Relationships and Running

Does anyone else find it hard to achieve a balance? I’m having to miss my training session tonight to go out with the gf. Very annoying as I won’t be able to fully enjoy it knowing I’m missing a scheduled session when I’m fit and well image

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Comments

  • Go out and marry a runner...I did, great choice image (You're allowed Sky sports too!!)
  • Ha, I hope your girlfriend doesn't read this Mr Viper. Is it not possible to squeeze it in tomorrow morning or something?

    Good topic though, running is a bit of an issue in my relationship too. Less because of finding a balance (although perhaps my OH would disagree!) and more because I suspect he feels threatened by it. 

    I think it is important to find a balance, and preferably one that you both accept is fair. No matter how into your running you are you don't want to become a lonely obsessive. But bear in mind that I think it gets easier to balance the longer you're together, especially if you start living together (apologies if you are already practically married off and I'm misinterpreting date night).

    I think you can expect a degree of allowances though. If you're say targeting one big event a year and want to put in a lot of training in the run up it's probably fair for your partner to accept that demand, just as you'd accommodate their big work project or something. 
  • I dont' think I have ever dated anyone who doesn't do the same sports as me

    Either that, or buy him a ball and leave him in the corner for a couple hours

  • Can you not train before you take her out?

  • Stick her on a pushbike and get her to go with you before you go out.
  • I drag Mr Shimms out with me. 

    has kind of backfired though as he has entered me in a summer ultra and I dont do summer ones.  Tooooo hot.

    I do drag him round wet, frozen ones though so I guess I should suffer too.

  • you should have got up early this morning and fitted the session in then..............if you want to train you can........but you have to put in the effort..............how do you think so many married people with kids and other things do it...they get organised.
  • skottyskotty ✭✭✭
    Wobbled wrote (see)

    Ha, I hope your girlfriend doesn't read this Mr Viper. Is it not possible to squeeze it in tomorrow morning or something? . 

    i was assuming she might expect a bit more, some actual dating rather than getting down to business straight away.

     oh, you meant the run?

  • Stevie  GStevie G ✭✭✭✭
    sneak in a session straight after work Mr Viper, then do the going out thing.
  • Mr VMr V ✭✭✭
    I hope she doesn’t read this as well! I could squeeze a run in tomorrow but I’m scheduled for a 17 miler on Saturday and prefer not to do much running the day before. Interesting point about feeling threatened as she does sometimes say it feels like I would rather be running then spending time with her. We both work in the same city (where I live) but she commutes. She will come over to mine after work which makes running and seeing her on the same day difficult (look like I might have to start doing runs before work which I absolutely loathe!). No I guess you are right a lonely obsessive is not really where I want to be. Compromise...... 
  • Mr. Viper - trick her into marrying you by being really nice and supportive and listening and present for about, ooh, 6 months to a year. Once she's got the ring on, please yerself.

    image

    OK, I don't really agree with what I just wrote. You have to get stuff in balance and any woman worth being around is not going to cut your dreams and aspirations dead but at the same time, you have to demonstrate willingness and ability to compromise what you want, in order to please her.

    One of the things I've done in this marathon training programme is to switch evening training to running before work. So instead of hardly being around to see wife and kids 3-4 nights a week, I get up a wee bit earlier, drive to work ahead of the trafic, then run from there. Othertimes I might postpone and evening workout and double up the next day with a morning and an evening session.

    Whatever you do, you have to convince her that she is absolutely the best thing on the planet in your eyes. Make her happy and you will be well rewarded. Nice....

  • My OH doens't run, but I find it helps if you plan your week's running in advance, and let her know it.  Or be consistent in the days that you run. Over time she'll appreciate that on certain days you run, and other days you are there for spending time with her.  My OH knows on a Monday and Saturday I'm not usually running, so will plan things for those days.  If I'm uping the long runs again for a half or mara, I let her know I'll be out for anything up to 3 hours every sunday, so don't expect anything else from me during the day.

    Just don't spend the time with her by talking non stop about running.


  •  I’m having to miss my training session tonight to go out with the gf. Very annoying as I won’t be able to fully enjoy it knowing I’m missing a scheduled session when I’m fit and well image

    Mr Viper wrote (see)
    Interesting point about feeling threatened as she does sometimes say it feels like I would rather be running then spending time with her. 
    Have you ever heard the phrase "hoist by your own petard" Mr V? imageimage
  • and i would really examine yourself.if you really won't enjoy the evening with her because you have missed a run.are you still really selfish or is she not really the right girl for you...............if she was you would be happy to make compromises wouldn't you
  • if u goin out in the evenin, u gotta get up before work. simples.
  • My boyfriend trains 5 days a weeks, works 37 hours... we manage it. (Saying that, when we first started going out he missed a week's worth of training for me- then freaked when I didn't realise that it was such a big deal... oops) Now I've taken up running (20 months into the relationship lol) so we train together sometimes but wouldn't say it gets any easier, he's very much in his own world at training
  • Mr Viper wrote (see)
    Interesting point about feeling threatened as she does sometimes say it feels like I would rather be running then spending time with her.

    Well, looking at this thread could you blame her?  It sounds like you don't live together so you're not seeing each other all the time.  Make a decision whether you want to be in a relationship, and if you do make time for it... and by that I don't mean just fitting her around the schedule!

  • Nick LNick L ✭✭✭

    Sometimes having different interests is important, as it gives you time apart which is crucial.

    If you have too similar interests then there is the expectation that you should always do running/cycling things together.

    Chances are you arent going to be able to get a run in this evening before dinner, however, could you have not got up extra early and run...this was what I used to do and would get up REALLY early and get a good run in.

    edit: I think Nam's comment about her justifiably threatened is right. You cant have your cake and eat it. Sounds as though you dont see her everyday - in which case you know when you will see her so adapt your training accordingly.

    PS i am single and have managed a relationship while still managing 100 mile weeks. Get up at 4 or 5 am and you can get VERY long runs in, have a nap and still have time for a significant other.

  • i'm not fast, am in a relationship and running 120-130mpw training for an endurance event. i make time for family by getting up at silly o clock when necessary, lunchtimes, straight after wk before i get home. Whatever is necessary. You can always make time. My OH also runs 50-60mpw and there are 2 kids living with us 4 days a week. Its always do-able even if its at 4 or 5 am.

  • Mr VMr V ✭✭✭

    Nick – We had initially planned to meet up later on in the evening allowing me to get in a run after work – however she has changed our plans during the day which means I no longer have time. If I had known I would have gone before work. I think that is why I’m slightly annoyed. 

     Nam I do sort of agree and I don’t expect her to simply see me on my terms and only when my schedule allows. However running is important to me and I’ve made this clear from the start. She knows I want to fit in a certain mileage a week but I’m always happy to shift and move my runs to fit in with what she wants to do as well as what I want to.

  • Stevie  GStevie G ✭✭✭✭

    Surely your running is as key to you as her commute is to her. Maybe she values her commute more than time with you, or is that being facetitious!image

    Does she change plans and expect you to fit in often, or just the odd time?

    And what kind of standard runner, and how important is it to you? General fitness, or very experienced runner with definite goal times at all distances?

  • Gym freak very impressive mileage.

    I manage 50-60 miles a week with full time job, wife and kids as has been said sometimes you just have to get out at odd times to fit the running in. My wife is also supportive, i guess she just doesn't want me to get fat and lazy like some of our friends!!

    WR

  • Nick LNick L ✭✭✭

    Ahhh you didnt mention THAT Mr V. Id dump her instead!

    Seriously though, ok so things were changed a little, and you might be a little annoyed - POSSIBLY with reason. However, just let it go....there are much more important things. Just stick some extra miles in over the weekend.

    Gmy freak - what are YOU training for??? (its just I might be as well thats all!)

  • Mr VMr V ✭✭✭
     I’ll try bringing that point up Steve see how it goes down! To be fair she doesn’t often change plans. I would say I’m a rapidly improving but not very experienced runner (2 years) looking to see how fast I can get long term.
  • Wow Gym freak that is head spinning milage image 

    Try and enjoy your evening and get up nice and early image

    I try to train most days have just finished a half marathon and my other half could not understand why on earth I would want to get up at 6am on a Sunday morning to go out for my long runs it took him a while to grasp the fact by the time I had finished my run he would just be waking and we could have breakfast together and then the rest of the day was OURS (Worth sacrificing that morning cuddle I think) He doesn't run either so its hard trying to fit it all in and I have 3 kids ranging from 2 yrs - 18yrs an 8 month old springer spaniel and I work from home too but with a bit of organising it can be done and I relish my runs aaaahhhh peaceimage

  • Tell her there has been another change of plans and tonight's date is now a running date.
  • Stevie  GStevie G ✭✭✭✭
    120-130miles  aweek?image
  • Seems to me there are two separate issues: how much time you spend with her, and the late change of plans!

    She's implying "you should be OK with a change of plans, because it's only your running".  Presumably if you'd told her you had a doctors appointment or a job interview or something, she wouldn't expect to be able to change the plans at short notice. But it's only your running.

    You said it doesn't happen much. If the "expecting you to drop your running" happens again, I think you definitely need to set a clear boundary.  (Or are you happy to run only when she thinks it's OK?)

    Of course you need to budget enough time for a relationship, but I think it's equally vital to make sure she understands she can't do this last minute thing if you've already made plans.

  • MrsK8MrsK8 ✭✭✭

    Were you running before you started dating her, or is it something you've taken up since you've been together?

  • Mr VMr V ✭✭✭
    K8 Yeah I’ve been running since before we met. I’ve said from the beginning that running is important to me and is  major part of my life. She does accept this and is happy to work with me regarding fitting it in but I don’t think as a non runner that she really understands why it is so important. I think unless you are a runner it is quite hard to grasp how important it can become.
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