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*Ignore* I didnt read the "non" part of the title...whoops
an "ooops" moment...
Ive got a joke for ya
3 tortoises - Jim, Ray & Geoff go for a picnic 10 miles from where they live. It takes them 10 days to get there but when they do they find they have forgotten the bottle opener.
Jim and Ray ask Geoff to fetch it, Geoff says "fuck off, by the time I get back you'll have eaten the all the sarnies!" Jim and Ray promise not to eat them so Geoff agrees to go.
10 days pass & Geoff has not returned. 20 days pass & he has still not returned & Jim & Ray are fucking starving but keep their promise not to eat the sandwiches. 25 days pass & Jim and Ray say
"fuck it, we're gonna starve if we dont eat" They start to eat the sandwiches & Geoff jumps from behind a rock & shouts
" I fuckin knew it you bastards, Im not going now!"
Heard it. Now I feel crap too
Where does a fish keep its money?
In the river bank.
Two fish in a tank. One says to the other....
How do you drive this thing?
Three fish in a tank. Which one is friends with the Scandinavian?
The one with the Fin.
Helen liz wrote (see)
A man watching a football game on TV kept switching channels to a sexymovie featuring a lusty couple.
"I don't know whether to watch them or the game," he said to his wife.
"For heaven's sake, watch them," his wife said.
"You already know how to play football!"
Womble wrote (see)
Helen liz wrote (see)an "ooops" moment...
I loved this bit: "He looked pretty stressed out when he realised the car was wrecked and kept saying his bosses would kill him."
Two fat blokes are sitting in the pub.
One says to the other "Your round"
The other one says "And so are you, you fat b@st@rd!"
Loved the 'handwashing' man! Does make you wonder if he's the only one though.... men do seem to be a bit limited in their ability to spot something 'dirty' sometimes!
This is sort of running related... but I just found it and need an excuse to post it!
Also out of date! but never mind...
An eskimo's car breaks down in Wales and he calls the AA. The AA patrolman arrives and looks under the bonnet. After 10 minutes the AA man says "I see the problem. You've blown a seal."
To which the eskimo replies "So what, you Welshman shag sheep, but I'm not going on about that."
For a bit of a snigger
'Lifted' from a site that I browse every so often;
Follow link at bottom of page, for some 'Sunday silliness'
Some parts aren't work/family-safe, okay!! Don't say you weren't warned
And, from the chap who did the 'Crusha' (milkshake) adverts;
Why was six scared?
...because seven ate nine.
It's bad but it's my favourite joke at the mo.
I also like - A dsylexic man walks into a bra