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A dad of eight who can't even remember his OWN KID'S names!
I only ask because Miss LB the younger has been very down this week. Mr LB works away in London through the week and she has been crying a lot for him. He is a powerful influence on her life and I think we balance each other very well in our parenting of the children. But then again - he's a great dad.
I've got to be honest - being on my own Monday through Friday is tougher than I thought it would be and I have a much greater regard for people bringing up children alone these days than I used to have!
My own dad was a violent bully who ruled with his fists and regularly came home drunk and made our lives hell. We get on better nowadays but I'll never forget the huge NEGATIVE influences he had on me growing up.
What do YOU think?
Do families NEED fathers?
Off you go...
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Comments
As a dad (who knows the names of his kids) I hope so.
Nothing but good experiences of my own dad when growing up either and we're still in touch regularly so that probably affects my opinion.
Haven't spoken to mine in about 4 years. He lived in the same street as my sister and would blank her on the street. Moved out of the family home within 8 months of our mother dying (after propositioning several of her friends, including one who is gay), and didn't tell either of us he was moving. I can only assume that things like school photo albums etc are in landfill somewhere.
So no I don't need mine, I hope he rots in hell and that the rest of his life is as miserable as he made my mum's.
My hubby is a good dad though, despite being in a job that took him away from home since I met him until 2 years ago. As I said on FB, the worst time he went away was within a couple of weeks of the Russian submarine, Kursk, sinking with all hands. I was scared, he was worried, our son was petrified that daddy wasn't coming home.
Problems came once the children were growing up a bit, he worked away in the military prison, as far the other side of the country as it's possible to be and still be on the mainland. He'd work 12 days, get 2 off and come home to treat the house like a hotel, and the children like the prisoners.
He's a much better communicator with B&H now since he left the RN, and although he works in a school for disruptive children (the ones who get thrown out of every other school in the region) he doesn't bring work home with him.
I still miss mine and he died over 20 years ago
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My two see their father every three weeks I have no problems with his contacting them (and I have a very good relationship with my ex M-in-L, who still rings me for a chat every now and then!!). In spite of the fact that the ex walked out on us, I encourage my two to keep in touch with him. Unfortunately for them, it's very much "out of sight, out of mind" with him.
No 1 Child is in the middle of GCSEs - the ex has not been in touch either to wish him good luck or to find out how he's been getting on.
So, they just have to settle for me
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Same as Jeepers, lost my own dad 16 years ago and I miss him lots still. He was a fab dad. I also got my love of running from my dad.
You don't 'need' a mum or a dad in the same way that you need food/water and oxygen.
Supportive adults in a childs life are a huge advantage to that child. A crap parent is worse than an absent one I reckon. An absent but loving parent is still a virtual parent in the same way that you get support from virtual friends.
I reckon the other parent gets more out of a parent being there and hands on. I have parented alone for years. The children's father has possibly been to one parents evening out of approx 80 I have attended? Ditto many other events...sport/plays/musicals etc. My parents have been fabulous grandparents filling the void. I don't think the children have missed him. They don't expect him there and thus are not disappointed. They have a good relationship with him despite the lack of input into their lives. It's probably affected me more. It's hard work on your own.
+1
I was a single parent to my two even when we were married. The ex left before they were up in the mornings, returned home after they'd gone to bed, worked all weekends and spent as little time as possible with them, and when he did, was on an extremely short fuse.
We're far better off and have a perfect relationship (the three of us), but it is flippin' hard work.
What Jeepers & Cinders said, almost 8 years ago.
Do you need them? not specifically.
Do I want mine? yes, with every particle of my being.
My dad is fabulous. I couldn't want for more.
I think the article (which I haven't read but I assume it alludes to a male I've heard about on the radio) is not a description of a dad. It's a description of a man who had a lot of unprotected sex
I remember missing him terribly, but also recognising why he had to be away. I also remember making a very conscious decision, aged about 12-13 to cultivate interests in common; he was so exhausted and involved in his work, I think I must have known that if I didn't create some kind of common ground, we would have drifted far apart (he certainly did not get the teenage female thing), so began the regular trips to watch football and later, cricket. At 16, I also helped him to rebuild a car (though I could't care less whether I was holding a spark plug or a sprocket) all I cared about was that we had time together and something to talk about.
Since he retired a few years ago, he has become closer to me than my Mum. The little girl of 9, who cried when her father had to commute from Liverpool to London at 5am on a Monday morning (sound familiar?!) finally has her dad back
My Dad was great. He died 10 years ago and I still think of him every day. His photo is on the windowsill halfway up the stairs so I see him every time I go up or down.
But I think we need to distinguish between a father and a Dad. Any man can become a father. Not every man can be a proper Dad.
My dad was by no means great, I will be thankfull to him as it has made me the person I am today, even though he hit me, looking back on how I behaved in the past half the times I deserved a smack the other times I didn't but that's the past and no one is perfect, one good thing about my dad is he taught me to respect other's something the younger generation don't do now.
Top bloke, top pal.
Not much of a sweeping generalisation there, Paul!
Didn't teach you how to use apostrophes though did he?
Do we need them? What a strange question. Do we need mums??
I realise that in the majority of cases 'single parent family' means the dad isn't on the scene any more for whatever reason, but this isn't always the case. My mum died when I was 2. My dad brought up four of us (all boys) and somehow managed to hold down a teacher's job, feed us, takes us on holiday now and then, and basically make my childhood a very happy one.
So yeah, I needed my one but I was lucky that he happens to be a brilliant one.
Or spell correctly.
Edited to follow on from Kwilter
(doesn't make sense with Philpub's otherwise)
So was mine. And so did mine.
I ended up doing languages, but not teaching them. And I too hark on about the derivation of words.
My dad died when I was 16, however my mother met another man a few years later and he in time became my step dad and is a brilliant man who has had a massive influence on my life,....Although he is not my dad he is my father figure and for his input in my life i will always be grateful for.
So do we need a dad..maybe not but we do need a strong male influence IMO
There was a specific reason for asking the question Phil. This week's Panaroma (worth watching on iPlayer) highlighted the "diminishing role of the dad" in its programme. The gist of it was that these days a lot of younger mums are NOT married to the fathers of their babies and whilst these dads stay around for the pregnancy, they're pretty much gone from the birth onwards.
Some of the girls asked saw no reason for dads to be a part of their kid's lives whatsoever. The girls in question stood to lose a HUGE amount financially if the fathers of their babies DID choose to live with them and with the job situation in many deprived areas being what it is, these men were being almost emasculated by not having any means to provide for the children they had produced.
Of course, there were other fathers who were bending over backwards to be great dads and there will always be single dads doing wonderful jobs. We don't live in the traditional society anymore where it's mummy, daddy and 2.4 children so all families are different. In my eldest daughter's class at primary school 5 out of the 30 children had a traditional family set up. When her friends came round to our house they treated her father like a curiousity!
My own parents royally screwed me up. They should have divorced over 30 years ago. They're still together and they still screw me up. Some people really shouldn't stay together "because of the kids" because that's bollocks!
I agree, FF. I'm lucky that, in my case my grandfather was that influence.
I was talking about the program with my SIL who was a single mum - as is her daughter. She felt that, whilst some women have to make the best of being single parents (and many/most make a very good job of it), it's not the ideal and she felt that her kids had missed out somewhat (especially the eldest who never knew his own father and then lost contact with his stepfather after the divorce).
Our completely insane benefits system.
Yes, children need Dads - - good ones. Just as much as they need Mums.
The effects of not having that can be far reaching.
Article in todays paper " A father should be for life", Interesting suggestion that the loudest women on Big Brother had absent fathers according to the article.
Suggested to my Step daughter that I may not be able to get to her graduation ceremony the other day... That was met with You will have too, Otherwise there will be a ticket spare for my Dad (OUCH !)
I had an absent father froim a young age..................but my mother did a briliant job bringing the 4 of us up on her own..................she found it tough .................
I say to my kids that they are very lucky.................most children are fortunate to have a loving mum..............not as many are as fortunate to have a great loving dad as well.................
If your dad was "sub-optimal" then i guess you'd ask whether dads were necessary.
No-one seems to ask whether we need mums however - probably because people believe that mum is essential for child bearing and nurturing.
But somehow dads are seen as "an optional extra".
I blame Andrea Dworkin.