Good wedding jokes...

Hubby has a speech to give and if at all possible - (yeah!  wrong audience) - clean please!! - we know all the old faithfuls.....give us your best shot...*ducks*image


  • He could always say "I'm pleased to give my daughter away, on this, her wedding day. Well I put her on Ebay for £20, but there were no takers, So I suppose I have to give her away."
  • Or how about "I don't see it as losing a daughter, but gaining a bathroom."
  • My pa in law started his speech when he gave his youngest daughter away by saying he had a short speech on account of his throat...Margaret (ma in law) would cut it if he talked for too long. Went down really well with the crowd.

    Groom's speech concluded with "thanks to that rainy night in Bangor when there was nothing on TV, I've got my beautiful bride"

  • always good to thank those who have come from abroad etc, the punchline is some will obviously have travelled under a mile and to say "some have even come as far as the town down the road"
  • If you want to wake up with a smile on your face tomorrow morning, you'd best go to bed with a coat hanger in your gob.
  • Had to do a 'best person's' speech several years ago, t'interweb is overflowing with helpful wedding speech sites.  image

    Sadly, I can't remember any of them. image

  • could work in 'the bride and groom have changed their honeymoon plans according to the groom...i think theyre going to Wales......well i think so <groom's name> said that he is going to Bangor for a week'

    ba doom tish

  • At my wedding, the best man opened his speech by saying
    "I'd like to thankyou all for coming, especially kenny (my dad) 31yrs ago.
  • MuttleyMuttley ✭✭✭

    The best joke at my wedding was cracked by the bride: "I do".

    Sorry, in a bit of a sour mood this morning image

  • PhilPubPhilPub ✭✭✭

    It's been an emotional day, even the cake's in tiers...


  • All the jokes you'll get from the interweb will be tired and tedious.  You need to come up with some jokes that relate to the people at the wedding, particularly the groom.  I was best man for a friend who kept tarantulas so I worked in various spider gags.  Then I was best man for a uni friend so there were lots of jokes relating to our time as students.

    Having said that I have used the "I've prepared a short speech" before unrolling a couple of meters of paper.

  • My wife and I are happily married. She's happy, I'm married !!!
  • NessieNessie ✭✭✭

    Best man at our wedding started with

    "Unaccustomed as I am to getting this far through a wedding still sober........"

    Later there was:

    "I ran through my speech with [groom's mother] last night, and for legal reasons I will now not be telling you the stories about air rifles, the ride on mower and bad pies."

  • This is what he did say (which everyone thought was really funny!!)

    I've been friends with Terri for 20 years and our relationship has always been a  very physical one (literal gasp from the crowd!!) - but recently I've been getting quite physical with Marty also (another gasp!!)....but then again I am their Osteopath so it's probably to be expected!!


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