Mental illness and running



  • Hi David,

    I particularly like the virtual part of the graffiti.

    I think that's brave performing in public like that, even more so considering you're not confident on the guitar. Good luck for tomorrow, I hope it goes well!

  • Made me laugh too image image{)

    I guess you're right, I probably wouldn't talk to you on the street. I don't speak very often in real life - though of those forumites I've met those that I trust on the forum I trust in real life too. I have never met such a genuine set of people before.

    It isn't just me who finds the neighbour difficult, the crisis team have found him really difficult when they've been visiting me and even the OT has gone on record describing him as 'creepy.'

    I'd be petrified to sing a song I'd written, well I'd be petrified to sing at all - though that might have more to do with being a tone deaf monkey than anything else. I'm full of admiration for you playing the guitar in public too image Will you pop on tomorrow to let us know how it went?

    I am really glad today is over, I'm going to make a real effort to have a more normal routine tomorrow; starting with breakfast and a bimble! I think the storm has passed and now I need to make sure I don't get stuck surveying the damage. I really need to get back on my feet as soon as possible and a routine of sorts will help - though next week is a bit tricky cos I have so many different medical appointments I need to be a bit flexible. I think I'm going to have to take a sleeping tablet tonight otherwise I'll be up all night rehearsing the way I want to do things tomorrow - visualisation is helpful unless it leaves you so exhausted you can't do anything!!

    I really am impressed Big D, will send you virtual support (and a virtual tash or two for your audience to help reduce the nerves!)

  • It sounds like the neighbour is a creep. Best just to nod and smile in his general direction.

    Yes big D,  let us know how it's gone?

    How's the routine going SOLB? Had breakfast and gone outside? It's sunny here so that means it's sunny everywhere. I've only just had breakfast myself but will be out in an hour or so.

  • Epic fail ... just gonna scrape myself off the floor and do as much as I can today. Tomorrow is a whole new start image

    Tomorrow is a little tricky from a routine point of view cos I have the big scary meeting (with psychiatrist, key worker, therapist, OT and crisis team), therapy & the spirometry thing all in the morning but I can still get the basics in.

    Onwards any upwards as they say

    How's it going Big D? Were you performing in church or is this an evening gig?

    I'm thinking of all my forum friends out running and supporting today - can't wait to hear all the happy race reports image
  • SOLB

    Tis an evening gig at church. Mrs BD is in charge.

    So I hope to be able to report later on how it all goes.

    I am going to be off line then, till next weekend.

  • A whole week to wait in suspense?!

    Today isn't a write-off SOLB, there's still time to get some good routines in! Like eating, have you eaten today?

    The meeting tomorrow won't be fun, but you could make it fun. Wear a mask, repeat things people say, refuse to sit down, listen intently to everything someone says then at the end say "I didn't understand a word of that", insist on calling people by their wrong names...these will all lead you to get sectioned I'm pretty sure, but it'll be fun!

    I read someone's blog about how to be a "good patient" or being a bad one, it was really good. It made me remember me mischevious side!

  • SOLB, who is your advocate? You could agree a signal with them that indicates you aren't coping. Alternatively, draw up a grid of nine squares. In each square, write a word that you think will come up/topic they will want to discuss. When each word/topic is mentioned, cross it off. Shout bingo when you have completed your card!
  • Word /topic bingo is the BEST idea! That's great. image

    I'm going to use that in every meeting from now on. I won't keep my job but I'll have a damn good time!

  • beebsbeebs ✭✭✭


    I can confirm that SOLB is fabuolous and neighbour is creepy, he appeared when I visited SOLB and scared us both by just being there. 

    Hope the note does the trick. 

    Ben-o you are naughty but I like your sense of fun image

  • Hello beebs, welcome image

    Ha ha I love your naughty meeting strategies ... I will happily indulge in a nice game of opposites and topic bingo, don't worry I'll post the ward visiting times so you can come and visit once I get sectioned! (you can come lots if you get the sack for playing too Ben-o)

    A week of suspense is a very long time Big D

    Ha ha I like the thought of SOLB being fabulous though I'm not sure how accurate it is.

    The creepy neighbour has just stood on the new plants we put out in the garden in front of my window - I don't know why he has to stand so close anyway, luckily the plant looks a little crumpled but is otherwise unharmed. Once we have all the bedding plants in he wont be able to casually walk all over the flower bed to stand so near to my window any way image

    I have eaten today and I've been playing with my beautiful nieces - I struggled at the park but had a lovely time reading stories and stuff when we got home. I love those girls image

    I'm sleepy now but it's a long way until bedtime and the small ones bring with them lots of laughter and lots of mess so I suppose I should probably get the hoover out.

    I've just realised I still have Cbeebies on; lucky the crisis team aren't coming out today to see me covered in mud and cake watching children's TV
  • Well, I feel I ought to visit as I did start to suggest mischevious strategies.

    SOLB, why does your neighbour stand near your window? He does sound creepy (or crrepy as I wrote first time).

    I'm glad you had a lovely day  (I'm not surprised other people think you're fabulous). Family are great and little ones even more so. I have a niece and she is beautiful.

  • I don't have any nieces or nephews cos my brother is still doing the young, free and single thing, but I do have 2 of my own. They really do bring such joy to my life (and challenges).
  • No idea why the neighbour does that, he is always out there. Very odd.

    I love the small ones but I couldn't cope all the time. I'm in awe of parents (truly), kids are incredible. My twin sister has two girls a spirited 4 year old and a very chilled 10 month old - I love those girls so much it's ridiculous but I've really let them down since the youngest was born. I always used to be the elder girls best friend, we had so much fun but I barely see them now cos I feel like I can't cope. Tis really sad, I miss them so much I even dream of hugging them. That said we still have a fabulous time when we do meet and hopefully I'm going to start getting better now.

    How old are your little ones by 'eck?

  • SOLB

    I have time to report now, before I do the unbolting of the kitchen sink so I can pack it (joking I hope)

    I got to the church in plenty of time, but the guy on the projector wanted to be able to show how Paul, who was doing London actually did, (5h37m) so I spent a few mins helping him get set up. Which meant that by the time I was set up, I already had an audience to rehearse to. Which actually helped calm my nerves a bit.

    When time to perform came I did OK, not great, but OK. some notes needed a bit more oomph than I gave them. Then it was time to put the guitar down and sing. The words were being projected, and congregation joined inimage which meant I could relax a bit.

    A friend of ours who is in a local band had turned up, and he wants to work with me on this and put in a harmonica part. Could be good.

    Mrs BD's sermon was awesome! (prodigal son) I was nearly in tears several times. We just keep on screwing up and all God wants is for us to come home. imageSniff!

    Take care everyone - I must go and pack, now where is that spanner?

    Nearly forgot - Hi beebs - waves .

  • Sorry SOLB, my phone just would not let me post last night.
    Daughter is 8 and a half and son is 2. My brother spends a lot of the year in Canada and can't cope with too much of daughter when he is around (he has OCD) so concentrates on spending short amounts of quality time with her - like making an Easter egg, walking to the shops or snuggling on the sofa to watch a tv program.
  • Sounds like it went really well Big D, that's good to hear. And great that you got such good support!

    SOLB, your niece is only 4, you've got so much more time ahead of you to be the best aunty! I know you can't make up for the time, but being there in the present is the important thing. I don't see my niece that often (I wish I could see her more) and although I know I'm missing out on her life, there's still plenty of her life I can be involved in. I usually win the best uncle competition by being generally awesome. image 

    By 'eck, an 8 and 2 year old must be a handful! I just don't think I have the patience.

  • So SOLB, how did all your appointments and meetings go today? *crosses fingers that SOLB was a good patient and did not get sectioned*
  • beebsbeebs ✭✭✭

    *waves back at Big D*

    Evening Ben-o.

    A friend of mine was telling me in hushed tones how the mother of one of her children's friends had had to be sanctioned for her own safety, it was so hard not to laugh. 

    The tap at work says SOLO on it but I always read it as SOLB image

  • Hey beebs

    Haha! Sanctioned is very different, though I suspect it would actually improve your mental health. It'd be cool if someone in a white coat came along and gave people a badge which said "I'm doing great!", instead detaining them.

    SOLB has her own range of taps? Impressive.

  • Beebs, thats brilliant. My daughter told everyone I was in a special hospital cos I couldn't decide what socks to wear
  • beebsbeebs ✭✭✭

    :image by eck that is so sweet, 

    I told you she was fab, Ben-o. 

  • *wonders whether the kitchen sink is still in the kitchen at Big D’s house!*
    I bet your audience thought your performance was fab, OK when referring to self always equals brilliant to any objective observers! Fantastic news about your friend and the harmonica, sounds like a lot of fun.
    Glad Mrs D excelled image

    Aww you have a big baby and a little one by ‘eck – I’ll hope to develop that sort of acceptance re my time with my beautiful nieces. Sounds like your brother has a fantastic balance.

    Thanks for asking about the appointments today. They went pretty well, the scary meeting wasn’t so bad. My CPN forgot to tell the Crisis Team the time and location of the meeting so they weren’t there…DUH! I am being discharged from the Crisis Team (yay) and am carrying on with therapy + OT for now. The good news is my not so reliable CPN is moving to a new area so I’m going to get a new one who will be ‘more’ involved. (for more read ‘at all involved’) I am allowed to stay at the new mental health trust even though I’ve moved just over the border. I may have to move GP’s at some point in the future but it means I don’t have to fight about the diagnosis.

    After resolving to get on with therapy last week to break the stale mate we had a productive session, it freaked me out a bit but it’s powerful and it’s progress.

    Ha ha ha to being sanctioned (approval or punishment?), maybe that’s what would have happened to me if I’d misbehaved in the meeting today – instead of just being naughtily quiet and refusing to look up from my shoelaces (nawty solb)

    I am deeply honoured that I pop up at work beebs - I feel special now.

    By ‘eck that’s very cute – I’m lucky they don’t really put people in hospital for not being able to choose socks … did I mention that I love socks????? *looks devastated at the plain grey socks adorning her tootsies*

    Ahhh beebs I’ll buy you some cake with the commission from the sale of my taps

    I've spent the afternoon hugging spotty dog, I bought him a new teddy made of rope - I told him teddy was for loving not for killing ... teddy has no legs and only one ear image
  • Sadly not being able to choose socks was a sign of how poorly I was. I was so worried about making the wrong decision that I didn't make any.
    CPN's are, on the whole, not worth the effort. They move around too much, are so full of book learning or years of what is wrong with the system that they forget we are people too.
  • Aww darling that's tough, so glad things have improved for you.

    I've only had one CPN before this one and she was lovely. We were stuck in a bit of a rut but she did her best. This one was really rubbish but he's a manager not a proper CPN, he was too busy (and too callous.) Am hoping that I can make some progress with the new person.

    It's horrible that you had such a hard time with the CMHT. I was told today that they are being rebranded Recovery Centres (sounds like corporate bullsh*t but we'll see.)
  • (offers SOLB the use of her Tibbles cat to stroke)
    If my daughter were here, she would tell you that all people have things in their lives that worry them, but it is the strong and wise people who talk about them.
    Moo (my son) would probably climb onto your lap, put his cheek against yours, and stroke your back as he murmured 'ahhhh'
  • Your family sound wonderful by 'eck, an 'ahhh' some very wise words and a purring cuddle sound pretty idyllic right now.

    I'm so relieved today is done, I was so busy feeling vulnerable and carp after therapy I forgot to notice how good it is that the meeting is done and that the therapist and OT are so firmly on my side image

    I am very tired but bed feels a bit lonely tonight
  • Everyone needs a teddy. Seriously, it is proven to help poorly children and babies. Even animals will curl up with something
    Glad your meeting went well and you can now move forward
  • Recovery centres? That's ridiculous, but unsurprising.

    By Eck,  you're family sound lovely and your daughter is very wise herself!

    I'm glad the meeting went well today SOLB and that you noticed the positives, I'm terrible for that.

  • Next time I get a teddy I'll try not to sacrifice it to spotty dog *feels guilty about teddy's last 30 minutes* Perhaps my hugless state is my punishment for it's terrible ordeal.

    It is ridiculous Ben-o if I hadn't been staring at my trainers any way I'd have had to look away to hide the smirk. Hope they aren't wasting pennies they could spend helping people to recover on rebranding all the stationary!

  • Nope, teddies are very forgiving. That might be a nice expedition for you and your niece when you feel better - to buy auntie SOLB a soft cuddly teddy
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