Bloke rolls over in bed n grins at his wife. She says "not tonight love, I've got a gynaecologist's appointment tomorrow n I want to stay clean" man rolls back feelin' rejected... 5 mins later he rolls back over n asks "have you got a dentist appointment?"
Woman meets a man in a bar & goes back to his place. During the evening she notices three rows of teddy bears sat on shelves in his bedroom. Bottom shelf has small bears, middle shelf bigger bears and large bears on the top. Woman thinks bloke must be sensitive & he could be the one. So she shags him. Next morning woman asks bloke How was I? Bloke replies not bad at all, help yourself to any prize off the middle shelf
Comments
What about the bloke who had his whole left side chopped off
He's alright now.
What's red and sits in a tree?
A sanitary owl
Another Cooper gag,in a similar vein:
"I went to the doctor last week and said "Doctor,can you help me ? I've got a terrible problem,I can't stop singing "The Green,Green Grass of Home".
The doctor says,"Oh,that's nothing to worry about,it sounds to me like you've got Tom Jones syndrome"
So I said "Tom Jones syndrome ? I've never heard of that,is it common ?"
and the doctor said "Well,It's Not Unusual "
When does Saddam Hussain have his tea?
When Tariq 'as 'is.
I thank you.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
Cause his dick was stuck in the chicken
As a tribute, Sky Sports will be showing his favourite ten tackles...
Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares!
What do you call an Iraqi diy fan?
Ahmed Ma Shed Mahssen.
What have George Michael & a pair of wellington boots got in common?
They both get sucked off in a bog!
What's the difference between kinky and perverted?
With kinky you use a feather; with perverted you use the whole chicken!
virgin mega store
What type of pizza did Good King Wenceslas Like?
Deep Pan Crisp and Even!!
Did you hear about the new Christmas Tampax?
They are changing the string to tinsel.......but for the Christmas Period only!!
Men
HAHAHAHAHA
Why does Edward Woodward have four D's in it?
Because Ewar Woo War would sound stupid.
Next morning woman asks bloke How was I? Bloke replies not bad at all, help yourself to any prize off the middle shelf
I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan.
Somebody is going to be wrong.
Why are chocolate buttons rude?
Because they are nude Smarties
What do you call a woman with two arseholes?
N-Dubz.
I went on Dragons Den the other night and showed them my dad's old shotgun.
Peter Jones said, "And what's your idea?"
I replied, "It's a simple concept Peter, just put the money in the fucking bag".
It must have been a boomeringue.
A man comes down the stairs with a hang over and his wife puts a wet sock on his breakfast plate for him.
He says "What the bloody hell is that, woman?"
To which she replies "When you came home pissed last night, you asked me if I would cook your sock."
What do you call a man with three wooden heads…
Ed Wood Wood Wood
What do you call a man with no ams and legs that can swim the English Channel?
Clever Dick
What do you call a man with no arms, legs or body in a swimming pool?
Bob
Now I know where the term knobhead comes from!
See?
That took me ages, sat going 'n-dubz' 'ennnnn dubz' 'end ubs?'
Could not work out what I was missing then it dawned.