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I was speaking to this Geordie girl in a bar the other day. I said "Is it alright if I call you pet?" "Why? 'Cos that's a Geordie word?", she said. "No" I replied, "because you're a f***ing dog!"
i tried to save a hippy from drowning but he was too far out
Why do Mummys not go on holiday - they worry that they would get too relaxed and unwind.
Whats the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Nick Windsor 4 wrote (see)
Why do brides wear white To fit in with the other Kitchen appliances
Why do brides wear white
You're a brave man telling that joke on here, considering that there's a lot of ladies on here who can run fast.
just seen this on twitter:
Why shouldn't you buy Ukrainian underpants? Because Chernobyl fallout.
Peters wife might like this one
What's Vietnamese for small horse?
Ti Ni Po Ni
Guy overtakes a car on the motorway, and his blonde wife says to him 'I think the family in that car must be Welsh'
'Why's that?' says the bloke.
'Well the little boy in the back wrote 'STIT ROUY SU WOHS' on the window'.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot ?
A carrot !
My mate opened up a zoo with just one dog
It was a shitzu
For instance Nandos has a sign that says 'Man eating chicken' .... by excluding the article it leaves room for doubt as to whether its 'a man eating chicken' or a 'chicken that eats man'.
No, it's about the hyphen. Cf man-eating chicken and man eating chicken.
And you call yourself a pedant? Pah!
No, "man eating chicken " can only mean one thing regardless of any article in front. If you want to have a chicken that can eat man you must hyphenate to say "man-eating chicken".
You've been out-pedanted ... (rasp!)
David Falconer 3 wrote (see)
PC91 wrote (see) What's orange and sounds like a parrot ? A carrot !
PC91 wrote (see)
Technically the joke doesnt really work because you are including an article the 'a' in front of parrot .
That's what makes the joke funny, as far as I'm concerned.
Leicester City Council are clamping down on people using public places as toilets after someone did a Richard III in a carpark.
AliBear30 wrote (see)
Peters wife might like this one What's Vietnamese for small horse? Ti Ni Po Ni
Thanks for that - she did laugh so now I have two daft jokes to be tortured with! She did tut though at being called "wife" - would you marry someone with her sense of humour??!!!!
Why is going down on a woman like being in the Mafia?
One slip of the tongue and you are in the shit.
Findus Pies. All part of a stable diet.
Ghandi was a great spiritual leader, frail from fasting, with toughened feet from walking barefoot, and with bad breath due to a vegetarian diet. He was a super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis
Breaking news...following the Ikea meatballs content scandal, scientists have now identified traces of wood in their furniture.
The winner of Pope Idol's just been announced.