Kids. Love them or hate them? It's not a poll, because most people find both ends of the spectrum in their own offspring.

My youngest is 12, and during the Bank Holiday weekend she spent ages in her bedroom playing with toys and self amusing. She didn't want to come and do anything with me, like a gentle bike ride. Then she'd play with mates who called round. All seemed fine.

Last night she weant all sad and said that I never played with her, that we never had any family time and that I was always swimming or running.

When I suggested the things that we could do as a family she didn't want to do any of them. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

I don't understand.


  • 1. At that age - hormones

    2. What does she say she wants you to do together?

  • compo 1compo 1 ✭✭✭

    o dear

  • encourage her to come running? my son often rides his bike with me on my runs, carries water bottles for me image like a personal support crew haha, he enjoys it, (he's 11 btw) 

    I always wanted a daughter as well, i would still do anything for one image but when i see all the girls at my sons school, I'm often glad i dont, they seem so much harder work than boys (at least at this age) the drama is like something from a soap opera in the playground, all the boys seem to care for is who's going in goal.

  • JeremyGJeremyG ✭✭✭

    Ha ha, recently had the exact same (she's just turned 13 image) with the running comment. My response was well you don't want to be with us anyway as you are either out with your friends or shut in your room skpe/FB/IM/texting etc. At that age it's fine and to be expected. As for walks, bike rides etc - forget it!! Recently went to the lakes and dragged her up several peaks - face of thunder!
    At that age the concept of "family time" is you driving them somewhere to do what they want.

  • Work out what makes her laugh and what makes her confident and then go out of your way to do those things with her but without any obvious planning. And then thank her for letting you join in with her!

  • popsiderpopsider ✭✭✭

    Haha - not gonna work - clothes shopping with her mates, facebook and going round her mates houses - seeing as she is embarassed on the rare occasion I give her a lift to school (apparently our car looks like Postman Pat's van, it's a Fiat Doblo ) I can imagine her reaction if I turn up in town offering my opinion while her and her mates try clothes on - not to mention I might get arrested.   I've pretty much given up on our 13 year old - I still force the 10 year olds out on bike rides and walks though.

  • i have 12 year  old twin boys and it drives me mad that i cant get them to do anything with me that does not involve xbox image keep trying

  • Your opinion is very important for me thanks

  • JeremyG wrote (see)

    At that age the concept of "family time" is you driving them somewhere to do what they want.


  • does she want to play board games or anything like that with you? She probably doesn't want to be seen out of the house with you! But maybe a family movie afternoon/evening (in the house)?

  • I have two daughters,  29 and 32 now, and I look back on some great memories with them, but there are some years in the middle of their growing up when it was hard because they become more independent, and in their own way very worldy wise.  I think all parents probably have some great years from about 2 to 10 when they just want to be with you doing anything with you, from about 12 to 18 they develop their independence, and 18 plus they start to appreciate you again (especially when they want to buy a car or something!).  I've got grandkids now and can see exactly the same behaviour repeating itself.

  • I find if mine are well fed they're fine lol!  But mine have all been relatively easy going - not sure how that happened as I was a nightmare!!

    (We didn't give them choice when they were younger - we would say - we're all going to the beach today...we're all going to the bowling alley...we're all going out for dinner...if we asked them what they wanted to do it would be met with a wall of "I dunno's") 

  • I remember being that age (even though it was a very long time ago).

    I didn't want to do ANYTHING with my parents - they were so embarrassing to my 12-year-old self.  When we went on holiday it was dreary and boring (and usually raining).

    All I wanted was to be left alone with my books/puzzles, or my friends (no facebook or mobile phones in those days!)

    So I have no suggestions for the OP, other that let her get on with it!

  • I feel your pain.

    Mine are 12 (on Monday) and 13. They too disappear into 31a and 31b for hours on end. And then they'll accuse you of neglect. There's not much you can do except "try" to be there when they decide it's family time. You're pretty much at the whim of their hormones at that age.

    We've just had a week away on the south coast. I'd have bet my MORTGAGE they'd have hated not having a permanent wifi connection and access to city centre shopping.

    I was wrong. They learned to fly kites and skim stones with their dad. I was STUNNED. In a good way. And they'll remember that forever.


  • Tom.Tom. ✭✭✭
    At the age of 13 my daughter disappeared spitting and screaming into her bedroom. Five years later she re-emerged as a delightful young women
  • Thanks guys, you are all very supportive.

    Flying kites, great idea. I love flying: anything, and it's kites season!

  • Set aside a saturday each month/fortnight/week (whicehever suits you both best) as daddy and daughter date... take her to pics/bowling and then a meal just the 2 of you.  Gives you the opportunity to talk and find out whats going on in her life too, and something for you both to look forward too.

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