Having a poo

Last week at running club, a very respectable and non-sweary regular woman was suffering rather from the previous nights' wine and canapes, and had to go for a poo in the forest. As you do. I rather detailed discussion ensued on "places we've pooed whilst running." My stories are, quite literally, crap. My fave was another woman who couldn't wait and had to crap in the men's door-less toilet at Hackney Marshes.
So, in the spirit of it being a Monday, me enjoying toilet humour, and having a chuckle at Liver Bird going for a poo on another thread, I thought I'd start a thread on pooing whilst doing our favourite hobby, to make me laugh. Any more?
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Comments

  • No stories to share, but I shall be lurking in case someone 'fesses up to doing a crap outside my flat last month. image

    Although if it was a runner, what kind of serious athlete carries a cake wrapper with them to use as loo paper? 

  • As a runner with Crohn's disease I've done it just about everywhere I run and never go out without a supply of wet wipes image For that reason alone I tend to run off road!

    Way back in the early 90's I was doing the London Marathon and was desperate to go so asked some spectators standing in their front garden if I could use the loo - if that wasn't embarrassing enough they evicted grandad from the loo telling him loudly to 'hurry up - marathon runner coming through' so I could go and then I had an upset tum and the loo wouldn't flush properly cos grandad had just flushed it. I sprinted out of that house faster than a speeding bullet shouting thankyou and waving and have never ever beaten that marathon time yet! image
  • Wlaboj: that sounds a nasty surprise you found there.
  • At this years southern counties xc at parliament hill I started suffering stomach cramps on lap 2 of 3, while I managed to make it to the end, I then sprinted past the chip removers, over the fence, across the track over the fence and into the changing rooms to make it in the nick of time, I am sure I ran faster after the finish.
  • I don't have any interesting poo stories myself. I'm lucky enough to be able to get rid of it all before I get going (so far).

     My friend is a different story. She's always having to stop and poo in a hedge somewhere. The best story she told me was of running round the lanes one evening and jumping into a field for a poo. The next evening she was heading out the same way and a huge sign for the local country fayre had been put up right above her "toilet". image

  • I've never poo'd alfresco. Even Sunday, when I discovered running on a full English isn't a pleasant experience, I made it back to the visitor centre of the nature reserve I run through (twice) and made use of their facilities (twice). 

    Those who do "relieve" themselves, do you take toilet paper, do you de-bag? I mean, how does that work?! Weeing has the same set of questions...

    Although, I have to say part of me will be viewing this thread from behind a cushion, as I'm not entirely sure i really want to know the answers!

  • I did a disgusting, fetid, putrid Jack Bauer Power Dump in the industrial park at Abingdon this year. I think it was about Mile 10.

    I got scratch marks all over my bum from the cotoneaster bushes.

  • Stevie  GStevie G ✭✭✭✭
    Holly Liz wrote (see)

    Those who do "relieve" themselves, do you take toilet paper, do you de-bag? I mean, how does that work?! Weeing has the same set of questions...

    Why do non runners or non pooers always ask this? No of course you don't take toilet paper, you aren't planning a mid race session. When it rears it's ugly head you can literally have about 30seconds to find somewhere, unleash, and get going again.

    It really doesn't matter about wiping when you get to situation critical!

  • I carry toilet paper after i saw "that" photo of the man in the Las Vegas marathon...
  • Speak for yourself Steve. I take a pack of tissues on all long runs. Ex boy scout. Always prepared.
  • If I'm thinking of the same picture that was grim!

    I've never had to poo whilst running. Did have a bad experience going for a long walk on a hangover. Was tryomg desparately to get back to the pub, but ended up having to go behind a tree and managed to get up just as a group came round the corner on the 'slight path I didn't think was really a path' and wasn't expecting to see other walkers on.  

  • Under a bush next to an industrial yard in Walker, North Tyneside.

    And, more prominently, by a wall in a park. Dug a little hole and buried it. imageimage

    Was spotted by dog walkers pulling up my shorts, and adapted to pose to make it look like I was doing stretches. Must have looked ridiculous.

     Good thread, this.

  • The first time for me was after sampling the local pubs new burger challenge the night before - 4 6oz burgers in a bun. The next morning I unexpectedly had a 'meat baby' 6 miles from home. I had no choice - it had the weight advantage.... image

    Now I carry paper on long runs just incase - I cant afford to replace my gloves every weekend image

  • Oh this is so funny!

    I'm now fearful it could happen to me.... !! I've had to have the odd wee behind a hedge on longer runs but thankfully nothing more. My boyfriend is convinced we runners are a funny breed who wear binbags and wee where where shouldn't. I really shouldn't show him this thread too image
  • I have posted this story before on poo threads but for the benefit of new forumites I thik I have the BEST poo story......

    It happened about 25 years ago - I was a member of a pretty decent triathlon club.  There was a member there who was really into his sport - you know the type - a bit dismissive of the slower members, lived, ate and drank triathlon..... "my body is a temple" and all that!  He had the best bike, all the newest gadgets - could never just go out for an easy Sunday long bike run or long run - it was always a race.  Anyway.... it was about the time when those new triathlon all-in-one speed suits with a hood were all the rage and of course, in the interests of shaving seconds off he had one!  He got caught short on a sprint distance event end ended up pealing the suit down to relieve himself in the bushes.  The problem was the hood... he squatted, did the deed then pulled up the suit and replaced the hood........ oh dear image.

    To be fair to him he was able to laugh at himself and the endless, endless ribbing he got over this.  It still makes me smile 25 years later! image

  • PMSL Tigerlily image and StevieG - see above - I do expect to need to dash behind a bush so always have tissue or wipes with me image
  • Tigerlily that's sooo funny! Not heard the expression meat baby before pmo but know exactly what you mean!
    Normally I make sure there is no chance of it happening. However last year on holiday (Crete) I had to get up really early before it got too hot and certain parts would not be awake. Fortunately after about 20 min I was always in a remote area - was almost peaceful, sea view & goat bells gently tinkling!
    Always took paper though!
  • The best story I've heard is from a very good club mate, runing the paris marathon years and years ago (about 30) he was leading but needed relief (something he is known for) went off down a side street did the deed tried to come back to the course got lost and ended up third, I think Paula probably learnt from this!
  • @choisty classic the one thats got away story image
  • Stevie  GStevie G ✭✭✭✭
    so let me ask a few of you, if you take a tissue and have to mop up a right nasty one, what do you then do with the tissue?! Just leave it in the countryside, or hold it riskily until the next bin that might be miles away? Or take it home?
  • I try to cover the evidence with the tissue - never take it with me!
  • WilkieWilkie ✭✭✭

    I've never had to poo on a run, but I know someone who quite often does.

    He carries paper on all long runs (which are usually in the countryside).  I've never enquired closely, but I believe he leaves the paper behind!

  • I was caught short once because of an early start race - the Sri Chinmoy 10k in Battersea Park, which starts about 8am I think.  All very well but that's the time the public bogs in the park open as well.  So I managed to find a nice bush before my warm-up.  Stevie G will be glad to hear that I used my race info sheet to wipe up after me. Lightening the load obviously helped cos I went on to run a PB.  image
  • Haha love the poo in the hood story.
    Just remembered - last year I was running my first half and was within half a mile of the end when I realised there was a horrible smell. I thought it was probably dog poo or swer smell but then I realised the woman just in front of me had something brown seeping through her shorts.

    There was getting more and more of it and the smell was awful. I knew we were about a minute away from turning into the finish straight and there was lots of crowds so after some thought, I ran past her.

    I know it sounds cruel but I thought she probably knew she had crapped herself and would be better off thinking no one else could see it. The alternative was she had no idea and would still be better off not knowing till she was away from people cheering. And the smell was making me feel sick.

    Still can't work out why she didn't stop and go in the loo. She was near me therefore she wasn't winning anything! I always take imodium now on long races. There's no way I'm having poo leaking out of my shorts.
  • never happened to me. if racing or a long sunday run, I always ensure I have at least half a very strong coffee about 1.5/2 hours before and usually sorts any doubt. one race tip though is to always take a pack of tissues to the loos before the start. many times I have run to the loos 20 mins before the gun and there is minimal loo roll and not having tissues with you would have been rather unpleasant.
  • I ALWAYS take tissues on runs now since having to run into a 24hr Tesco halfway through a long run (thank God for running through town that day!).

    Have had a few outdoor 'moments' too though but can never understand how the area can be completely deserted but as soon as you get into a compromising position a horde of walkers appear from nowhere!

  • Stevie  GStevie G ✭✭✭✭

    have had many an outdoor moment, mostly it's diet, i eventually realised that when i'd got a bit faster, i could no longer handle fruit, meat and pasta before even an easy run! 

    often on a hard track session it would happen, cut out fruit on the day, lucozade, and others, before finally cutting pasta out, and moving onto rice. Settled things a bit, but even not eating 3hours before can still do it for a particularly hard and long  track session even now.

    Luckily never happens on race day!

  • Leaves / moss... then it's not (much) worse than what the deer/badgers/foxes do anyway. Bog roll could easily blow away and then, well, that's not good...
    I was walking the dogs a few months ago and while the dogs were sniffing round the road name sign at the corner of the road - where there is a big, hollow bush - I glanced inside and saw an unmistakable "pile" complete with a couple of sheets of bog roll. Now this is on the corner of a suburban street (very early on in the Abingdon marathon route for those familiar with it) and the town ring road - my heart went out to the poor soul who was desperate enough that they had to go there!
  • I had a desperate moment once on an early morning run so lept into a wooded area from the lane and came face to face with a huge Badger, it growled at me and started to come towards me, I screamed and shot out of the bush and ran very quickly home.

    Found that I didn't need to go after that shockimage the spot is now fondly known as Badger Bush and have used it since but a bit later in the day...

  • Blimey, if you could bottle the "Badger Effect" and patent it you'd be rich!Immodium doesn't always do it for me - the days up to an "A" race are a carefully controlled festival of rice cakes, sport drink, roughage-free chocolate, and meals from the local Wok Shop where you can pick EXACTLY what goes in the stirfry. That plus taking my meds plus the immodium plus carefully timed morning coffee plus luck....
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