Want to race but cant

2

Comments

  • Dave The Ex- Spartan wrote (see)
    dump him
    I am sure that was your advice to me as well Dave!! Hope you are not a marriage counsellor!
  • i think the children ages on their own are misleading........only the parents can judge the nature of the children and if they are old enough to be sensible looking after each other in this situation.......every child is different and the relationship of the two children is different.....

    i could leave my middle on in those situations from 10 no doubt.the eldest and youngest I wouldn't leave at 15 in those situations.they are all different.......
    #

    maybe this is less about running and more about your different views on how much responsibility that the children should be given.....maybe you are more worrying and protective and he thinks that kids need some space and responsibility to grow and that you are fussing them.......

    obviously as i know neither of you or your kids then I can't say if any of that is true or not......


    on the other hand.if he has always been a runner and always ran those races then I can see his point about not wanting to give them up......if my partner took up my hobby and it clashed with my regular plans I might resent it and tell them its their job to sort out child care as i had those events booked first....

    or he could just be a complete bastard and you should follow Daves advice........



  • Well he is enough of a problem for her to write and tell a bunch of strangers,

    So either she has told him how she feels and he doesn't care, or she is unable to talk to him and tell him how she feels...

    Either way, she is only happy telling a bunch of strangers, not the person she shares her life and children with.

    The relationship is therefore stuffed, she might just as well dump him now and get on with her life

  • Hi exiled claret, it sounds like that but in reality I think he is just being naive in thinking that the kids will be ok. I genuinely think that he is not taking the issue seriously and that Im making a fuss out of nothing and that everything will be ok and stop worrying.


    Hi Crazy Diamond, thanks for your post, something to think about there image

    Dave The Ex- Spartan: No chance of that, we are happily married otherwise! image Yes we did speak as I mentioned before already, just coming here to get others point of view. If everyone were to tell me 'yes you are fine, if they are responsible kids, do live them waiting then I'd be questioning myself and maybe reconsider, but if the consensus is that regardless of how responsible I feel they might be, they should not be left waiting for us then it reinforces my ethics.

    Mathschick, LOL


    seren nos

    *****maybe you are more worrying and protective and he thinks that kids need some space and responsibility to grow and that you are fussing them.......*****

    I thinks is exactly his point of view. I must reassure you that my relationship is not crumbling image it's just a new factor that has appeared in our life and for the first time and we have not found an agreement YET.


    ****on the other hand.if he has always been a runner and always ran those races then I can see his point about not wanting to give them up......if my partner took up my hobby and it clashed with my regular plans I might resent it and tell them its their job to sort out child care as i had those events booked first....***********

    When he run the previous years he only run 3-4 events in a year. Now that he has joined a Club, after I did, he has taken it to a different level and is trying to get himself involved in ALL races available (bar full marathons - even though he has set his head on a Outlaw IM?)
    He seems to have become completely absorbed into it all, I mean (another example) if we go past one of the routes he runs he start rumbling on the training he has done there and how hard that hill is and how many times he went up and down on it etc etc sometimes I listen to allow it to get it out of his system, sometimes I yawn in a jokey way and he gets the message LOL image
  • Slow_coach wrote (see)


      If everyone were to tell me 'yes you are find, if they are responsible kids do live them waiting then I'd be questioning myself and maybe give it a try, but if the consensus us that regardless of how responsible I feel they might be, they should not be left waiting for us then it reinforces my ethics.




    TBH, they're your children, you know them, we don't.  The only people who should decide whether or not it's safe / adviseable / appropriate to leave them - under any circumstances - are you and your husband. 

    Slow_coach wrote (see)

    He seems to have become completely absorbed into it all, I mean (another example) if we go past one of the routes he runs he start rumbling on the training he has done there and how hard that hill is and how many times he went up and down on it etc etc sometimes I listen to allow it to get it out of his system, sometimes I yawn in a jokey way and he gets the message LOL image

    Maybe he feels that you're not taking him seriously either if this is how you respond.

    Seems to me that a bit of communication wouldn't go amiss.

  • Hellywobs wrote (see)

    ... 

    We ended up asking my mum to babysit a few times so we could do the same races but that's not fair on herI did take a hard line once - I'd registered for the 2011 Great South Run the day after the 2010 one, and then my other half registered for it too.  I said he had to find a babysitter or he wasn't doing it, as I'd registered first.  He was going to ask his sister and then she broke her hip!  So my poor mum got roped in again for the last time.

    ...

    I thought Grannies loved to see their grandchildren?  image

  • Hellywobs wrote (see)

    ... 

    We ended up asking my mum to babysit a few times so we could do the same races but that's not fair on herI did take a hard line once - I'd registered for the 2011 Great South Run the day after the 2010 one, and then my other half registered for it too.  I said he had to find a babysitter or he wasn't doing it, as I'd registered first.  He was going to ask his sister and then she broke her hip!  So my poor mum got roped in again for the last time.

    ...

    See the whole relationship is built on conflict... I enetered before you did Nah Nah Nah

    You might as well dump him now and get it over with

  • ah - yet another good reason to not have kids.....

    image

  • Whole relationship built on conflict?  That's a bit of an extrapolation!  I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for priority if you register for an event 364 days in advance and then your other half decides they want to do it too six months later without sorting out the babysitting.

    Yes (most) grandparents like seeing their grandkids, but being asked to drive 3 hours to babysit for a race is quite an ask I think - that's the distance we live apart.  If she lived 10 minutes down the road it would be different but even then I don't think you should take the mickey.  But that's a whole new thread for a whole other forum like mumsnet...

    At one event the wife of a fellow member of the running club watched our son while we both did the 5k and at another event a fellow member texted me the day before and said she'd keep an eye on him because she had a dodgy knee and wasn't running so I ran as well as my other half.  So the OP might find new friends who can help out on an ad hoc basis. 

    As the oldest one is 12 it probably is a short term problem for the OP - another couple of years and they should be old enough to do what her partner suggests.

    But in the meantime - rota like I suggested.  You get your first choice race one month, he gets his the next etc.  Easy, reasonable and fair.  And at some of the races there may be fun runs that the kids can do and they might get into running too...

  • DeanR7DeanR7 ✭✭✭

    assuming your other half isnt Mo Farah, then he shouldnt get first billings.

    Im assuming he isnt a plum the rest of the time, but probably looks at your level of running as "not as worthy" as his so he should take first dibs.  I sort of understand that, still doesnt mean its not selfish. If he is competitive we are focused on winning/places so there is a sort of heirarchy.  While i understand it, he is wrong!

    Sit down with him telling him this is affecting you and to list all the races you both want to do way in advance.  and where there is a clash list all those and if there are 2 races that clash, let him chose the which he would rather run in and you will run in the other.

    My wife doesnt run, but i have plenty of clashes with her stuff, all i do is look at the clashes decide which races are important to me and if i give on the others does that make it work for her.  If it doesnt we look at the individual races and compromise.

    I would NEVER leave my 10yr old at the finish line.

    time you had a proper conversation, this is just plain selfish

  • Wow you have a problem but it's not a running problem. You say in your first post you and your OH enter the same races, why? enter alternate races and whichever of you does the run, the other takes the kids.

    Life is a compromise

  • Couldn't you dump him, abandon the kids and have them taken into care, and then you could do what ever you want when ever you want ?

    Or like the rest of us you could compromise... But I do think getting rid would be easiest and most sensible.

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    .(Other relationship councillors are available)
  • out of interest........those who wouldn't leave their children at the finish line.........
    do you ever leave them at home for an hour at that age..........or do you ever let them go down the park with their friends at that age......

    as I said......its individual to all children if they are responsible....but are we becoming over protective when we won't leave the kids in the car for 30 mins playing with their books and gameboys.....or we won't let them wait at a finish line ......these are much safer than letting them down the local park for an hour or around the local streets......
  • Dave, that's a good point, my first thought was maybe take out a contract, but your method is much cleaner
  • DeanR7DeanR7 ✭✭✭

    letting my 10yr old go to the park or home alone versus leaving him in an unknown city at a busy place like the finish line.

    not really the same are they ?

  • There is clear factual evidence that no harm will come to a child in this lone situation, I recently watched an American documentary on this actual subject with Macauley Culkin  
  • And just to emphasise this, EG, a second documentary was produced a few years later and again, no harm was caused to Master Culkin, although the adults in his charge did suffer somewhat.
  • seren nos wrote (see)
    out of interest........those who wouldn't leave their children at the finish line......... do you ever leave them at home for an hour

    Not a chance.......... Leave our kids alone in th ehouse for an hour.... It would be stripped and my good scotch drunk...

    (NB Our youngest is 22 YEARS old)

  • Dean.most races around here are not big city races.....they are run by running clubs....
    now if they are going to big city races .then there are loads of them and they can travel alone to different ones........

    i got the idea that they were wanting to do all their local races which would mean small events......
    and I think that it is just as safe as letting your kids down the park and around local streets..........where there are allsorts lurking.....

    a different kind of nuuter frequents local races......

    If the OP was referring to big city races then I take it back....those are different.........but there are hundreds of smaller races out there
  • EG Graham wrote (see)
    There is clear factual evidence that no harm will come to a child in this lone situation, I recently watched an American documentary on this actual subject with Macauley Culkin  
    Jeepers wrote (see)
    And just to emphasise this, EG, a second documentary was produced a few years later and again, no harm was caused to Master Culkin, although the adults in his charge did suffer somewhat.
    LOL.  Genius!! image
  • Dean, depends very much on the race. I probably wouldn't leave my 10 year old alone while I ran the London Marathon! Very much not the same as leaving them at home or down the park.

    However, I have left my quite sensible 11 year old at a small sprint triathlon based at a school in Wimborne, and my (again sensible) 10 year old boy at a very small (30 competitors) Aquathlon based at a small cove near Weymouth. Probably safer than down the park.
  • What's this stuff doing on a Runners' Forum?

    If he were signed on for a football team he'd need every Saturday afternoon from August through to May plus a training night which could easily clash with your pilates class, for instance. There are plenty of us on here I'm sure that have been through this as children and parents, and have come out ok at the other end without ever feeling the need to air their problems on a public forum.

  • Ploddersoftheworldunite wrote (see)

    What's this stuff doing on a Runners' Forum?

    If he were signed on for a football team he'd need every Saturday afternoon from August through to May plus a training night which could easily clash with your pilates class,

    Most races are on a Sunday tho, So it might be better if he played wendyball.....

  • Looking at the number of races your husband is planning, he'll be injured after a couple of months. Sorted!

    Seriously - hope you can sort something out

  • yeah Oil his trainers. He'll break something and then can stay at home with the kids.

    I do think his racing is a tad ambitious ? Have I got it right that he's just coming back to running and now he's racing every week ?
  • I'll tell you something slow coach, I wouldn't like to be you if you match his times, your life would really be hell !! 
  • That's it EG !!!

    A match race Winners take all, Winner gets first pick of any race they want to do, Loser spends the next 25 years in the kitchen bringing up the kids

    Well it worked in the 50's so why not now ?

  • I could see a few silent meals if she got near to his times, I sense a bit of macho pride here
  • wow I was going to reply individually but lost track, some funny posts there image

    thanks everyone for your contrtibution for the entertainment value!  Seriosuly, there are some valid points and some silly ones and some wishful thinkig ones. You guess which image is which.

    And he is not that bad, if he is being very competitive he is hiding it well (i think is more of a case he thinks that is not an issue leaving them waiting at the end) as he always encourages me and shows intertest in my running (may be checking the competition - lol) Genuinely so. He is a hands on and loving daddy otherwise! And he does wants to do some races with me, to share the experience but if we do then we will have to plan and perhaps get a baby sitter, as someone mentioned.

    I'll talk to him (again) when he comes back home; "darling we need to talk.....image

    I'll let you know the outcome, stay tuned! 

  • Slow_coach wrote (see)

    I'll talk to him (again) when he comes back home; "darling we need to talk.....image

    Don't start that way, He'll think you have gone off sex !!!

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