Crap at relationships

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  • image Thats not what I meant you scottish one, as well you know. image
  • I don't know what you mean oh Cakeous one image
  • *lurks for insight*
  • Lol Cake - should I be worried?

    Anyway, I'm not exactly eligible at the mo.  Skint guys aren't exactly snapped up, apart from by peeps who maybe allow themselves to be used and I'm too much of a gent for that.

  • Go on Schmunks ... give us your insight image

    I am liking the idea of the NHS but .... if it's like most of the NHS there's no choice and gawd only knows what you'd end up having your 15 minute appointment with!  Think this is one instance where 'going private' is definitely the best option. image

    Interesting stuff on the lack of emotional response.  I think you need a bit of emotional fall in/fall out in a relationship.  I'd not want an all out war (that's my day job) but completely passive people do my head in ... oh, you decide ... do whatever you want .. I'm not bothered ... it's one step away from the teenage 'whatever' response.  I can do reasoned discussion without drama/crisis/flouncing ...although those are available on request image

  • image As well I know.
  • Now Cake, I've never flounced off when you've appeared have I? imageimageimage
  • Tickled Pink wrote (see)

    Go on Schmunks ... give us your insight image

    I am liking the idea of the NHS but .... if it's like most of the NHS there's no choice and gawd only knows what you'd end up having your 15 minute appointment with!  Think this is one instance where 'going private' is definitely the best option. image

    You mean brothels?! image

    Don't worry BDB, you needn't fear me, i'm an angel really imageimageimageimageimage

    I had ups & downs last year relationship wise, so i've given up on them and thought i'd concentrate on training and living my own life this year; don't have time to date anywayimage

  • Hmm - interesting about the emotional flatline, I think as I've matured I tend to react less emotionally to stuff.  That doesn't mean I don't care, just that I choose what to take a stand on and let go things that aren't that important.

    I'm interested in this mythogenic self thing Mike, heard the time a few years back (can't remember where) but never folowed it up.  Can you give us a quick prece?

  • yeah but Bear, the thing is you do stand up for the things that are important; by 'flatlining' I was thinking of people who don't react much to anything, i.e. they'd rather stay quiet and keep the peace than ever disagree or respond emotionally. 

    I'm a bit crap of letting go of things that aren't that important, but that could just be a bad girl trait image

  • Oooh, are you a *bad* girl, Lee? image

    tbh there I some things I struggle to let go of, even though I know thye're not worth the grief.

  • Tickled Pink wrote (see)
    Now Cake, I've never flounced off when you've appeared have I? imageimageimage
    image Sorry hun was x-post with what BDB was posting just above you. Age is a state of mind through. I think I’ve been about 8 since I was 12. image
  • Couple of things to add.

    One, thanks for all the off line messages of support - what struck me is how many people who know me were surprised as they have me down as outgoing and confident etc etc, which just goes to show how we can put on a front.

    Two, on a more serious note. Abandonment issues (Mike Frog I think). My Dad, like Woody Allen, also married my sister. Go figure, as our American friends would say.

    And on a lighter note, I went to the docs last week for my repeat prescription of the pill and mentioned to him that I don't know why I take it. His response (and I have known him since I was a child), was that many celibate ladies take it to control their cycle. Up until that point, I hadn't even thought of myself as celibate!! But I am. He did, however, that in deference to sod's law, I stop taking it as I am bound to meet someone then....
  • The One and Only XFR Bear wrote (see)

    I'm interested in this mythogenic self thing Mike, heard the time a few years back (can't remember where) but never folowed it up.  Can you give us a quick prece?


    To be honest, not really.

    I've been training in it for about 10 years, and trying to summarise how it works in a few lines is just going to sound strange. The purpose is to get people to a point where they let go of that "pretending" to be something other than what they really are.

  • I might be Bear.... image

    Min, I bet your doc is right; come off the pill, and some lovely chap will appear!  Worth a try?!

  • IronM.in(erva) wrote (see)
    Abandonment issues (Mike Frog I think). My Dad, like Woody Allen, also married my sister. Go figure, as our American friends would say. . .
    Hmmm
  • I wonder if the thing about people who are long term single is if people look at them and wonder what is the deal with them - eg: my sister is 46 and to my knowledge has had a relationship/boyfriend in her whole life.  Up to, I would say, this past year that suited her to the ground....very happily single and child free.

    Now however she is desperate for a relationship - desperate for a child - but I wonder if prospective partners would look at her and wonder what is "wrong with her to have not had a relationship before (I'm not sure if I'm articulating this very well....image

  • You are Furry, except the word not is needed between has and had in the second line of your first paragraph. image

  •  image  Ummmm- that is correct!!  image
  • Yeah I think there is something in that GFB!  I worry that guys will wonder why i've not had a long term bloke really, but then i'd probably think the same thing if I met a guy in the same situation!!! 
  • Agreed, I'd be very wary of a 46 year old bloke who'd never had a g/f before ....  I'd wonder why ... that's a lot of life to have lived alone and it wouldn't be easy for her to change.  Do you think she just see's life on the other side of the fence with partner/family as a lot easier?

  • Tickled Pink wrote (see)

    Agreed, I'd be very wary of a 46 year old bloke who'd never had a g/f before ....  I'd wonder why ... that's a lot of life to have lived alone and it wouldn't be easy for her to change.  Do you think she just see's life on the other side of the fence with partner/family as a lot easier?


    Isn't that the issue though; we shouldn't expect folk to change, or rather, that we can change people to fit into our lives?  I think to meet someone of that age that has been wholly independent for most of their life, well you'd have to be pretty independent yourself, and not looking for something that person cannot provide. 

    Edit:  I don't think i'd be put off a 46 yr old man who'd not had many relationships UNLESS he'd lived with his mother for a large part of his life.  In that case i would run for the hills.....

  • Probably not explained very well Pea, what I meant was that people who have lived alone a long time (and I will include myself in that) are often very independent and that's not always the easiest thing for others to get along with but I guess it depends on the people involved.

    Change was probably the wrong word, let's go for adapt image 

    p.s. I am drafting a very long and dull HR document at the same time as pondering relationships so excuse me if I get confused and start on about flexible sh*gging patterns image

  • Ah okay, that's kind of what i was thinking too.  It would be hard to be with someone like that unless you were similar.  I think i've been on my own so long, I class myself in that category!

  • Flexible shaggin?  I wouldn't mind a go at that image

    Actually, inflexible shaggin could be good too.  Where do I sign up? image

  • Not with any of my colleagues image
  • I am at the section on Maternity leave at the moment ... which is where sh*gging, flexible or otherwise, might get you. image
  • imageimage On second thoughts.....

    *crosses legs*

  • How can your dad marry your sister?

    Min - did we meet at Luton 07?

    If so, I thought you were quite a classy lady tbh so your post was a bit surprising...

    Took me 36 years to find the right one. Before that i was really quite passive when it came to "relationships" - i couldn't be bovvered tbh, plus not much confidence, and I was living on my own with dog when it all finally happened...

  • Not the dog in the photo btw - he is an "Anonymous Dog" whose pic I got off the internet.


    I thought I should make that clear in case anyone was wondering, which they wouldn't be, obviously.
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