Top Tips

Save on energy bills by placing an ordinary toothbrush against your teeth and oscillating your head five thousand times a minute.

Comments

  • Save on shoes by running barefoot

     

  • I still remember the odd original Viz one from back in the day...

    Save money on vibrator batteries by filling a cigar tube with angry bees.

  • Save money on beer tax. Drink in the House of Commons bar.

  • Fall out with all of your friends so that you don't have to buy Christmas cards for them.

  • Hang your used tea bags on the line to dry and re-use them.

  • Fool your nextdoor neighbours into thinking you've won the lottery by cheering loudly at 9PM on Saturday nights.

  • Record this years X factor. Watch it next year and then buy the CD's of the ones that you like in the ??2.99 bargain bin at Asda.
  • Turn your domestic heating off, and instead see how much heat transmits through the party walls from your next door neighbours' homes on either side of yours.

  • When the trick or treaters come knocking, answer the door dressed as Gary Glitter. They'll never come back again.

  • Buy some Asda Smartprice cheese and drill holes in it to make it look like expensive cheddar.

     

  • Put a Rolls Royce mascot on the bonnet of your Fiesta.

  • Change your name to whatever your car registration number is, then you will have a personalised number plate on your car.

  • Hang around a parking area and stand at the entrance in a blue jacket. People will be more than happy to give you money.(This actually worked for me in a car park in Sutton on Sea in 1980)
  • Piss on a baking tray and freeze it. Frozen piss is easy to slide through the letter box of annoying neighbour.

  • Dont spend it.

  • roy silver wrote (see)

    Dont spend it.

    Best tip so far. image

  • Elli of the North wrote (see)

    Piss on a baking tray and freeze it. Frozen piss is easy to slide through the letter box of annoying neighbour.

    image but so great!

  • I thought frozen Finnish piss was a Scandanavian desert. One of their better tasting dishes.
  • Colin McLaughlin wrote (see)

    Turn your domestic heating off, and instead see how much heat transmits through the party walls from your next door neighbours' homes on either side of yours.

    call round on them on some flimsy pretext, and sneakily turn their thermostat right up when they're not looking so their house will heat yours better

  • Change your first name to Lord by deed poll, thus acquiring a posh title on the cheap.

  • Elli - Genuis!!

  • *snorting with laughter* If I'd been inventive enough to have thought of that myself a few years back, my then neighbours would have received a frozen tray of piss from me at least three times a day! God but I hated them with a vengeance.

  • Buy a bundle of little grip seal bags.  Crush supermarket own brand painkillers and put small amounts of resulting powder in each bag.  Walk up and down the high street at two on Saturday and Sunday morning and sell each bag to drunk tweenies for fifty quid a go.

  • So life after the Tweenies hasn't been good for Milo, Fizz, Bella and Jake?
  • Good plan! and they would be back for more the following week as their morning headaches would be a thing of the past. So this is a business opportunity that could grow

  • drill a 2" hole in your fridge door so you can check if the internal light goes out when closing the door

  • If you also use a 2" par-boiled potato to block said hole you would perhaps save some food from spoiling, and your removable lamp check plug could also be used for a tasty snack if you feel peckish while checking your lamp

  • Avoid embarrassing noises whilst farting in lifts by pulling your arse cheeks apart.

  • Avoid embarrassing skid marks on your pants by not pulling your arse cheeks apart whilst farting in lifts.

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