Howdy, Stranger!
Categories
Options
Developing eating issues
happyplodder
✭✭✭
Over the last three years I have gone from around 8st 10lb to a low of 7st 5lb earlier this year and am now around 7st 8lb (5ft 8in). The weight loss was probably a combination of stress (writing up a PhD, family death and work stress) and starting to run up to half marathon and joining a club. Earlier in the year when at my lowest I developed a stress fracture which spurred me to see a dietician to gain weight; I was definitely eating at least 2000kcal a day but am not drawn to sweet stuff or carbohydrates. After a few months of 2500-2750kcal I got to about 7st 9/10lb and improved 10k time by over 5 mins when I was hit by a hamstring tear and now bursitis which has stopped or limited my running for nearly 4 months. When I was trying to gain I kept a note of my kcal intake to make sure I was reaching the goal but have continued to monitor calories on a daily basis. When I have a bad workout (been hitting gym and pool every day instead of running) I feel like I should punish myself by reducing food intake. Is this a sign of developing eating problems? Or is it just my way of motivating myself to try harder?
The materials in this website are in no way intended to replace the professional medical care, advice, diagnosis or treatment of a doctor, qualified personal trainer, therapist, dietitian or nutritionist Runners's World, Part of the Hearst UK well-being network © Copyright 2017
Comments
What Kryten says.
There is no such thing as a "bad workout" - only exercising or not. And too much is as bad in its own way as none at all. Your body needs proper nutrition and time to recover otherwise it gets injured, ill or both.
106lb at 5'8" gives you a BMI of a smidgeon over 16 which is quite considerably under your ideal weight for your height.
That in itself, if your whole family were very slim and you had always been very slim, would not be the end of the world... but like Kryten pointed out, some of your language used is a bit of a giveaway that your relationship with food and training isn't healthy.
See a professional.
An ED, of any sort and severity, is the worst thing in the world. Please please don't go down that path!
I hope you're ok.
As the others have said,it's worth seeing someone now rather than leaving things to get worse.
One (very) positive thing is that you are recognising something isn't right and questioning it, rather than being defensive and denying there's a problem, even to yourself. That is when things can get very bad and are very difficult to address.
Thank you for the responses. I have decided that something needs to change and have not recorded my calories over the weekend and plan to delete all the related calorie count record spreadsheets tonight. I know I won't suddenly put on loads of weight as actually just love natural, healthy food (hate sweet stuff) so need to just eat what I feel like eating, and what my body asks for. I need to dampen the obsessive part of my personality; in certain aspects of my life it is beneficial (highly driven and focused at work) but it seems to have become unhealthy in my approach to nutrition and training.
Hopefully I can learn to enjoy my life again and get back from injury to healthy and happy running!
Hi AFH,
I think the ambitions of yr second post are really admirable and I wish you well. Just remember there is no shame in asking for professional help if 'eating what you feel like eating' doesn't quite sort it or you find yrself driven against yr conscious will into self damaging / punishing behaviour, or you want to explore yr behaviour and emotional responses more. Beware of setting unrealistically high goals for yrself in beating an ED - you may well have lapses. Get yr GP to refer you or try the b-eat website or other such organisations.
Good luck and I think you're really brave facing this head on before it does you more harm.
Hun listen to yourself...
You're undereating, overexercising, lost you period and start having bone health issues but you don't want to worry anyone???
Get help, please. Here is a link with access to a range of helplines, online forums and a geographical 'help finder' to see what's available in your area.
http://www.b-eat.co.uk/get-help/get-support/
As everyone else has said Aimingforfaster - you really sound like you need some form of professional help. As someone who has an ED (anorexia), and only in partial recovery I can see many similarities with my own illness. The guilt; fear. self punishment etc are all signs/personality traits of an eating disorder/disordered eating, compounded by physical changes as well.
Please find some help asap and remember that your body is like a car - it needs petrol to run and you need food to run (literally!). You do deserve to eat and be well and not harm yourself through poor diet and overexercise. Eat the foods you feel safe with - just a little extra perhaps? But not too much to get you totally overanxious and stressed straight away!
You have been very brave and strong to have put this post up, so well done a great first step - now do a bit more like everyone has suggested and find some help either through perhaps a local B-eat support group or perhaps your GP as a starting point.
Good luck and take care
PS I wonder if RW could have a special section or someone who deals with ED's - I feels there's a lot of us around even if it's not acknowledged???
what do you want us to say?
Carry on - it'll be fine?
In 15 years when you sneeze and get a crush fracture of your spine you may regret not doing what you know is instinctively right, but it's your choice and your body.
In my opinion there are serious issues around the treatment of osteopenia. You're 'above the level for treatment' which basically means that you've got a problem but it's not yet so severe that they'll fund treatment for it. It doesn't mean you shouldn't be concerned. The fact of the matter is that there is limited funding, so they reserve treatment for people who would potentially not have deteriorated so far if treatment had been started sooner. So what I'm trying to say is, you should be concerned.
You only have one body and you have to respect it. It you want it to perform and function, then you need to give it the fuel, activity, rest and relaxation it needs. Punishing yourself with exercise and restricting food isn't something that can be undone easily so please, please get yourself some treatment, advice and support to deal with any problems you may be having. It's tough work - particularly recognising the problem is there in the first place - but it's a far better option than struggling with problems every day and coping with the long term consequences.
How certain are you that you're eating the calories you say you are? People who are overweight typically underestimate their intake, and the opposite is true for people with eating disorders. Add in to that the amount of activity you're doing and it's possible that even ~2500kcal may not be sufficient. Slow weight gain that was easily lost indicates that it isn't. And where are the calories coming from? Are you getting enough protein? As a nutrient it is particularly important for growth and repair.
This is a topic I could go on and on about, but it wouldn't be appropriate as I don't know your full situation. I'd just implore you to seek help from professionals and to confide in friends and family - I'm sure they'd want to know and to support you.
From what you've said I'm really concerned for you. You are clearly in physical trouble already with this - don't be reassured by treatment thresholds for osteopenia - spinal osteopenia is serious and if your nutrition is poor can progress rapidly to crush fractures, which could potentially halt your running permanantly. At the BMI you are you are in the clinical range where all your body systems will be taking a hit; immune function, fertility, and your thinking (especially about food) will also be compromised.
When you said: "Even on days I have restricted when I have felt down I still would have at least 1600kcal which is far more than people with real eating problems", I was even more worried for you. What is a 'real' eating problem? When someone is hospitalised? When they go into organ failure? I know people in both those situations who have still had an intake not far from yours and protested there was no eating problem, that it was others who had serious problems not them. When your weight is as low as yours is and you are on a negative plane of nutrition the kind of justifications you are using are really common. Comparing yuour intake to others so closely is in itself concerning.
Please get some help if you can. It's incredibly difficult to do this on your own. As someone else suggested try to keep targets small and acheivable for getting yourself back to a healthier place though. It's easy when things are so difficult to get stuck in a sort of 'all or nothing' pattern of thinking, which, when you inevitably have setbacks, can be self-defeating.
Without wanting to sound patronising, well done for talking about this though, it takes a particular kind of courage to be open about stuff like this, and to question your own behaviour. Good luck.
Hi aimingforfaster
just looking at your meal day I would say 2 things, put some more protein into your lunch chicken maybe or some other meat and yes have the boiled egg as well. You need carbs in your tea salmon fillet and roasted veggies is really good but please some carbs jacket potato, pasta, bread, etc to go with it and maybe a sauce of some kind tomato or cream based.
Make your meals all of them an event to be enjoyed, play your favourite music, read your favourite book, look at your favourite photos etc.
Please stop looking at the calories, rip the labels off, delete the spreadsheets. Then think I need protein, carbs, fats, minerals, vitamins and dairy in EVERY MEAL. Food is not just for fuel it is their to be enjoyed.
You have a bad work out so what it's the bad work outs that make the good ones feel so good. You run for 1 hour and cover x miles and punish yourself because it was a bad, poor rubbish workout by not eating enough that is only going to produce yet more bad, poor rubbish workouts it's a vicious cycle that IS doing you REAL HARM.
If you don't want to seek professional help that's up to you but maybe maybe try something everyday put on this thread what you eat everyday and how much you've exercised whether you think your training is good/bad/indifferent, see the responses you'll be faster than some and slower than some.
AND stop weighing yourself, once a month is enough.
Good luck
I am now at home for Christmas and have realised my anxiety levels are rising as 1. I do not have work to think about and 2. I am not in control of my cooking and therefore calorie intake. With a family birthday there was cava mid afternoon and a many coursed meal and all I am thinking is how many calories will be in it.
Can anyone give me some advice on how to deal with these feelings and overcome them so I can just enjoy the festive season like everyone else?
aimingforfaster - I can only reiterate what everyone else has said. Get some help - i know that it's easier said than done but there are a great bunch of people on here that are very caring and supportive.
Regarding your feelings - what about getting a notepad and jotting them down also with some more information with a food diary so that a doctor can also support and analyse. E.g.
2pm -
*Prawn Cocktail 200g with bread
*Tomato soup (100ml)
*4 slices Turkey with 30g carrots, 30g potatoes, 30g broccoli
Feeling uneasy as everyone will look at me eating. Finished everything but felt fat afterwards
Run: 4pm - 10k hard. Felt much better afterwards etc.
Do this for a few days and read it back to yourself and even take this to a doctor to show them your eating habits over a few days. A friend of mine was forced to the doctors last year with something similar to you and they made her do this for a week, not only to show her how little she was eating (in relation to the amount of exercise) but to also remind her of her feelings and to pinpoint any anxiety.
Take care x
Remember the mental and emotional are at bottom also physical, if this way of looking at it helps.
For example if someone has a lot of coffee it's normal to get jittery and anxious, and swings in hormone or blood sugar levels are known to cause mood swings.
The trouble is our brains are "us", our thoughts and moods.
So if we have trouble with our running, we often have no trouble going to a physio and doing the exercises they recommend.
But it's a different matter if our brain is playing up! It is so difficult to go and say, "my brain tells me I'm a bad person and I eat too much which is clearly not true" rather than "my leg is buggered".
Yet it is a physical organ like all the others and so easily affected by what we do and how we live.
I have noticed myself that just a few days off running, or with not enough sleep, or not eating right, and I find my thoughts turning, of their own volition, to dark, angry, brooding topics, for no reason at all! None!
Good luck and I think you're right to take it seriously, I do hope you can get some changes made step by step very soon.
An update - I have been referred to an endocrinologist by my GP to discuss my bone density results on 8th February.
I have also done well in maintaining a good intake and not losing weight despite a very stressful January having taken redundancy. I am determined that the stress will not impact my health any further than it has already in the past. My only worry is that I will have to reduce my food expenditure if I am unable to find a job soon.
Really glad thing's seem to be moving in a positive direction for you and hope you find a job soon.
Best of luck
James
Hi aff
I have been awol for a while, but just logged on to see your post. Great to see you're still working through your issues. When you see yr GP would you consider asking for a referral to someone to discuss yr attitude to food - if you find it hard to explain the complexity you could just print off these pages and let her/him read for themselves... Being out if work can be really stressful and you could use some of the time you have on counselling?
Good luck with the job hunting