how to train with a partner that doesn't understand why

i have a question. does anyone else have a problem with training when it comes to your partner? i have entered my first half marathon having competed in many 5k and 10 k races. it seems that the training mileage intensifies and my wife gets very irate when i say that i have to go for a ten mile run. does anyone have any tips to mellow my wife so that i can stick to my 12 week training plan and hopefully get a good time? my wife doesn't run and we also have two young kids. heeelllpppp



  • i train 4-5 days a week in which i only do one long run of ten mile which takes an hour and a half. every other session is about an hour. my wife horse rides and goes out with her friends quite a lot. i finish work at three so look after the kids three days a week while the wife works. hope that clears it up. had the idea of the family riding their bikes with me whilst running

  • I used to have a few arguments - entered my husband into a race - problem solved as he then learned why training was important.  So, maybe you could talk your wife into taking up running and training for a local 10k.

    Seriously though you need to have 'the talk'. i.e the one where you listen to what she has to say and find a way to fit in with your family's routine.  If this means you run in the morning before work or at lunchtimes or whatever so that the family isn't compromised then that's what you will have to do. (it's what we ALL have to do cos let's face it - it's a hobby, we're not going to win anything or qualify for the olympics)


    Maybe a man will post soon and have a bit more sympathy for you image

  • Ah I have more sympathy with you now.  The family biking sounds brill - are they not up for that? 

  • its the fact that i go out for a run and she's kinda jealous of that. completely understand her concerns and have done some early morning runs to remedy this and its worked albeit very tired. have you done a half before and found any training tips?

  • Me or KK - I have done loads - lost count.  


    Training tips - err - look around this site or get onto Hal Higdon's site (he is fab) or Mcmillan running.  My current fav thing ever is natural running (google for tons of stuff) or anything by Joe Beer. I am training for an Ironman at the minute - so distance running is the least of my problems - luckily Mr GA is doing the same race.  The kids think we are mad but they are old enough now to entertain themselves.

  • gymaddict my kids are 5 and 2 so quite hard. thanks anyway for a few ideas

  • Honestly the best thing ever might be to get your wife into running. Certainly solved all my problems with my husband re training.  Irritatingly he is now faster than me - b*stard.  



  • I started when my youngest was 6 months old.  My husband started when she was 3.  We just used to take it in turns to do the long runs - (actually I did all his training plans for his first marathon and had to kick him out the door).  I had a gym with a creche and also ran at lunchtimes when kids in nursery.    I know it's super tough - good luck with it all.


    One other  thing - Treadmill in the house. - honestly - BEST THING EVER when you have small kids.

  • When I met my wife she thought I had a screw loose as I went out running, she however got up at 5 every morning to go & muck out her horse, I thought she was bonkers too. A few years back right out of the blue she suddenly started running, our kids were about 6 & 4 then, now we take turns going to our local club & we run together when the kids are at school. Get your missus some running shoes!

    Good idea from GA to get a treadmill at home too, she couldn't complain if you ran when she was out! image

  • RicFRicF ✭✭✭

    So she rides a horse and goes out with her friends quite a lot.

    Let me guess, you have no say in the matter.

    You go for run and she doesn't like it.

    Sounds like she resents not getting her own way all the time.


  • GymAddict wrote (see)


    Seriously though you need to have 'the talk'. i.e the one where you listen to what she has to say and find a way to fit in with your family's routine.  


    Maybe a man will post soon and have a bit more sympathy for you image

    Isn't there a talk where the She's listen to the He's then?

    joking apart, these things are never about the running really...

  • Yeah - I know - When I first read the OP I was busy filling in the blanks with the worse behaviours of the blokes I know - which is very unfair.  .... 

  • It does sound like my wife to be honest - she does what she wants when she wants, work Christmas meal, she has a day trip to London coming up - I am not allowed to go to my works Xmas meal/nights out in case I come home steaming drunk (I don't drink) But I have to be there in the evening to sort out our 9 year old and get him off to bed listen to him read and stuff, she thinks as she collects him from school Monday to Friday and gets him tea, her responsibilities end there. I get him breakfast every morning take him to the school before going off to work. My wife doesn't get up much before 11 Monday to Sunday and looking back don't think she cooked me one meal last year, she cooks Monday to Friday (not for me btw) - She does work at the local holiday park cleaning chalets during the season Monday and Friday - and Saturdays in the summer - it is hard work, how do I know that - because apart from five days most of my holiday entitlement last year was helping her clean chalets. (I won't mention the time she didn't feel very well so told her boss that I would do it - not wishing to let her boss down off I went and guess who got paid for that one yep you may have guessed ) How do I get round it I run at stupid O'Clock - and when I race I take my Son to my parents and ( a round trip of 134 miles!!) SO yes my wife is incrediably jealous of my running - BUT I won't miss a run if I can help it.  Oh well these things are sent to try us, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger etc etc etc!!!!!!

  • errr, Grendel, trouble in paradise?

  • i must add that so far my gf has been quite supportive. i run 5 times per week, and 4 of those are commutes to/from work, when i'd only be commuting anyway, it just makes the commute a little longer. we don't have kids yet, so no pressure from that angle, and she has her interests so we don't feel like we've got to spend all our free time together. it's worked well so far, i'll have to make some concessions if and when kids come along, but there's give and take with everything.

  • Grendel.........doesn't sound much of a partnershipimage........glad you've got the running

  • Hey Ed,

    I am in exactly the same position!  I have two small girls 3 & 6 and my partner is a total c**k when it comes to my running, he snipes, moans and generally gives me a hard time about it, I now go to a running club where he seems to think we all put our keys in a pot and off we go,bumping and a grinding - he calls it the swingers club!  

    I am currently marathon training 5 days a week, trying to fit it in with looking after the girls and generally being a slave to the house (and his severe ocd)  - This is why I love to run, it is a total destress.  My partner plays football every saturday and trains 4 times a week - have I ever moaned at that no, its about give and take, but he cant see this! 

    My advice would be to just ignore her, and carry on what you are doing, especially if she does her own thing.  

    Can you run on a morning before work or during lunchtime or after work if you have showers there?  I would just explain that you would appreciate her support, butter her up a bit saying I know this training bugs you but its only 12 weeks etc.  Or get her to start running.  You could also say as im going to be training lots why dont you have sunday mornings to yourself to do longer horse riding or some time out (obviously after you've done your run!!)  yes it is time consuming but would she prefer to have a husband thats a fat couch potato?

    Good Luck



  • DeanR7DeanR7 ✭✭✭

    i think Ric has hit the nail on the head above.  As long as you are pulling your share with the kids and her you are on stable ground regards your long run.  as long as you do it a  reasonable time so it doesnt impact on family life she should learn to get used to it.   This isnt about long runs really though.

    she has her things, you have yours, others you do together

  • RicFRicF ✭✭✭

    Bloody hell!

    I can't believe my luck with my missus and running.

    She always encourages me to go out at 7:00 pm every Tuesday and Friday and to be out at least 2 hours.image

    Ok, so it belongs in the category of 'send a joke to a rest home'.

  • I think Mr Puffy is on the money here - this isn't about the running, it's something else. I spend my working hours counselling couples, so I've got some experience to fall back on.

    Personally, I don't go with the suggestions to ignore her and get on with it. If Ed wants to stay in the relationship (he hasn't mentioned leaving) then they might as well work this out. Otherwise, looking into my crystal ball, I foresee more of the same for sometime to come and misery all round....
  • RicFRicF ✭✭✭

    Now that a professional in these matters in the form of WW has arrived, I shall take a respectful step backwards.image


  • Not so wise about my own relationship, mind image
  • RicFRicF ✭✭✭

    I do wonder if people in relationships think the deal is about winning a contest or gaining control of the other person.

    My own relationship is just co-operation. Also lucky my missus gets on with anyone.

    Here's a pic of her chatting to one of her mates. (she's the one in the black jacket)



  • RicFRicF ✭✭✭

    Perfectly valid post NN. Second thoughts about it maybe?

  • I find it hard to comprehend when partners are jealous of their OHs keeping fit and healthy (as long as they pull their weight elsewhere).

    It's not as if they are down the pub or something!
  • RicFRicF ✭✭✭
    Running Kev wrote (see)
    I find it hard to comprehend when partners are jealous of their OHs keeping fit and healthy (as long as they pull their weight elsewhere).

    It's not as if they are down the pub or something!


  • Subconcious jealously? Either of the time you have to yourself, the fact you have something you are passionate about she doesn't, or that you are doing something that makes you more healthy/fit than she is? 

    If you can keep to times that are not intrusive to the rest of your lives together that's great (especially with the kids). There are certainly worse habits to have. But I dont have kids so I dont think I could ever understand what your missus is feeling and whether she has any right to.

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