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Oh and if you think your own doctor isn't being helpful, ask to see someone else. You do sound to have an illness (I'm not going to say categorically you have cos I'm not a doctor, but I can empathise with what you're saying).
email me if you want to "talk" or come back on here, I set this up to ask questions but everyone has been so supportive through the bad periods and open with their own experiences, it has helped far more than I thought it could.
Still overwhelmed by how many have been effected and enlightend at how many have pulled through and are coping with their depression. Apart from feeling numb and tired today feel bit more confident that with help i can get through this. And once again thanks for your support.
It helped me enormously to find that other people suffer too.
Hugs and if it helps keep on posting
Even though I didn't get a lot done at work, what I did was effective - the old quality over quanity I suppose - and It didn't feel like a waste of time being there. Good session with the kids' teachers, very good reports and no problems. So two things that didn't generate any stress or low feelings. Even had success testing a new piece of computer kit at home. Didn't get to sleep too easily, but once asleep got a solid 6 hours unbroken sleep.
So why do I feel so carp this morning? Why do I feel eveything I say will be taken the wrong way? Why do I feel like my life is just a heap? Why do I feel like nothings right? The proof is there yesterday life was going well but today, there's no lift from that.
Its going to be a long day if I can't see the positive in anything, and possibly quite self destructive.
Any way Doctors yesterday: Hmmm was a locum small horrible old man who gave me the heebie geebies! Anyway I clamed up completely and just said im depressed seeing my own doc in a fortnight what can i do / what can you give me in the meantime. He asked a couple of questions bout work and home which are fine then gave me more Flouroxetine. Maybe its me but it seemed like he couldn't really be arsed to listen and there was no reasurance etc... So now i feel even more nervous about going to see my own doctor who has been ok in the past but can't help but worry that he's gonna say " I told you so" about not taking the counceling a year ago. Also I worry that coz the surgery where i am is NHS and obviously they need to see people as quickly as possible will my doc really have enough time to go through all the options available for me?!
Your own GP may feel like telling you "I told you so" but is unlikely to. If you can't wait to see him, try and find someone else to talk to if you think that will help. The Samaritans may seem extreme but would be a good starting point if you feel desparate, particularly since you sound to be expecting to use counsilling.
Take the tablets and don't worry what other people say about them - I'm on my third drug but this one seems to be working, other people are great with their first one.
Don't know if any of that helps, but keep going the light will come. It takes time, it is hard work, there will be setbacks, but it WILL be worth it when things ARE better.
Now having a quiet drink before heading for untidy heap state.
Small state of domestic hostilities (e.g. not talking) in progress so that is really the cause. That and concern for Sports kid who has a suspected cracked rib after rugby yesterday.
Its going to be one of those days, trains messed up and three attempts to find the coffee jar amonst the three jars on the worktop.
Need to go easy on myself and have a quiet couple of days. Overdue a follow up at the doctors, so need to sort that out. Didn't go running over the weekend, but did go on the exercise bike for 40 mins on Sunday, which is a lot better than nothing.
i had a bit of bleughhy weekend - triggered i think by emotional stuff - but definitely not helped by the time of year ( lack of daylight and christmas looming)
realised that my tiredness and need to sleep was familiar - and also the late nights too
yesterday i woke up early and felt shocking - that old familiar gut gnawing despair - but i also got a glimpse of the edge of a steep slide into the pit - which ive never seen before - so i knew i had to do something to stop the slide
spend the day doing little mundane things - cleaning tidying pottering - anything to keep me busy
and then went out for a ploddle before dark - probably did too much - but it shifted the focus
then last night i could nt sleep - no particular reason but still awake at 3am - and today having slept til 11am i feel absolutely shattered ! and achey from the ploddle
so today is not a good day!
Are you sure the tiredness/achy is not a bug?
Not sure what to say really, you seemed to be reasonably stable for a while now. Are you doing counselling/therapy? Or if not would it help to start prioritising what you want/need to change? That way you can try to focus on one thing at once, bite them off in small chunks and feel some succes from handling them.
its stuff thats going on and i can see how its triggereing old feelings i suppose
its more the surprise at how quickly i can slide into the pit -but thats because the pit is always there
i always remember seeing an advert that showed a woman saying 'i learned how to live with my depression' and i could never imagine that being an option - but now i can see that it is possible to learn to manage the depressive tendency - so its a real positive
and the stuff im dealing with is real and painful and isnt 'depression' but it tends to trigger it -so sometimes i guess its important to recognise that things like grief, unhappiness, rejection failure or whatever are real and painful feelings that need to be healed -not symptoms of illness
Hope you don't mind me butting in.
problem i have is i have been down the counselling/therapy route - and i think it deepened and prolonged the depression by opening a pandoras box of really painful childhood stuff - and now i feel like i have a 'fast connection' to the deep stuff
i know therapy is meant tobe hard and if theres painful stuff its going to be painful -but i dont think i realised how painful and in some ways a lot of that stuff might be better left undisturbed because i havent got the support network around me to deal with that depth of grief - which is what i think it is
the early morning waking has kicked in again -but at least i got to sleep last night - just woke around 5ish -which is a classic depressive symptom -but at least i know what im feeling which if i can keep some perspective -is a reaction to life events
Dont miss the tablets
please
and its a 'grief' type thing too - meds are not always the answer to loss !
but still
hugs to you
xx
Today doesn't feel any better. Slept ok, but woken up with stiff neck, aching back and feeling like I've been in the gym all night. Don't want to be here. Don't want to be at home. Think I need to get busy this morning to see if that helps move things along.
sorry not read back, but feeling on the rack at the moment and sort of coping...
Big hugs to you both. Can't offer much except that I'm here.
I know I've been quiet but I had the cold/flu bug last week which knocked me for six. Over the achy/crappy feeling stage but still have a constant drip down the back of my throat which makes me cough occasionally. Also feel a little chesty.
Really want to go and do some exercise but feel tired. Not sure if I'm well enough after the bug to do any yet. I've booked myself into a Body Combat class on Saturday, hoping I'll feel shedloads better by then.
I too hate the dark, dingy, short days, rain etc. It's also a busy month for me - no. 2 son is 6 tomorrow, plus there's the Christmas shopping etc to do. Hubby is going to do most of the pressie shopping on Saturday whilst I stay with the boys. Decided what to buy people, just the buying bit to do. Oh yes, and the wrapping and delivering... Christmas card writing to start...
I'm surprised I've survived this year. Sometimes I feel really angry at no. 2 son for the way he treats me. He says hurtful things and physically hurts me. I know he can't help it and then feel guilty for feeling angry with him. We have an appointment (at last!) on 18th Dec with a psychiatrist and child/family therapist. Hopefully they will be able to recommend some medication that may help.
My psychiatrist has cancelled my Dec appointment and I now have to wait until January. Feel as though I'm being pushed away, not important enough (she did say she wanted to see me at that time because the run up to Christmas is such a stressful time). I'm sure she has a good reason but that doesn't make me feel any better.
Sometimes I don't know how I feel - I seem to blow hot and cold very easily. Poor Hubby is so supportive and patient with me. I've just had PMS from hell this month which makes me wonder if the meds are losing their effectiveness...
Trying to stay positive. Maybe a change of hair colour will make me feel better...
CC
No. 2 is the same age as my little one, and doesn't sound that disimilar, though mine tends to go for his brother rather than anyone else. We get angry with him because he forgets to control himself, but I also accept he is only 6 and the youngest, so he does get frustrated and can't always express himself as he wants. Hopefully the doctors will be able to help you with both medication and coping/handling.
Yes I think your psychaitrist will have a good reason, either illness or maybe a more demanding person. I wouldn't expect your appointment to be cancelled if she was very concerned about you (i.e. maybe she thinks you're coping better than you have been).
Blowing hot and cold seems to be a regular theme for all of us at the moment. Mybe its the time of year, the weather, lack of day light, lack of rain, who knows. So what colour hair? Crimson for Xmas?
Keep thinking about the little positives and hold on to those thoughts.
so what?
very fed up but I think I may just be absolutely shot. Hacked off with everything, very sensitive to what people say and think - more so than usual - and have been most of the day
Feeling down since Friday, which is the longest in 4 weeks. At work, but would rather been at home with the door closed. Feels like it could be a hard day, but if I can get my head into something it may pass easily.
brittle, sensitive and down = not good. Tired? Probably, but there's more than that.
Im not too bad at the moment. Went back to the Docs this morning and he confirmed that im not going mad, which is nice! been back on the tablets for 2 weeks now and seem to be doing the trick. However as with the nature of this i could have an episode at any time so just gotta see how it goes. He recons first i should stay on the tablets for , well until spring having a check up every 2 months to see how im doing. He wants to see how i cope over christmas on the tablets first before any next step if necessary. I must admit im sleeping better in these past 2 weeks, but mornings are still a drag, but i also fall asleep really quickly at night but usually whilst watching telly at about 8:30pm!!!
Im dreading xmas shopping...i hate shopping anyway get anxiety attacks etc... anyway just have to take it one step at a time and see how i get on.
Take care Stags hope you feel bit better soon xx
Soop - sounds familiar - what about shopping from the net ? most of the high street stores have sites - boots, whsmith M&s tesco Sainsburys Iceland etc and more and you can have it delivered so no hassle - a bit of a pain searching the sites but saves the high street scrum !
Erm, you're obviously not mad, because you've been to the doctor's and done something about it. Don't worry about falling asleep early, I found that as well, its probably just your body trying to catch up some rest while the brain is behaving. My doc said at least 6 months for tablets before he prescribed them, but 4 months in I still need them, there is no thought yet of looking at reducing dosage, it may even need to be increased.
Its amazing the lift you can get from the simple things, like getting home (late due to trains again!) but walking in absolutely hacked off to be met with a genuine smile from the wife and happy hellos from the boys. Didn't sleep particularly well again, and was dosin on an off from about 4:30. Ended up in work early, but am leaving at 3:30 to go to doctors. Hope to run after depending on the weather. I've got a little target now, as I'm planning to do the Serpentine 5K on th 19/12, weather permitting - before anyone says "wimp" getting a chill or a cold the week before Christmas when we're due at my parents for most of a week is a stupid idea.
After a trip to the scales, I realise I've put back all the weight I lost in the middle of the year (just over half a stone) so that goes some way to explaining why the running has got hard again. I need to get some control back on that because that does upset me, whilst I'm not bothered about a six pack looking like I've got a cask is not on.