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Dave The Ex- Spartan wrote (see)
Well he is enough of a problem for her to write and tell a bunch of strangers,
So either she has told him how she feels and he doesn't care, or she is unable to talk to him and tell him how she feels...
Either way, she is only happy telling a bunch of strangers, not the person she shares her life and children with.
The relationship is therefore stuffed, she might just as well dump him now and get on with her life
Slow_coach wrote (see)
If everyone were to tell me 'yes you are find, if they are responsible kids do live them waiting then I'd be questioning myself and maybe give it a try, but if the consensus us that regardless of how responsible I feel they might be, they should not be left waiting for us then it reinforces my ethics.
TBH, they're your children, you know them, we don't. The only people who should decide whether or not it's safe / adviseable / appropriate to leave them - under any circumstances - are you and your husband.
He seems to have become completely absorbed into it all, I mean (another example) if we go past one of the routes he runs he start rumbling on the training he has done there and how hard that hill is and how many times he went up and down on it etc etc sometimes I listen to allow it to get it out of his system, sometimes I yawn in a jokey way and he gets the message LOL
Maybe he feels that you're not taking him seriously either if this is how you respond.
Seems to me that a bit of communication wouldn't go amiss.
Hellywobs wrote (see)
... We ended up asking my mum to babysit a few times so we could do the same races but that's not fair on her. I did take a hard line once - I'd registered for the 2011 Great South Run the day after the 2010 one, and then my other half registered for it too. I said he had to find a babysitter or he wasn't doing it, as I'd registered first. He was going to ask his sister and then she broke her hip! So my poor mum got roped in again for the last time. ...
I thought Grannies loved to see their grandchildren?
Hellywobs wrote (see)... We ended up asking my mum to babysit a few times so we could do the same races but that's not fair on her. I did take a hard line once - I'd registered for the 2011 Great South Run the day after the 2010 one, and then my other half registered for it too. I said he had to find a babysitter or he wasn't doing it, as I'd registered first. He was going to ask his sister and then she broke her hip! So my poor mum got roped in again for the last time. ...
See the whole relationship is built on conflict... I enetered before you did Nah Nah Nah
You might as well dump him now and get it over with
Whole relationship built on conflict? That's a bit of an extrapolation! I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for priority if you register for an event 364 days in advance and then your other half decides they want to do it too six months later without sorting out the babysitting.
Yes (most) grandparents like seeing their grandkids, but being asked to drive 3 hours to babysit for a race is quite an ask I think - that's the distance we live apart. If she lived 10 minutes down the road it would be different but even then I don't think you should take the mickey. But that's a whole new thread for a whole other forum like mumsnet...
At one event the wife of a fellow member of the running club watched our son while we both did the 5k and at another event a fellow member texted me the day before and said she'd keep an eye on him because she had a dodgy knee and wasn't running so I ran as well as my other half. So the OP might find new friends who can help out on an ad hoc basis.
As the oldest one is 12 it probably is a short term problem for the OP - another couple of years and they should be old enough to do what her partner suggests.
But in the meantime - rota like I suggested. You get your first choice race one month, he gets his the next etc. Easy, reasonable and fair. And at some of the races there may be fun runs that the kids can do and they might get into running too...
assuming your other half isnt Mo Farah, then he shouldnt get first billings.
Im assuming he isnt a plum the rest of the time, but probably looks at your level of running as "not as worthy" as his so he should take first dibs. I sort of understand that, still doesnt mean its not selfish. If he is competitive we are focused on winning/places so there is a sort of heirarchy. While i understand it, he is wrong!
Sit down with him telling him this is affecting you and to list all the races you both want to do way in advance. and where there is a clash list all those and if there are 2 races that clash, let him chose the which he would rather run in and you will run in the other.
My wife doesnt run, but i have plenty of clashes with her stuff, all i do is look at the clashes decide which races are important to me and if i give on the others does that make it work for her. If it doesnt we look at the individual races and compromise.
I would NEVER leave my 10yr old at the finish line.
time you had a proper conversation, this is just plain selfish
Wow you have a problem but it's not a running problem. You say in your first post you and your OH enter the same races, why? enter alternate races and whichever of you does the run, the other takes the kids.
Life is a compromise
Couldn't you dump him, abandon the kids and have them taken into care, and then you could do what ever you want when ever you want ?
Or like the rest of us you could compromise... But I do think getting rid would be easiest and most sensible.
letting my 10yr old go to the park or home alone versus leaving him in an unknown city at a busy place like the finish line.
not really the same are they ?
seren nos wrote (see)
out of interest........those who wouldn't leave their children at the finish line......... do you ever leave them at home for an hour
Not a chance.......... Leave our kids alone in th ehouse for an hour.... It would be stripped and my good scotch drunk...
(NB Our youngest is 22 YEARS old)
EG Graham wrote (see)
There is clear factual evidence that no harm will come to a child in this lone situation, I recently watched an American documentary on this actual subject with Macauley Culkin
Jeepers wrote (see)
And just to emphasise this, EG, a second documentary was produced a few years later and again, no harm was caused to Master Culkin, although the adults in his charge did suffer somewhat.
What's this stuff doing on a Runners' Forum?
If he were signed on for a football team he'd need every Saturday afternoon from August through to May plus a training night which could easily clash with your pilates class, for instance. There are plenty of us on here I'm sure that have been through this as children and parents, and have come out ok at the other end without ever feeling the need to air their problems on a public forum.
Ploddersoftheworldunite wrote (see)
What's this stuff doing on a Runners' Forum?If he were signed on for a football team he'd need every Saturday afternoon from August through to May plus a training night which could easily clash with your pilates class,
Most races are on a Sunday tho, So it might be better if he played wendyball.....
Looking at the number of races your husband is planning, he'll be injured after a couple of months. Sorted!
Seriously - hope you can sort something out
That's it EG !!!
A match race Winners take all, Winner gets first pick of any race they want to do, Loser spends the next 25 years in the kitchen bringing up the kids
Well it worked in the 50's so why not now ?
wow I was going to reply individually but lost track, some funny posts there
thanks everyone for your contrtibution for the entertainment value! Seriosuly, there are some valid points and some silly ones and some wishful thinkig ones. You guess which is which.
And he is not that bad, if he is being very competitive he is hiding it well (i think is more of a case he thinks that is not an issue leaving them waiting at the end) as he always encourages me and shows intertest in my running (may be checking the competition - lol) Genuinely so. He is a hands on and loving daddy otherwise! And he does wants to do some races with me, to share the experience but if we do then we will have to plan and perhaps get a baby sitter, as someone mentioned.
I'll talk to him (again) when he comes back home; "darling we need to talk.....
I'll let you know the outcome, stay tuned!
Don't start that way, He'll think you have gone off sex !!!