Mental illness and running



  • I'm a geek and I know it.

    I know plenty of people who work in health professions who have a history or current difficulties (disclosed or not). It's no surprise really, some people deal with their own distress by caring for others. Other people do it because they want to give back and genuinely help people in distress. And then there are psychiatrists. image

    I'm not very good at sympathy SOLB, of luck, worst things happen at sea, it's always darkest before the dawn. *firm handshake*


  • Big D, that made me smile. Thank you for the attached sympathy I have applied it now so the I've-got-a-cold moaning should stop for about 40 seconds until it's expired. (I may have to confess it's really not even a bad one, sore throat and sporadic sneezing I suspect man-flu is ahoy though!)

    I suppose you're right Ben-o it must be a really hard job to do and something fairly powerful must motivate people to get into it. None the less in my experience (which is very limited in the grand scheme of things) it's a rare and remarkable thing to find someone working in mental health who is still compassionate - I know why, I don't think I could do it either, but it makes it worth noting and celebrating in those that somehow manage it.

    I have a docs appointment at my new doctors surgery in an hour, cos they like to meet new patients as it takes a long time to get notes across - I think it's sweet but what a tangled little mess I'd present today. I don't know what meds I'm on, I don't know what meds I'll be on in the next few days, I don't know whether they need to be prescribed by the doc or the crisis team. I don't know when the next appointment is to ask. I.don't.know. I don't want to go cos I'll feel like such a pleb and it's such a waste of time...hey ho standing doctors up is even worse. Could someone please push me in the direction of the shower?

    PS. <looks innocent> I don't know what you meant by and then there are psychiatrists, surely they'd be the most caring compassionate ones of the lot ....... no? (I did actually meet a nice one last week but I think he was just a rogue psychiatrist who will be recalled and subjected to reprogramming)
  • One of my Favorite quote that keeps me mentally focused - 'you got to want it more then breathing' that and Florence and The machines and Tiesto on the Ipod.
  • SOLB, my psych is lovely. He reminds me of john sergeant, both in appearance and personality. Sadly, he is private so not available to the NHS. I am lucky that my OH gets health insurance through work. I have a very good therapist. She doesn't swamp me with sympathy, gives me realistic targets and checks I'm ok if I have a hard session, my son is hospital or she thinks I might need it.
    oh, and she's a mental health nurse in the NHS.
    Sadly, my first psych made me much much worse (didn't realise how ill I was and then kept me in hospital for weeks even tho it was clear it was my meds making me very poorly) and I walked out of a session I had with my first therapist.
    Wow, I can't believe I've actually told someone all this stuff. Sorry if it's a bit random or too much.
    SOLB - I won't offer sympathy but i'll stick a cuppa and biscuit by you.
  • Hi Mick!

    How life with you these days?

  • David

    hello friend -  i'm ok you know

    not done much over last 12 months due to benign prostate sickness - but i'm on the re build, and as you know, i have a huge advantage over most because of expereince

    yes David i echo your remarks about this thread

    it is a Super brilliant thread and SOLB should be congratulated for it

  • Hog-mouseHog-mouse ✭✭✭

    I know it's the wrong thread but thinking about your cold SoLB and your out of phase this afternoon.

    When I was comming down with my cold I went to a core session. i couldn't balance and kept falling over. Most unlike me. I couldn't fathom what was wrong but knew my head felt a little fuzzy.

    Roll forward a couple of weeks, back in England and i'm cycling to work, have one steep hill and I struggled to cycle up it. i could feel my heart rate was far to high and far too weak. This hill is my indicator of my fitness, If I can sprint up it I know I'm well.

    So today you felt ill, you have a cold. There are some nasty colds going around at the moment. I hope that all you experienced was the sympyoms of your cold.

    Anyway get better soon and look after yourself.

  • Thanks will, that made me smile

    Awww by ‘eck that’s so sweet, I’m impressed that there are some nice psychiatrists living in the wild! I totally get the not being swamped with sympathy – in fact I was thrilled about the same thing with my GP today – she was concerned and patient but not sickly sweet or overly sympathetic. DO you feel listened to with your psychiatrist? I really struggle to make myself speak at all with mine - so much so that the therapist is coming in with me next time cos I didn't manage to answer any questions last time, just sat and shook.

    Your first psych sounds horrific – I’ve had an unhelpful ride with my last psychiatrist but nothing like that scale. I just felt we were stuck in a rut, he’d disregard anything I said that didn’t fit with his preconceived idea of the diagnosis and cram anything that didn’t quite fit in like a toddler with a puzzle. Thankfully the new team immediately realised the diagnosis was completely wrong and we're sorting it. How did you realise your guy was wrong?

    It’s nothing like too random or too much. It’s really nice that you shared it. I don’t think we’ve got anything to be ashamed of, it’s just so hard to talk about (and anyway if people don't wanna hear about mental health stuff then I suspect they'd be better off looking at a thread with a different title!)

    I’m so glad you escaped the unhelpful psych, and got off the meds.

    Prostate sickness sounds a bit carp Mick, glad things are looking up.
    *basks in the warm glow of the congrats*

    I have the crisis team coming tomorrow at 4 - I find them really confusing. They text me asking if I wanted to see them over the weekend, I replied telling them that I'd determined not to do anything drastic until we've challenged the hopelessness with the new meds so I'd be safe - which has made them decide to come and see me even sooner instead. I don't really like the crisis team I don't find them helpful.

    *yawn* I am in dire need of some tea and bed, hope you all get some sleep xxx
  • Hi Mousey,
    X-post, I think there's probably a link - I was possibly suffering some withdrawal from naughtily not taking the meds too. The anti-psychotics made me feel very, very ill getting on to them. Suddenly withdrawing them might have caused some issues - I'm being good and taking my night time meds now image' />
    I don't usually get particularly affected by colds but this one came via SOLBsis and the mini's and they've all been feeling really poorly for about 3 weeks so it probably is a bit nasty.
    Will no doubt feel better after some zz's (which I'll definitely get on my new 'knockanelephantout' dose of meds)
  • How are you doing today SOLB? Your crisis team might want to see how you are doing so they can work out how much support you need over the weekend. It is a long time (5 days) until they are back into normal working patterns. I do know what you mean about "i won't do anything at the moment" and sometimes people think that means you have everything planned and they need to whisk you off someplace safe and drug you into submission.
    I knew the drugs didn't work cos I managed to convince the staff to watch my son and walked to the nearest train station. Need I say more. I took the decision myself not to jump because there were children on the platform. It was actually the itching that drove me to distraction, oh and being knocked out with sleeping tablets but still having too many thoughts whizzing around.
    i'm not normally this morose. i'm actually quite amusing.
  • Hey, Sorry By 'eck I was sulking. The crisis team was OK, as pointless as ever really.
    They had completely forgotten the promise to review meds with the psychiatrist. I have to go and meet with him again on Tuesday - they've said he'll prescribe the Duloxetine - but if that's the case I can't really see why I have to waste his time by going to see him, surely he can just write the prescription.
    So sorry for not replying to your post sooner by 'eck - ironically I didn't know what to say. Can't believe you managed to escape to the station while in a hospital - that's fairly shocking though I suppose mistakes do happen.
    It wasn't too morose, just very real. I doubt there's anyone who hasn't thought about suicide at one point(to a greater or lesser degree) I think most people stop at idly wandering what would happen and how they'd do it but others get driven through that stage to the next and so on. It's weird how little we can talk about stuff like that. I spent a long time evaluating methods, I choose the specific bridge I did because it is over mud flats. I didn't want to endanger other people with roads/trainlines etc and water isn't sure enough.
    A few years ago while I was idly fantasising about suicide(as opposed to actually being in danger) I discovered a website that listed all the different methods by how lethal they were - it was a very frightening resource with lists of the most effective medications and heights required for a fatal drop etc. I'm usually pretty liberal on the freedom of speech side of things but I can't believe the site hadn't been closed down for it's risk to vulnerable people.
    I'm feeling quite spaced out zombie like so it's making it hard to think and my eyes don't like being made to focus on texts. If this is rambling rubbish please disregard it.
  • Hey kk,

    Long time no see, how are things with you?

    I was directed to the blue room, I posted a couple of times but the thread stayed fast asleep - I choose to believe that means all the posters are better, nearly better or surrounded by other support.

    The web is a phenomenal resource but its so scary too. In an ideal world it wouldn't matter but the truth is its the most vulnerable people that are most likely to land on the dangerous sites. I don't think there's anything that can be done to eliminate the risk it just feels wrong.

    I suppose there's always a flip side too - I have recently ended up feeling cross when someone acted in a way that made me feel humiliated even though the action was wholly motivated by concern. I suppose there aren't any right answers
  • I've been really lucky - I've had more love and support from forumites than most people would believe. I've had visits when I'm too poorly to go out and enormous hugs. The Mundanies and Beebs Kitchen lot were incredible when I was moving house. Sending things to help furnish it and even coming together for a painting party. Even those that live too far away have been invaluable - despite being so verbose most of the time I genuinely can't even begin to explain how much the patient love, support and silliness has meant over the last 12 months. My world is so different now I trust people (pretty impressive for a running forum!)

    My Mum just told me it was upsetting seeing me this morning cos I'm so zombified ...
  • Planning is a bit difficult at the moment with the suicidal stuff here it feels like the future is quite unreal. If I can phrase it in a way that sounds a bit odd then the plan, if I don't jump off any bridges, is to try again with college in September.
    I first got very ill when I was reading law at uni and eventually got so poorly that I couldn't complete (I dropped out after the second spell in a psychiatric hospital)
    I don't want to do law again, I don't want to feel like the years that have passed since then have been completely pointless and I wasn't as excited by the subject as I thought I'd be. I don't feel like I could attempt to study at that level again until I've found a way to study through the anti-psychotic haze. (which is acute enough now that I can feel all my words falling out and jumbling over each other and I just have to hope they make some sense when they land.) The logical step was to go back to college and study different A Levels (biology, chemistry, physics and maths) which is what I started to do last September. The homelessness stuff knocked me too hard and I had to drop out again at Christmas though.
    The plan before this rubbish bit was to re-enrol this September and to just keep fighting a little longer so I guess that's the plan I'd pick up again.
    I seem really stupid on the anti-psychotics but that's just cos they aren't specific they work by slowing my whole mind down (and metabolism - I assume a chemist somewhere thought it'd be moderately amusing to produce pills that made you sane, fat and stupid!) but if I could live in the lucid bits when off the meds I really wouldn't be stupid - it's just I can't make myself stay lucid without sacrificing brain power by taking the tablets.
    I have a review with the psychiatrist on Tuesday - I'm hoping he'll agree to me reducing the dose of the anti-psychotics again, this higher dose is too hard.
  • Thanks kk xx *waves at hubby*
  • KK, SOLB, can I pass on hugs?
    My OH took anti-psychotics and it was sheer Hell. I snapped when he was insisting on showering at 3am because his skin was crawling and he was hot and he had to get clean. It took a few days to persuade our GP that it was the drugs causing a problem, and this wasn't normal behaviour. We found other drugs that worked and the difference is amazing. He isn't zombiefied and works in a very challenging, intellectual job.
    SOLB, my therapist helps me to recognise even small achievements and targets. In these beginning, my aim was to get dressed and take my daughter to school one day a week. If I don't hit a Target within the timeframe I set, I talk over why, and she helps me to accept it. Normally, it is stuff out of my control rather than lack of effort on ky part.
  • Aww by 'eck that's rubbish - they are hellish drugs. I know they are necessary but they are just so intense. It feels a little like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut.

    I love the idea of targets and then recognition. I set myself targets but I'm more likely to berate myself for having such a pathetic target in the first place rather than celebrate the achievement. Do you have to continually remind yourself to do it properly or does it become automatic over time?

    Do you feel better able to recognise when stuff is out of your control now? Acceptance seems to be a fundamental part of most treatments.

    I think it might be that that I'm struggling with the most at the moment. I'm usually proud of myself for being pragmatic and detached but now I'm struggling to endure the things I can't prevent (both those that have already happened and those that are present now) If I could gain some level of acceptance maybe it wouldn't feel like it's burning in my veins so much.
  • It takes a long time, and I do lapse. I find it really easy to blame myself for things that are really out of my control, but I don't like feeling helpless. I suppose I've learnt that I'm setting an example for my children and I think about how they might view what I say/do. Part of growing up is learning how to cope when stuff doesn't work out the way we planned.
  • I've written an answer then deleted it about 5 times now. I might stick with a zombie hug ((((by 'eck))) and a sage nod to the wisdom above.
  • I'm dreading tomorrow, I hate special occasions when all the family get together - I find it really hard to cope especially as all the family tensions are there bubbling away under the surface.
    I'm struggling with the meds too - I am too spaced out to even make a cup of tea (without knocking stuff over - the meds seem to affect my spacial awareness) before about 3pm. I want my life back.
    I'm still pushing on and it is gradually getting less severe but I can't see how to crowbar running in. I'd normally run in the morning cos there's less people around but I am no where near well enough to run in the mornings and later in the day feels too exposed. What do you guys do?

    PS. i am supposed to be on a diet but I have a tummy ache from too many hot cross buns!!
  • image' />
  • 'Sup SOLB?
  • Just feeling sorry for myself, really struggling with the meds. I don't want to take them, just feel like I have no quality of life.
    Really am just being silly (no sympathy deserved) it will pass. Can't wait to see psychiatrist on Tues, I've got to ask for the dose lowering again, praying he says yes though I'll keep taking them if I have to.
    how was your Easter? x
  • Boo on feeling rubbish! You're allowed to have sympathy when things are crap, the Dalai Lama would agree with me. image' />

    So here's some sympathy: *pats you awkwardly on the shoulder*

    Hopefully the psychiatrist will listen to you, it's rubbish being a zombie.

    My Easter was good thanks, saw the family briefly but have been working mostly. And eating hot cross buns. image' /> How was yours?

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