Are you an expert in family law, and if so, can you help?


I'm wondering if anyone can help with a family crisis. Briefly, my father-in-law has Alzheimer's, and his girlfriend is a nightmare. She is basically fleecing him and attempting to stress him out, alienate him from his loving family and shorten his life. They are not married, in fact SHE is, but to another man who is a millionaire and lives in Spain. Every time she comes to stay with him, she exercises mental cruelty and we've just had a call from his neighbour who has said that all weekend, all she could hear was his gf screaming at him that his family don't love him and are going to put him in a home - neither of which is true.

I could do with some advice on my husband's and sister-in-law's legal rights to slap a restraining order on her - or anything to get her out of his life. They have power of attorney, but only when he is not in a position to make his own decisions. At the moment, we're seeing a frightened, lonely, lovely old man who lives a considerable distance away being bullied and taken in by this woman who is altering his state of mind. My husband and SIL are going to see his consultant on Saturday to talk things through.

If you can help, I'd be really grateful if you could PM me through the site.


  • Thanks, KK image
  • Sossidge, I'm not an expert so I apologise, but I have researched quite a few legal topics (personal interest, necessity etc).

    The link above was very handy when it came to writing something for College.

    I'd also advise getting in contact with your local section of the Citizen's Advice Bureau. They are very helpful and may give you the exact information that you need.

    I could also talk to my father who's been in the Police Force for the last 14 years if you would like me to.

    I wish you and your family well. Hopefully this can be resolved in the best way possible.

  • DS.  Have you spoken to anyone at the Alzheimers Society.  I would have thought they could provide advice or point you in the right direction.  I know there is Protection of Vulnerable Adults legislation which should cover this sort of situation.  You could maybe speak to someone at the Older Person's Team at your father-in-law's local social services.

    Hope you find the right help soon.

  • Nasty situation DS, hope you get it sorted.
  • Have her whacked?
  • I know. I'm brill.

    On a more serious note, this is hugely hurtful to the entire family. A friend of mine lost her whole inheritance to someone ina  similar fashion - a tart married her father, and then overfed him till heart attack, tart got the lot.  And it's not the money, it's the wedge being driven between a family and a father in closing years. Dreadful. Seek advice urgently.

  • beebsbeebs ✭✭✭
    TDS, hope you can get this sorted, big hugs x
  • Thanks for all the advice and support everyone. DevonJon, thank you so much for your kind offer - I'll speak to the CAB and the Alzheimer's Society as well as my father-in-law's consultant and see what that yields first of all. Barkles, I'm sorry to hear that your friend was in a similar situation. No, the inheritance isn't the issue, it's the fact that she is trying to rip the family apart and cause chaos.
  • Sossidge, very glad to be of help. Do let me know via this thread or PM and I will do my best to get some first hand information.
  • I have no advice but just wanted to add my sympathy - my FIL has alzhemers and it sucks....sorry for your situation.
  • old4speedold4speed ✭✭✭

    TDS, my mother has Alzheimers and although your situation is different to hers we alsodesperately needed to get POA , in our case to ensure she didn't give away all her money to a variety of charities who kept sending requests for donations, which she thought were bills. Everytime she sent a donation they send another request - we counted 4 requests in one month from the same charity.  Anyway to cut a long story short her consultant agreed that she couldn't be responsible for her finances and wrote a letter to that effect which allowed us to get POA and stop all the letters.  She is now in an excellent care home and thankfully we still have the money to keep her there.  Consultants can be very helpful, but I also got very good advice for the Alzheimers Society.

    Good Luck!

  • TDS, I have no experience or advice to offer, but I can offer hugs. xx
  • Nothing to add sadly but, <joins queue to offer hugs>

    Hope you sort it TDS.

  • MadameOMadameO ✭✭✭

    That's awful Sossidge image I don't know anything about the legal side but hopefully the advice above will have pointed you in the right direction.

    Hope the situation gets sorted and you can get rid of that cow. (((Hugs)))

  • Depends how bad he is but consider going for receivership.  This would give you control of all his affairs. 
  • A POA only be given by your father if he is considered competant to make the decision to give it-bit of a catch 22, if he's not then a receiver can be appointed through a court.  The receiver can be a solicitor, family member etc etc. 
  • SlugstaSlugsta ✭✭✭

    <gets on end of hug queue>

    What a horrid situation, I hope you can get some expert help soon.

  • HappychapHappychap ✭✭✭

    Looking from an evidence point of view.  If you can, speak to neighbour and if they are willing get them to document any stuff they witness.

    Words used, times, dates etc will all help to build a picture if any court orders are applied for.  The more you have, the stronger the case.

  • (((TDS))) sorry no advice to offer, but more huge hugs and thinking of you xx
  • Thank you guys, this is all really useful. The neighbour has documented everything and said she will continue to do so - and thanks for the advice on POA. And the hugs image
  • WilkieWilkie ✭✭✭

    Could you get the FIL to come and stay with you for a while, to keep the girlfriend away from him?

  • Poor sossidge image 

    My first thoughts were what Happychap said.  The courts need to have the evidence to make any ruling.  Precise dates and timings and exact words they heard this woman saying.  If the neighbours can record it, or if someone can make any kind of recording of any of the incidents then you have got what you need to take it to court to have her removed. 

    As the neighbour, I would actually call the police and report a domestic abuse incident is going on next door and that they fear what might be going on.  Make sure you obtain a police incident number.  The police take domestic abuse incidents very seriously these days.  You will still need a solicitor though to progress the evidence.   

    All the best x 

  • What a bitch she sounds....image

    More hugs Sossie.

    Agree with Blondiee - I would go for the logging of the incidents.

    And I hope she crawls back into the hole she came out of.

  • bit of a latecomer I'm afraid but have you looked here
  • Thanks everyone.

    The neighbour has, and will continue to document what she hears. Mr.S and his sister went to see their dad's consultant yesterday to make him aware of the situation, and it turns out that he saw through the gf the first time he met her. He is going to strongly advise my FIL to move nearer to all of us, and reassure him that it won't cause him as much stress as he thinks...we will be on hand and can more easily drop in to see him a couple fo times a week, help out with the garden etc.

    I've been in touch with the Alzheimer's Soc, and am getting some good advice about what to expect, and a bit more clarity on the legal issues.

    Mr.S and his sister are also going to counselling sessions together, so they can put some coping strategies in place as he deteriorates (they also have a nightmare mother, which is not helping - but that's another story!!).

    But the best thing is that FIL has decided he wants to 'take a break' from his gf, and is not going to see her or contact her for a month. Which is brilliant news.

    Thanks to all of you for your help, support and advice - I really do appreciate it xx

  • MadameOMadameO ✭✭✭
    That's great news Sossidge. When someone wants a 'break' it's usually just a short step from a break-up... hopefully the time apart will make him realise that he's actually happier without her. Glad you've got the professional support too xxx
  • Thanks MadameO image xx
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