Mental illness and running

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  • Thats reassuing Caz, I do wonder at times if I'm doing the right thing, and does it matter if my employer is crap so long as they pay me? I fear I'm just acting on a principal and sort of cutting my own nose off a bit. The truth is I have no trust in them, but if I end up staying in the department I am now is that really so bad?   My job right now is easy (but boring), and I'd have to go on full time hours if I change jobs.

    Scared of the unknown and change I suppose.

  • Thats natural.  Very few of us like change at the best of times but when you feel that you have been pushed into it by someone else and that it isn't really your choice then it is even harder.

    Quitting my job led to leaving my husband, leaving my house, leaving my friends and taking up a new life in a part of the country I had never even visited before.  Its been very traumatic but I've also had some of the best times of my life in the last 18 months and I know that in another 6 months I will be all sorted out and looking forward to a completely new beginning.

  • Just drafted a response to my employer on their email. I've also realised that if I leave the NHS now and then return later I will lose my place at the top of the pay scale and my long service annual leave benefits, not to mention my pension being moved to less favourable rates. So I have to stay until I find another job.

    I've suggested ACAS mediation to them as a possible way forward. 

    Hope everyone is enjoying this warm weather.

    image

  • Hope that works out for you, Soupy.  Getting another job would definitely be the best way forward.

    Had a bit of rubbish day today.  Really not felt like moving but have finally managed to motivate myself to do a few essential jobs. before crashing out on the sofa again.  Frustrating as I was hoping the running was going to help me feel a bit better.  Will just have to take the running as a positive from this week and hope for more of the same.

  • Can't remember how long it is since I posted. I have been lurking and sending hugs. Thjngs have just been very busy and mentally ddemanding and felt unseen to post.

    but you guys are fab
  • Sending hugs (((by eck)))

  • *unlurks* 
    *delivers hugs to all* 

     

  • snap on the lurking. hope everyone is well

  • (((SOLB))) + (((RWTW)))  Hows things with you both?

    Looks like everyone's been lurking just waiting for someone to break the silence.

    I seem to be having mixed fortunes at the moment - struggling with work and just not wanting to move when I'm at home either.  In the midst of that though, the running seems to have taken an upturn.  A couple of runs with my work colleague along with the 10k and a running club run made it the best running week in a long time.  Today my work colleague wasn't feeling well enough so it was looking like it might not happen today.  Instead I managed to persuade myself to get along to the Monday night running group who I've not run with for about 6 months.  Maybe it was the accusations of being a fair weather runner - which I'm not, with the other problems I have to overcome I can't afford to let the weather get in the way as well - but it motivated me to demonstrate that I hadn't been doing nothing for 6 months.

  • Wow well done LR. so pleased you got to show off that you've been fighting on. 

    I'm sort of having a hard time and sort of not. I am absolutely wiped out have been for about a month, the doc is doing bloods. It might also be a virus. It could be a symptom of a really annoying bout of depression that wont quite shift. I'm lucky in that I'm not really tortured with it, it's fairly gentle but relentless and it's stolen all my energy and over time is wearing out my helpful coping strategies. I started doing something unhelpful but I've fixed it again. 

    I'm focussing really hard on yet another new start; exercise is tricky while I am feeling so poorly but I'm working on eating and sleeping properly and in working on longer term goals

    Hope you guys are all good? 

    Oh I've just heard about Boston Marathon image 

  • Well done LR, sounds very good.

    Solb - thats rubbish, but very likely to be a virus or just the depression as you say. Low energy is not fun at all. Hving enough iron etc?

    Still injured - been five weeks now so it isn't easy. Walking pain free finally so hoping i will be running again soon.

    Work is going really well but it bothers me that I feel noone there really knows me as don't know my past. I want to tell someone just so I can have someone who completely understands me but also want to keep my private life very seperate to work...so its a tricky one. Also getting worried about how it may all affect me going forward. Often find my self doubt is holding me back, and that worries me.

     

  • Work can be difficult in that respect.  People do gossip so it's important to be able to really trust someone - but it certainly can be helpful to have some who really knows you.

    Good to hear you've got a good strategy planned SOLB- you've certainly come a long way already so keep it going one step at a time.

  • I haven't run for weeks. I got very image at the thought of not being able to run ndw and being a failure, then moo and everything took over and now j can't seem to shoe horn it in and I'm getting miffed with myself
  • It's obviously been a really difficult time for you to be able to fit any running in.  Stay around and we'll see if we can encourage you to get out there again.

  • Oh that is a bit of a dilemma, telling someone at work would be nice but I'd err on the side of caution with telling people things. Is there a compromise? Could you tell someone who you think you can trust a rough outline without giving away too many details? I haven't read back cos I've just missed too much so I might be totally wrong. 

    By Eck perhaps we can try getting on track with running together. I might be a bit shaky with the whatever the problem is but I'm planning on getting some regular runs in even if they end up being round the block - I think it's more about routine than progress right now 

    How are things with Moo? 

  • *waves to everyone excitedly*

    lovely to hear from people again. I was getting worried about you all. image

    Time for the VRC to have an outing again perhaps? I've not run much at all, but have been biking and swimming. Did a cracking couple of laps round Richmond Park after work yesterday. 

  • Ooooh nice to see the thread come back to life image

     

    *leaves pile of hugs*

  • de lurks, been busy, getting a bit too busy but coping at the moment.

    glad to hear everyone is still around, thanks XFR bear I will take just one hug and leave the rest for other peeps.

  • I'll definitely take one.  Just got back in from work early as I'd got a phone appointment set up for 17.00.  This was after I had my first appointment cancelled on Friday.  Same thing happened again - got a call to say the person had gone home ill.  Now rearranged for a week on Friday.

    Just trying to pick myself up now for a running club run this evening but that's really upset me.

  • I could do with a pile of hugs.  I'm very stressed at the moment as I have so much going on and a huge event in 10 days that I am frankly scared about.

    And I have just found out that a close friend is stable but critically ill in hospital and another very good friend is looking after her.  I'm not convinced that she will come out of hospital

  • Hugs to everyone
  • (((Oh Caz)))

     

     

  • Big hugs (((Caz)))

  • Lots of hugs Caz.

    Solb - yeah its a really tricky one. Ended up getting a bit down last night and messaged someone I work with who i've grown to trust, and so just told him. Has helped a bit to get some of the weight off, but still feel a bit fake as noone else knows any of my past. Also annoying as I'd really like to raise some more awareness around eating disorders as mine was exercise based, and its so common for them to happen, but I'm very unsure how 'coming out' as having an eating disorder would go down at work.....especially when I'm so new and junior. 

  • Rubbish day today.  Still feeling a bit of a mess after last nights cancellation so work was difficult to get through.  Had orienteering to go to after work.  Didn't really feel up to it but still went.  Worse feared scenario happened though as our club chairman - who knows about my situation - had a go at me.  Happened last week and I was just at breaking point and shouted and swore at him.  Going to make it even more difficult to turn up at events now.  It just really hurts that someone that I have confided in in that way could be so uncaring.

  • Feeling a bit more stable now, but I could be knocked over again easily.  The friend I mentioned before is still in hospital but is significantly improved.  Enough that I don't need to worry about them as much.

    This seems to be such a crap year for so many people.  I just want all my friends to get sorted out and be happy. Can you believe that three people I know have been in hospital this week?  The guys at work joke that they don't want to be my friend becasue then something bad will happen to them.

  • I am happier now, how is your friend SuperCaz? 

  • Hi, SOLB, good to hear you're doing OK.

    I seem to be recovering from attempting an urban orienteering yesterday when I was really in no condition to be doing it.  Just couldn't cope with having people around me at all.  I'm also currently got another 8 week wait before a further appointment so am going to try to get my medication changed as the citalopram is definitely doing nothing for me.

  • I've spent the last 10 min hunting for this thread and as soon as I give up I find it back in it's righful place at the top of the page.

    Solb, I heard today that my friend has gone into the hospice.

    Otherwise I am doing good.

    Good to see you LR.  I don't like it when people go quiet

  • Sad news, Caz.

    How are our other lurkers getting on?

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