Friday Joke

I'm bored. Make me laugh please.


  • Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas

    Luke Skywalker: How?

    Darth Vader: I felt your presents!

    Cheesy I know but it's the only one I could think of on short notice.

  • Me too. Sorry, not very good at jokes - I was hoping this would be one!
  • Oh it is! I like it tweety pie!
  • Did you hear about the guy on the beach who found a bottle? He rubbed it and, sure enough, out popped a Genie.
    "I will grant you three wishes," said the Genie. "But there's a catch."
    "What catch?" he asked.
    The Genie replied, "Every time you make a wish, every lawyer in the world will receive DOUBLE what you asked for."
    "Well, I can live with that! No problem!" replied the elated man.
    "What is your first wish?" asked the Genie.
    "Well, I've always wanted a Ferrari."
    POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man.
    "NOW, every lawyer in the world has TWO Ferraris," said the Genie.
    "Next wish?"
    "I'd LOVE a million dollars..." replied the man.
    POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet.
    "NOW, every lawyer in the world has TWO MILLION dollars," said the Genie.
    "Well, that's okay, as long as I've got MY million," replied the man.
    "What is your final wish?"
    The man thought long and hard, and finally said, "Well, you know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney...."
  • Scotty4Scotty4 ✭✭✭
    A man was in a butcher's shop getting some sausage rolls. In comes a dog,
    puts his paws up against the glass case and buys two lamb chops. The man is
    so astonished that he leaves his own purchase behind, rushes out, and
    follows the dog to a bus stop. When the dog gets on and pays with the
    correct money, the man jumps on too. The dog sits at the back of the bus
    until his stop when he comes forward and presses the automatic doors. The
    man follows him to a house where the dog smacks himself up against the door,
    presses the bell with his nose and scratches his paws against the window.
    Finally a woman comes to the door, takes the packet of chops and lets the
    dog in. The man is so impressed he goes up to her and says, "Your dog's a
    "No he's not," she replies, "that's the second time this week he's forgotten
    his key."
  • Why Did the Chicken cross the road?

    SAEED AL SAHAF - Iraqi Head of Information
    The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We do not even have a chicken.

    We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground.

    Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

    I agree with George.

    We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

    Did the chicken cross the road?
    Did he cross it with a toad?
    Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

    I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

    In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

    Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of moulting, and went on to accomplish its dream of crossing the road.

    Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together -
    in peace.

    It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    It was an historic inevitability.

    What chicken?

    The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

    eChicken2003 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

    Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    What is your definition of chicken?

    And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and therewas rejoicing.

    Did I miss one?

    Mmmmmmmmm . . . . c h i c k e n
  • I think I just wet myself.
  • Pammie*Pammie* ✭✭✭
    me too
  • Lurve the Star wars one. Tee hee hee
  • Juliejoo, did you take the clingfilm off first?
  • what's the similiarity between clouds and women?

    "when they both F@@K off u know its going to be a good day"
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