How do you cope without support from your partner ?

2

Comments

  • I try not to let running interfere with family life where ever possible. I run as much as I can at lunch-times at work, or run to/from work, and my long runs on Sunday end at 9-9:30. Races obviously get in the way but it's less of a problem if it's not on top of all the rest of the training.

  • carterusm wrote (see)

    Wise words Rob. However, there is a bit of a conflict there she hates Strictly and it is me who watches it !! image

    Plan B then - what about running at lunchtime a few days a week or maybe as all/ part of your commute?

  • My sympathies from a fellow sufferer carterusm; I could have written your post. The only thing mine does extra is tells everyone that I am always out running 24/7 despite doing 6/7 hours a week (logged in a diary). When I say this she says I am delusional! It is a pain but I do it anyway

  • Are there no female runners whose husbands/partners object to their running?

     

  • Wilkie wrote (see)

    Are there no female runners whose husbands/partners object to their running?

     

    they wouldn't dare.

  • I'm not married and if there are any unmarried ladies on the thread who want someone to object to their running, I can oblige.

  • I would point out that to be healthy we are all supposed to be exercising at least four times a week. If you did other sports like football, these would cost more and take up more of your time but the great thing about running is that it's cheap and you can go when you want.



    My OH (I'm female) plays football and spends half an hour getting there and picking up friends on the way, an hour and a half playing it and then half an hour getting home. My running has actually inspired him to do more sport and he now cycles every week (which also takes up more time than an quick run).



    Not sure if you have kids but I think it's really important for children to see that exercise is something that adults do too. I find it odd how some parents seem to spend half their lives carting their kids round to different activities but never do any sport themselves.



    One tip I would suggest is getting into a proper routine so that your OH always knows when you will be going running. That way it just becomes the norm. Also maybe take her to watch you at a race and she might be inspired herself or at least understand why you enjoy it.
  • if your OH thinks running is taking up too much of your time pack it in and take up golf.

  • Wow. The last thing I want to do is spend loads of spare time with my hubby - I love him dearly but from when we first met it was important that we both had our space and our 'me' time. He plays cricket ALOT which any cricketers out there know takes ALL bloody day.. but its good for him and when there is no cricket he will cycle/run. If he doesnt he is grumpy and unhappy about his appearance. I recently got into running and again the last thing I want is to make it a couple thing. We dont see much of eachother during the week because of his long working hours and now that we have 3 kiddies..weekends are taken up with their clubs and parties...so thinking about it we dont actually spend much time at all with eachother......but do you know what - we are bloody happy and healthy and comfortable with ourselves and our bodies.

    Not sure what to suggest but taking her to a race sounds good - Encourage her to have some time to herself too. Thats what we do so we can bank up lots of returning the favour.

     

  • I'm female and hubby was not happy about my running, I stuck with it and he's slowly coming round. I think Sarah the bookworm hit the nail on the head with her posts.

    Just because I got a new hobby didn't mean my entire family had to join in.

    I think hubby's a little bit proud now I've done a few races.

    Oh and I work full time, look after the kids, do the housework and run. It can be done.

    Hubby does have his own hobbies, shooting and jetski-ing mainly, thankfully he's not combine the two.

  • Wilkie wrote (see)

    Are there no female runners whose husbands/partners object to their running?

    My ex partner did. Then he dumped me for a fat bird. image

  • i think that surely its got to be about compromise somewhere? surely? i'm pretty new to running but i do have horses and they take up loads of time and even more money and my long suffering OH has just had to learn to deal with it...however, i do try really hard to plan for us to do things together when i'm not competing with the nag...its one of the reasons why i've started running actually so that sometimes we can go out together- not all the time because he's faster than me- but maybe once every couple of weeks... we also have dogs (substitute children) and planning to do things with them means that we can spend time with each other... we do have to be a little 'forced' about planning to do things together though- otherwise we end up hardly seeing each other despite living in the same house... OP- i would maybe gently try to encourage your partner that there are things you could do together- maybe walking if she doesn't want to run...or planning a night every week where you will do something- cinema/bowling/meal out- whatever- otherwise you'll end up doing nothing together and she'll end up resenting the running even more...

  • Keep running. And when not running, work harder at reassuring her/spoiling her and giving her the attention she might feel she is lacking. If she sees a positive outcome for her from your running she's more likely to accept it isn't she?

    If you come in knackered from your runs and are too tired to talk/go out/give her attention, she'll hate the running and the problem will go on.

    Turn the running into a positive thing for her.
  • E mmyE mmy ✭✭✭
    Wilkie wrote (see)

    Are there no female runners whose husbands/partners object to their running?

    Mine isnt overtly happy but as long as I do runs before he gets up and don't spend too many weekends away racing we find a happy equality. To be honest, he loves that i'm so happy after a run and that I'm making an active effort to be fit and active. In fact, there's been more comments from his friends about my sporty activities than from him.

    Bookie is completely right with her comments.

    kaffeeg wrote (see)
    Keep running. And when not running, work harder at reassuring her/spoiling her and giving her the attention she might feel she is lacking. If she sees a positive outcome for her from your running she's more likely to accept it isn't she?
    If you come in knackered from your runs and are too tired to talk/go out/give her attention, she'll hate the running and the problem will go on.
    Turn the running into a positive thing for her.

    Also agree with this.

  • I not read the other comments but through running it gave me the confidence to get rid of the what now ex husband. He told me I would never run a half marathon, why do i waste my time when i should be at home. he use put me down all the time. 8 months after starting to run i left him and never looked back. Iv doing my 12th half next week 2nd kilomarathon next month and hopeing my 1st full in the spring. I am a better and fitter person without him.

    my new partner cycles next to me looks after my son while i train. He looking forward to being there when i race even made the effort to surprise me at a start line when i knew he was up north that day. He left early to be there for me.

    this is just food for thought but relatioship is about supporting each other how ever that may be

  • I guess I'm kind of lucky. My partner has always had a much more active lifestyle than me, Muay Thai, MMA, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Volleyball. TBH, she's a bit of a savage and trains six days a week.I think it's great that she has interests which make her happy and keep her in good shape. She's always(more or less) happy after she trains and it makes our time together that much more enjoyable.

    Anyway, what this meant is that when I started running, she fully supported me. She doesn't want to go with me or encroach on 'my time', but she's always asking how it went and offering encouragement as I get better.

    If I were you, I would just continue running. Let your positive feelings from running overflow into your life together. For example, maybe you could have a small celebration together anytime you get a PB or run further than before or even just because you had a great training session. Go out for a nice meal or the cinema or even stay in bed with a DVD and some popcorn. Even if your partner doesn't do the exercise with you, the results of it can make a positive impact in her life.

  • Thanks for all your comments guys and girls. I have taken some good ideas and plan to implement them straight away. If that fails I will leave her for a thin birdimage

    Will keep you posted in due course
  • I know how you feel, sometimes it doesn't seem worth the hassle. It's caused a fair few arguments in my house, I think the problem is with partners who don't keep fit. I even had the in laws moaning at me while marathon training, seems like they're not happy unless I'm in the sat in the house!
  • Si - I hope your missus doesnt read this image.

    Mrs JP isnt too bad so far as my hobbies (running, triathlon and Golf are concerned) but I suspect thats cos we work together and therfeore see each other most days if we are both in the office, might be a bit diifferent IF I did my long work hours and then naffed off, particularly when doing IM training when a 6 hr ride takes up one day of the weekend cos your knackered afterwards.

    Marathon training can be done on 3 or 4 runs a week and if you can plan it round your partners activities and or work commute then it shouldnt be an issue

  • I used to have this problem.

    My wife hated me running.  I would do everything I could to not let it interfere with family life - run as part of the commute when I'd just be on the bus anyway, get up at 5:00 am at weekends so I'd be back before the kids were up, never ask that we didn't do something because I was tired from a 20 miler - but nothing seemed to help. 

    As far as I was concerned she was being completely unreasonable - what difference did it make how I got home from work provided I didn't take any longer, and what did it matter if I was out running while she was still asleep?  I found it really difficult because I didn't like upsetting her but didn't think it was fair that I got so much grief for something that as far as I could see made little or no difference to her.

    Anyway, no (conventional) happy ending here.  We're separated and won't be getting back together.  The running wasn't the main reason.  She had come to dislike me intensely anyway and running was just another one of my annoying habits.  I think we're both happier now though. 

    Actually I don't know if she's happy or not.  We only talk to each other when we need to speak about the kids, and thankfully our relationship is constructive in that regard.

    Anyway, moral of the story. Provided you're considerate about when you go running and how long you go for and it doesn't have tooooo much of a knock on into the other aspects of your life together, she should be happy for you that you've found something you love doing.  If she can't be, then based on my experience it may well point to something more fundamental being wrong with the relationship.

  • If we're keeping score, she ran off with a fat bloke.

     

  • My husband is very supportive, he is also a runner, so he understands about training schedules etc.  The only thing he is not happy about is me running at night on my own, but that is a personal safety concern rather than anything else.

  • Omar Little wrote (see)

    If we're keeping score, she ran off with a fat bloke.

     

    Shouldn't that be 'walked off' of 'drove off'?  image

  • I think if someone doesn't like their partner running then is signs of bigger problems in the relationship..........maybe the runner is selfish and lazy in other ways and running is just more time they are out and not pulling their weight..............maybe as above they try all ways to work it into life but maybe the other partner is insecure or controlling etc.......

    whatever a good relationship is about give and take and finding a balance...........if someone enjoys something and they still do their share of the work then they should keep doing it

  • no one is perfect! And yep, if someone is really really giving you grief out of something that makes you happy, then maybe there is a big problem and maybe you should get pack your bags and give back the key.

    OR

    perhaps something needs to be worked out. Relationships aren't always a bed of roses and compromises need to be made on all sorts of levels.

    Perhaps this particular lady is: sensitive about her own weight; jealous that if you lose weight you will run off with someone thiner; fed up that you call her fat on a public website (that would get me more than mad!); not feeling the love from you right now; feels taken foregranted?

    Who knows.  Just think you should talk to her about it, find out what the problem is and how YOU can make it better. And by that I mean, both of you  making a compromise.

    Now, if only I could put this sort of sensible advice into practice in my own relationship, i'd be grand.

  • carterusm wrote (see)

    All those skinny birds with lots of energy who can move about more. Love it !

     

    skotty wrote (see)
    carterusm wrote (see)

    All those skinny birds with lots of energy who can move about more. Love it !

    you have to get into shape to be able to catch one though.

    I wanted to say thatimage

  • I am a female who has had this problem. My partner, father of my daughter, hated me going for a run becasue he would be left with the baby for up to an hour, three times a week. I realise now it was incredibly selfish of me to ask for this time off for myself; obviously once the baby comes along, if the mother is not clasping it to her bosom at all times she is not doing her job.

    I think, apart from him being a lazy tosser who didn't want to have to babysit his own child, he was very jealous of the pleasure I got from my run. He felt as if he was missing out on something - not realising that he could very easily put his own trainers on and get out there too.

    Ultimately in our relationship this jealousy was a sign of very bad things to come; he ended up a very violent and bitter man and we are now 300 miles apart.

    I hope your girlfriend sorts out her emotions and tries to figure out for herself why she doesn't like your running. There is not a lot you can do about it; it is her problem, after all, not yours. Maybe she is feeling very insecure and would prefer you not to change as she might get left behind, but you cannot put your own health at risk just because she is not ready to make the changes she needs to make.

  • Big_GBig_G ✭✭✭

    Reading this, I realise (more than ever) how lucky I am with my wife.  She supports me in my running, and I support her in her activities.

    A few years ago, we noticed that we were getting unfit so together we decided to do something about it.  She wanted to do exercise classes (they weren't for me....I tried once but I was hopeless on that blasted step! image) and I started running and joined a gym.  She was nervous about joining a gym, but after a while she let me take her to the gym and then she gave up the classes, and also started running.

    It hasn't always been easy.  She works very long hours (school teacher), so we've had to work out a "schedule" for chores etc.  I.E., I do most of the cooking and shopping in the working week, and she does most of the other chores on the weekend.  It seems to work for us.

Sign In or Register to comment.