Windy Runs

Don’t think badly of me for this. I can’t help that I am but a puerile individual who is 36 going on 12. I do wonder about the wisdom of posting this…but not that much.

I don’t know about anyone else but I find that whilst out on training runs, particularly on my early Sunday morning long jaunt, I am often prone to flatulence of ear splitting resonance. Now this is where the puerile bit comes in…I use this flatulence, when it occurs (I hasten to add that it’s not all the time and that the ozone layer is relatively intact above my head!) to amuse myself when the running gets hard.

How? I try to make different sounds (e.g. long and drawn out so it sounds like a motorbike) or save it for underpasses or tunnels to see what sort of echo I get. Suffice to say there are generally not many people about…that is by virtue of the time of day as opposed to as a result of my filthy habit.

Up until now though I’ve never experienced flatulence during a race or whilst on a treadmill in the gym. This morning though, it happened in the gym. A sudden welling up followed by the expelling of intestinal gases. As I had headphones on at the time I have no idea how noisy the fart was. As more were to follow I took my headphones off and tried to regain some control and composure.

I don’t know if anyone heard. There weren’t that many people in the gym this morning. I made a show of not being in the least bit bothered and carried on manfully with my speed-work, but I’ve decided that running-related flatulence is far more fun outside than in.

HH
«13456763

Comments

  • .....or even an unfortunately not-so-solid emission!!!
  • ...not so much a case of "fill yer boots"...
  • I never have a problem with my flatulence. Whether other people have a problem with it is a completely different kettle of cod.
  • The mind boggles at the potential after effects consuming a kettle of cod before running.
  • HH - you sound experienced in the sphere of anal gaseous expulsion.

    Is there a verb derived from flatulence? Perhaps in fact it is related to the flute as you do get a "flautist" though "flatulist" does have a certain ring (as does a Hobbit of course).
  • Mark H - The beautiful art of rectal retort is indeed something that I am skilled in, but there was no need to be quite so explicit with your other comment. Let's just say that I'm Lord of My Own Ring thank you very much and leave the matter there!!
  • Have you ever lit one?
  • aaahh... the old Ring of Fire trick, eh?
  • Tried it and melted my Ronhill tracksters!!
  • Since we're regressing to 12 year old level (OK so I'm like that all the time really)...

    As has been mentioned many times on the forum there's nothing like a run to get the digestive system doing its thing. As you observed, there's nothing wrong with letting it rip when you're out in the open air with only the birdies to frighten. But I really should apologise to anyone who frequents my gym... Even though I might try to be polite, somehow I just can't help it sneaking out... unlike you HH mine tend to be totally silent but very, very potent!!! In true 12 year old fashion I acted innocent and kept on running! Oops!
  • running bare - I should imagine that this is the best policy. To stop the treadmill mid session, hold your hand up and shout "OK. I admit it. It was me," could actually win you less friends. Perticularly if, by any stretch of the imagination given the potency you suggest, your foul emmission had not pervaded their nostrils. You could, in their eyes (assuming their not streaming), be admitting to any number of heinous acts.
  • Just spotted this on another forum. Thought it might be of interest/amusement.

    http://www.abc.net.au/science/k2/homework/s312551.htm

    How do you post a link?
  • Hey FF, thanks so much for the Dr Karl link! I used to listen to his show when I lived in Oz. I'll be off for some Friday fun poking about his website!
  • Fat Face - great link. Can you get agar jelly in Sainsbury's, or do you reckon strawberry would do? Not quite sure how I'd recreate the experiment whilst running though and am a little concerned that I'd have to bare my backside.

    Still, that said, I'd have an excuse for farting in the gym. I'd just have to be careful not to get my ging-gangs caught in the belt.........though I don't often kneel down on the treadmil
  • As you lot seem to be fans of all things scatalogical, try this site:

    www.turdtwister.com

    It's just amazing what some people think up....but I don't think I'd want to run with one inserted!

    As for farting in the gym, on the road or wherever, just remember the old adage
    "where ere you be let your wind blow free
    in church or chapel, let it rapple"
  • I note this is a male-only topic. I will say nothing further, apart from suggesting this link to you:

    www.mrmethane.com

    He claims to be "the world's only performing flatulist". The video clips are hysterical.
  • male only????

    not when i last looked!
  • Muttley - it may only be us males who have discussed this burning issue thus far, but at no time has anyone attempted to exclude any female farters who wish to contribute (so to speak).
  • And running bare of course has made a huge contribution to the advancement of this topic.....sorry r.b. should have checked before I made my last post!
  • err...insomuch as I should have looked at your profile r.b
  • ah you see. we girls do it too!!! so if you see us smiling smugly - you know why!!!
  • But don't yours smell of roses?
  • er... not exactly. i did say very, very potent!

    definitely not roses. perhaps dead skunk would be more accurate!
  • But I was led to believe that all ladies' farts smell of roses. I shall have words with my wife!
  • i thought that most boys were led to believe that girls don't do that kind of thing at all. and the fact that it was assumed that i'm male must just reinforce the idea that either we don't, or else we don't ever talk about it. maybe its just that i was led astray and made unlady-like by my time in Oz!
  • Wow HH - just checked your profile. Over 50 miles a week - I'm impressed! Don't know if your local wildlife would be though, bearing in mind the subject of our conversation!!!
  • The (mis)assumption on my part that you were male was actually based on the fact that I know a male person who had the nickname Running Bear. I appreciate the difference between the fact that his was alluding to the fact that he was big, hairy and maybe a little grizzly whilst yours alludes to the fact that you run around unclothed (where did you say you train?) but this was the basis of my judgement.

    I am fully aware of the ability of many women to fart with alacrity....believe me I am!
  • 50 miles a week unaided. 1500 after beans on toast.
«13456763
Sign In or Register to comment.