Relationships and running.

I took up running more then 2 years ago, I was seperated and leading a lifestyle which consisted too much of going out drinking. I originally did a 10K for charity as an inspiration to get me going. Not realising I would enjoy this I then did a few events leading up to a marathon last year. Since then I have now met someone who is not into running. Recently I have got new enthusiasm for running and she has been to a couple of events with me on Sundays. I now want to do more events and whilst it is important to have different interests I think she is getting a bit fed up that my weekends are often taken up with 10 k's etc. Also training is a very solitay activity for me as she is not interested in running. Do other people manage to balance relationships and running?



  • Curly45Curly45 ✭✭✭

    Always. Always. Always:

    Date another runner.

    Or get your OH into running.

  • RatzerRatzer ✭✭✭

    Never.  Never.  Never:

    Date another runner.

    Just when you fancy a lie in on a Sunday it's kit on and out the door for eighteen miles in the drizzle...

    Just kidding.  But, if your weekends are taken up with 10ks then perhaps you do need a different balance in your life.  I have to balance a full family who don't run with me, so events are rare, races are more common but solitary, and training is fit in around ensuring everyone else is satisfied as much as I am.  That means early mornings or lunchtimes in work, late evenings, and getting out of bed silently on a Sunday morning.

  • But Ratzer you can always pop next door on Sunday whilst the missus is doing 18 miles and you get o do he blonde at number 15
  • I don't think it's fair (and that it is asking for trouble in the longer term) for a new partner to expect you to give up something you were doing before you met.

    However, compromise can be the way forward...

    Maybe do races a bit less often, and sometimes in locations which have something of interest for her?

    When it comes to training, could she accompany you on a bike, maybe?

    (Point out that if you stop running, your sex-god physique may not be maintained to the same level?)

    If all else fails, ditch her and date a runner.  It worked for me image

  • It's either compromise or time to decide where your priorities lie. But give in now and where will it all end??!!!

  • Yeah, it'll be the out-of-town 'designer outlet village' every Sunday for the rest of your life..... image


  • Get married mate!!!!!!!!

    Once your married your OH will be glad to get you out the house for a few hours...Everything changes once married!!

    On the other hand Love coquers all.......My wife likes to get wasted (my opinion, hers...she likes a drink once a week) on a friday or saturday night (so be it at home) while i like to get up in the morning feeling fresh and go for a run for 1-2hrs.  I come back feeling great while shes still recovering from the night before.  Bye the time i have showered, eaten and ready to go out we are on the 'same page' so to speak.

    We are both very happy with it.......

  • Barney Wales is on the right track, if a bit extreme. Separate interests (and circles of mates) are actually a very healthy thing in a long-term relationship, in my view. that said, she should be turning up for your really big Sunday events, like a marathon.

  • Have you asked her if she's actually fed up of your events? Perhaps she just needs a bit of reassurance that she's as important to you as your hobby - maybe you can compromise by doing something special together on Sunday afternoons after your races or going out for dinner together the night before? (carb loading, great excuse!)

    Lucky for me my OH is very keen on running too, but I find myself compromising a lot with friends and family to make sure that I keep in touch. Whether that's suggesting to my friends that we meet for brunch on Sundays instead of going out on Saturday nights, or that we do something like the cinema instead of the pub the night before I've got an event, or picking scenic races/routes so that my sister can come along with me and spend the time I'm running on her photography (if you aren't into photography then standing around passing different lenses to someone is about as much fun as standing in a cold, muddy field waiting for a race to finish if you aren't into running)

  • No!!!! Don't get married so soon!! You may as well cut your gentlemans veg off right now and lock them away and give her the keys!! Man up! Tell her you're going running and to get your tea on for when you get back...

  • MillsyMillsy ✭✭✭
    Enter less local run of the mill events and do a few more glamorous / scenic ones where you can make a nice weekend of it.
  • What would she like to do instead?  My guess is that she doesn't have any interests of her own and if you did stop running, you would just spend the time sat on the sofa watching Midsomer Murders or somesuch shite.


  • My wife insists that I am obsessed; and constantly goes on about my mum saying to me that I looked as if I had put on weight and this is the reason for my obsession. But I keep a log of what I do and do not spend that much time training, and, most of this time I am multi-tasking by excercising the dog or going to work! I agree with Lou above; if I was not running I would be sat on the sofa watching Midsomer Murders stuffing my face; and she does not have many interests! But when I do races such as the Salisbury marathon she comes along and gets in some retail therapy. Try longer races in interesting places? But, as with all things you have to find a balance; whatever that means in your individual case.

  • Sticky88Sticky88 ✭✭✭

    I'm used to running 'on my own', and enter races 'on my own'. I'm fortunate that my other half supports me when the runs are far away from home and requires overnight stays, and he comes with me. However those LSR during training often take up a significant part of the weekend, not only during the runs, but after as well, as I'm often too tired to do anything else! He doesn't complain, but I'm sure he prefers that I'm about so we can spend more time together.

    However, he decided to take up running a year ago, and I didn't even persuade him in any way! Now we're off to our weekly Park Runs, and doing races together. He's also starting to beat my times, giving me an extra challenge!

    Maybe she can have the option of not going with you during your 10K races, she can have a lie in instead! 10k are only hour runs, so you should be back in no time, and still have the rest of the day with her.

  • Basically it is no different to working out all the other things in a relationship. You talk, you listen and you compromise or find ways round it.

    I now do virtually all my running first thing in the morning whilst the rest of the family is sleeping, and then appear with a cup of tea for my wife as I get in the shower. There's still stuff to work out - I don't do anywhere near as many races as I would if I were on my own, but then I don't think I would be as happy if I were on my own!!!!!

  • Always thought relationships were about compromise. So she's a non runner and you are racing most weeknds and she comes to watch some but you think that that's not enough... I can't see why she'd be unhappy in that scenario, I really can;t.

  • Stevie  GStevie G ✭✭✭
    Gavin Burnside wrote (see)

    My wife insists that I am obsessed;

    Obsessed seems to be the word the lazy or uninterested bandy around quite regularly.

    Even if you were running an hour a day, that's simply 2 crappy programmes on tv...not exactly hard to find an hour a day.

  • i agree with most of the comments here, especially the one about it being unfair of her to expect you to give up something you did before you met.  You were a runner when you met her so she should expect that you will always be a runner.

    I started running 4 years ago when my wife was pregnant with our first daughter, it wasnt always easy to find time but the results were worth it.  She would often complain (especially in the early days about me going to the gym/running too much) but as i lost weight and improved she supported me more and more.  I think once she knew i was serious about it then there was no going back.  She has always been super supportive on race days etc and encouraged me to enter marathons despite the considerable training involved.  We have had our second child now and my wife has met a friend (through the childrens playschool) who runs and has actually taken up running herself.  She has her first 5k race tomorrow and first 10k in a couple of weeks!  even my 3 year old daughter runs everywhere and cant wait for tomorrows parkrun so she can join mummy for the final few hundred metres and cross the finish line, so the running bug is catching!

    my wife has never been interested in running with me but maybe if you introduce your OH to some female runners you know, she might become interested in what you do.

  • Thanks for the responses. My girlfriend is staying with me tonight, and talked about this with her. She has some studying for work and has said she does not mind staying in bed tomorrow and either studying or lying in. I have to motivate myself to leave the bed now to do the Parkrun but hopefully will go for a PB and come back with breakfast/ brunch so we will both be happy.

  • at what point in a new relationship, would you break it to your lover that Sunday mornings are sacred LSR time...and that you'd rather go out for a run than stay in bed with her....

  • I think you should tell her at the point at which  you'd rather go out for a run than stay in bed with her!

    If that's the first weekend, then at least she'll know where she stands.  Or lays. image

    Be honest about it from the start, then you won't have to have a difficult conversation later.

  • I would have thought your partner would be happy to have some free time on her hands - that's certainly why I go running on my own, and probably why my boyfriend goes to the gym on his own!!

    We've both always done this (prior to meeting) so wouldn't expect the other to have an issue with this. Is she getting fed up with watching you at the events & wants to do something else with you, or is it she'd rather spend time doing something else whilst you're running?

    Best thing would be to talk about it image

  • Eggyh73Eggyh73 ✭✭✭

    I find being completely undateable solves this particular issue.

  • Luckly I don't have thus problem any more, Ahh the joys of being single.
  • Just RunJust Run ✭✭✭

    Eggyh73, lol....

    It's not easy whatever you do, but compromise is the only way forward.

    My running used to be 'my time'. Then, five years after i took it up, enjoying LSR's on a Sunday away from the wife and kids, she decided to start. Now, rather than asking if i'm going on 'another run', she's always asking when she'll 'get her run in?'. It's difficult, and i find i'm always the one getting up extra early to get out the door but you have to talk it through. We now run alternate days. Some mornings, some afternoons (work permitting) and evenings. Anything to get our fix!!!

    You have to talk about it though, as Rach say's. If you can't talk stuff through at this stage of a relationship, then good luck!

    I usually make a deal with my wife, such as....I'll get up and do the early run so you can run in daylight......if you promise not to put the x factor or those twats from Essex on our tv this weekend.


  • image

    I watch my crap telly when my boyfriend is at the gym- win-win (we both work out when we want & he doesn't know what I watch - and vise versa -although that's a worrying thought)

  • Sticky88Sticky88 ✭✭✭

    My boyfriend often doubts if I actually went running, says I've gone to meet someone else, I come home hot and sweaty, but smiling image

  • try fitting triathlon training in when you both train and have kids! we have a diary and if you miss your session, tough luck or you bribe the youngest to cycle with you when you run. Oh for a simple life!


    Sticky88 wrote (see)

    My boyfriend often doubts if I actually went running, says I've gone to meet someone else, I come home hot and sweaty, but smiling image

    Haha I've got mapmyrun & he's always interested to see the stats - maybe that's his way on checking!! image

  • I remember when i first told my partner, i was going to do a half marathon. Her words were 'great, your going to be tired out all the time!!'. Over the past two years i have done about 11 half marathons, and am doing my first full marathon next year (hey! could have done one sooner, but i wanted to try a lot of different races first), which she is okay with. She actually realises i am more awake and alert, and got a buzz on, when i have done a good run, since i usually get tired quicker when i stop for ages, so her theory backfired.

    I have kept it in balance though, i run three times a week, but do longer runs when i go out, and i limit my running talk. She has been to the odd event, and she is proud of me, but you cant be a dick about it, and think it wont impact on your relationship, if your letting it take over your life. I live and breath running, but i also plan my running schedule, sometimes weeks in advance, so i know its going to have the least impact on my home life.

    People who are non-runners do struggle to understand it though, why we do what we do.

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