I am going to see it, I may ask my sis in law to record it and go round to their house first thing Sunday morning?
My QS forecast for Camilla will be the pale pink fudgy one for Foxtrot, the dark red nougatty (or whatever) one for Salsa and Toffee Penny for Showdance ...
Enjoyed chatting all things Strictly with you guys, be back on Mon eve or Tues with JFW's report (last one