Dear Dr Psycho

Dear Dr Psycho

I had a dream that I had a bad reaction to a piece of paper waved under my nose.
It made me react by investigating swimming lessons, and pool availability.
The worst of it was that I dreamed that I ended up standing on a windswept beach surrounded by hordes of people in yellow lycra with the logo of skull and crossbones going "Aaargh!"

I used to be a runner, and after 2 years in remission I felt I was recovered.
I discovered cycling and realised that 65 miles left me with no reaction (other than an inability to sit down).

I have an inate fear of the water. I fear that I might
a) get clean
b) sign an application form by accident

Is there any help?


  • In short?   No


    resistance is futile.
  • I could help with the inability to sit down image
  • What? Remove the saddle from the bike so it doesn't cause ahem "contact damage".

  • You're not even trying to cling on by your finger nails now are you?!! HaHaHa!!!
  • Jump, jump, jump, jump image
  • Did 2 sports today.

    6 miles jog. Yes a dead slow 9m/m jog. I'm aware that getting any level of running fitness back will take a long-ish time.




    Shocked? I was.

    My target was 16 lengths of crawl. I failed.
    I did 2 lengths (nearly) before catching a mouthful and losing it. I'm far more relaxed in breast stroke or even lady stroke. Every now and again I'd convince myself to have another go at crawl for a length.
    So, 16 lengths in 16 minutes. Underwhelmed, to say the least.
    Then I thought about having spent £4.40 to get in and decided that I needed to do another set.
    32 lengths in...32 minutes. That's a PB! image
    Half a mile swimmed, with maybe 7 lengths on crawl.

    So 152 lengths at that pace will take me 32 minutes longer than cut off............

    Way to go!


  • Lol!  Its like starting from scratch ... the swimming will likely be the most difficult as it is mainly technique based

    Dependant on your learning style I would start by looking at the website which I found quite useful

    The old running advice of 'slow down' also applies to swimming

    Keep at it, its great fun  imageimage
  • Valiant effort Blisters!!!! Well done...
  • M...eldy wrote (see)
    Lol!  Its like starting from scratch ... the swimming will likely be the most difficult as it is mainly technique based

    Dependant on your learning style I would start by looking at the website which I found quite useful

    The old running advice of 'slow down' also applies to swimming

    Keep at it, its great fun  imageimage
    er M..eldy, I am indeed learning from scratch.
    Your advice to slow down made me snort coffee over the laptop...image. Any slower and my feet hit the floor. Has anyone been hauled out of a 400m swim for being too slow?
  • okay then .... speed up    image

  • At least in open water you don't have to turn around at each end. And when a fish tickles your bits or a weed brushes your ear, you'll go off like a torpedo anyway...)))

    Kick enough to keep your legs up top, also stops you dragging in the water..
  • Children take around 9 months to a year to learn how to walk. It's all about putting the hours in. So far I think I've not even reached the bum shuffle stage with my swimming. However, there has been progress over the past 5 years.

    Just not much.

    I am prepared to try.

    That's the difference.

  • Bum shuffle?
  • Before a child walks they shuffle across the floor on their bum.
    Just watch a pirate gathering in the pub after a few beers.

    My "swimming" is at the stage where I need to be taught how to do it.
    I know that.

    I have asked the two expert swimmers in our house to help, and they were unsympathetic. I suppose keel hauling is out of the question?

  • Meldy is right - most people do windmill their arms and would do better if they were to slow them down.

    Do you have access to a pull buoy? It will hold your legs up while you concentrate on getting your arms right, but it is best to only use them for a few lengths as some people use them too much and then never learn how to swim without them.

  • thats me caz legs are a liability.... are an athlete.get in a race even now and you would swim twice as fast as you wouldn't want to be overtaken by any of us image
  • ex-hafleet if you please.
  • I'm not competitive, not one bit.

    Wifey just did the 2.5km swimathon in 60 minutes.

    16yo daughter (who doesn't train at all now) did it in 46 minutes.


  • TRTR ✭✭✭

    Blisters - nice to see you back to some sports. I'd advise you to take that headband off when you swim, its sucking up water and slowing you down !

    The swimming takes a bit of time to improve, I'm still carp but I get out the lake with about 50% of the folks ahead of me now rather than 75% of them.

  • Yo! TR

    I even got a message from the creature that lives under a stone.

    I hate to think who's going to appear next.

  • TRTR ✭✭✭
    I hate to think what advice he gave you.
  • TR. He was very encouraging and sympathetic, just like he is in real life.

    JFDI image rather sums it up.


    Tonight I turned up to an organised coaching and training session organised by our local Tri club.
    I was about as nervous as a bag of cats on their way to a ritual drowning. Thankfully the folks there were significantly older than 13 and I slotted in. At the back. At the bottom. In the corner.

    Coach gave me a foam dumbell to put between my legs. It looked like it had been chewed by a number of creatures during their teething process. Bits kept falling off. Not just me, but the foam thing. Do this with you elbows he said. Breathe every two. (Every two what? Minutes?) Don't kick with your legs. (Eh? Everyone else in the pool is kicking with their legs). You're a runner aren't you?
    I suppose the phrase "swims like a brick"  in my intro gave it away. Either that or the Marathon kit bag. Apparently not. I just looked like yet another hopeless cause with lead shielded legs.

    Lots of breaks were necessary. And as the lack of form deteriorated the air intake got replaced by water intake.

    I'm a bit tired at the moment, which seems odd to the others in the group as I spent more than 50% standing in a corner keeping out of the way. I'm quite pleased though, as I must have "swum" well over a dozen lengths of doggie crawl in total.

    Gimme gin to undilute this pool water!

  • Blisters, you are currently suffering what I went through about 4 months ago.  

    My first introduction to my tri club swim was at their annual gala at xmas just .  I wasn't even asked if I could swim, just paired up to race four separate races (two lengths front crawl, two lengths backstroke, two lengths breaststroke and a two lengths relay of any stroke).   I was spared a humilation and drowning at the butterfly, but most of us were excused bar a couple of human dolphins.

    Although it was good fun I felt a little like my first 6 weeks in the RN where, to prove our worth, we were continuously made to somersault off the 2m meter diving platform until we got it right.   'Ouch, that's gotta sting'.

    It does get better, and easier they continue to keep telling me!

  • Gosh. Went for a run today. 6.5 around the old hamster wheel, the first time in absolutely ages. 85%mhr, but at 2 min/mile slower than marathon pace two/three years ago. Depressed? No way, I'm elated.
  • Today I got the opportunity for a nice bike ride. The rain went away, the roads started to drain. I did 41 miles and at the furthest point the rain decided to come back. Can I log 20 miles of swimming?

  • Yes  image
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