Anti-depressants & training

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  • Staggers - why are you now Scary? Or is it because halloween is looming? You didn't look scary on your other picture?

    Sorry my last post went on so long - I think it feels better for having put it in print, even though I've talked it through with the psychiatrist. Maybe this is part of the getting better process. At least I can talk/write about it now without bursting into tears!

    CC
  • The scary came about cos ever time I posted, the threads seemed to die for ages (not this one, porkers, plodders and FFF), so obviuosly I was scarring everybody off (yes, it is very tongue in cheek).

    If you write that previous post without tears you are making a lot of progress. Its very moving, and you've had a lot of things happen....

    The writing things down and keep saying things is what the counselling does for you to an extent (I feel) - keep repeating what's happened and you can begin to see that its not your fault, that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.
  • Keep it going, people. One foot in front of the other, repeat. Hugs all round.

    Quick (shallow, over-simplistic) thought of the day - the way I see it, depression causes guilt, rather than the other way round. It might be more productive to consider why you feel guilt rather than how you respond to it. CC - you don't have any reason to feel guilty, whether you see that or not. It's not your fault that you're human (and a pretty special one) and respond to pretty severe stress in a human way.
  • thanks Swerve. There's a similar comment about getting round a marathon using run/walk: run a mile, walk a minute, repeat 26 times, collect medal for finishing.

    No medals to collect but the sentiment the's same, one step at a time but keep going. And doing one thing at once makes each thing easier to do...
  • Having just done my first marathon, I can confidently say that depression's far harder! I think you've earned a really big, extra-shiny medal.
  • :-) Medals for all, bringing new spin on the race for life.

    Another day at home with this darn cold.

    Managed to book the weekend away yesterday, more expensive than expected but also more luxury and convenience. There was a bit of fun with finding travel insurance as well, the number of policies that say basically if you're been diagnosed and are being treated for stress/anxiety/depression you can't be covered! So needed to shop around more than expected for that bit of the trip....

    How do I feel? Well apart from the throat, not too bad. A bit fed up but the rest is helping, and I feel to have stopped brooding/worrying about as many things. Still don't feel to concentrate on things very well - this being a case in point, but this does need a bit a thought to say the right thing (i.e. what I want to say may not be what everyone thinks, whatever). But the lack of concentration is more of a bored feeling rather than a can't be bothered, so it has changed.
  • Glad to hear that things are starting to look up a bit for you, Staggers.

    Hope you get rid of the cold soon. I must admit to getting bored resting at home if I have one.

    Must remember the travel insurance bit. We have the same with our boys - if they are ill with anything to do with ADHD/Aspergers and we have to cancel a holiday because of it, we aren't covered (except there isn't any illness linked with either).

    Good to hear that you aren't worrying/brooding about so many things. I find my concentration a bit lacking due to medication - I cannot do much cross stitch anymore which saddens me because it is one of my favourite hobbies (and very relaxing!)

    All round good news and cause for celebration, methinks!

    Way to go Staggers!

    CC
  • I must be starting to see the otherside of this virus, I almost feel like going out to run. Still very tired even after sleeping most of the morning again, but still feeling reasonably bright.

    This weeks illness has done me good in another way as well as the rest, I've not been drinking as must alcohol either. One measure of whiskey a night instead of a few beers must be good for all of me especially the head.
  • Staggers

    Good to hear that you are feeling better. It is a good sign that you feel like going out for a run.

    Keep resting until your energy levels return to normal and the tiredness has gone. When you do next go out for a run, take it steady.

    It is my last week as a support worker next week and I'm really looking forward to it, despite the fact that I have enjoyed the work. I enjoy working in the gym and I started another new job today - working in a running shop! I am now working doing jobs that are to do with 2 of my main interests! Also, working at the running shop I get 20% discount! Guess whose family will be getting running stuff for Christmas (whether they want it or not!)!

    It has been a hard day, though, learning how to use the till, finding where everything is displayed and stored etc. But once I have built up a bit of confidence on that front, I should be fine. Took my first mail order order too!

    Look forward to hearing more encouraging news from you.

    CC xx
  • Creamcake
    you are really changing your life
    i admire you
  • Creamcake all the best and well done
  • Hello everyone - how are you all in here?

    Everyone seems to be terribly strong and brave.

    :o)

    ((((((((big hugs all round)))))))

    Inspiring lot, all of you.

    xxxx
  • Hi Creamcake, that is really good news, you "sound" very happy with the changes that you are making.
  • Meant to do an update over the weekend but it didn't happen.

    Weekend ok, fairly busy with family things and sport. Spent Sunday morning shouting at children, and then watched sport with sport kid and helped wife with database whilst making tea. Been a little bit short of sleep over the weekend, but not too bad.

    Head not good today, after feeling to make a lot of progress last week, I feel to have taken a load of steps backwards. Nothing specifically, but a bit of atmosphere at home just left me feeling down. I listened more than usual and realised just how much we shout at each other as a family, what seeds are we sowing?

    I wanted to talk about some things over the weekend, but the time was never right, maybe that's part of today's down.

    still let's see how work goes.
  • Oh dear, today doesn't feel a good day yet.

    Woke early (4:30), which isn't a good start, but made the most of it and went for a plod round the large block. About 3 miles in 34 minutes, which is ok in that I ran all the way, but not good in that it's 4 minutes slower than 6 weeks ago.

    Strange thing, I can't remember about 40 metres of it. Now that might be normal to some people, but I can usually picture the whole of the route in my mind. So today when I sort of realised I was not where I expected to be and I can't remember any of that bit, which includes crossing a road, it all feels a little strange.

    Feeling down generally today so far. My wife is looking how I feel, I can see the conversation going along the lines of "its your fault I feel bad". I might be wrong but I don't think so, and part of me says well there's bound to be a bit of a backlash as it does feel like its one thing after another.

    Need to make an appointment with the GP, to check up on the tablets. Not sure how well they're working but I don't want to try changing again this month.
  • Hello Staggering

    I'm sorry I haven't posted - I had a very bad day Friday (the first for ages!). The kids really got me down and I ended up in tears threatening that one day I'd walk out the door and never come back! I eventually calmed down and apologised to the boys but did explain that their behaviour had upset me. We all have our down days, whether or not we take medication!

    I know what you mean about not knowing part of a run/journey. Whilst on Cipramil (citalopram) and Seroxat (paroxetine), I drove home from work several times without being able to remember the whole journey (and it's only about 4 miles!). I also felt light headed and occasionally dizzy so haven't really run outside since I've been on the tablets, done most of my stuff on the CV machines in the gym.

    I think an appointment with the GP to check up on the tablets would be a good move. Tell him about the run and not remembering part of it. If you've had any other side effects that could have put you in a dangerous position, tell the GP and ask if it will improve.

    Sorry not to be much help. I think we all take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back...

    CC xx
  • Sorry to hear you had such a bad day CC, did the kids understand why they upset you?

    I guess I'd forgotten how much progress is round and round, and not just a simple case of steadily progressing....
  • I cringe now when I think of some of the things I've said to my oldest daughter when she has been "difficult". Things my mother said to me and I always, even as a child, promised myself that I would never talk to my own children like that.

    We can all flip under stress, and certain sorts of stress are more inclined to spring the trigger.
  • Hmm, yes I can remember the odd occasion when a child has been whining about not getting their own way, snapping and saying how much I don't want to be a parent, what we do without... you get the picture, but usually once calm has been restored you remember its total bollox, the world can be a much better place with the smile or hug from your child
  • A strange night's sleep, woke up a few times but went back to sleep, including when the alarm went off - not a good move!

    I'm aching after yesterday's run as I've now remembered that I forgot to stretch. But feeling better about doing it, even if I didn't feel good about the time yesterday, any time is better than no time.

    Feel a bit cyclical today, up and down, not staying in one state for long. Managing to focus on work fairly well (and would do better if could keep out of the forums), and feel like I'm adding something to the total sum of the team.

    Bad point, sat and drank last night. No real reason, but wasn't motivated not to. Don't know if its a good idea or not. Also "decided" the dieting needs to start again, feel fat, look fat-ish in the mirror and clothes don't feel comfortable. Its no good deciding though, I need to want...
  • Glad you're keeping it going Staggers. Hope the general crapness wears off soon.

    Just wanted to post because this afternoon I've got a hospital appointment (my first ever!) and I'm a bit scared - mostly that he'll tell me to stop whining and get a grip (OK, realistically I know he won't). It feels like a last chance, and if it goes wrong I won't know what to do. Fortunately I have a wide range of depressive symptoms to show him today - usually if I make a GP appointment it's a guarantee that I'll feel more normal and end up apologising for bothering her. :-)

    Sorry, didn't have a useful point to make, just needed to tell someone.
  • Good luck Swerve. I found the best way to tell the doctor about my depression was to get so wound up in the waiting room worrying about what to say that I burst into tears as soon as I walked into the doctor's room.

    Possibly not everyone's best option but it served me well.

    :-)
  • Swerve
    it isnt a last chance
    its a new beginning

    and remember, if you dont ge on with the shrink, you can ask for another opinion
    Good luck
  • Thanks, you lot.

    Mrs P - I think I might well manage that today!

    PH, yep, it's just hard to see it that way. And the waiting list is about a year long - I think I got in on a cancellation. :-(

    Good to know that you care. :-)
  • yes i do

    so e mail if you need
  • Hey up, Swerve.

    Don't worry, just answer the questions truthfully and you'll be okay. If it helps write down how you've been feeling before you get there then you've something to go from.
    Some one told me to print off something I'd written on here one day and take that (was it you Hippo or BB?).

    btw don't relax and try to be calm, be like you normally are.

    We're here if you need to talk.
  • Evening all.

    It went OK - apparently I am easily bonkers enough for the NHS. Quite an accolade, really. Long waiting list though.

    Thanks for the support.
  • hey wow
    officially bonkers!
    takes summat in the NHS



    seriously, i do hope it helped
    xx
  • Nice one Swerve (I think???). Hope they can provide the help you want/need.
  • Why can't I sleep tonight? This isn't good, I can't put a positive light on this. I've been awake since 2:15, so got about 4 hours sleep and now starting to get headache. Though the head might be hunger I suppose by now.

    Got lots of bits of song lyrics running through my mind, not many of them bright and cheerful but some quite thoughtful ones.

    Something needs to change in my life, but I don't know what. I can't keep going like this, I just feel so down at the moment. Maybe I'll go to work early, then leave early as well, in effect move the day round a bit since I'm already up. Not sure I can think in the sort of lines needed.

    I'm rambling.

    Supposed to go to the doctor's tonight, but its not my GP so I think I'm going to rearrange it to next week. Don't want to have to explain why I'm there.

    Need to get a grip on my drinking habbits, dropped back into too much coffee and too many nights with more units of alcohol than is good. At least I've stopped snacking on the biscuits this week.

    Its going to be a long day, but I need to look at it differenly, its no good being negative like this. Make things happen at work and focus on the issues.

    But...

    ...why bother?

    Will it make a difference?
    Will I feel any achievement?
    Will I feel happy to return to my family afterwards?

    Answer to all those is "No", so why bother? Who cares and I don't mean about me/myself, but about my life and my impact on the rest of humanity? what an I worrying about, I don't have "impact" i'm just another cog in the system. Do I want to be important? no, not really cos then people will see me, its nice being hidden away as a cog. but.... people do depend on me being there...

    I'd cry but there's no reason. I'd laugh but there's no joke. I'd die but that's the fool's way out. So I keep on living and all there is, is hope.
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