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For those of who are missing it, or for those who have partners insisting on watching it, here is what to expect...
Four judges. A 'how much did they pay you?'. A 'has been'. A 'why are you on the show?' A 'you never could sing, unless you were in a group'.
Introduced by Amanda Holden, (you looked cuter when you were with Les Dennis) who has so much hair spray on, there is a label on the back that says 'keep away from naked flame'.
A bunch of wannabee superstars, whose whole life ambition, has been to sing, and to be famous (sound familiar?), sing songs, and kill the originals. They will also probably have some life history, which makes you care, and while they are telling you, you will hear music that they probably took off a bad American soap opera. They must also walk in slow motion as they go towards their audition.
After they have sung the song, the judges will make comments. If they make positive comment. Que audience, who will cheer like England like won the Euro. If they make negative comment. Like Germany won the Euro. Also someone from the audience must shout out some comment, so that they can have their 15 minutes, and which only Jason, seems to hear, proof that all those years on Neighbours, having bad dialogue shouted at him by Kylie didnt leave him deaf.
This process must be repeated at least 7 times. Then us poor plebs, get the chance to vote to keep the least crap singer (a tough one believe me) in. The ones that dont,get to stay in, do get to kiss Amanda Holden, (fire extinguisher on stand by) and leave, knowing, that if they grow a moustache, or change their hair colour, maybe they can go on X Factor. Que bad auditions, same process repeated.
Oh, the one who does win. He will become Jesus. He will be popular for at least 60 days, but will probably be eclipsed by a short haired terrior, who once its finished its world tour will be auditioning for his role. But dont worry, he will be back, and be there to sign autographs at Debenhams, as he continues to be Jesus, but will also be wanting to sell you a Meal for two, at the local Harvester Inn, if you will spend 25 pound or more on David Beckham endorsed products.
So why watch the show?