A Friday Joke

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Japanese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Japanese man starts to yell louder. "You sign! You sign!"

Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man. Go away!" and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Japanese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting and late in the afternoon he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Japanese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirtfront and yells at him; Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Japanese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says " You not Nissan Maindealer?"


  • LOL!!
  • Me like! Me like!
  • Scotty!! You've developed a nrevous twitch!!
  • LOL Wicked! ;o)
  • Excellent. Best joke I've read in ages!
  • Gonna boing this. Funniest joke I've seen on the forum for an age!

    LMAO as they say round these parts.
  • Very good, here's one for you

    There was once a horse and chicken who were best mates.

    One day the horse, whilst out walking, fell down a well. The chicken heard
    him shouting for help and said don't worry horse I'll be back to get you
    out. Sure enough, 5 minutes later the chicken returns in his sports car, and
    attaches a rope to it. He drops the rope down to horse and winches him to
    safety. 'Thank god for that Chicken, that's one I owe you'

    Two weeks later the chicken falls down the well. After a while the horse
    hears his cries. 'Don't worry' says the horse I'll get you out. 'Thanks
    horse' says the chicken ' just go and get my sports car'. 'No need' replies
    the horse as he edges over the well and drops his willie down the well, and
    winches the chicken out to safety.

    The moral of the story is - IF YOU'RE HUNG LIKE A HORSE YOU DON'T NEED A
  • hisss
  • Bravo Bravo to both GNL and twopies... very funny...
  • What's black and white and eats like a horse?

    A Zebra
  • What's brown and sticky?
    A stick.
    That's got to be the worst joke that I've ever heard.
  • To go one better or worse than the stick joke(which is my 3 yr olds fave

    what do you do with a wombat?

    play wom
  • My turn now...

    A man in charge of a boating lake picks up his megaphone and shouts "Boat 61, your time is up".

    His mate nudges him and says" we don't have a boat 61"

    The man picks up his megaphone again and shouts" Boat 19 are you in trouble!!"

    Well, it made me laugh....
  • me too

    how`s about lymericks

    there was a young woman from crewe
    who said as the vicar withdrew
    the bishop is thicker
    slicker, and quicker
    and two inches longer than you

  • What is ET short for?

    'Cause he's got no legs.
  • Nice one Sparky... very funny.
  • What did the man with two left feet buy from the shoe shop for his holidays?

    A pair of flip flips.
  • A man walks in to the doctors, completely naked, but wrapped from head to foot in cling film.

    The doctors says " I can clearly see your nuts!!"

    what do you reckon, 5/10 ....
  • 2/10
  • That bad eh....
  • My current favourite:

    A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him “Juan".

    Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

    Her husband responds, "But they are twins.If you've seen Juan, you've seen
  • Okay, what do you call a monkey in a minefield?

    A baboom!
  • gdl ..... very good ...

    Well as i found the first two opening jokes on this thread I shared them with my boyfriend (tried to do it without laughing but failed, which is probably why he thought they were tripe!!). I on the other hand think they are great and whilst sharing them at work I refrained myself from laughing and they got a great reception..

    Must now share gdl's.
  • Liverpool manager Gerard Houllier sends scouts out round the World looking
    for a new striker to replace Emile Heskey and hopefully win Liverpool the

    One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will
    turn out to be a true superstar. So Gerard flies to Iraq to watch him and
    suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield.

    Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down at home to Man Utd with only 20
    minutes left. Houllier gives the young Iraqi striker the nod to go on and
    takes off Emile Heskey.

    The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for
    Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted
    the media love the new star.

    When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum to tell her about his first
    day in English football. "Hi Mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20
    minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves
    me, the fans, the players and the media, they all love me".

    "Great," says his Mum, "let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot
    in the street, your sister and I were mugged and beaten and your brother
    joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time".

    The young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, but I'm so sorry".

    "Sorry!" says his Mum, "It's your bloody fault that we moved to Liverpool
    the first place!"
  • Oooh jokes about my home and my team hurt,but it is funny.

    What do you call?

    A Russian lemonade thief?


    A Russian with three testicles?


    Russian prostitute?


    Danish bottle washer?

    Hans Datdodishes
  • Jakesy, don't worry I love Liverpool too. It was only a joke.

    Did you hear about the Japanese car thief -Tommy Tukamoto.
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