old friends

a bloke walks into his local and spies an old friend he has not seen for years.

-'alright andy mate, hows it goin?'

-'alright bill, aye not bad mate, good to see ya.'

-'so what's new, you workin?'

-'aye i'm actually a beekeeper'

-'man what a coincidence, so am I!...so what is your set-up like? ive got a dozen hives and about 5000 bees in all'

-'ah i've only got one hive'

-'just one?! fair enough, so how many bees have you got?'

-'a million'

-'a million bees?! it must be some size of hive mate'.

-'naw just normal size'.

-'for a million bees? they must be crushed in like buggery!'

-'fuck 'em.'



  • Don't give up the day job.
  • that has passed me by completely

    non comprende 

  • SlugstaSlugsta ✭✭✭
    Glad it's not just me, beebs!
  • Eh?  image

    Is there a bit missing?  Like a punch line?

  • Is there a sting in this joke somewhereimage
  • Shew

    I thought I was just slow...
  • he's messing with our heads image
  • I don't get it image


  • i read this last night and thought, I must be getting old, because I just don't get it
  • MAYBE the point is to see how many people will admit to not getting something that actually isn't meant to be funny?

    Maybe, we psychologically expect a joke because that is how the conversation appeared.

    Perhaps, all it is is two friends, meeting in a bar.

    And one is slightly bee-ist
  • lol PO
  • Dude- how about another one to rehabilitate yourself?image
  • Scotty4Scotty4 ✭✭✭
    I recall Alan Davies telling this gag on QI to a mixed reaction.
    It helps to see the body language and facial expression image
  • I guess you had to bee there.
  • Obviously I am in the minority but I found it quite funny. 
  • Scotty4Scotty4 ✭✭✭


    After a bit of Googling (it's a slack day in the office) the original punchline is....

    "Yeah, f**k 'em; they're only bees.”

  • aha

    the final line

    "I fecking hate bees, feck 'em"

  • image

    does that make me a geek?

  • I still don't get it. Am I being a fool?
  • sorry folks.

    it is (or not) funnier when you say it out loud. it doesn't work on paper really. 

    humour isn't really my thing. 

  • NinjabreadGirl wrote (see)
    I still don't get it. Am I being a fool?

    The joke comes from the expectation that bee keepers should care about bees, this expectation is built up and we are led to assume that the bee keeper with a million bees in one hive has found some revolutionary method of keeping bees. These expectations and assumptions are then turned on their head with the punch line “Fuck em there only bees” and thus the humour is derived.

    It’s all about delivery.


    I have now successful sucked any humour out of that joke, I feel like a kill joy    

  • Cruelty to bees is no joke.
  • No Mr Guy, thanks, I understand now image
  • some revolutionary method of keeping bees...

    Or an enormous hive.

  • Kryten wrote (see)
    Cruelty to bees is no joke.
    I think that's something we can all agree on!
  • Thank you, Mr Guy, for helping me out on that one. image

  • MuttleyMuttley ✭✭✭
    I still don't get it. Am I thick?
  • A man is walking down the street when he runs into his friend. But there's something different about him: his friend has an orange for a head.

    So the man asks his friend, "Hey man, why do you have an orange for a head?"

    And his friend replies, "Well I was digging through the trash and I found a magic lamp. I rubbed it and a genie popped out and promised me three wishes."

    The man then says, "That's cool, but why do you have an orange for a head?"

    His friend replies, "Well for my first wish I asked to be the richest man in the world, and 'poof!' I had tons upon tons of gold bullion at my feet."

    The man shuffles and asks again, "Okay, but why do you have an orange for a head?"

    His friend smiles and says, "Wait, wait. I'm getting there. For my second wish I wished for the most beautiful woman in the world to be my bride, and 'poof!' there she was, the very likeness of Helen of Troy."

    The man, dumbfounded and quite anxious asks once again, "Okay, but why do you have an orange for a head?!?"

    To which his friend replies, "Well, for my third wish, I wished for an orange for a head."
Sign In or Register to comment.