What do you make of this?

Letter home tonight from the high school my daughter attends...

"In the last few weeks there has been an increase in the number of incidents reported to staff concerning nastiness from other girls in school. This cruel behaviour involves BBM, Facebook and emails in addition to direct verbal comments and indirect comments, for example in the repeating of rumours.

In form time and assemblies, girls are made aware that actions involving both direct and indirect involvement can be hurtful and upsetting to others. One aspect of these discussions focussed upon the fact that bystanders in bullying can very often make situations worse and then they become just as much to blame as the initial person carrying out the bullying.

I would encourage you to talk to your daughter about this issue as some pupils routinely get involved in disagreements that they have nothing to with and take sides with friends about disagreements that they may have had and then actively make situations worse by discussing these with other people. These behaviours result in rumours being created and conversations going on after school, via the use of technology which can only make the situation worse"

My first thought was "hold the front page. "Teenage girls in bitch fest shock". If I cast my mind back to when I was at school we were exactly the same, in so much as Sharon would call Tracey a slag and then we'd decide if Sharon was right or if we felt sorry for Tracey and we'd all make a big thing about which side we were on and then there might be a fight.

Now we have this bloody BBM, which I don't understand but seems to be the lifeblood of a teen and they act as though you've slit their throats at the mere suggestion that they put the Blackberry down for a minute.

So IS it worse now or has the school had it's head in the sand? I think the written word is pretty powerful and much harder to erase once it's in print for all to see, but I don't know what you guys think. Nastiness is not a 21 century phenomenon is it?

Your thoughts please.



  • It probably is worse because so many more opportunities exist to bitch and fight after school has finished. Bullying has always existed. Bitching has always existed. but now there's more outlets for that kind of behaviour. I feel sorry for teachers who have to deal with all this - I imagine the virtual bitchfests lead to more kick-offs in school rather than less.


    My advice: drop BlackBerry in sink. Job done.

  • The thing about BBM is the messages are free, so they can text away all day for no cost... and unless you can crack their password you'll never know what they're up to,

  • I know JB. I hate BB. I am the only person in this house who has Android now.


  • As a deputy head, I have seen the amount of bullying increase and most notably the scale and extent increase exponentially over the last 4 years or so. Facebook, bbm, and other sites have made it so much worse. You wouldn't believe some of the things that have happened. And it's worse with girls btw.
  • I think JB has a point.  I was bullied for a while at school, but I knew that once I got off the school bus that I was safe until I got back on it again.  There was also the possibility that the bully would forget about the incident over night and I would be safe the next day.  With all the different ways to communicate now, kids can't get away from each other so don't get any time to rebuild their strength before the next encounter.

  • Shiva - I think you're right about girls being worse and I think Caz is right too. When we were younger, once we were home we were away from it. Now it's online and technological and is a 24/7 process.

    Boys would probably settle this with a ruck. Girls run their gobs......image

    Thankfully Miss LB says this letter has gone out to all year groups and she thinks they seem to be referring to a particular incident in Y9, which doesn't affect her. But it's only a matter of time before something like this will....

  • It must be bad to have initiated this letter.

    Awful stuff goes on - Slag Lists and all sorts.

    I think the hanger on factor is massive.  Minor arguments just get fuelled by others.  Same as when I was a t school but magnified tenfold.

  • School!

    Head down do the work get the exams then run for the nearest exit and dont look back.




  • RicFRicF ✭✭✭

    My lad at nearly 16 has never bothered with a mobile phone. So, no Facebook, Twitter or anything. He reckons he's got better things to do. He spends a lot of time hanging around with some kid who wrote the software for something called Raspberry Pi.

  • It's perfectly reasonable to have a difference of opinion or argue. What is unacceptable is escalated unfounded bitching. Girls are both worse and more sensitive to it IMO.


    A lot of bullies have experienced bullying. I suspect the hanger on thing is because they fear becoming the target so pile into the other side to make sure they are safe.


    I do think schools have to act - shouldn't have to!!- but the effect on the children in their care is hugely disruptive to education and amounts to abuse which they cannot turn a blind eye to. 

    Parents who take the view that 'it's just life'  and kids need to find out how to deal with life, are missing the point that parents should teach children how to live.

    Teaching them how to deal with bullying (being bullied and joining in) is an important life lesson in becoming a well functioning adult.


    What is with the <span> crap

  • I do find many bullies are also victims of bullying. I think both need educating.

    A child my daughter knew, was a recurrent victim. When you spoke to other children or watched her in action, she was pushing her weight around and got angry when she couldn't get when she wanted. She was quite unpleasant in a low key way and would join in bullying faster than anyone. Other kids got fed up so that when one child started attacking...loads were primed to jump in. It would always continue, until it was pointed out to her that her behaviour was contributory


  • I think other kids acted as bystanders because they didn't feel pity because of the way she had treated them in the past.

    Doesn't make it right. Tackling just one party would not solve the problem though. This child had to change her behaviour and school needed to nip the bullying in the bud so that she had space to change.

  • Facebook is one of the main problems because it is there for everyone to see.not just those who were there at the time.instead of 3 people hearing it its hundreds and hundreds.......

    if you tell someone you hate them and are going to kill them in the heat of the moment then its usually forgotten by the next day

    you put that on facebook .its in writing and therefore the school have to act....and warn and exclude people...........


    but technology can help as who said what is in writing and its hard for them to deny saying it

    I remember the once when my son was younger the school phoned as one girl said he was bullying her and being offensive and intimidating to her sexually.........her parents lodged an official complaint

    the school was trying to listen to both sides of the story.......

    i went on his computer and luckily the history was still there and so i could show the school the parts where she was having a go at him ........saying if he got a webcam she would show him her tits (which she did).and where she was using the most disgusting language ..........afetr her parents were informed they withdrew the complaint and no doubt realised their little girl wasn't as sweet and innocent as they thought.

    my son has never had a webcam since and had some stern punishments about getting involved in conversations .....

  • my sister told me about some girls at my neices school who nicked the phone of a guy, took pics of their boobs, told the teacher the boy had been harassing them, and he nearly got expelled.  Luckily the school sussed what happened, and the girls were reprimanded instead, but the fact they thought it was okay to do that, even just as 'fun' is effing shocking.  Kids can be hideously cruel.  I was bullied at school, hence the reason I absolutely hated school (not that I tell my neices that; i tell them i loved it. no sense putting them off!). 

  • kittenkat wrote (see)
    There's a difference between bullying and having disagreements though.

    You're damn right there is! I've had this problem for SEVEN YEARS with youngest Miss LB. Every time she has ever made a comment to a particular child about ANYTHING, this girl has played the bullying card, run to mummy who escalates it to hysteria mode and it has got seriously out of hand. Unfortunately (being the hothead that I am) I threatened to sort it out by smacking the little shit stirrer's mother in the mouth to demonstrate the difference but thankfully I came to my senses and sorted it out in a more adult way, although while this parent believes that her child IS a victim (which she most certainly is NOT) it will never be truly sorted.

  • We should all band together and kick the sh*t out of the bullies.

  • nah, they're too hard.

    just kick the shit out of the kids who won't fight back.

  • Combating bullying is often ineffective, or half heartedly done in schools I think because bullying doesn't end at school. It carries on into the work place, and other adult spheres. How can you expect someone to help end something they themselves are guilty of?

    I am sure each of us can think of one bully we have worked with.. Do you think they were not like that at school? If they were a boss do you think no one has noticed and if they have why are they still in charge if they are? Someone somewhere cant see their faults because they share them.

    Bullying is simular to sexism, racism and other forms of discrimination and cruelty in life. They exist and carry on because too many people would have to do a lot of painful soul searching themselves.

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