Jesus Christ Superstar..

For those of who are missing it, or for those who have partners insisting on watching it, here is what to expect...

Four judges. A 'how much did they pay you?'. A 'has been'. A 'why are you on the show?' A 'you never could sing, unless you were in a group'.

Introduced by Amanda Holden, (you looked cuter when you were with Les Dennis) who has so much hair spray on, there is a label on the back that says 'keep away from naked flame'.

A bunch of wannabee superstars, whose whole life ambition, has been to sing, and to be famous (sound familiar?), sing songs, and kill the originals. They will also probably have some life history, which makes you care, and while they are telling you, you will hear music that they probably took off a bad American soap opera. They must also walk in slow motion as they go towards their audition. 

After they have sung the song, the judges will make comments. If they make positive comment. Que audience, who will cheer like England like won the Euro. If they make negative comment. Like Germany won the Euro. Also someone from the audience must shout out some comment, so that they can have their 15 minutes, and which only Jason, seems to hear, proof that all those years on Neighbours, having bad dialogue shouted at him by Kylie didnt leave him deaf.

This process must be repeated at least 7 times. Then us poor plebs, get the chance to vote to keep the least crap singer (a tough one believe me) in. The ones that dont,get to stay in, do get to kiss Amanda Holden, (fire extinguisher on stand by) and leave, knowing, that if they grow a moustache, or change their hair colour, maybe they can go on X Factor. Que bad auditions, same process repeated.

Oh, the one who does win. He will become Jesus. He will be popular for at least 60 days, but will probably be eclipsed by a short haired terrior, who once its finished its world tour will be auditioning for his role. But dont worry, he will be back, and be there to sign autographs at Debenhams, as he continues to be Jesus, but will also be wanting to sell you a Meal for two, at the local Harvester Inn, if you will spend 25 pound or more on David Beckham endorsed products.

So why watch the show?

Comments

  • Also, if the search for Joseph and the search for the woman in the Sound of Music are anything to go by, it will be loeaded so that Andrew Lloyd Webber will get exactly who he wants as he would not put his name to anything else.

  • Grendel3 wrote (see)

    Also, if the search for Joseph and the search for the woman in the Sound of Music are anything to go by, it will be loeaded so that Andrew Lloyd Webber will get exactly who he wants as he would not put his name to anything else.

    Very true. He didnt get to where he is today by signing bad cheques. I was expecting a real backlash when i wrote the above, but i have had to endure 5 nights of it, and like X Factor, Britains got talent, that thing with Tom Jones, Strictly dancing..the list goes on, its like a bad toothache that wont go away. Well i can always walk out the room, and i wrote the above with tongue in cheek, but it is stupid, the whole thing.. i couldnt stop laughing when i was watching it...annoyed my girlfriend big time...

  • I don't watch any of it, my wife some of it - but I am just fed up with this type of TV,

  • Ghostrider / Grendel - I agree with what you've written. 

    Each time this type of "I'm going to give it 120%, it's been my life's dream to be here, I was born to do this etc etc" programme appears on the television, I think these thoughts -

    1- What's next on the talent show rotunda ?  How can they further muck up my evening's viewing by killing our favourite songs and throwing in an obligatory dance routine ?

    2 -What has Amanda Holden ever done except appear on this type of programme? The poor girl can hardly string two sentences together.  Why is she escorted down the stairs by two men who've not yet tied their bow ties ?

    3 - Who the bloomin' hell votes, and therefore justifies the existence of these shows?  A bit like the TVAM/GMTV/Daybreak 'Mensa level' quizzes, I know of nobody who rings in, but clearly somebody keeps doing it !!! 

  • If you don't like it, don't watch it.

  • That's right - we should just stay silent and hope it all goes away

  • Dicky M. That's the point, if everybody stayed silent (nobody voted), then it would go away. Until that happens you can do as CM says and don't watch

Sign In or Register to comment.