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The object to your left
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This is where being an untidy slob comes in handy.
To my left I have
I have my leave form, waiting to be signed by my boss. If you can let me know the date of the upcoming invasion, I can book some more days off and be somewhere else.
Alternatively, I could wait 3 minutes, and then to the left of me will be an auditor. Well, that's been the frequency of their visits this week. See previous suggestion of Zombie Fodder. There are 4 of them today, and we have another batch due in next week.
Ha ha - what a great thread.
To my left I have nothing less than a world leading university physics department. Who ordered the zombie fodder?
I have a staple gun.
Kapow!
To the left of my monitor is my work laptop. There would be zombiecide if I handed it to them and asked nicely "See if you can get that 6 month old piece of HP tech working properly"
Zombiecide wouldn't occur straight away, but it would take all of the zombie army several full days to "take a look at it" before they became so frustrated they went for each other.
A pile of 300 invitations I have to stuff into envelopes and two brunch bars.
Maybe I could lure them in with the chocolate and then bore them to death with envelope stuffing?
So to surmise, our collective plans are:
Great plans so far.
Well, if Romero is right (and he is), zombies don't breath. What with them being dead an' all. So the asbestosis plan might need a rethink
If I turn my laptop to around a bit, then to the left of it would be the garden. In which there is a shed, containing a lawn mower, hedge loppers, garden shears, etc. Zombies? Bring 'em on
Further along the wall from my PC is my old collection of vinyl LP's (in a cupboard ... but hey I reckon I could beat the zombies to it!!) .. and as we all know from Shaun of the Dead, there's nothing better at taking out your local undead malcontent than a swift Duran Duran double album to the head!
(Please note I don't actually own a Duran Duran album it was for illustrative purposes only!)
hmmm.... the object on my left is a pile of recent asylum statistics of cases dispersed by the Home Office to Cardiff, Swansea, Newport and Wrecsam...
... not much of a weapon but perhaps I could bore someone to death...
I have a mug of hot tea, my reading glasses (which is why I'm struggling to type) a new prescription for 100mcg of thyroxine and a tape measure.
How to kill a zombie using that lot: Put specs on so I can see clearly. Throw mug of tea over zombie, then while it's screaming in pain, (do they feel pain BTW?) OD with thyroxine.
The tape measure would be for making sure the coffin fits.
Ah, but that's a voodoo zombie. If we're talking zombie apocalypse, there'd probably be some virus/toxin/space dust from Venus, so salt probably wouldn't work
To my left now is a book entitled 'Phil Vickery's Puddings'. It's pretty hefty, so I could whack a zombie with it, or bake lots of nice food and feed them to the point at which they explode, á la the Solanum virus
Plan a) Hide in clothes rail
Plan b) send them stir crazy by asking them to help me find and outfit for tonight's jolly to the pub.
Plan c) tickle them into submission
Job done, feeling safe and well prepped
My office at the time was the street and I was bored waitngfor my perpetually late friend to come for lunch.
If my living room was longer you might get a single decker bus in ...... though how it would get up the stairs.......
I've got an iron, ironing board, hair dryer and straighteners.
So i shall make sure they have good hair when i smack them around the head!
Now the fit of the giggles has cleared, I'll try and answer the question
I have a stack of boxes that are supposed to help me keep things tidy - this does include the sewing things, so two pairs of large scissors, several smaller pairs, needles, pins and a rather nasty unpicking device are included.
Slightly further left is the cuddly toy pile, including a 4ft orange and white teddy bear, imaginatively called Big Ted
my plan: hide behind Big Ted and his friends, having used the cotton to make trip wires and scattered the pins on the floor (a dropped pin ALWAYS ends up in your foot - well known fact) when the zombies arrive and trip over, I can unpick their seams with the unpicker and their insides will fall out and I'll wish I'd stayed hidden behind Big Ted.
safe as houses me, ........................................ 2 tool bags one with a gas powered nail gun in.
bring em on
Sorted.