I agree with KK in that it's probably more complex than it looks from the outside in...
I do think a lot of women put up with things but not necessarily raise what it is that's bothering them... they just let things fester... He is oblivious and thinks nothing is wrong when she's been keeping tabs on stuff for the last 4 years... Eventually she walks away (having thought about it for ages but you would have never known), and it's all "news" to him...
This happened to the parents of one of hubby's colleagues.
Years of outwardly 'happy' marriage that actually wasn't so. She left him when they were in their mid-60s after he'd been more interested in playing golf than offering sympathy when she had a cancer scare (even though it turned out to be a false alarm).
He'd been oblivious to her feelings, and even their kids hadn't ever noticed anything was 'up', but she'd actually been noting down small incidents unbeknown to him for years and this was the final straw.
Yeah I know of some married guys who shocked and 'never saw it coming', when their wives said they wanted a divorce.
Real blinkered types, carry on in their own world of routine oblivious to a crumbling relationship. What's that all about? (apart from communication)... f*ck, sh'es left me! What will I have for my dinner?
I agree with KK in that it's probably more complex than it looks from the outside in...
I do think a lot of women put up with things but not necessarily raise what it is that's bothering them... they just let things fester... He is oblivious and thinks nothing is wrong when she's been keeping tabs on stuff for the last 4 years... Eventually she walks away (having thought about it for ages but you would have never known), and it's all "news" to him...
Communication...
Sometimes it's the woman who is oblivious (or too busy sha$$ing around)
Ever since I met my new man - let's call him "Jokermon" to maintain his anonymity - I have re-discovered a new passion for life, love and dirty rabbit sex.
I feel lucky/happy/blessed to have met and been in love with a fab man for 27 years who feels the same way about me.
But that love means we we both willingly make the effort to keep it good, child free weekends, saying thank you, supporting when one is down. Its not difficult when you know its appreciated.
So which comes first?
Of course we can mutter and rage but we never sulk and will apolgise
I couldn't have put it better myself Beebs. I think child free time is VERY important and you have to put some EFFORT in to maintain a relationship and keep it fresh. Remembering what made you fall for them in the first place is a good start. I'm currently thinking about setting up a group of friends to get a bit of a babysitting network going so that more parents can get out once a month or so and spend some time with their spouses. My best friend has two very small children and told me only the other day that she has NEVER been to the cinema with her husband! They're going on Tuesday and I now have two boys in my care for a few hours!
Of course Dave's right about it sometimes being the woman. It can be indeed either party who let a relationship go. Life is never simple and we really don't know how other people manage their marriages do they?
Nam sums it up perfectly, communication, if it really pisses you off that your beloved squeezes the toothpaste in the middle you can either tell him, buy his and her tubes or go for those hard pump things.
I know that is an unlikely cause for divorce but if you let the little things grind you down it can become very destructive.
LB, great idea, we used to be in a babysitting circle years ago
When Sprog 1 was little we had a babysitting group in the close. One of the guys even made a load of tokens. 1 token an hour before midnight 3 an hour after. And the sitter had to be walked home Really worked well
I know its not a big thing, getting a group of people together, but I just think that somewhere along the way people can "lose" themselves and its important to remember that before you were mum and dad, you were a couple and anything to help people maintain their relationship has to be a good thing.
Mr LB has just order those soft close toilet seats so I KNOW he'll put it down because its a gadget and he likes them!
Think we are going backwards, As when me and TLS got together we have 4 teenageers... And never had any "us time" or "before the kids time". Now they have all left we are getting round to it ! (This time next week Sprog 2 will be walking down the aisle...Now that does make us feel old)
If he is in the bathroom when I am in the shower, I draw a rabbit in the condensation in the shower screen, then he comes over and adds a penis to its head.
If he is in the bathroom when I am in the shower, I draw a rabbit in the condensation in the shower screen, then he comes over and adds a penis to its head.
Comments
I agree with KK in that it's probably more complex than it looks from the outside in...
I do think a lot of women put up with things but not necessarily raise what it is that's bothering them... they just let things fester... He is oblivious and thinks nothing is wrong when she's been keeping tabs on stuff for the last 4 years... Eventually she walks away (having thought about it for ages but you would have never known), and it's all "news" to him...
Communication...
This happened to the parents of one of hubby's colleagues.
Years of outwardly 'happy' marriage that actually wasn't so. She left him when they were in their mid-60s after he'd been more interested in playing golf than offering sympathy when she had a cancer scare (even though it turned out to be a false alarm).
He'd been oblivious to her feelings, and even their kids hadn't ever noticed anything was 'up', but she'd actually been noting down small incidents unbeknown to him for years and this was the final straw.
You can never quite know what's going on.
Yeah I know of some married guys who shocked and 'never saw it coming', when their wives said they wanted a divorce.
Real blinkered types, carry on in their own world of routine oblivious to a crumbling relationship. What's that all about? (apart from communication)... f*ck, sh'es left me! What will I have for my dinner?
LOL JB! I knew you were into him in a big way....
I couldn't have put it better myself Beebs. I think child free time is VERY important and you have to put some EFFORT in to maintain a relationship and keep it fresh. Remembering what made you fall for them in the first place is a good start. I'm currently thinking about setting up a group of friends to get a bit of a babysitting network going so that more parents can get out once a month or so and spend some time with their spouses. My best friend has two very small children and told me only the other day that she has NEVER been to the cinema with her husband! They're going on Tuesday and I now have two boys in my care for a few hours!
Of course Dave's right about it sometimes being the woman. It can be indeed either party who let a relationship go. Life is never simple and we really don't know how other people manage their marriages do they?
Least said soonest mended Plum...
*strokes Blob's head*
Nam sums it up perfectly, communication, if it really pisses you off that your beloved squeezes the toothpaste in the middle you can either tell him, buy his and her tubes or go for those hard pump things.
I know that is an unlikely cause for divorce but if you let the little things grind you down it can become very destructive.
LB, great idea, we used to be in a babysitting circle years ago
I know its not a big thing, getting a group of people together, but I just think that somewhere along the way people can "lose" themselves and its important to remember that before you were mum and dad, you were a couple and anything to help people maintain their relationship has to be a good thing.
Mr LB has just order those soft close toilet seats so I KNOW he'll put it down because its a gadget and he likes them!
We've got them and i still leave the lid up.
Is my marriage in trouble?
Only if you live with me
It can pour for all we care !!!
It's in the slate caverns at Ffestiniog
LOL Dave,
If he is in the bathroom when I am in the shower, I draw a rabbit in the condensation in the shower screen, then he comes over and adds a penis to its head.
We are never going to get divorced are we?