"Best" Cracker Jokes

Its our office Christmas party tonight, everyone is getting into the spirit of things by pulling crackers. So far the best one has been:

Q: What is brown and creeps around the kitchen at Christmas?

A: Mince pies 

(yes I know it is supposed to be "mince spies" but they misprinted it) 

So whats your favourite lame joke? From crackers or otherwise image



  • I think it's correct because they're saying the pies are 'mincing'
  • How about:

    Q: What's the best Christmas film?

    A: There's Something About Mary

  • King Wenceslas goes into Pizza Hut and orders his pizza.....

    Deep pan, crisp and even

  • Peter - I never thought of that interpretation!

    I like both of the others ... the King Wenceslas joke was another one in the crackers this morning!  

  • WilkieWilkie ✭✭✭

    But mincing is hardly the same thing as creeping?

    I think xine's interpretation is more likely the correct one.

    What do you call a Reindeer with no eyes?

    No idea!

  • image  

    What do you call a dead reindeer with no eyes?

    Still no idea! 

  • (That was my cousin's favourite joke when he was 6 ... except he liked to change the punchline to "DAVE!" and then giggle like a maniac image)
  • What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy?

    Elk - a - seltzer!

  • image 

    Why did Frosty go to live in the middle of the ocean?

    Because snowman is an island

  • Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
    He's a fun guy to be with.
  • What do you call a group of Professors on the Underground

     A tube of Smartiesimage

  • On which side do turkeys have the most feathers?

    The outside.

  • Brilliant image

  • How does an eskimo build his house?

    Igloos it together.

  • this made me laugh:

    What's a specimen?
    An Italian astronaut

  • WilkieWilkie ✭✭✭
    That did make me larf, KN!  image
  • Why is Santa's sack so full?

    Because he only comes once a year!
  • *groan* image

    What do you get if you swallow the Christmas decorations?


  • Oh dear, found some pretty bad knock knock jokes....

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Wenceslas who?
    Wenceslas train home?

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Snow who?
    Snow business like show business

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Wayne who?
    Wayne in a manger

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Oakham who?
    Oakham all ye faithful

  • An another:

    Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?
    He had low elf-esteem. 

  • I knew you'd be posting on this one Cinders - at least it's giving us booze threaders a rest image
  • knight rider wrote (see)

    this made me laugh:

    What's a specimen?
    An Italian astronaut

    Haha! Also made me laugh out loud knight rider image 

    Cinders, I've got another one for you ...


    Who's there?


    Tree who?

    Tree wise men

  • Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Avon.  Your bell's knackered.

    That's not actually a Christmas cracker joke.

  • knight rider wrote (see)

    An another:

    Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?
    He had low elf-esteem. 

    Who looks after Santa when he's sick?

    The National Elf Service

  • Ha! Phil, I love that one!
  • Some cheesey jokes (to go with the crackers ...)

    How do the Welsh grate cheese?


    What's the best cheese to hide a horse?


    What do you call cheese that belongs to someone else?

    Nacho cheese

    Which cheese would you use to lure a bear out of a cave?


    What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?


  • What's white and goes up?

    A confused snowflake.

  • whats white and cant climb trees?

    a fridge.

  • What do you get when you cross a lion with a snowman?


  • whats a magican's favourite cheese

    Ched Dah

    that is bloody terrible, I'll shut the door on the way out

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