A Friday joke

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all round the place.

The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table---whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight, the little b@st@rd. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff".

He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his @rse, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replies the guy.

"Well, he stuck a cherry up his @rse, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me", replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since the cue ball incident, he measures everything first


  • lol - good one GDL!! Must try that one out on the wife sometime!
  • A crab went to a disco and pulled a muscle.
  • Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

    He worked it out with a pencil.
  • A bloke gets a job at his local zoo & his first task is to feed the animals.

    He starts with the African Finches, but as he open the gate the pen collapses & the finches are killed.

    Not wanting to get the sack on his first day he scoops the birds up on his shovel & throws them into the Lions cage.

    Next up is the Chimpanzee's, but as he back his tractor into the monkey's pen, a chimp runs under his wheels. In panic the Guy loads the dead chimp onto the tractor & drives over to the Lions pen & throws the Chimp in.

    This only leaves the Honey Bee's to clean out, but again disaster strikes as the tractor runs into the bee hive & they are all squashed. The man quickly shovels the bees up & again feeds them to the Lions.

    At last the man is finished his tasks & thinking what a dreadfull day, he heads away home.

    Next day a new Lion is delivered to the zoo, & after introducing himself to his new friends he asks an old Lion what the food is like at the zoo.

    It's not that bad replied the old Lion, for instance yesterday we had Finch, Chimp, & Mushy Bees.


  • Graham dead legs..... very funny. Good one!
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