I don't need another hero....

Had an interesting conversation with a colleague today.

It went something like this:

He wouldnt stand up in a busy train to give a seat to a woman because in his eyes, that would be offensive. Because in the modern day men and women are equal and he wouldnt want to indicate that he somehow sees a woman as a weaker party.

I said if a man would offer me his seat, I would find it lovely. It would be so nice to feel aknowledged, noticed and it would make me feel special somehow. A true gentleman.

He says if I stood up for him, he would feel offended.

I said thats just very typical example of a difference between a man and a woman, and how differently we see things.

I also said that in the modern day, I wouldn't EXPECT anyone to stand up for me. That would be expected only when an elderly or disabled people needed a seat.

BUT that doesnt take away the fact that if someone did that for me, I would feel flattered rather than handicapped.

I am sure lot of women won't share my viewpoint but I would imagine that a lot would.

The question is, would you, as a man or a woman, agree with his / my view?

 

 

Comments

  • I agree with you Elli. I have no reason to expect to be given a seat, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate it if someone did offer me a seat. I wouldn't necessarily accept it, but I would appreciate it image I can't see cause for offense. If you don't want the seat, politely decline.

  • Women want it all ways: equality and a bloke who puts the toilet seat down.  Choose - one or the other!

  • E mmyE mmy ✭✭✭
    Intermanaut wrote (see)

    Women want it all ways: equality and a bloke who puts the toilet seat down.  Choose - one or the other!

    I actually do the equality thing by saying that the lid must always be closed. So we're both having to lift it up to use it. Simples.

    I am flattered if someone offered me a seat... saying that - coming back on the metro yesterday - noone offered the marathoners a seat. I think it was because we stank of sweat! image

  • My view is that I am able-bodied and don't need a seat any more than an able-bodied man.

    I don't take offence if offered someone's seat, but it doesn't make me feel special or flattered if someone offers.  I see it as a nice gesture, but not needed, so I say thanks, but I'm fine, you keep your seat.

    I reserve the right to take offence if/when someone offers me a seat because they think I'm elderly, though! image

     

  • sarah the bookworm wrote (see)

    I agree with you Elli. I have no reason to expect to be given a seat, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate it if someone did offer me a seat. I wouldn't necessarily accept it, but I would appreciate it image I can't see cause for offense. If you don't want the seat, politely decline.

    Exactly what I mean! It's the gesture that matters. I probably wouldnt accept the seat either but that doesnt take away the fact that I would find it a lovely gesture.

  • I don't see why women get upset about the toilet seat being up. 

    As I mentioned, I am able-bodied.  I can stand for a train journey, and I can certainly lower a toilet seat.

  • Wilkie wrote (see)

    I don't see why women get upset about the toilet seat being up. 

    As I mentioned, I am able-bodied.  I can stand for a train journey, and I can certainly lower a toilet seat.

    Toilet seat doesnt bother me either. You need to compromise/tolerate either lifting it up or lowering it down, if there's two opposite sex people living in the same house.

  • Other than the idea that you always want to put the lid down before flushing...which is difficult to do without putting the seat down first image

  • Emmy_H wrote (see)
    Intermanaut wrote (see)

    Women want it all ways: equality and a bloke who puts the toilet seat down.  Choose - one or the other!

    I actually do the equality thing by saying that the lid must always be closed. So we're both having to lift it up to use it. Simples.

     

    My partner insists on the loo seat being closed, so I close it. I just think it's ugly not being closed.

    I would think it strange if a man offered me a seat. i do not need or want it. I would feel neither flattered or offened. Perplexed more like. (gawd do I look that bad!) I would not find it a lovely gesture. Just odd.

  • JeremyGJeremyG ✭✭✭
    Leaving the seat up is bad fenugreek shui apparently.

    I'd offer my seat only to someone older or looking like they need it. Might hold a door open though......
  • JeremyGJeremyG ✭✭✭
    Haha auto correct is so annoying! Feng shui of course!
  • Toilet lids should be down when flushed.  They should also be down when small kids and pets are around.  It takes the same effort for both parties to put the lid down after use.

    As for a seat on a train, if its the tube I generally prefer to stand anyway and if it is a long distance train then I will be chuffed to bits to be offered a seat.  I would expect it to be offered because I looked tired, or was carrying a lot rather than because I was female.  Actually, expect is the wrong word.  I don't expect anything.  What I mean is that I woulld offer it to others who looked worse off than me, so i would like to think that they would do the same back.

  • If it was a pregnant lady, someone elderly or someone disabled, I would offer them the seat.

  • I what's with putting the lid down?  I don't - never have done.  My OH doesn't, my mum doesn't, I don't think my friends do - it's not down when I use their loos.

    Doesn't seem to have done me any harm in 50 years.

    Toilets are not fetid pits of disease, whatever loo product manufacturers would have you believe.

  • Toilets aren't Wilkie, but the stuff you put in them can be.

    You wouldn't leave cleaning chemicals in reach of children, but lots of people leave toilet blocks on show where kids could find them interesting and play with them.

    Also it's a practical thing.  I've never accidently dropped anything down a toilet with the lid shut.  It also provides a useful place to sit when cutting toe nails for example.

  • Seriously though ladies, I you got on to a crowded bus with 5 bags of shopping and I offered you my seat, would you be offended by my gesture?

  • I would never be offended by a genuine offer of help in any situation.  As long as you aren't offended if I chose to turn you down.

    I might be offended if you also had 5 bags of shopping and a small child in a push chair.  Its all relative.  If you are struggling more than me then you shouldn't be offering.

  • In this hypothetical scenario all I am carrying is my wallet, house keys and my phone.

  • JeremyG wrote (see)
    Leaving the seat up is bad fenugreek shui apparently.

    Autocorrect does wonderful things sometimes! Love it image

  • I'm not offended if offered a seat, but I do feel a bit embarassed. I normally would like a seat, but also don't feel I should be offered one just because I'm female.

    As for the toilet seat up/down, it just looks better down. Especially when people aren;t the best at keeping the rim and underside of the seat clean. I normally suggest to male housemates they're welcome to leave it up if they keep it clean, but as I'm the only one who cleans the loo it should stay down. They ignore me! But it's worth a try.

  • PhilPubPhilPub ✭✭✭

    I remember when I was living in a student household, having the toilet seat debate.  My argument was that four guys out-numbered two women, so the next person was more likely to need the toilet seat up, which meant it was basically more practical from an efficiency point of view to leave it the way it was when you were finished.  Since then I've just got old and decided it just looks better down, so wherever I am I put it down out of habit.  image

    As for giving up my seat, I'm gender neutral.  I guess statistically speaking women are more likely to be either pregnant, struggling with children or less strong for carrying heavy bags, etc. but I wouldn't give up a seat for them just because they're women. 

  • Dapper old gent on the train last week; over the course of my twenty minute journey he offered his seat to three different young ladies. All of them declined.



    I have never been offered a seat by a woman.
  • I'm a woman and I'd offer my seat to anyone who looked like they needed to sit down more than I did. Problems can arise though when assuming pregnancy as many chicks are just fat and not actually preggers and then take offence at you thinking they're up the duff when they're not!

    A good way to not offend people is to say something like 'I'm just getting off at the next stop anyway' and that way they don't automatically assume you're calling them old/fat/feeble/whatever and get all snippy about it. Similarly if offered a seat and declining, I'll usually say the same thing so as not to sound rude...

  • SuperCaz wrote (see)

    Toilet lids should be down when flushed.  They should also be down when small kids and pets are around.

    Where's the dog supposed to get a drink then? Seeing as it consistently prefers freshly flushed loo water to fresh tap water in its bowl.

    And no, I'd never use those horrible loo block thingys. Ugh...

     

  • runs-with-dogs wrote (see)

    A good way to not offend people is to say something like 'I'm just getting off at the next stop anyway' and that way they don't automatically assume you're calling them old/fat/feeble/whatever and get all snippy about it. Similarly if offered a seat and declining, I'll usually say the same thing so as not to sound rude...

    But what if you're not getting off at the next stop?

    I once congratulated a woman on her pregnancy and she was just fat. imageAnother time I steadfastly refused to acknowledge the obvious pregnancy of another woman and was then accused of being rude for not congratulating her. image

     

  • PhilPubPhilPub ✭✭✭

    Maybe all pregnant women should go back to wearing dungarees, then we'd know!  image

  • Can you still buy dungarees? I'd love some!

  • Azacaya wrote (see)
    runs-with-dogs wrote (see)

    A good way to not offend people is to say something like 'I'm just getting off at the next stop anyway'

    But what if you're not getting off at the next stop?

    Ah, that's easy. Train carriages have a door at each end. Whichever way the seat you're giving up is facing, head for the door to the back of it. That way they won't see you not getting off at the next stop and feel guilty/offended. image

    Doesn't really work on a bus though...

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