What happened to the Ironmate McGonigall thread?

I was looking forward to my hilarious "poetry" fix.... and NOTHING!

It's political correctness gone mad, I tells ya


  • I think you could think of a rhyme or two ???
  • There once was a Pirate called Candy....
  • .......Who on a Friday became Mandy
  • ...She hitched up her skirt

  • ...such a terrible flirt...
  • .... and made Barley go all giddy.......
  • image
  • Dave The Ex- Spartan wrote (see)
    .... and made Barley go all giddy.......
    And made Barley go all randy  image
  • Not that up on McGonigall Eh Schmunks ????
  • Phew!


    On the last Sabbath Day of 1899
    I did very hard pedal to get the medal
    But the pain I will remember for quite some time

  • 1879.  Sorry.  I was close though!

  • 'I entered on line and paid by credit card In my mind I do train??hard if I don???t finish I will be mentally scarred.' There's irony, man that the next line is a cycleshoe in for retard* But I guess uttering that makes me an uttering bastxxx As you where. * unless the last line is a typo for scared - which based on previous I wouldn't be confident of ruling out.
  • Fckn up the formatting and giving you a blank box on selecting 'Edit' If that's bleedin progress then I just don't geddit And you can tell whoever released it I said it Is you were.
  • fat buddhafat buddha ✭✭✭

    ah - memories of a Private Eye cartoon from the Wapping era

    "new technology baffles pissed old hack"

  • My heart is thumping so loud i can hear my heart in my inner ear.
  • This thread makes me happy.



  • I like the comforting advice to Novices that:

    "Mark has competed in over 42o triathlons in 29 seasons but still remembers his heart beating in his chest when he was waiting to start."

  • And of course the sage advice not to neglect your career.  Or school.

    I could be better if I worked part time
    But seconds thought I can afford a bike that it mine.

  • Well, I guess you cant expect him to have the time to learn to write as well as:

    - winning a triathlon outright in the morning and finishing 2nd in another triathlon in the afternoon!
    - 1,000 Push ups (Press ups) in 28 minutes.

    And, most impressive (if not slightly baffling):
    - Pizza eating completion winner!

  • I don't know, 23 hours a day in a cell what else is he going to do to get his heart thumping?


    <p align="left">The UK has 38 long term life prisoners including Peter Sutcliffe (Yorkshire ripper)
    Serial killer who was convicted of killing 13 women in 1981.
    Long term means that they will never be released. Life sentence or life incarceration or life long incarceration means for the rest of their life. <p align="left">According to the Independent national newspaper in 2008 there were 82,319 in prison.
  • I do love the way he explains technical terms, like "long term", or:

    FINISHER = Finished Ironman Now In Side Hurt Excited (to) Race
    INJURY = Ironman Now Just Underperform Racing Year
    EUPHORIC =  Eager Underperforms Proud Happy Over Racing Invincible Competitive.
    HAPPY = hastily after proudly participating (in) Your (Ironman)

  • flyaway wrote (see)

    - Pizza eating completion winner!

    Clearly he's never been out to dinner with Candy and Oxy!

  • Dear Candy,

    Ive written you something. It is my bestest work

    Heart pumping, beating the sounds of Adam Ant’s greatest hits I pace 
    This is it, the A race, A place I headed for.
    When I commited my heart and soul, to a goal, to finish.  
    I am he, the chosen one, who at the gun
    Will Swim, bike run.Till Im done,It is supposed to be fun
    . Well it aint, I feel faint, wordy pictures I paint
    . Literal constipation broken, by fear of the unknown.
    But panic not my Irony friends…
    No.I have your backs, we are on track to domination
    The Pirate Nation Will rise, A tide of yeller and black, 
    Will attack. Usually from a fair way back.
    Except for Rosey and Crab.  And Fegan,& mon and Melli and Funkin
    And all them quick Fuckers
    Who really lay it down when the rest of us Clown about.

    So this shout out is to all poetical dudes
    Who muse about how to get through
    Dont rhyme, train, Exercise leggies as well as your brain
    Or you will go bonk on the vitalist day
    And Candt will say HAHAHA you useless bugger
    And the "as you were" blur will tell yer
    It aint rocket science son, get the work done
    Cos poems cant swim or bike
    Although sometimes they get a print run

  • Bassy you really aren't getting this are you?

    You need to rhyme "impossible" with itself three times in succession, at least.

    I wonder how much triathlete's world paid him to come on and give advise (sic) to the drooling masses?!

  • Sorry, i couldnt really do crapper than using race, pace and place together.

    I also got black, attack and back together.

    FFS Im doing me best without the talent I thought I had.

  • And I got in a classic one, gun, run, done, fun.

  • Hey, if you could just work in the timeless "lied, died, tried", you could write lyrics for Bon Jovi.

  • I with heart pounding stand at the start line
    With in my brain wondering will I finish in the cut off time
    Bold I must be to win the medal
    For you must be bold to win the medal
    Metal rhymes nearly with medal
    To be an ironmal is my dream, and iron is a kind of medal
    I mean metal
    But not like the one in the marvel comics or the wizard of oz
    One who triathalons does, using trainers, goggles and a pedal
    To keep warm in my wetsuit I do a widdle

  • This one is called "Under-trained"

    3 months training -should have been more

    but DIY accident left me glued to the floor

    screamed and screamed until scream I could no more

    luckily the police came and knocked in my door

    lying prostrate in human effluent they discovered my gore

  • Barlos is an ironman
    Category M40 vet
    The NHS were busy
    So they sent him to the vet
    When he had gall stones

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