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Divorce.. what the hell does this mean..?
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I don't understand something....
How can a couple be married for 32 years and then one side decides that they don't want to anymore..? Why does this happen, or is it that I'm now if an age where it seems to happen..?
And.. what the hell does it mean when a woman says "I love you, but I'm not in love with you"..? After 32 years what is she expecting...?
What do women want...?
ps.. I'm not in this situation.. its someone I know... two months ago it all seemed fine, no she wants out... no affair, no particular reason apparently...
In the last three years, this is the third time it has happened to someone I know.. geezz.....
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Comments
When a couple start out together there is a period where it is all exciting, perhaps a sex-fest and that feeling of butterflies and lust is the norm. After a while though, surely it is normal for this to settle down. Perhaps we al become boring and get so focussed on life, mortgages, kids, jobs etc.. that we forget who we are.. or who we were..??
I don';t know.. I just don't understand it... I don't think I understand what a woman wants from a marriage anymore...
If your in your 50's.. what does it mean to say 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you'.
I just the aftermath of lives torn apart......
15 years in I still fancy the pants off my hubbie - not sure what I would expect after 32.
some people are happy to live without the passion and desire................others realise that it doesn't have to go just because you get older.......yes you can try and revive it in your relationship..but if your OH is happy to just live in the comfy friend state then that will be wasted energy...........
If your not willing to return to a more youthful passionate state then friendship isn't always enough...
27 years in for me GA and I still do
You just need to add a bit of something into the mix to keep it sexy and exciting
Life doesn't have to be, in your terms, a sex fest etc etc to be exciting. Lust may fade in most relationships but you can still have an exciting relationship, be spontaneous, funny etc - less lust needn't mean boring.
And when you say you don't understand what a woman wants - don't different women want different things - they aren't a different species after all.
I still fancy the pants off my hubbie.
Fortunately society has moved on from those grim days in the 60's and now I can take him for every penny he's got if he dares to call the divorce lawyer.
lol JB
Albert, as others have said, we can never know what goes on behind closed doors.
The other thing to bear in mind is that people don't always tell the truth. Try not to take sides and give your friend as much support as you can.
I feel lucky/happy/blessed to have met and been in love with a fab man for 27 years who feels the same way about me.
But that love means we we both willingly make the effort to keep it good, child free weekends, saying thank you, supporting when one is down. Its not difficult when you know its appreciated.
So which comes first?
Of course we can mutter and rage but we never sulk and will apolgise
That's great that you still fancy your other half after such a long time... and you are right, no one really knows what goes on... and what works for one couple won't necessarily work for another.. even so, after such a long time it does seem such a shame to chuck the towel in...
Look at it on the other side, Albert, if they are in their 50's they have the potential to have new love and happiness for another 20-30 years, rather than just existing in a dead relationship
Soon as all the kids had grown and gone, they didn't know what to do with each other.
They met in ther teens, split up in their 60s
Sad
Albert, have the couples you refer to recently retired?
I know when my Dad retired my Mum was really frustrated that he "didn't want to do anything". He wanted to sit in his armchair, listen to the radio or talking books (he lost his sight), and take life easy after working for decades.
She found that really irritating (although she didn't leave him). They argued and bickered in a way they never did before he retired.
Oh, and the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" means I love you like I love my brother/sister - I'm very fond of you, but not in a sexy way.
"I love you" followed by a "but" means I don't really but I am a bit of an emotional coward and I don't want to sound mean.
You don't split up for no reason.
To split up and go through the fag of a split requires motive.
Anyway Candy, just because you and your sister are divorced doesn't mean you don't love your her. Altho have a sister like Smithy must be a bit strange.....
Then again he has a purty mouth....
A friend of mine has recently separated from her OH after 25 years.
She wanted to, he didn't. They still get on well but she says he has become more like a brother, that the passion isn't there anymore and that she doesn't want to live the rest of her life like that. So I guess that she would say that she loves him but that she is not in love with him.
Is she being seflish? Is she being unrealistic? If she meets someone, X amount of years down the line will the same thing not happen again?
Who knows? I guess at the end of the day some people don't want to get to the old folks' home with a lot of "what ifs?" in tow - I respect that.