Mental illness and running



  • It's been that long since I've swam I'm fairly sure my hips don't know either.

    I've just been some Dalai Lama tweets, my current favourite: "We tend to forget that despite the superficial differences between us, people are equal in their basic wish for peace and happiness." and "Compassion is a feeling from deep in the heart that you cannot bear someone else's suffering without taking steps to relieve it.".

    Actually my out-y is from operations I had when young, though the result is much the same: I love the cake!

    How have you been SOLB?

  • Not so good Ben-o.
    How about you?
  • I'm sorry to hear that SOLB! I'm happy to lend a sympathetic ear if you want, but I appreciate I am a stranger and this is a public forum! (I also have an unsympathetic ear, but he's not very nice!)

    I'm alright thanks, busy which is always better for me. I need to get my fat-arse running more!

    Take care of yourself SOLB,


  • Hi SOLB.

    This thread has picked up again.
    Lots of people saying nice things about you, which can't be bad.image

    You appear to be a providing something here that people need.

  • Thanks you guys that's really sweet.

    Ben-o I gave up caring about it being a public forum etc I got tired of being ashamed of being ill. I have demons to fight sometimes and I'm not hiding it ... but neither am I forcing other people to watch.

    I have been fighting really hard trying to will myself better since late September against obstacle after obstacle. I have been trying to just keep going and pretending to be coping OK and it finally fell apart.

    Have had a particularly rubbish teary day. I hate crying normally but this time I think I might need to cry all the tears I've been suppressing for all these months. It will be OK. My twin sister is on her way over with my baby niece to sit with me (and eat ice-cream) until I am a little more stable.

    Hello Big D how are you? You are right there are lots of really lovely things being said here.

    It is pretty liberating saying how things really are instead of adhering to all the social niceties.
  • I'm pretty good. (I have a bad knee, but time should fix that)

    The forum is a good place for - well all sorts of things. But you can get the unwanted attention of the troll.

  • Hmm I've yet to meet a troll ... that or I just didn't recognise him/her.

    Sorry about the knee, hope it improves v soon.

    image glad you're doing ok
  • SOLB, ice cream helps everything (except for brain freeze).

    I like the phrase "the aggregation of marginal gains" which they use in cycling about doing the little 1% things to hopefully make up 5 or 10% difference. I often think life is like that!

    As for social niceties...down with them I say! Seriously though, it's good you feel that you can be unhibited on this forum.

  • *surfaces* Ben-o I fell into the icecream pot *gulp gulp*

    Hmm do you think icecream eating counts as an aggregation of marginal gains in terms of mood or can it only be applied to expanding waistlines?

  • I'm pretty sure that if it's a little thing that improves your mood then it's a marginal gain, if there's lots of then it's an aggregation! Little things pleases little minds!

    As for expanding waistlines...meah, I prefer a bit of Buddhist acceptance image

  •   Hi SOLB, this is my first time to get involved on a forum so please  accept my best wishes on your love of running as a way of helping you through life. Last august i had an accident and recieved a fractured skull and minor brain damage,but my love of running has been a huge help in my recovery.However after running the cardiff half marathon in 1hour 28 mins,i have since found it hard to get motivated again.Listening to your positive coments has now helped this 58 year old to grt back to a more positive frame of mind, good luck for the future.

  • That made me smile vet #1, so excited that you're feeling more positive. What's the plan for getting motivated?
    I'm planning on ignoring distance, speed etc and just running every day next week. I'm hoping that'll put running back into my routine and the rest will come afterwards.
    Come back and let us know how you get on with getting back into running ... we can be motivational cheerleaders image
  • Rah-Rah skirts?image
  •    Hi solb, thank you for your quick reply. I may sound a single minded in what i want to do which is just get as fit as a 58 year old can, but with help off people like you who knows what can happen.To be completly honest i just want to try and be fit and healthy to help my family who have helped me get back into somthing i enjoy.Every day i run is a bonus - in a race or just a training run arround the area i love to train,but most important to help me keep healthy.

    once again thank you

  • I'll pop yours in the post Big D image
  • image sounds like a brilliant goal to me vet #1

    Keep in touch
  • Went for the first run of the solb get into a routine 7 day series ... great to be out there though my unfit lungs didn't enjoy it so much  image

  • Well done SOLB! That's good to hear, I hope you give yourself some credit for it. You are my inspiration for next week, this week I'm just too busy...mostly.
  • Hi guys.... you dont mind if I join you?

    I'm waiting for results of my assessment at the moment. It will be interesting to see if they confirm what I already know.

    SOLB, I'm sorry if this is inappropriate question and you dont have to answer... I just wonder, does it help you deal with issues now that you've been given "a stamp" of a mental illness or does it make it harder?
    I wonder if they give me "a stamp", will I start hiding behind it, get out of control and blame it all on the fact that I'm just mentally ill.

    I'm anxious of the wait. Things have gone from bad to worse and I have lived with the bad for 10 years, with the worse, for about 5. I think enough is enough. What ever it is that is wrong with me, I just want it to end. I'm 31 and I behave like a teenager sometimes.
    I dont know who suffers the most, me or my boyfriend.

    And he is going through some pretty bad stuff at the moment too, I'm just making things harder for him.

  • Thanks Ben-o I'll look forward to cheering you on next week image

    Hi Elli

    I'd imagine they'll confirm what you already know, though it'll be nice if they can offer a plan to manage it that gives you a little hope as well.

    There aren't really any inappropriate questions, though I might not know the answer. I won't be offended by a question, if it's a bit raw I just won't answer.

    I don't know if it's the right answer but the honest one is that it didn't really make any difference to me. Mental Health diagnosis don't really mean very much.

    It's a bit misleading, it sounds like you can split the problems into clean categories and then treat them individually. In my experience everyone has a mixture of loads of different things and the diagnosis depends on the one or two the clinician thinks are most important at the time.

    The only time a diagnosis has affected me was the psychosis one because it meant I had to try to understand that my experience wasn't real even though they seemed to be.

    You won't go on a rampage and blame it on the fact you're ill, although you may find that you are able to give yourself permission to stop pretending that everything's OK. I temporarily got a little worse after the very first depression diagnosis, not because I was blaming the diagnosis and misbehaving but because it gave me permission to stop tearing myself apart trying to cope (if you've sought help then presumably this strategy isn't sustainable long term any way)

    You're allowed to be anxious about the wait. It's totally understandable to feel that way. One of the things that I hate the most about the current system is how much uncertainty and anxiety it adds to people's lives. It's not deliberate, the service is under resourced but it's so painful waiting about for waiting lists and assessments. You just want to know what's happening. I've always found that while they call it an assessment period it doesn't mean that you can 'fail' and not be offered any help at all. It's usually just working out the best (and most cost effective) way to help.

    So sorry that things have been so hard for you over the last 15 years. It sounds like you've been really courageous to have fought for so long.

    It's really hard to comprehend how much pain there is in just 15 minutes of mental illness. I'm so sorry you've had to fight through so many years.

    The first stages of mental health services are the worst, if you can try to hold on to a little hope I promise it gets easier. People care, and even if the label means nothing to you it can help other people to grasp an idea of how hard things are even if they can't quite walk in your shoes.

    The fact that your behaviour affects your boyfriend too is difficult, but you could also say that his pretty bad stuff is affecting you. You don't need to feel guilty about things you can't control. You can't will yourself happy, or uncomplicated ... if you could you would have already done it by now!

    No one chooses to be sad or in pain. You're doing your best against an invisible and formidable enemy (hopefully the docs can help to show you the way to defeat it.)

    I'm just rambling now. I really want to give you a huge hug, to reassure you it doesn't change who you are. The anxiety is awful, I wish I could take it away.

    If you ever fancy a rant or just want to voice a fear you're always welcome to post (or PM) I don't always know what to say but I can promise I genuinely do always care.


  • You know that is the best thing anyone has ever said to me!

    I've been through so many counsellors, few episodes of being on antidepressants (unsuccessfully), so many relationships torn to bits because nobody would understand me (most of all I couldn't understand myself). It's really so nice to read your reply and know that you know where I'm coming from.

    I think for me, I am so scared that I'm "faking it". I think so many people have said theres nothing wrong with me, or that I'm just being difficult on purpose and that my life really is fine and there's nothing wrong with it. It has made me doubt myself. Am I just making things up because I want some attention?
    Or am I really troubled? I would like to get the professional opinion as soon as possible. So eager to have the situation laid out like this:
    You have illness x. Your cure/treatment is y. Here is a path. Walk it.

    Of course it won't be like that. But in my head, everything is black and white. So if I am ill, there is a way out. If however I'm not, I'll be damaged forever without any hope to move forward. It sounds really silly, I know. But its the way I see it.
    I mean, if you're "normal", why would you WANT someone to give you a diagnosis like this?

    Thank you for your reply. It made me feel warm inside x
  • Aww thanks Elli, that's so sweet. I always feel a bit helpless when other people are hurting cos I know how painful it is but I still don't know how to make it better.

    How are you today?

    Any news from the powers that be?

    I always think I'm faking it too! At best I fear I'm exaggerating and at worst I wonder if I've made it all up ... if both of us (as complete strangers) felt the same thing then surely we're not the only ones to have that fear.

    I've yet to be given a path but I think I may have found my own wobbly one to follow, finally. I've had years of chasing my own tail in one rut or another and now I finally think I'm fighting in the right direction. There are an unbelievable number of obstacles and there are whole sections of the path that I've no idea how to get through but I'm hoping that I'll be able to see a workaround once I'm there.

    The world being black and white sounds very familiar. I know lots of people think that. Beating yourself up because you're not allowed to feel so bad without an excuse is counter-productive and really common (in my experience.)

    Take care of yourself honey x

  • How are you all now? Elli are you feeling better? SOLB are you running again? Beno how is the belly button
  • Hi Bobby

    I'm OK thanks. The running routine is going pretty well but I'm not quite there yet.

    I've just started therapy so I am struggling with nightmares & the voices coming back a little - they should settle but it's a bit frightening.

    I've just entered the Dorset village marathon so that should provide a little motivation!! image

    How are you? Are you OK? (and you Ellie, did you get any news darling?)


  • Bobby,

    My belly button is out; loud and proud!

    (Enjoying the festive name change SOLB)

  • Ha I'd love to take credit but someone else thought of it for me when I confessed to my lack of imagination!

  • Well with a name like "Ben-o" I can't claim to have much imagination! It reminds me of the time in the early 90s when i thought adding "o" to everyone's name made me most radical/bodacious dude in the school playground!

  • Ha ha coolio!
  • I'm not doing so well, fancied a big fat rant, feel free to completely ignore it. I'm not asking any one to fix it just tired of pretending it's OK.

    I'm tired of losing the battle with the housing people. It is almost inevitable I'll end up having to spend some time in a homeless hostel ... I feel really frustrated because it doesn't have to go that way. There are systems in place that would prevent it from happening but no one cares enough to initiate them with any sense of urgency. I haven't even made it to stage one and time is ticking away.

    I'm trying to pretend I'm OK about it but truthfully I'm petrified about what it'll do to my mental health. I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread as it is. I wish things weren't always so hard. I try really hard to stay positive but it's just getting so hard. I'm scared of crying in case I never stop.

    Come on life, please get a little better
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