Mental illness and running



  • Mmm I'm gonna join Moo and the cat in a nap, mima I'll bring virtual you along with me - you'll still be stuck at work but at least virtual you can catch up on some zzz's


  • thank you SOLB

    I've never felt so low and worthless and singled out before. I'm not sure I want to work here anymore.

  • Wanna talk about it Mima? 




  • SOLB you have made me smile for the 1st time today.

    I have been organising training for DPA compliance. I sourced the quote, booked it all, arranged the dates, the rooms, the invoicing. I have to attend it as part of my job...but the overlord of my dept (Voldemort) has got four of his "team" on the training after I mentioned it was happening and conveniently there is no money in the budget for me to travel down to do my audit, to complete the training. This only happened after Voldemort learnt of the training. He doesn't like me anyway (I can't be bullied or seduced by him so he is just nasty) and I'll be the only one on the audit team not be included in the training.


  • fecking voldemort, I'm sending a scar faced brat to sort him out!

    I think we should plan what fabulous skiving activities are to take place while the others are breathing in boredom in dpa training.
  • Thank you! I've never felt singled out until now...this all just seems way too personal for my liking. Can there be lots of cake eating please? I'm starving! Might have to raid ASDA on my way home for either cake ingredients or ready made cake.

  • Yes, cake is most definitely included in the f*ck you voldewart plan image
  • I think I love you SOLB...can there be tea as well...and maybe a very quiet dark room that I can have a very long sleep in?

  • image

    There is always tea, you can have a little sleep under the desk and I'll set the mischief monkeys on voldewart x
  • I have chocolate brownies and strawberries and meringue nests with whipped cream.

    I had a boss like that Mimaduck. I actually ended up really ill because his bullying was horrendous.
  • I didn't want to use the B word by'eck but the more I think about it, it does seem slightly that way. I hate the thought of being seen as a "victim" - I was bullied at school (all girls schools = nightmare) and I always thought I was stronger. But it would seem not. I have just managed (in the last hour) to stop crying...I'm tired so its not helping but this isn't me usually.

    Those brownies sound do the meringues and strawberries. Trying to resist the naughty sweet stuff but that is all I am craving!image

  • Chocolate brownies make everything better, science fact!

    Sorry to hear about your problems at work Mima, being left out like that is horrible. I don't think you're a victim though. If I got punched, I'd be someone who got punched. Calling me a victim ignores the part where I press charges and they get convicted. It also ignores that in almost every other moment of my life I'm not a victim and that I've got plenty of things about me that make me strong. And I'm sure you have too Mima.

  • Thank you Ben-o. I'm ok really. I have inhaled my body weight in crap food tonight (salami, duck spring rolls x4), I've made brownies (out of a box but still...) that are only just out the over. And I'm about to eat said brownies with ice cream. And to hell with the calories.

  • I love what you said about not being a victim Ben-o - very wise. 
    Mima really sorry you're having such a difficult time at work, it's horrible that anyone should have made you feel like that. Hope the tears have stayed away darling, we're always here if you need to let off some steam. I'm very good at plotting revenge or trading insults if you'd like to let me know a little more about Voldewart!
    Calories don't count when you're having a bad day,
    Gym was kinda great and kinda not. The first 10 minutes were really hard on the breathing and I nearly gave up but then it magically settled image I hate the gym though - it's on the site of a school so there are loads of kids milling about and the reception is really busy. The gym itself has the opposite problem it's tiny (there are only two floor mats for everyone to stretch & do ab work etc on) it's really claustrophobic so I felt really difficult either way. I'm usually pretty resilient but it was just a bit too much. It's the cheapest, nearest option but I don't think it works for me. Will have to find somewhere else, overall I am just thrilled that the breathing settled. Off to the docs tomorrow, hopefully will get the bloods results. I really feel like I'm physically on the right road now. Can't wait to be feeling better again so I can tackle the crazy stuff and really get back on top of things.
    I have been having a love in with the spotty one tonight, he's the cuddliest dog I've ever met - love him.
    OK bed time
    Night everyone

  • Morning guys, hope you are feeling better today Mima - have been thinking of you

    I've got the docs today, dreading it for no apparent reason.

    I'm feeling pressured, am a bit over committed. I agreed to do something knowing that I already felt a bit wobbly and now I won't have time to go to the gym image I really do need to be more assertive, the problem isn't that I can't say no exactly its just if I can see a way of making things even a little better for someone then I really want to help. Wish I hadn't today though, I hope I've learned, its not just about 'free' time not at an appointment, I really need empty time while I get better.

    Best get in the shower anyway, hope you all have a good day

  • I *think* I understood what you're saying SOLB. Perhaps you need to be a bit kinder to yourself.

    Child 2 was awake shortly after 5 so I am not feeling my best. There is so much to do today but I think I will need to use naptime to sleep myself. Right, time to stop sitting around and start colouring image
  • Aww that's a fab thing to have on the to do list image

    I just cried at the doctor, don't know why its not that bad image what a dork. (havent heard dork for ages)

    Happy napping by 'eck and the sprogletts x
  • Only one sproglet at home! Apart from my kitty cats!

    How are you now SOLB?

    I've just had a Facebook message from my father-in-law wanting to know how Mr by 'eck is. Since they only have contact through me I feel obliged to tell them something but they really don't get how he can be so high functioning most of the time but the other 10% is completely dependent on me. It causes me so much stress trying to deal with his family and their issues but unless I keep the lines of communicatipon going there will be nothing for him to build on when he is ready.
  • Aww you are a sweetheart by 'eck. Could you tell FiL that Mr By eck is having a good day today, you all hope it continues but are aware he will probably need more support soon. Families are all so complicated.

    Did you swap one of the spogletts for the cats?

    I'm ok thanks, feeling very tired but need to get on with stuff, doc was v nice she said I was doing really well and I just need to take it one step at a time - its sweet but it doesn't mean anything, life isn't one step at a time. It feels like jumping into a skipping rope.
  • Today was cr4p. I don't normally use words like that. Tonight knocked my confidence completely. I have eaten chocolate cereal for tea but it's not made me feel any better.

    Child 1 goes to school during the day so it's just the youngest, the cats and me.

    I'm off to hide in the duvet
  • Todayw as carp I agree image

    What happened tonight? Can we help build you back up again? 

    I love the idea of eating chocolate cereal for tea ... I am craving a sugar fix but I've got nowt in and I'm too lazy to trek to the shop. Am contemplating porridge with strawberries for a midnight snack .. rock and roll baby! 


  • I posted and the web thingy lost it.

    Sadly, there doesn't appear to be anything you can do. Even Mr by 'eck tried and got it mighty wrong. The joys of a spouse with aspergers!

    Never mind, tomorrow is another day. I can guarantee I will get mucky, be bounced on at least once, pull some hair out and be given at least one hug and sloppy kiss.
  • I'm going with the tomorrow is another day and another start approach too. I will probably not be mucky, bounced on or lose any hair but I won't be rewarded with hugs and sloppy kisses either image 
    Hope tomorrow really is better, it's horrid not being able to help - will just have to quietly care about how you are instead 

  • oh no, self loathing is back. I don't get it I'm so much better, why's this bit being so hard?
  • It's part of the getting better process sadly. When we start to feel better we have the emotional energy to feel more
  • You are right by 'eck, hopefully it's just the interim period and I'm only feeling so frustrated because I am nearly well enough to be doing the things I feel like I should. 
    Are you feeling better darling?  

  • We made Moo safe chocolate cookies. That was good. We also went for a little walk in our street to see what we could spot.

    Still nothing from my friend, which is pretty yuck.

    How are you? Did you do something kind to yourself
  • No nice things AND the iron just bit me!  image

    I do have some very lovely friends though - the postman brought me three 'just because' presents today, what absolutely impeccable timing!

     The mouse book is from a forumite called mouse, we hang out on the Mundane thread where everyone likes cheese image the snail was knitted for me by another forumite who is having a tough time herself and still took the time to do something nice for me and the book is from yet another forumite who is so lovely she's sent me quite a few books now - she also printed my favourite mug ... I don't believe anyone that says forum friends are not real friends!! We all just care about each other so much.  

    I love that you and Moo have been busy baking, hope that you are both covered in chocolate image What did you spot in the street?
    It makes me smile whenever you refer to Moo my twin sisters youngest is nicknamed Moo too image

    Aww so sorry about your friend, hope everything comes out right in the end. 

    I'm still feeling exhausted all the time, I don't think I'm doing enough to help myself. The OCD makes eating a varied diet difficult but I think I need to have another go at pushing the boundaries a bit - I desperately want to be back on my feet, I have to face a few challenges if I am going to get there. 

    Saw the asthma nurse today, she gave me a plan to try to do some running  (well walking at first but it's a plan) so that's great

    I really wanted to say something supportive or helpful but I just can't think of anything to make you smile - hope hubby, the sprogletts or the cat have managed it a few times today image 

    Lots of love x

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