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Aww SOLB, I'm really sorry to hear things aren't so good for you.
That's really shit about the housing. I'm not surprised you're petrified about what the consequences of this unecessary and crappy change, Especially at this time of year. I wish I could help in some way, but I don't know anything helpful.
I'm concerned that you think no one cares, I hope that's not the case. I know it can certainly feel like no one cares when times are hard. If you don't think you're getting what you need there's always PALS may be? I don't know if that'll help with housing though.
I'm not a hugger (too many restraint orders), but here's a big one!
You are still in my prayers.
SOLB, you're too hard on yourself! When things are shit, it's ok to let them affect you.
It looks like you're getting more and more and anxious and stressed, and I'm going to guess and say that's probably related to hearing the voices more frequently and OCD symptoms. And that's ok. It seems that you often worry about losing control and becoming iller (is that a word? it looks wrong). Kind of like worrying about worry.
It must be really tough for you trying to be positive and not "dump" on friends, but won't true friends stand by you whatever? (I'm a little nauseated by this cliche, feel free to ignore it)
I get feeling lonely but at other times wanted to be alone. Sometimes I can't stand to be around people (particularly in the mornings before I've had a cup of tea) and other times I want to be with people. We all fluctuate.
I don't think there's anything wrong about it being about you. But as you've asked, I shouldn't drink then post on internet forums as it makes me talk rubbish.
Hi-de-hi guys and girls!
How are we all doing after Christmas?
Hopefully it was good enough for everyone.
I'm good thanks SOLB, go back to work next though (boo!).
It sounds like you had a enjoyable Christmas. I love the lanterns idea, pity they didn't fly particularly well! It's good that you're counting your blessings, I'm terrible for that. You said your totally different, how do you mean?
I remember reading a while ago about some mathematicians calculated the most depressing day of the year being the third monday in January. Their reasoning was that by the third monday everyone had dropped their resolutions and didn't have much to look forward to in the coming weeks.
I'm not sure about January causing "winter madness" but I've have consciously planned things for this month. Though I admit with the weather being grim at times it's hard to get motivated to go for a run!
I've got back into running and I have a training schedule, so that makes everything better. Work's ok, bit tiring having to actually do stuff.
Sorry to hear about the-thing-which-used-to-be-called-a-nervous-breakdown (what is it now?) SOLB, it does sound like there are some positives though right? At least you're doing what helps, even if it is hour-by-hour.
I get how the rules help with containing anxiety and stress, and the whole homelessness situation sounds awful and I really hope that your OT can help with that. Coping is coping, sometimes it's about good mechanisms and sometimes it's just about surviving.
That must be difficult if your mum feels guilty, have you been able to talk to her about it lessen it? Admittedly though, mum's can have a tendency to feel guilty but it is because they care. The logic I've always used with my mum is "did you intend for x to happen? No? Well it's not your fault then". Though rationality sometimes does nothing to effect our human irrationalities! Re-reading that it sounds quite dismissive and cold, but I'm sure the empathy/niceness comes easily to you.
There's hope for my running yet ... I need to get into a training schedule again, once I'm in it's really easy to get out running, I'm happier, my running's happier everything is happier. The psychiatric teams have all told me to get out running this week too as part of coping so that's a good start. If you've managed it then I can too
Grrr to the actually having to do stuff thing we'll have to work on an escape plan for you ...
It's called an 'adjustment disorder' I think. There are some positives, I've been much better today - stopped shaking and crying. Even went out for a quick, muddy walk with SCaz (from the forums)
"I get how the rules help with containing anxiety and stress, and the whole homelessness situation sounds awful and I really hope that your OT can help with that. Coping is coping, sometimes it's about good mechanisms and sometimes it's just about surviving."
That's exactly what my CPN said - he'd be delighted if I'd replaced the OCD rules with healthier coping strategies but he'd rather I had damaging coping strategies rather than none at all.
Weirdly I think the homeless thing might be sorted after all. A strange man knocked on the door tonight and asked if I wanted a house. I said yes please. He said he'd check references - which'll be wonderful - I'm going to look tomorrow, he says it's not a palace I don't care I'm not a princess and I just want somewhere to live.
The homelessness thing has been going on since the beginning of November and it might all be sorted in one 5 minute conversation, very surreal - I'm so relieved I feel a bit drunk. (I can't sleep now cos I just can't get my head around it.)
I spoke to my Mum briefly and explained it the way I did to you. I tried to let her know that it was going to happen anyway and that she didn't say anything wrong. Ironically she said I was overreacting (which was the trigger for the biggest overreaction I could manage!!) I've tried telling her she was right, I was overreacting she didn't say or do anything wrong. She can't think about it without bursting into tears.
Hopefully if this house tomorrow works out that will remove the immediate danger of a relapse and she'll be able to let the shock go a little bit.
You didn't sound cold at all,
I've been for a short run tonight as I've got my new minimalist barefoot running shoes. I didn't find them that painful but my technique was all wrong so I only ran for a little bit.
I quite like work really, it gives me something to do and gives me structure which I need. Two weeks off over Christmas was too long. Saying that, my head really isn't at work this week which has positives and negatives.
"adjustment disorder"? What does that even mean?! I hate labels and jargon so much. How have you been feeling today? More muddy walks? Did you wear wellies?
Have you looked around the house yet? Though I'm sure you can still be a princess if you want, all you need is a title that you've been born into or to marry someone who's has a heriditary title. Grace Kelly managed it, so I'm sure you can too. If you want to.
That is odd about the guy just randomly asking if you want a house, I really hope it works out for you.
You're right, perhaps it is too raw for your mum at the moment. Hopefully with a bit of time to reflect she'll see it a bit differently.
I didn't sound cold? Damnit, must try harder!
It certainly sounds like you've started this year with lots of positive energy, that's great! How's running every day going? It sounds like you've really busy!
Well done for not drinking! I'm not sure I could do that, I love it too much. Kudos for you though.
It sounds like a real dilemma that people need you, which you like (who doesn't?), but it doesn't leave you any time for yourself!
It's brill that you're feeling positive, long may it continue!
Argh sorry guys, I hadn't seen your posts. How are things? Where's everyone at? Running? Health? Life? Hope you're all well ... I've been on an upwards trend the new treatment is really effective, The voices are quiet and I have somewhere to live (though it doesn't feel very safe yet.) Unfortunately the treatment and 'stuff' is threatening to break me and I'm at the cusp of a fairly major episode. I am hoping I can battle it back but I've never got this far down the road without being trapped in the house for 8-12 weeks. Am petrified it'll go that far, though the mental health team are already hopping up and down squeaking about psychiatrists and the OT is badgering me for home visits so I'm hoping it won't last so long and they'll be able to drag me through it faster. Things are so much better, but not right about now, and probably not tomorrow either. Am throwing more fight at not giving in to the fear of outside than I've ever done before ... perhaps if I don't stop going out I won't struggle so much to do it. It probably helps that the house doesn't feel safe either ... it isn't very pleasant but it stops me from hiding from the bad guys from barricading the doors at least.
Are you a bonefida barefooter now Ben-o?Are you still on the wagon Eli? I only drink once every couple of years but I know I am really lucky cos alcohol doesn't have a huge appeal for me. I don't like being out of control, Hope you are all still positive, thinking of you all X
How are you?
Sorry it's taken me ages to reply, I'm super-busy with work at the moment. So busy in fact that I'd convinced myself that I had a race this weekend but it was actually last weekend. Oops! It was only a 5k.
I hope you're getting out there in the sun, it's lovely outside. The sunshine always makes me feel good, even when I'm trapped inside working!
How are you doing with your new OCD diagnosis? Do you find diagnosis helpful? I'm not that familiar with OCD either, but see it as an anxiety-related set of symptoms where it's all about controlling/managing anxiety through a number of strategies (which tend to have to be done, hence the compulsion part).
How's your running going? Have you got any races planned?
bad joke warning - bad joke warning - bad joke warning - bad joke warning - bad joke warning
So you swapped plodding time for time with Plod!
Sound the all clear, end of bad jokes.
Take care you guys
I think you'd be well within your rights to complain, I think the idea that people (depending on risk of course) need to be detained in police cells is ridiculous and very unthoughtful. We don't do that with people who are physically unwell do we? I think Mind do some stuff about this, might be worth giving them a call if/when you feel up to it.
A letter sounds like a fantastic idea. I hope you manage to get through it ok. May be your psychologist can't fix everything, but she can help. And giving you space to get some coherence going will help. I'm a big fan of drawing diagrams, it's just how my brain works. Not technical stuff, I'm shit at that, but concepts linked together. Or a graph, I love a good graph! Sorry, I've become distracted by my own geekiness!
And what's so wrong with a bit of self-indulgence, huh?